Notes from the Changing Room

Let me preface this with the fact that I am a large person. Until late 2017, I weighed 215 pounds to go along with my 6-foot 2-inch height. I dropped 30 pounds in 2017, so I am still a large person at 185 pounds. My height more than the weight kept me closeted for a very long time, but when I finally began exploring my female persona in public, I found that my size was not a deal breaker. 

Using the changing room en femme was easy. Using the changing room en homme was just as easy. I lost count how many times I used the changing rooms in Fashion Bug, Dress Barn, Fashion to Figure, Torrid and Macy’s to try on womenswear during a lunch hour while disguised as a male.

I can recall only one “negative” experience. It occurred a very long time ago. Shopping for a girdle en homme in JCPenney, when I asked to try it on, the saleswoman insisted that I use the men’s changing room. Not a big deal, but that was the only changing room experience that I can come up with that had any negativity.

The layout of the dearly departed local Dress Barns had changing rooms scattered around the perimeter of the sales floor. They also had a changing room area in the back of the store. The first few times I visited Dress Barn en homme, I was sent to the back-of-the-store changing room. But as I became a regular customer and the sales staff knew me by name (both male and en femme names), I was invited to use the more public perimeter changing rooms, which was delightful when I was en femme because it gave me the opportunity to exit the changing room and view whatever I was trying on in the three-way full-length mirrors outside the changing room. And doing so invited the sales staff and even customers to comment on what I was wearing. The sales staff usually liked what I was wearing (to make a sale), but when a stranger says they liked what I was wearing, it was a home run and that’s where I went with my new dress.

And so it goes.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Nadia Russo

It was terrifying!

“It was terrifying!” were the words of a novice femulator after she used a woman’s changing room to try on clothes for the first time. 

Been there, done that. It should be a pleasant experience not a terrifying experience, but just like anything else, practice makes perfect and after a few visits to the changing room, you won’t think twice about it. However, here are some tips I use to make sure that the experience is pleasant. 

👠 If a store associate is available when going to the changing room to try on your finds, play dumb and ask where the changing rooms are located (even if you know). I do this whenever possible for insurance purposes, that is, if somebody complains about a dude in the lady’s changing room, the dude can say that’s where the store associate told me to go.

👠 Take as many outfits as possible to try on when you go to the changing room. Some stores limit the number you can take in, some don’t, but in any case, go for the max in order to minimize the number of times you have to change your street clothes.

👠 Shop at smaller women’s clothing stores rather than big department stores. You won’t get a lot of hands-on assistance in large department stores, however, you usually will get assistance in smaller women’s clothing stores. For example, when you are ready to try on your finds, an associate will “start” a changing room for you (your very own queendom) and sometimes they will even put a sign on the door reserving that room for you with your femme name emblazoned on the sign. And if something is the wrong size, the associate will fetch another size to try on saving you the trouble of getting back into your street clothes to do the fetching yourself.

👠 In smaller stores, savvy associates will size you up and recommend clothing for you to try on. This has happened to me more than once and I ended up trying clothing on that looked great on me, but I would have never given a second look if the sales associate had not made the suggestion.

👠 Speaking of street clothes, wear an outfit that you can strip off and put back on easily. I own a sweater dress that has a full-length zipper in front, which is perfect for quick undressing/dressing. Jumpsuits also work well, but skirt suits don’t.

👠 The associates want to sell, so if they compliment you on what you try on, take the compliment with a grain of salt. If you go shopping with a friend, your friend’s compliments may not be any more valuable than the store associate’s because your friend may not want to hurt your feelings. So here is a way I get an independent appraisal of what I am trying on… I step out of the dressing room on the pretense of viewing myself in the full-length mirrors usually hung throughout the store. My goal is for another customer to see me while I am doing this. If they gush over what I am wearing, it is a bingo! Whenever I have done this, other customers always check me out while I am checking me out and if they like what they see, they let me know.

👠 For a quick self-appraisal, take a selfie or have an associate take your photo. The difference between what you “see” in a mirror and what you “see” in a photo is surprising ― trust the photo, not the mirror.

