Humor in a Jugular Vein

We don't need no stinkin’ trousers!

I seldom see civilian women in dresses or skirts. At the mall last week, I saw one woman in a skirt – all the others were in pants. However, there were still racks of dresses for sale in Macy’s. Don’t know who’s buying them because nobody was wearing them. Maybe they should move those racks to the men’s department because it seems that “men” like us are more likely to wear dresses than cisgender women.

Despite what civilian women are wearing or not wearing, I still dress up when I go out. In addition to the dress, I am fully coiffured and wear heels, hosiery, handbag, jewelry, bra, girdle, full makeup, etc. – just like when Mom used to go out. (She taught her “daughter” well.)

People notice. But what’s wrong with being noticed? Being noticed may result in compliments and what girl doesn’t like to receive unsolicited compliments.

I’ve received compliments from complete strangers while out and about. My favorite occurred one day while I was looking through the racks at JCPenney. 

A middle-aged woman (same age as me) approached and asked, “Can I ask you a question?”

I had no idea what she was going to ask (“What time is it?” “Where did you buy your shoes?” “Are you a transvestite?”). I girded my loins, smiled and agreed to answer her question.

“You're dressed fashionably, so I'd like your opinion about a pair of slacks I was thinking about buying.”

Wow! I did not see that coming!

I did not like the slacks that she had picked out and suggested something with a bolder pattern. She admitted that she really did not like her pick and liked my suggestion better.

I pointed out a skirt with a pattern similar to what I had in mind and her eyes lit up as she said, “I saw slacks with that pattern. Now I just have to find them again! Thank-you for your help.”

It does not get much better than that! But how ironic: a “man” wearing a dress helping a woman shop for slacks!

I admit I have a few bifurcated garments in milady’s wardrobe. But I seldom wear them. Maybe when I attend a very casual affair like a cook-out or a softball game. Otherwise, I’m in a dress. 

After all, they don’t call it “cross-trousering,” do they?

Wearing A.L.C.

Mariusz Ostrowski femulating Shazza on Polish television’s Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo.
Click here to view this femulation on YouTube.

Woman in Uniform

By Norah Blucher

At one time or another, be it in a movie, real life or wherever, we’ve noted women swooning over a man in uniform. I must admit a uniform can look right smart in many regards. It usually appears very formal and put together by nature, can often be a display of accomplishments as with military uniforms and also projects an air of competency and importance in whatever you are wearing it for.

But what about women in uniform? Do males have any type of affinity for a woman in a uniform? For myself, I’ve noted attraction to a well-dressed woman in a skirt or dress suit for many of the same reasons, but never noted anything particularly sexy about a woman in a uniform, but I’m not a run-of-the-mill male either, even en homme. I could also see where some men may feel a bit threatened by a woman in uniform as well, but why does every comedy with a stripper involve her showing up at a birthday party as a cop?

I do not wear any sort of uniform in my male or female life, so it is all a bit of a mystery to me. On a recent trip however, I found myself unexpectedly on the receiving end of this and found it a bit humorous and at Brenda’s urging, decided to share it with you all. (Sorry it took so long, love!)

Not Once, But Twice!

It was early in a particular week where I was able to spend a few partial days en femme. I’ve an affinity for a particular sweater dress of mine and though it looks nice enough on me, I adore it for its warmth and comfort. It is a little blue number from Madewell, in a wool blend with a turtleneck and some stripes on the sleeves. I think Madewell dubbed it “Nautical Pattern” or something like that. It is one of those looks that walks the line between put together housewife or business casual I often go with.

Anyway, heading out one day without a coat, I hopped on the lift and an older chap inside asked me about what floor something was on or something. I looked a bit puzzled and replied I had never stayed here before and had no idea. He then apologized and pointing at my arm, explained that he saw the stripes on my sleeve and thought I worked at the hotel.

I chuckled a bit and said I knew what he meant. This was a bit of a fancy place and I know at some of these places staff wear uniforms with stripes, braids and whatnot. Just a funny comment I thought and went on, not giving it a second thought.

