Friday, August 31, 2012

How’s Your Swing?

2012-08-31_paula-g_200 Today, I am happy to present another guest post by Paula Gaijkowski, who earlier this month contributed "Frequent Flier" to this blog.

How’s your swing?

If you’re a golfer, you recognized this as familiar greeting between other golfers. Golf is a remarkably simple game to the casual observer; hit the ball into the hole. Not unlike being a transgender woman, which in realty is astonishingly complex and multifaceted.

For years, I was a casual golfer. I’d take my clubs out of the basement, dust them off, and hit the course two or three times a year. It’s no surprise my game stunk and I was getting no better. I searched for the quick fix, new driver, new balls, a book, and maybe a couple of nights at the range. Nothing changed.

Years ago, I got a new job and made friends with a golfer in the office. We started going to an indoor range nearby and took lessons during the winter. The instructor taught me one thing that I have carried forward into many things in life. Most of golf was played in my head. It’s a mental game, especially your swing. The mechanics and the physicality of your swing has to be learned and stored in your mind and pulled out without thought or effort. It needs to become a natural part of you.

Hopefully, I haven’t lost you yet; here’s where I tie the two together: it needs to be natural and instinctive, just like a being woman.

A few months ago, I had a great trip to Chicago and enjoyed several days out en femme. The last day there, I was too exhausted to spend the time getting dressed and ready, so I was outside enjoying the day at the Oakbrook Mall.

In front of the bookstore I saw the prettiest girl. I watched her with envy as she walked through the courtyard and perched on a bench. Everything about her was feminine, fashionable, smart, and beautiful. I looked her over as another woman would and made a mental list of all the effort it took to look this good: the hair, makeup, matching jewelry, eyebrows, her lashes, manicure, and pedicure, shaved smoothed and tan legs, designer shoes, and purse. It all looked so natural, graceful, and effortless.

Yes, effortless, just like the perfect golf swing.

So I ask you? Are you pulling your clothes and makeup out of storage like I did with my clubs and expecting magical things to happen when you dress en femme?

My friend and I took a few lessons, but continued to go to the range twice a week for a year; it became habit. On our lunch break Tuesday and Thursday we were there. If I was bored or idle somewhere, I’d practice my stance, swing and follow through without a club. I practiced putting in the basement instead of watching TV after dinner. That September I shot 78 in a tournament. The year before I never broke 100!

I don’t golf anymore, but I do present as a woman. The last two years have been very rewarding. I have improved my image and have done things I have dreamed about for years. Just like the example I gave using golf, it takes effort to appear effortless just like that pretty girl in Oakbrook. If you look around our community online, you will notice the girls who look good, really work at it. It takes time. This is a lifestyle. You need to set goals and work toward them.

I always dreamed of going out in public as a woman. When I turned 50, middle age crazy took over and I began working on it.

First I began losing weight; nothing makes you feel or look better than being physically fit. I went from a size 26W to a 16 Misses. How you lose the weight is another issue all together.

I began buying makeup from a very helpful sales associate at the NARS counter. Every couple of weeks I’d buy another piece of cosmetic and she would tutor me. Kasey was the first person who taught me not to be ashamed of being transgender. I would practice at home even if I wasn’t getting dressed; I would apply my makeup getting better each time. I’d watch YouTube tutorials when I couldn’t practice.

I saved up and bought a good wig. Wig stores are all transgender-friendly! If you don’t believe me, call one; be polite and honest and tell them you are a transgender person looking for a wig and would like to come in. I guarantee you are not the first.

Once you have the hair, learn how to style it. Ask you your wig lady for lessons. I have had several classes where my wig lady taught me how to style and comb out my wig. After the classes practice, practice, practice.

I found a gender therapist and for the first time in my life spoke openly and face-to-face with someone about this. Speak with any girl and she will tell you this is a big part of self-acceptance. Because of this, I was able to shed the guilt and shame I struggled with for years. I was also able to understand where I wanted to go with this. That’s when I set my goal: being able to go out in public as a woman on a regular schedule.

Get a big sister; connect with another girl online or in person, even if you meet in drab as friends. Having someone like yourself to support each other is important.

