I always wanted to go out and about and be seen

By Paula Gaikowski

I always wanted to go out and about and be seen as a woman, I almost did when I was 10 to 12 years old. I had planned to walk around the block and it’s good that I didn’t. Or maybe being outed would have led to a different path in life?

When I think back to the times I was gendered correctly in public, it was always so powerful. In one way, it authenticates all the work I have put into my outfit, makeup, hair and accessories. The other part is that it validates the way I identify, as a woman; the world and society sees me as a woman and at that point, all the ideas and thoughts that have been out of alignment become synchronized, focused and for a short time, the stars align.

For instance, one time I was in the Lennox Mall in Atlanta and asked for assistance in the women’s department. “Excuse me Ma’am, I’m looking for…” These words almost knocked me down as they swept over me. I smiled demurely and answered, “I don’t work here, but you can find the Misses department over there.”

Another time I was wig shopping outside of Philadelphia, it was the typical beauty/wig supply store that you often see in urban strip malls. The young woman assisting me was very helpful and we tried on at least half a dozen wigs. We finally settled on a wig to purchase. 

At this point, after all of this close interaction I assumed she knew I was a crossdresser. So I asked her, “Do you get many other men in here shopping for wigs?” She look at me a bit confused and replied, “What do you mean other men? Why do you say it like that?” 

She was under no obligation or pressure to be polite and pretend she didn’t read me. She thought she was working with a woman and when I told her I was transgender, she was truly surprised. I can tell when someone is gaslighting me, she wasn’t. This incident gave me so much confidence and helped me evolve my feminine image over the next few years.

There are a few other times and I’ll add just one more. I was trying on gowns in the formal section of Nordstrom under the guise of needing a dress for my niece’s wedding. There was another woman also trying on gowns and here we were sharing a communal dressing room critiquing and complementing our different choices. The conversation between us ran the length of it all, what shoes to wear, body types, dress fit, foundations, bras and how a dress would be for dancing.  In the past, I can tell when someone reads me and then peppers me with sanguine artificial comments. She really thought I was female, and for about an hour I was in a dream world.

As transgender persons, we struggle with incompatible identities, gender roles and biological sex. With that there often comes feelings of guilt, rejection, sadness and antipathy.  We need and crave acceptance – all the ill thoughts and feelings can be wiped away when we are recognized for who we are. 

“Excuse me, but she was next, can I help you, Miss?”

You just did!

Wearing Rue La La

Silvia, antes y después de

Someday Funnies

 

Wearing Paige

Ross Mitchel before, Michelle Rose after

Angela’s First Time(s)

By Angela Booth

I was four-years-old and my mother dressed me for a fancy dress competition for a small village fete. I recall wearing one of my sister’s dresses, which was to my feet, a fur stole, heels, beads, floppy hat and a bit of makeup. The theme for me was “Lady Muck” – a haughty or socially pretentious woman as an expression of the early 1960’s. 

I won and rather liked being dressed – the trigger had been pulled. 

When I went to school, the girls wore such nice dresses, as did my sisters, so any opportunity to try on dresses was taken. There was the play box of old clothes that I would delve into and there will be no guessing what I wore. It was fun and my family went with it. In secret, I discovered that girls wore more than dresses!

I dressed again for fancy dress competitions and my mother made me a rather lovely fairy dress to wear for a school play when I was about eight-years-old. 

I always felt more comfortable in girls clothes and in the company of girls, contrary to the social norms of the time, I never thought it was wrong – it was the others. The only time I recall an issue was when I kept wearing a dress for the day. My eldest sister commented to my mother, although it wasn’t anything harsh, but I did continue for fun and also in secret. Growing older, it became getting fully dressed up, looking the complete girl, even with boobs.

The last time I dressed fully for “fun” before puberty was to enter a beauty competition where I was dressed up by mum and elder sister. I was about thirteen-years-old. Wearing a lovely blue dress of my sisters, that I had sneaked on many times before, with padded bra, loving every minute parading around the floor. So many people didn’t realize that I was a boy and then gaining a win with a nice cash prize was icing on the cake

Then came puberty and having to conform to social norms. Having grown out of my mother’s and sister’s clothes, this became the dark ages. Of course, the desire never went away and would come out on occasion until the time was right to blossom once again.

Wearing Hale Bob

 

Helene avant aprés
I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication here.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net

Yet Another Health Update

My wife is recovering slowly, but she is recovering. I expect she will be hospitalized for a few more days (another week maximum) and then transferred to a rehab facility for a week or two. Hopefully, she will be home for her birthday in August.

Thank you again for your prayers and positive thoughts.

Stuff

By J. J. Atwell

Hello All

I’m J. J. Atwell. The J. J. is short for Jennifer Joy, but just JJ will do. This is the first of what I hope to become a regular piece on Femulate. So let me introduce myself. I’m a lifelong CD’er who prefers the CD label because it’s most descriptive of how I feel. I lived most of my life in New England. I retired and moved to Florida about 10 years ago.

Why did you name the column “Stuff” you ask? Simply, I couldn’t think of a more descriptive title for what I hope to write about here and in future chapters. I’ll cover a wide range of things and just needed an overall umbrella to slot it all into. So this column is, as George Carlin once said, “A place for my stuff.”