It was a few days later, I found myself preparing to check out of a different hotel to head home. I’d not worn my sweater dress at this place and it was actually a weekend, so I opted again for the same dress not wanting to go with a more formal skirt or dress.

Again on a lift, now with my luggage, it stopped on another floor and a bloke came on. He smiled warmly and asked what airline I worked for. Forgetting the experience a few days before, I looked at him puzzled and said I did not work for an airline. He then looked embarrassed and apologized saying he saw my dress and the stacked luggage and said I looked like a flight attendant.

I looked at my luggage, which consists of a black rolling suitcase with a smaller matching black bag that holds my makeup and straps onto it. I laughed a bit and told him I saw what he meant and noted I did fly a lot and probably learned it from all the airline crews I encounter.

Thinking of it more later, I was near an airport and whoever sees a woman in a dress and heels, toting luggage at a hotel on Sunday anymore?  Perhaps this was why his mind was thinking of flight attendants? If one is wearing a dress these days, it must be for work, right?

So What’s With Uniforms?

I’ve still no idea, lol. My thought though is that whatever uniform one may wear, be it military, police, first responder, flight attendant or even your local market chain, uniforms are worn largely by those who serve in some capacity. I do believe in many ways that our litigious world today makes us think it safest to not comment on, compliment or approach women. As a female, women seem to freely compliment me or make conversation, males, rarely so. I get looked at, warm smiles or perhaps a hello, but unless it is a “uniformed” male serving me, very little interaction takes place.

As a “uniformed” woman, I wonder if it made me seem more approachable. A hotel worker for sure, but a flight attendant is also someone used to being talked to. It is much easier as a male to talk to a waitress, flight attendant, hotel worker, etc. Think of how many times you may have talked to them, but never say a word to the woman in front of you in a checkout line. I’m not right sure, but that is my thought.

A Smashing Compliment for Sure!

Whatever the case, that was twice that week, once as a hotel worker and once as a flight attendant, but I’ve been asked about being a flight attendant since then. Not with that particular dress, but I recall wearing a simple short sleeve dress and on another occasion, a basic black skirt and an elbow length sleeved top with the same luggage. I even have a black nylon tote bag that slings over the handle and yes, I guess I did look a bit like a flight attendant in all cases. Few airlines have the fancy uniforms they once had and flying girls today wear rather basic skirts, dresses, pants and tops in the color of their airline. 

I’ve actually come to regard this as quite a compliment! It warms my heart to know that these folks did not take me for a fellow in a frock or a bloke in a dress. Truly passing or just presenting well, I’ll leave that up to you, but at least I’m seen as someone who does this for real and truly lives this life. 

And indeed I do! I may not go to work en femme, but I do live a fair bit of it as female and am happy to know others do not see it as a costume, a gag or a lost bet. I’m not perceived as some bloody weirdo who gets their jollies from walking around in drag. It gives me confidence to know I’m taken seriously as a person and perhaps as a woman too, and even though I see male flight attendants, women still dominate the profession and I’ve been assumed to be part of them. Though I may not be a flight attendant, I’m regarded as the competent, professional woman that I present to be!

So loves, though we all hate being misidentified, I’ll take it all day long if I’m assumed to be a flight attendant and I guess on Halloween, I can just show up at a random party dressed for work. And if I do ever fly en femme, I can breeze through security or hop a flight to Paris, lol.

As always, questions and comments are welcome below, or email me at nblucher at-sign proton dot me. I always love hearing from people.

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

David Guapo femulates Rebeca on Tu Cara Me Suena, Spain’s version of Your Face Sounds Familiar.
Click here to view this femulation on YouTube.

Slacks

I enjoy film noir and Sunday morning I watched Gun Crazy on TCM. It is classic film noir and I can’t look away when it is on. 

The film was released in 1950 and I noticed this bit of 1950 dress coding that appeared in the middle of the film.

After a 20-something woman working in office hands over some paperwork to her supervisor, a 50-something woman, the supervisor remarks, “May I ask why you are wearing slacks?”