Practice your voice. Smart phones have recording apps. Use your feminine voice every day. I recite a memorized speech each day during my drive to and from work. After several months, my voice started to really sound natural.

Become a student of fashion; find a transgender mentor and study other women. Which one are you? Find your style and not your fantasy.

Movement is my goal for this year: walking, posture, and body language. I am hoping to find a coach or modeling school to help and then practice. In the meantime, when I shop the mall at lunch, I put my body into girl mode. Nobody notices and even if they did, so what??

So much of my presentation has become second nature to me now. I walk out the hotel room door, smile, at the maid, stop at the front desk, without trepidation or anxiety. This self-assurance is contagious to everyone around you. It validates your appearance to them.

When I visit cosmetic counters in girl mode, I am always open about being transgender. When you get this close to a person, they can tell you are transgender. The sales women seem to love the diversion of having a transgender customer. We always have great conversations and I always ask them about my appearance. Most often, the words I hear are “poised,” “natural,” and “classic.”

They say 90% of presentation is attitude and confidence. This takes effort and work. That confidence and attitude comes from the steps I outlined above.

My point is it takes effort to look effortless. This effort is all part of being a woman. Please remember to enjoy the journey, the practice, the friendships, the accomplishments and even the failures. Then when you walk through that door dressed for a day of activities, you won’t even think about your swing --- it will be perfect.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

I Have Something


Now, I have something and it is bad news.

Living part-time in girl mode and part-time in boy mode is an expensive proposition.

Maintaining two wardrobes is one expense. I admit that I pay much less attention to my male wardrobe than my female wardrobe, but it is an expense nonetheless.

Vacationing is another expense. My girl mode and boy mode must take separate vacations because my spouse does not want to vacation with my girl mode. I have no problem with that, but two vacations are not usually in the cards financially.

A dress bought here and a dress bought there is an expense, but it does not have the same credit card shock as a four or five-day trip away from home. Multiply that by two and I can smell plastic melting in the morning.

After doing the math, I have concluded that I cannot afford a trip to Atlanta to attend Southern Comfort Conference.

Sorry to disappoint you, but no one is as disappointed as I am.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I Have Nothing

Sorry, but I have nothing today. Zero. Nie miaƂem nic. Nil. Nada. A big goose egg. Sorry.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

2012 Miss Trans of Poland

2012-08-28_miss-trans-pl-2012

Fifteen girls competed in the second annual Miss Trans pageant in Warsaw’s club Le Garage on June 2. The club and the Trans-Fusion Foundation organized the event.

Pageant judges included Anna Grodzka, the first known transsexual Member of Parliament in European history.

Here are links to two galleries of photos from the pageant: on the Trans-Fusion Fund Facebook page and the WP.PL website.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying*

2012-08-27_window

I only think about being transgender when I am in boy mode. I seldom think about it in girl mode.

In boy mode, I feel a little uncomfortable; I am in a place that is wrong for me and I think about how comfortable I would be if I was in girl mode.

In girl mode, I am in a perfect place. I don't think about moving to another place and I can get busy living.

* “Get busy living or get busy dying” is one of my favorite movie lines; it comes from one of my favorite films, The Shawshank Redemption .

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Dead Bug

I just received an e-mail from Fashion Bug informing me that their website will officially close on September 5.

"Uh-oh," I thought to myself, "If the website is going offline, what about their brick and mortar stores?"

A quick Google revealed that the new owner of the chain plans to close all 600 Fashion Bug stores by early 2013.

That saddens me. Over the years, I have done a lot of shopping at The Bug. Their prices were very reasonable and some of my nicest clothing came from their stores.

I guess I can take advantage of their going-out-of-business sales, but my heart won't be in it.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

I See Girly Boys

2012-08-25_toyota

I refer you two videos featuring males who are so feminine that it makes a femulator want to trade in her Jimmy Choos for Birkenstocks.

The first video features model Stav Strashko wearing a string bikini in a Toyota commercial. I recommend reading Mary Elizabeth Williams' commentary that accompanies the video.