Shopping for women’s clothing is almost as much fun as wearing women’s clothing! So, you go girls and have some fun!

Wearing Gracia

Alex Newell femulating in an episode of television’s Glee.

That's What She Said

I am a big fan of Steve Carell’s version of The Office. After rewatching many episodes of the show, I started picking up clues that Steve Carell’s character, Michael Scott, might have a feminine side. So much so that I created the Michael Scott en femme images that you see above and on Sunday’s post. Anyway, here are the clues that come to mind.

Michael Scott “mistakenly” purchases a woman’s pantsuit (MISSterious brand) and wears it to work. (Season 3, Episode 19, “The Negotiation”)

Michael Scott confesses that his girlfriend, Jan, forces him to wear a schoolgirl dress when they have sex. (Season 3, Episode 22, “Women's Appreciation”)

Pam, the receptionist, states that Michael Scott identifies with Meryl Streep’s portrayal in The Devil Wears Prada. (Season 4, Episode 7, “Money Part 1”)

Michael Scott states, “Dunder Mifflin is about to be sold. But first an investment banker has to drop by and sign off on our branch. And I’m... pretty nervous about it. And I’m... making some cosmetic tweaks to help create a more appealing environment. Is that dishonest? Well, think of it this way: when you look in the mirror and you see your push-up bra and your fake eyelashes and your make-up and your press-on nails; the principles that I am applying to the office are the same ones that have made Lady Gaga a star... or any number of drag queens.” (Season 6, Episode 14, “The Banker”)

Michael Scott purchases pants from Talbot’s, a retailer of women’s clothing, and is undecided whether to return them, not because of the fit (because of the style?). (Season 7, Episode 1, “Nepotism”)

Michael Scott makes the following suggestion to co-worker Gabe: “A little cover up on your Adam's apple will make it appear smaller, which will make you look less like a transvestite. (Season 7, Episode 22, “Goodbye, Michael”)

And so it goes.

UPDATE: Another clue: Michael Scott says that he receives Victoria’s Secret catalogs at home that he claims were the subscription of the previous tenant of his apartment. (Season 6, Episode 23, “Body Language”)

Wearing Venus

Zach Woods dressed as Lady Gaga for a Halloween episode of television's The Office.

Can't Be Beat

Wearing Tory Burch

The Kinky Boots Angels on stage in Phoenix, 2014

Affirmation

How do I look?

Everyday I receive an email summarizing the postings on the crossdressing subreddit, which seems to be populated mostly by young ladies rather than old ladies (like me). They are just starting out on the remarkable road of crossdressing, but they hardly look like novice men in dresses – they already look like the young ladies they are striving to be. (“Youth is wasted...”)

Despite their drop-dead gorgeous appearance, a typical email post will ask the other members of the subreddit, “How do I look?” 

Unsure about their presentation, they are reaching out for affirmation that they are on the right path to achieve their feminine goals to be able to safely step out of the closet and experience the world en femme.. Positive emails build their confidence and out the door they go. 

Back in the day, most of my sisters could not dress to the nines and ask for feedback about our presentations before stepping out. (“Hey, Pop. How do I look in these new high heels?”) 

No, we had to gird our loins, open the door, step out into the real world and hope for the best. If people did not stare, laugh or point at you, that might be the best affirmation you could expect. Not the greatest confidence-builder, but it was something.

On the other hand, if you were called “Ma'am,” or even better “Miss,” that was our equivalent of receiving positive responses on reddit.

And so it goes.

Wearing DailyLook

Michael Scott

A Night at the Opera

 

Wearing Boston Proper

Helénia Melán and Jorge Chacón

On His Way to Elegance

Wearing Joie

Brendan Jordan

Achieve a Passing Level

By Tami Knight

Here are suggestions to help take your presentation to the passing level. If you are intent on enjoying passing well, these matter. I learned them all long ago and have improved my look greatly over time. 

Skin

See a cosmetic dermatologist for facial skin improvement, Retin-A, Botox, fillers, collagen building and facial hair removal. Women are all over these products and you should be as well. Little adjustments can make a big difference and there are so many ways to improve.  