Young woman responds, “It’s all I had today. My dry cleaning hadn’t come back.”

Supervisor warns, “I’ll expect you tomorrow in a skirt.”

“Yes, Miss Sifert,” the young woman acquiesces.

...

Fast-forward 100 years to 2050...

Wearing Bebe

Robert Morse and Tony Roberts femulating on stage in Sugar (circa 1972).

Stuff 63: Sensations

What Do You Notice?

By J.J. Atwell

I’m wondering what sensations you, my dear readers, notice most when you are dressed. Is it the way the clothes move? How the breeze feels on areas that normal guy clothing covers? Perhaps the click of heels when you walk? 

I know that JJ is aware of those things plus a few others. Some examples: the sensation of having long hair and having to deal with it when eating; the effect of long hair somewhat restricting peripheral vision when I’m out; or if I’m wearing false eyelashes, I notice them when I first put them on, but after awhile that fades. 

The feel of the clothes around me is also something I’m aware of. If I wear leggings or stretchy jeans I notice the tug on my body as I move. I don’t typically wear snug tops so I’m less aware of that feeling on my upper torso. But I do notice things like the gentle hug of my bra and of course the boobs hanging there. That’s especially noticeable in the car with the shoulder harness crosses over them. 

How about having long, colorful nails? JJ almost always uses press-on nails when she is going out. The color and shape vary from outing to outing, but seeing them as I’m doing things is one of those sensations I notice. That and the inability to pick up items that my guy side wouldn’t have an issue grabbing. 

Do GGs Notice That, Too?

I asked my friend Gigi if she notices those same things. I had guessed that women don’t normally notice them because it is all just so normal for them. Gigi confirmed that it isn’t something she notices, but she had an interesting observation. When she is getting ready for a special outing, she spends a bit of time thinking about how she is going to look. That is, how the outfit works for her shape and the colors for her complexion. She also considers how all the accessories coordinate or accent the presentation.  

I thought that was a very good point. I know when I’m planning an outing I do think a bit about what to wear. But that thinking is more along the lines of dress/skirt vs. jeans. So far, I haven’t progressed to the point of thinking more about the whole look. I count myself lucky if I’ve managed to match the top with the bottom. Including the color and accessories in my planning is a bit beyond me. Those things usually occur to me once I’m mostly dressed and now have to find the right shoes, belt, bag and jewelry. 

I’ll Be Back

I’ll be thinking about how to improve my presentation with more advance planning. In the meantime I’ll be finding more Stuff to write about. I welcome comments and suggestions here on Stana’s page or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Sha Na Na band members femulating on television’s Sha Na Na.

Humor in a Jugular Vein

Humor in a Jugular Vein

Men

Stana staffing a booth at Hamvention (inspired by a comment from Elise)

I always had excellent times attending Hamvention en femme. In addition to enjoying the Hamvention experience, I also received an education and now I understand how men can be “sexist” from a woman’s perspective.

I did not have to live as a woman to figure out that men can be sexist. Living as a man amongst men, I discovered that fact a long time ago. Not all men are sexist, of course, but sadly, they constitute a lot of the male population.

Being sexist was not a good fit for me. I rejected the sexist’s life and lived my life my way, that is, the way that came natural to me. Turns out that “my way” was considered a feminine way of life by those who were keeping score. So be it.

During my early explorations out en femme, I avoided encounters with males whenever possible. But as I became more comfortable en femme, I began to accept encounters with males whenever they occurred.

Working a booth at an event like the Hamvention where approximately 85% of the attendees are male, it is impossible to avoid encounters with males. (I can count on one hand my encounters with females while working the booth this year and last.) It was a test of fire for this trans booth babe.

I guess I passed the test because now I encounter males without trepidation and understand how men can be considered sexist by the distaff side of the population.

Throughout Hamvention, I constantly noticed men checking me out. Some were surreptitious, while most just flat out stared. At this stage in my life, I find that flattering and affirming. But I imagine that the ogling can get old.

On the other hand, I also encountered gentlemen at Hamvention, who know how to treat a woman with respect – well at least they treated me with respect. And that works for me!