The second video features model Andrej Pejic in interview mode. It is four months old, but I just discovered it a few days ago. I originally viewed it with the sound off and was very impressed how feminine Andrej's mannerisms seem to be. View it with the sound off and perhaps you will agree.

***

Before I finalize my plans for attending simultaneous conferences in Atlanta next month, I am trying to figure out how to divide my time between the ham radio conference and the transgender conference (Southern Comfort).

Should I stay in the ham conference hotel or trans conference hotel? The conferences are 25 miles apart on opposite sides of Atlanta, so I have to choose carefully.

***

Just a thought... Monday I have jury duty. Should I go en femme?

***

I just moderated a comment on a July 2007 post titled "feminine skirts and dresses for men." Would you believe that that post has 172 comments? By far, that post has received more comments than any of the other 2,271 posts I have published here in 5-1/2 years.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Atlanta Bound


Atlanta is the site of  the Southern Comfort Conference and a ham radio conference on the same weekend next month. I plan to attend both.

If you are planning to attend Southern Comfort, I hope to see you there.

Maybe I can organize a Femulate reader get-together during the weekend if enough readers are interested. Let me know.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Boxboro No Go

Things did not work out, so I will not be attending the ARRL New England Division Convention in Boxboro, Mass. this weekend.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I Tweet, Therefore I Am

if someone tweets without followers, does anyone hear her tweets? twitter

That was my very first tweet on Twitter. No one heard it because I had no followers.

So please follow me by clicking on the “Follow @Stana_Femulate” button at the top of the left sidebar.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Scent of a Woman

Stana, May 3, 1995 I wrote here on Friday about my first aid training class and how the instructor picked me to help him demonstrate the modified chest thrust.

Before proceeding, he asked, "You don't mind if I have a little fun with you?"

"I don't mind," I said.

He began, "Instead of using the abdominal thrust on this student, we will use the modified chest thrust because he is eight-months pregnant."

I was taken aback by his "little fun," but went along with it and tried to act amused.

***

Commenting on my story, Pat wrote, "...the instructor may have been picking up a feminine vibe or aura from you in selecting you for the 'pregnancy' demonstration."

I had the exact same thoughts, but I did not write about it because I felt that it was a little too farfetched. Now I'm thinking maybe not.

All my life, I have given off feminine vibes.

It is not something I do intentionally; it is such an integral part of my natural persona that I don't even realize what I am doing that gives off those vibes.

The proof is in the pudding. As a youth, my peers made it clear to me that I was not a manly boy. Boys called me names, girls would not date me, and gays were interested in me. In high school, one of my teachers (a female) told me I should wear a dress.

I was confused.

Even as an adult, I still give off feminine vibes. Adult males are a little more civilized than teenaged males, so they don't call me names, although a few have. Women often treat me as they would another women and gays are still interested in me.

I am less confused now because I think I figured it out, i.e., I am a woman. So I should not be surprised that the first aid instructor figured it out, too.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Don't Let This Happen To You

1995-06

That's me 17 years ago. An apt caption might be “Youth is wasted on the young.”

There I am dressed to the nines with minimal makeup (probably just foundation, lipstick, and mascara), yet achieving a passable femulation; ready to trip the light fantastic, but, oh so closeted.

Back then, the only time I went out en femme was to attend support group meetings because I feared that I would not pass in public. I was sure every person I encountered would see through my guise, then point, laugh, and inform the world that I was not what I appeared to be.

What a waste!

I have long overcome those fears.

When I am out en femme, I probably pass if no one is paying close attention to me, but close up and personal... not so much. And even then, I seldom, seldom, seldom get called on it. 

But passing is not important; experiencing life as the woman I really am is important.

I just so regret that I did not begin the experience when I was younger, when I still could be considered "hot" some of the time. Not like today, when I could be considered "not so hot" most of the time.

So don't let this happen to you. Get dressed. go out, and damn the torpedoes now!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Boxboro Bound?

Are any readers of Femulate planning to attend the ARRL New England Division Convention in Boxboro, Mass. next weekend?

There is a 50-50 chance I may go and it would be great to meet up with you if you are going, too.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Fit to Femulate

The mailman delivered my dress order from ideeli today. Both dresses fit perfectly.