Consider a female doctor who specializes in cosmetic work. Your doctor has certainly seen males before seeking a softer, youthful feminine appearance. So be candid. You can build a good relationship and see real progress by sticking with this.  

Over many years I have developed a close friendship with mine. She really enjoys improving and maintaining my look. We share many interests and often meet for a glass of wine and or dinner. Better skin, smaller pores, fewer wrinkles, less brown spots and softer facial contours mean less makeup. Less makeup is a game changer!

Get on the regular email updates from Dr. Brandith Irwin’s Skin Tour. I have learned so much from Dr. Brandith Irwin. With continual advancements in the cosmetic dermatological world, you have to keep up in order to know what products to ask for, where to go and what products or procedures to avoid.  

Don't be afraid to shop around for the best doctor for you. Yes, some, but not all procedures are expensive. So is beauty!

Eyes

Lash extensions are amazing and you can wear a little or a lot. You won’t need eye liner or mascara anymore and your eyes will pop! Learn about the lengths of lashes available and degree of curl so you get the look you want. You can do a little and wear them full time or go nuts with a full set for that vacation. There is a glue softener for easy removal when you wish.  

I find these addicting and so do most of my friends who have them. The process is so easy, gentle and relaxing! Again, shop around for the best technician who can give you a look you will love. Start slow adding lashes just a bit longer than your own and build them up over time. 

Another alternative to achieving great eyes that I like is eyelash tinting, which is easy and quick. Combine this with an eyelash lift for a nice curl to your natural lashes that lasts a couple months. Again, you can lose the mascara!

Eyebrows

Mine grow like weeds. To trim, I first brush down, hold them and snip away. Then I brush them upwards and trim again. Pull those strays.  

A natural brow line is what women go for today so don’t think you have to pluck them pencil thin. Just maintain them and reduce their length, shaping slightly as is appropriate for your face shape.  

Again, there are good wax technicians out there who will help you achieve a feminine or androgynous shape that will take you anywhere. Make certain that your brows match your hair color as well and your salon can color them in minutes.

Shape

Lose weight. Nothing can be more meaningful than getting thinner. Can you shoot for size 6, 8 or 10? If so, you are doing well. (I wear size 6-8 or woman’s medium.) 

There is the Golden Ratio (1:1.6) that suits our universal aesthetic sense. Google this ratio and take note! Your shoulders need to be very close to the same width as your hips and your waist in ratio with your hips. One can look passable in larger sizes with the right ratios.  

Getting slim and trim makes taking something off the rack and seeing it fit such a joy. So, start and do yoga. You need to move effortlessly and improve your posture. I often get compliments on mine. A straight back with our shoulders back walking and sitting is the ideal. Never slouch! I have gone to yoga class as Tami for years. The room is small, lighting is low and we do slow movement and hold poses. Simply wonderful once you get in the habit.

By putting all this together, over time, you may even hear a “Yes, Ma'am” when you least expect it.

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Julie Slowinski

Shopping for Hardware in Softwear

Christina Marie remarked, “So much easier to shop for things when in girl mode, huh?”

Yes, indeed!

You have your shapewear strategically in place, so you know how the item will fit when you try it on and you are in makeup and wearing a do, so you know how the item will look on madam.

Yes, shopping in girl mode is so much easier… even if you are not shopping for girly things!

Which reminds me of the time I visited a Lowe’s home improvement store in girl mode to get a replacement part for a piece of plumbing that failed. I had no trepidation about going to Lowe’s and I found my trip very revealing.

Whenever I go to Lowe’s or Home Depot in boy mode, I have to find and ask a store employee when I need help. In girl mode, I had a male Lowe’s employee practically at my beck and call without asking. 

When he saw me looking lost in the plumbing department, he asked what I needed and directed me to the exact location where the part was displayed. After I found what I needed, he came over and compared it to the old part I had brought along to make sure I got the right part.

That's the power of a short skirt and high heels!

Wearing Paige

Richard O’Brien

Perfectly

Wearing ModCloth

Julie Nighthawk