Wearing Boston Proper

Christer Lindarw

The Sound of Music

By Norah Blucher

Just before Christmas, I went on a weekend-long outing in Portland, Maine, and went to a holiday symphony and had a smashing time. It was not long after that I discovered one of my sisters from the group I sometime do outings with is very into classical music and wanted to travel there to see a show. I had to return to Portland for work, so four of us planned an evening at the symphony!

Breakfast at Tiffany’s Perhaps?

Audrey Hepburn has always been a style icon of mine, so when I needed to decide on an outfit for the symphony, I needed to look no further than her for inspiration. I often dress up in a business manner on work trips, but do not often get the chance to go full-scale formal. My goal is usually to blend in, but tonight I wanted to stand out and held nothing back with a knee-length velvet sheath, matching jacket with a satin tie waist and polished it off further with long velour gloves, a satin headband, my black fascinator and black suede court shoes. And not to let Audrey down, nothing but an elegant up do would suffice for my hair. As I looked in the mirror, I felt that Ms. Hepburn would approve!

For some reason though, I was just not completely feeling it. I’m not sure if it was the long day, the drive or perhaps, I just do not get out to formal occasions enough to have a gauge to go by. Whatever it was, I felt I looked alright for sure, but was just not wowed if you will. That feeling would soon change however…

It was rather warm that evening, so for the first time in many months I was able to go out without a coat, my dress jacket being enough, so off I went taking the lift down to the hotel lobby. As the lift doors opened, a chap about my age was waiting with his baggage to go up, and I believe he was looking at his phone, but he looked up and our gazes met and his eyes about popped out of his head! He gave me a once over and exclaimed, “Wow, you look beautiful!” 

I was a right bit surprised in the moment and I’m not sure I was what he expected to see on a weeknight in Maine, but I also found this to be one of the most sincere compliments I have ever gotten from a stranger – perhaps my first from a male. It was not as if he had seen me approach or rehearsed what to say. It was purely a knee-jerk reaction to a random and sudden passing with a stranger. I smiled graciously and thanked him, stepped off and blushed my way to the lobby to await my Lyft ride. Okay, so I guess I did have a bit of Audrey going on I guess.

A Show with Dinner, Too!

The Lyft ride was mostly unremarkable,and I tried engaging my driver in conversation commenting on the warm weather and what not and got barely a response. Just a quiet one I thought to myself. That was until we neared my destination. I had tipped him $3, which was the middle of the road 20% option I customarily do, unless I’ve gotten outstanding service or something. The driver looked at his phone and suddenly learned to speak, half jokingly complaining of my tip, saying he was worth the $5 tip!

I’m usually a good tipper, so I thought, but to be honest, I think the tipping culture has gotten a bit out of hand lately. Perhaps I was still elated from my compliment in the hotel, but I actually found humor in this, but did not show it. Acting a bit put off, I said he had been a good driver, but it was not like he opened the door for me, had barely said two words till now and had not even offered up a compliment or anything the whole ride!

He quickly countered that he had to drive all the way from downtown to the airport area to get me and bring me downtown,and that that was surely worth a $5 tip.

Conjuring the most quizzical look I could, I stared him down in the mirror a few seconds, mulling his comment over, before telling him that I found him to be quite a cheeky one for asking, but noted that I had admired his pluck and willingness to speak up, then told him I would up his tip to the requested $5. I did so and stepped out, heading off to the restaurant to meet the rest of the girls.

We had tried to reserve a table, but I guess everyone in the symphony hall area had the same idea that evening and we were lucky to get counter stools, but I was so glad we did. The restaurant only had a counter between the dining area and the kitchen, so though we did not have seating conducive to conversation, we had a front row seat to chefs preparing the meals. They were quite fancy to say the least and as we departed, I commented to one of the chefs how enjoyable it was to watch them work and that they all did a smashing job.