I did not realize that the Belted Crepe Knit Dress had an animal print, which is an added bonus!

On the other hand, I was disappointed in the Bali Powershape Torset Body Briefer that I ordered from Avon. It arrived Wednesday and I tried it on, but like every other body briefer that I ever tried, it was lacking in the shaping department.

I sent it back for a refund today.

Win some, lose some!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Memories

382z Yesterday, I took a first aid class at work and I am now an official card-carrying first aid responder.

Throughout the day, the instructor randomly selected students to demonstrate various first aid procedures.

When the topic was choking, he demonstrated the abdominal thrust (also known as the "Heimlich Maneuver") on one student, then he asked me to help him demonstrate the modified chest thrust. As I went to the front of the class, he asked, "You don't mind if I have a little fun with you?"

"I don't mind," I responded.

He began, "Instead of using the abdominal thrust on this student, we will use the modified chest thrust because he is eight-months pregnant."

Everyone in the class, including myself, laughed.

One guy mentioned that I should be wearing my office girl Halloween costume (see photo).

A woman said, "He looked a lot better than I ever did."

There were a couple of other comments that went in one ear and out the other.

Then the class settled down and the training resumed.

***
It has been nine years since I dressed as an office girl for Halloween at work and it surprises me that it is so fresh in the minds of some of my co-workers.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

When I Was Hip

Exactly 43 years ago today, I was sitting in a pasture on Max Yasgur's farm listening to Canned Heat.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

My Favorite Thing

IMG_2983_cropped_web I went out en femme yesterday.

I wore the brown "draped brooch shift" dress and necklace that I bought at Dress Barn in June. I accessorized with my simulated snake skin bag and peep-toe slingback heels (see the first photo).

I learned something new yesterday: perfumes stain.

When I finished dressing, I dabbed on some Chanel Eau de Cologne No. 22. A couple of drops got away from me and landed on the hem of my dress. I assumed the drops would evaporate, so I didn't think anything of it.

Hours later, I noticed that the perfume drops had left stains on my dress. (I hope they come out in the wash.)

Dressed and out the door at 9:45 AM, my first stop was the Ann Taylor store in West Farms Mall in Farmington. I saw some attractive dresses on their website that I wanted to see in person.

Entering through Macy's, I walked through half the mall to get to Ann Taylor. On my way, a few women smiled and some said "Hello," a few guys looked my way, and no one pointed and shouted, "She's a man," so I felt confident about my femulation.

I entered Ann Taylor and a "saleswoman" greeted me and pointed out the racks of dresses that were on sale. (I put saleswoman in quotation marks because the two women working in Ann Taylor yesterday looked like high school kids to me. I realize they were not that young, but their ages were a lot closer to high school age than mine!)

The saleswoman loved my shoes, but admitted that shoes like mine hurt a lot. We discussed the perils of high heels, then she complimented my necklace. (Yesterday, I received a lot of compliments for my necklace.)

I noticed that all the dresses in the store topped out at size 14, whereas larger sizes are available online. Eyeballing the size 14s, they looked like ample size 14s, so I found three dresses to try on.

I managed to slip into all three dresses and close their zippers. The dresses were gorgeous and would look very nice on me if they were one size larger (or I was one size smaller). As is, they were just a little too tight, so I left Ann Taylor empty-handed and disappointed.

I decided to walk to the other end of the mall to JCPenney. They have a huge dress department and I almost always have shopping success there. I spent about an hour in JCPenney looking through the dress racks and trying on my finds.

During the hunt, I was very surprised to find the exact same Dress Barn dress I was wearing for sale. I had assumed incorrectly that Dress Barn and JCPenney did not sell the same lines of clothing, so I learned something new twice yesterday.

My hunt ended with two dresses making the final cut, a purple ruffle dress ("Flowing ruffles add a feminine flair to this sheath dress in a comfortable matte jersey") and a sleeveless black/teal color-block sheath ("Bold colorblock print adds a modern twist to this classic silhouette.").