Personal Growth

In the past year I joined a local CD group and started going out to monthly meetings. That was JJ’s first step out of the house. As Stana has said, we move out of the closet to a bigger closet. Those group meetings in a safe environment are really just a bigger closet. But I did get to experience some time out among the general public, even if I was in my car.  

Having found the courage to go out and meet people, it was time to push the edges of my box a bit further out. I visited a Sephora store for help picking out makeup to enhance my presentation. I did that in guy mode first and found the people very helpful and non-judgmental.  

The next step was to stop there as Jennifer and get a makeup lesson. So a few months ago, JJ stepped out of her car and into Sephora where she was greeted warmly. Yes, they knew who it was from my visits in guy mode. It didn’t matter to them; I was somebody that wanted their help. 

I’ll be back

Well, actually that depends on Stana and the feedback she gets from you. I hope my stuff gives you something to think about. In the mean time I’d welcome comments here on the blog or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail.com.

Wearing Bebe

Kerry before, Mary after

First Time

“How old were you when you first dressed up?” was a question asked on Reddit r/crossdressing last week. There were about 200 comments in response. My guess was that the age of puberty would be the most common answer, but a lot of ladies admit to crossdressing earlier than puberty.

In my case, I did not wear woman’s clothing (nylon stockings and high heels) until I was 12 or 13 years old. However, I do recall a few episodes when I was younger (single digit-years-old) when I wrapped a bedsheet around me to simulate a woman’s evening gown. 

And then there was the time that I smeared my face with cold cream to simulate a circus clown’s white makeup and my mother misinterpreting my feeble makeup skills as attempting to simulate a female’s face – then proceeding to remove the cold cream and make up my face as a proper young lady. 

So, how old were you when you first dressed up?

Wearing Bebe

Tim and Tina
I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication here.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net

Another Health Update

My wife is improving everyday and Thursday afternoon, she had improved so much that they moved her out of the critical care unit to a room among the civilians.

Someday Funnies

Wearing New York & Company

Mike and Mikki celebrate Christmas

Health Update

My wife has turned a corner and has improved a lot during the last 24 hours. So much so that they will probably begin physical therapy today and move her out of the critical care unit real soon.

Once again, thank you all for your prayers and encouraging comments. 

Someday Funnies

Wearing Chicwish

Géraldine

Health Update

Again, I thank you all for your positive comments and emails regarding my wife’s health. 

Her condition is improving slowly and on Tuesday, I began to see a glimmer of that girl I married 40 years ago. I am very much relieved, but also very tired. 

And so it goes.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Ann Taylor

Femulate reader Marnie
I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication on the blog.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net

Bad News Followup

Following up on yesterday’s post, my wife’s status has improved a little and they are performing new tests today trying to figure out what is wrong with her. I will be driving to the hospital soon and hopefully I will have more good news.

Thank you for all your prayers and positive thoughts.

Why Go Out and About?

On Thursday, Joey commented, “We have the compulsion to dress as women. But there is more than that. We also have the secondary compulsion to go out in public this way. That is VERY interesting to me. Why do we do this? Do we do this with everything we do, and it is just a standard part of humanity, or is this unique to crossdressing?”

Speaking for myself (your mileage may vary), I believe 

I am very meticulous about how I crossdress. My makeup takes anywhere from 30 minutes to 45 minutes. Dressing, another 15 minutes. Prepping to dress en femme, also known as “shaving,”can take various lengths of time depending on how many body parts I have to shear. Add some time for putting an outfit together and picking out the right jewelry to go with my outfit. My goal is to femulate as authentically as possible. It’s hard work, but I love my job!

Long ago, I abandoned dressing pretty just to sashay around the house and snap a few photos. After all that work, I want to go out and experience the world as a woman.

As a senior citizen (old lady), I am kind of invisible, so I probably “pass” because no one is paying any attention to me. When I do interact with a civilian and they treat me like a lady, it is very affirmative; it affirms my femulation – how I looks a lady and how I act as a lady.

Working as a “booth babe” at Hamvention is always very affirming. Countless guys smiled and/or winked at me when they walked past our booth. Women smiled at me too, but in a different way. As you know, there is a big difference between a man-to-woman smile and a woman-to-woman smile.

On one occasion, a guy asked me a question that I could not handle, so I jokingly said, “You'll have to ask him (referring to one of the guys staffing our booth) because I am just a ‘booth babe.’”

His response was, “And a very good booth babe!”

It’s moments like those when I am out and about that I know that all my hard work has paid off.

And by the way, going out and about en femme is a lot of fun!

Wearing Bebe

Fernanda from Mexico
I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication here.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net

Bad News

Friday about midnight, I had to call 911 to have my unconscious wife taken to the hospital emergency room. After a few hours in the ER, she was transferred to the critical care unit where she has been ever since. Seems she had a seizure and is now undergoing lots of tests to find out what caused it and what to do to prevent it from reoccurring.

Needless to say, I have been spending a lot of time with her at the hospital and have not had much time for the blog. 

The blog posts for Saturday and Sunday and the upcoming Monday and Tuesday posts were written beforehand, so there is no interruption of the blog so far, but going forward, there may  be days when nothing new is posted.

So please bear with me and say a prayer for my wife.

Someday Funnies: Ladies Do Lunch

Wearing Bebe

British Femulate reader Davina, feeling natural in natural makeup.
I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication on the blog.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net