A Classic Never Gets Old

The four of us headed off to walk the few blocks over to the symphony hall, which was a bit treacherous to say the least. Portland is an old city in parts, with brick sidewalks that are not the greatest, especially in winter. I was glad my heels were a bit wider than standard and we all made it over without any medical mishaps, shortly before the show started.

I had mentioned this in my story about the Christmas symphony, but it is worth saying again just what an experience it is to go to one live. At a pop or rock concert, people are yelling, you can’t see a bloody thing half the time and the sound is usually just awful. You are there for the experience of going, not the music, in my opinion.

In a proper symphony hall, the music just fills the room. You can close your eyes and not even tell which direction the stage is in. You just sense the music in all directions and it is quite intoxicating. We were in the upper balcony section, but it still felt like we were on the stage. The first half of the show was Beethoven and though I’m not a connoisseur of classical music, I though they did a flawless job.

At intermission, one of the girls and myself got up to use the loo. Confronted with a long line, my friend turned back, but I did need to go and waited taking my place in the ladies line. It was actually a very efficient process as they had “traffic cops” in the doorways noting when a stall opened and ushering in the next patron. The other ladies were chatty enough and before I knew it, I was near the front.

I noted there was one entrance and then you could either enter the ladies’ room or the men’s room. And off to the side, there was one all-gender handicap single room, which they seemed to be reserving for ladies. I had one lady in front of me and as someone exited the single room, I watched curiously to see what they would do, half expecting them to usher me in there. I was proved wrong though, as they told the next lady in line to go in there and two seconds later, ushered me into the main ladies’ room noting the third stall was open.

For all the fuss made over bathrooms lately, I was not sure what to expect and I have never been in such a crowded ladies’ room, but I must say, no one seemed to care. No sneers, no comments, just do your business, wash your hands and make room for the next one. As I exited, one older lady heading in stopped me, said she had seen me in line and wanted to tell me how lovely I looked, expressing that she hoped whoever I came with was taking me out after the show because I looked too good to just go home.

That was twice now! I’ve received many compliments before; my coat, my skirt, shoes, my makeup once even, etc., but this was the first time I’ve gotten so much attention from strangers on the whole package. Heading out, I was not sure what to expect. A Saturday night holiday show was something I expected to be formal, but though I knew I’d be a bit overdressed for a Tuesday night mid-winter, I was not sure if I’d be taken for elegant or a tart. Most ladies were dressed in the slacks, sweater and scarf sort of deal, though a handful were formal, and it was so nice to be noticed for that. 

I did note too that much of the attention I got was from older ladies, to my surprise. It was an older crowd in general, but it made me wonder if some of them remembered when something like this was a big deal and everyone would have been dressed to the nines. I did have a right vintage vibe going on too, lol.

The second half of the symphony was all Strauss and was just as memorable as the first half. I had wanted to get a picture at the symphony, but they had asked everyone not to and afterwards we tried, but the lighting up top was horrid, so we made our way down to the exit.

The After Party

It was quite hot inside the hall, so stepping outside again, I had to put my jacket back on, but the cold air felt so nice. There was quite a crowd outside as well, and three or four separate women commented that they loved my fascinator! A few did say they liked my hat, though I suppose “fascinator” is not exactly in common vernacular with many and with the headband, I guess it did look a bit like a hat.

We headed a few blocks away to the hotel where the rest of the girls were staying for a bit of drink and conversation, as we had not had much chance to chat the whole evening. There was a lounge in the lobby, but one of the girls found out there was another one on the top floor with a view of the harbour. It was quite smashing and had a very old-time speakeasy feel, complete with leather couches and tables.

We chatted ’til they closed, catching up and discussing our next outing a whole week and a half away, lol. When they finally booted everyone out, the girls escorted me down to the lobby and waited with me until my ride came. I sort of suspect, like me, they did not want the night to end. I did have to work in the morning though, so did have to bid them farewell, but it was truly one of the more memorable outings I have had.

Afterthoughts

As I prepared for bed, I thought of how, aside from the femme factor, we in many ways live life with a different perspective than most. A dinner out, a show, a movie, even a shopping day. These were once a big deal to most that have largely been taken for granted. For those of us who do not live life en femme full time, it is still a big deal when we get to go out and experience the world as women. Even if you have done them as male, you experience them again for the first time as female.