Trying on a dress makes all the difference in the world when shopping. I knew the ruffle dress would look good on me assuming that it fit, whereas the color-block sheath was one of those dresses I was not sure about. I grabbed it as a "what-the-heck" pick since I was going to the dressing room to try on some other dresses anyway. Turned out it was one of the nicest dresses (on me) that I tried on yesterday. So, you never know.

I took my finds to the cashier and she asked if I wanted to use my JCPenney credit card.

I said I wanted to pay cash.

She asked if I had a JCPenney credit card.

I said I did, but have not used it in years.

She tried to convince me to sign up for a new credit card and get a 20% discount on all my purchases that day.

I knew I would have to show a photo identification to apply for a new card and I was a little reluctant to out myself whether or not the cashier had already figured me out. But the 20% discount was hard to resist, so I relented.

As I handed the saleswoman my driver's license, I commented that I looked a little different than when the license photo was taken.

She glanced at the license and then said something to the effect that my hairdo was now much bigger.

For a fleeting moment, I wondered if I had not outed myself afterall and that she thought that the license photo just showed me, a woman, with a short female hairdo. But there is a big letter "M" next to the "Sex:" on the license that is a dead giveaway.

I'll never know what she thought, but whatever the case, she was very pleasant, treated me politely throughout our encounter and that's alright by me.

After leaving the dress department, I passed the jewelry department and checked out the earring racks for those rare hard-to-find clip-ons. There were a handful and I found a retro style pair that I purchased with my new 20% off credit card.

A saleswoman rang up my purchase and mentioned that they were getting in some more clip-ons from Monet.

I told her I would be back and I am sure I will be.

My day out as a woman was going very well except for one thing: I felt lousier as the day progressed. By the time I exited JCPenney, I had an intense headache and was so tired that I could have taken a nap right on the spot.

I decided to call it a day if I did not feel any better by the time I walked the length of the mall back to Macy's where my chariot awaited me. I stopped briefly at a couple of stores along the way, but more or less made a bee-line to Macy's.

I did not feel any better, but I thought the fresh air might help. It was now raining, so I sprinted to my car as quickly as my high heels would permit me and regrouped.

It was hot and stuffy inside, so I turned on the ignition and cranked up the air conditioning. The AC did not help; I did not feel any better, so I decided to return from whence I came.

Upon my return, I took a short nap (I rarely nap during the day unless I am ill). I felt a little better afterword.

Before I returned to boy mode, I took some photos wearing my new dresses. (You can compare me with the models on the JCPenney website in the second and third photos. By the way, I did not cut off the model’s head --- JCPenney did it)

I was disappointed that it was a short day out en femme, but it was a day out en femme and that is a wonderful thing!

I highly recommend it to everyone.

jcpruffle&me_web

jcpsheath&me_web

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Out Today

I am going out en femme today.

This is a spur of the moment decision, so I have no specific plans except to spend the day as a woman.

I have no idea what adventures await me, but I am confident that I will have a wonderful time.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Face Time

That's my face on Facebook.

After over a year's absence, I have decided to try Facebook again.

"Stana Stana" is my Facebook name; www.facebook.com/stana.stana.3 is my home page.

I will be on the road most of the day today, so catch you later!

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Stana's Fashion Trands: Preppy Shoes

I like these shoes from Payless. Known as the "Kimmie Mary Jane Pump," it has a 2.5" heel.

I own a similar pair in black from Payless and they are very comfortable. Maybe I should own a pair in brown ("cognac") and be very preppy!

2012-08-12_Kimmie-Mary-Jane-Pump

By the way, Payless is a transgirl's friend.

They sell shoes in sizes that our dainty feet require (up to size 13, frequently in wide widths).

They sell shoes that are relatively inexpensive, which is important if you have to budget for two wardrobes.

Payless is trans-friendly. I have never been hassled in any Payless store trying on women's shoes whether I was in girl mode or boy mode.

And they are everywhere --- Payless stores seem to be in every strip mall around here.

Half the many shoes I own are Payless. I own Payless flats, mid heels, high heels, platform heels, strappy sandals, and boots and I seldom have had a complaint --- most are all-day-long comfortable.

If you have never shopped Payless, plan to do so and you will be pleasantly surprised.