In my case, some of these things are literally for the first time. I was always one who resisted formal things as male. I had no desire to dress up and went about as dressed down as I could to anything. I had to laugh at myself, for now I sometimes buy a nice dress and then go out of my way for an excuse to wear it!

So that is it for now loves and I hope you enjoyed! I’ve not written much lately as I've had a lot going on, but it has not been for a lack of getting out. I’ve actually been up to some not so typical femulations lately, so stay tuned for that when I’ve a chance to write them down.

Until then questions or comments are most welcome below or email me at nblucher at-sign proton.me.

Wearing Boston Proper

Deepak Subramanya femulating in the Indian film Mr. Rani.

Did My IQ Drop or Did I Just Become a Woman?

By Monika Kowalska

When I transitioned into a woman, I knew there would be challenges. I braced myself for the awkward stares, the whispered gossip and the occasional invasive question from co-workers who thought HR policies were more like suggestions. But what I didn’t expect? That my transition would apparently cause a sudden and catastrophic drop in my intelligence or at least, that’s how my workplace started treating me.

Before transition, I was considered sharp, competent and maybe even a little intimidating. My opinions were valued, my decisions trusted. But the moment I returned as Monika, something strange happened. Suddenly I was getting interrupted in meetings. Emails explaining basic concepts flooded my inbox. And in the biggest plot twist of all, some of the very same men who used to ask for my advice on complex problems were now explaining my own job to me.

At first, I thought maybe I was imagining things. Maybe I was just being sensitive. But then I came across stories from other women from my department and I realized this is just standard operating procedure for a woman at work.

Take the story of a specialist, who walked into a meeting only to be assumed as the "note taker" because, obviously, the only reason a woman would be in a room full of specialists is to transcribe their brilliance. Or the one where a female specialist made a suggestion, got ignored and then watched in horror as a male colleague repeated her idea five minutes later to thunderous applause.

The funniest part? My actual skills hadn’t changed. I was still the same professional with the same experience making the same solid decisions. But now that I had the audacity to be a woman, my competence was suddenly up for debate.

Luckily, not everything turned sour. My female co-workers have been an incredible source of support. They were the first to welcome me with open arms, the first to whisper, “Yeah, that guy explains everything to us, too,” and the first to share their survival tips for navigating a workplace that often underestimates us. It turns out there’s a sisterhood in the struggle and if there’s one silver lining, it’s the camaraderie of women looking out for each other.

Then, of course, there’s the ongoing workplace scandal: my skirt. One inch shorter than usual and suddenly I’m a walking HR violation. If I show a little confidence and dress more boldly, it’s like I set off an emergency alarm. “Is that appropriate for work?” whispers someone who has never once commented on a man’s golf shorts in the summer. I mean, I’ve seen men wear flip-flops to the office, but sure, let’s talk about my skirt.

And then, there’s the cherry on top: entertaining clients. Normally, company dinners are just that, dinners. But throw in a few drinks and suddenly some customers mistake me for part of the entertainment. The first time it happened, I froze. I worried about upsetting the client, hurting business, making waves. But after talking to my female colleagues, I realized something: if a customer thinks their inappropriate behavior is acceptable, maybe we don’t need their business. Now, I handle these situations with a polite, but firm reminder that I’m here for business, not to be their after-dinner amusement.

Do I let this get me down? Absolutely not. Do I wish I could wear a little red button labeled “STOP MANSPLAINING?” Maybe. But here’s the thing, I would transition all over again, workplace discrimination be damned. Because being treated unfairly for being a woman is still a thousand times better than living a life where I wasn’t me. And if I have to fight for my seat at the table, then so be it. I’ll just make sure to sit in the best chair with the best view, while sipping the coffee that someone else had to fetch for a change.

Since 2013, Monika has been interviewing trans people in her blog, The Heroines of My Life. Click here to see who she has interviewed lately.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Tia