Norman or Woman

 

Wearing Miss Patina

Milton Berle (center) femulating on a 1959 episode of television’s
The Lucy Desi Comedy Hour.
Click here to view this femulation on YouTube.

The bloom is off the rose

Happy Halloween! 

I counted how many times I crossdressed for Halloween since my first outing in 1969 and I crossdressed about half those past 55 Halloweens... for parties, work or to just get out en femme for the holiday. 

I no longer work, so that is not an option and I have not been invited to any parties. That leaves going out en femme to shop, dine, bank, etc... things that ladies do when they are out and about. 

But for me, the bloom is off the rose called “Halloween.” I’ve done it all on the 31st of October and prefer to go out en femme when there is no safety net. 

Civilians are not surprised to see a man in a dress on Halloween, but if they see that same man in a dress any other day, they might not be so sure about who they are seeing. And when I am out, I’d rather have civilians be unsure of who I am rather than clock me as a man in a dress (or a Playboy bunny costume).

And so it goes.

Wearing Bebe

Dave Foley in costume for the Halloween episode of Newsradio,
which you can view on YouTube by clicking here.

Run Hubby Run

Wearing Ann Taylor

Kamil Bijos femulates Mariah Carey on Polish television’s
Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo (Your Face Sounds Familiar)

Shopping: The Rest of the Story

On Monday, JJ discussed clothes shopping. She admits never shopping en femme, so I thought that I would discuss that shopping option today because there is nothing like it!

I have shopped en homme only when I had to… like during lunch hours from my boy mode job. I have even tried on womenswear while en homme. Sans shapewear (no, I don’t wear a girdle in boy mode), the fit is not exact, but at least it’s in the ballpark and I’ll know whether to return the item to the rack or take it home for my wardrobe.

I have never had a bad experience trying on womenswear en homme. At worst, the salesperson might be surprised, but I have never been shut out of the dressing room. And shopping for womenswear en homme, it has never been an issue, but I am getting off-topic.

Shopping en femme is so much better than shopping en homme or online. It is the most fun I have ever had without laughing! 

If an item doesn’t fit, you put it back on the rack and try on another size. If an item doesn’t look good on you, you put it back on the rack and try on something else. You don’t have to deal with the time and expense of returning an item.

Shopping en femme also is an affirmation of your femininity. Shopping among other women, you blend in and become another woman. Typically, the other women are concentrating on shopping and not on you. They may be aware of your physical presence, but will assume that you are just another girl hunting for a bargain.

While browsing through the racks, I always encounter other women doing the same. They may look up momentarily to see who the other bargain hunter is and when they don’t recognize me, they return to the hunt. Sometimes they may offer a friendly smile or a pleasant “hello,” too. Rarely am I the target of daggers aimed at a man in a dress.

Sometimes I may pass and sometimes I may not. How do I know for sure? But I try to dress properly when I shop – usually it’s “office girl” mode, although office girl mode isn’t what it used to be, so I’d say that it’s more like “legal secretary” mode. 

Although I have also shopped more casually (a top and some kind of bifurcated garment), I prefer legal secretary mode. My point is I don’t wear an evening gown, cocktail dress or hooker garb when I shop; such outfits would give me away.

And for what it‘s worth, I have long ago abandoned my attempt at a femme voice. My normal male voice usually works because I have a natural femme vocabulary and mannerisms.

If you use a credit card, get one that only uses the initial of your first name along with your complete last name in order to conceal your cisgender identity. I have been using my S. credit card like forever, but sometimes when checking out they will ask for a photo ID, your driver’s license for example, and that will blow your cover, but not necessarily. A few times after presenting my driver’s license, the salesperson asked, “Is this your husband’s driver’s license?”

The biggest advantage to shopping en femme is that you are wearing your shapewear when you try on clothing. Shapeworn, you will know exactly what fits without dragging (pun intended) your finds home and then bringing them back to the store for a return.

Don’t let dressing rooms deter you! But always ask a salesperson where the dressing room is located even if you already know where it is. That can save the day if someone complains about the man in the ladies’ dressing room… your alibi is the salesperson who directed you to the ladies’ dressing room.

The dressing room cubicles are usually cramped. There probably is a mirror or two to check yourself out, but it is not the best situation to see how you look. So after slipping on a new item, I usually exit the dressing room and check myself out in the full-length multi-angle mirrors that populate the store’s sales floor. Much better than the mirrors in the cramped cubicle and even better, other shoppers passing by may comment on how you look. (Yeah, guys would never do that, but ladies do and it’s happened to me on many occasions.)

Some stores will assign you to your own cubicle. “Big deal,” you say! Well while you are trying something on and it doesn’t fit, instead of removing the ill-fitting garment, putting your clothes back and exiting the cubicle to fetch a different size, just stick your head out the cubical and ask a salesperson to fetch a different size for you to try! It’s like heaven on earth – and I remember a guy friend asking me why would anyone want to be a woman! It’s so much nicer to be a woman!

The following shopping experience was typical. I spent about an hour in the Misses department of the local JCPenney perusing the racks and going back and forth to the dressing room to try on my finds. During that hour, I encountered a lot of customers doing the same and I noticed none of the other bargain hunters paying any attention to me.

However, I did not go unnoticed. A few people who were not busy shopping noticed me. A woman, who had finished shopping and waiting to pay for her finds, checked me out while she was in line at the cashier. I also noticed two saleswomen checking me out.

Perhaps they were just checking me out because they were impressed with the way I looked. Or maybe they suspected I was en femme and were trying to confirm their suspicions.

Whatever... although some salespeople noticed me, I have never had a salesperson give me a hard time. Their job is to make a sale, so if the customer looks like a duck, then treat the customer like a duck and everything will be ducky.

As I was looking through the racks, a middle-aged woman  approached me and asked, “Can I ask you a question?”

I had no idea what she was going to ask (“What time is it?” “Where did you buy your shoes?” “Are you a tranny?”). I girded my loins, smiled and agreed to answer her question.

“You're dressed fashionably, so I’d like your opinion about a pair of slacks I was thinking about buying.”

Wow! I certainly did not see that coming!

We discussed the merits of the slacks. I did not like what she had picked out and suggested something with a bolder pattern. She admitted that she really did not like what she had picked out and liked my suggestion better.

I pointed out a skirt with a pattern similar to what I had in mind. Her eyes lit up as she said, “I saw slacks with that pattern. Now I just have to find them again! Thank-you for your help.”

“Good luck,” I said.

I then took a deep breath, smiled and thought what a confidence-builder that was!

Wearing Allsaints

Bogdan Kibalyuk femulating in the Russian television series Policeman from YouTube (Politseyskiy s YouTyuba).

Stuff: Shopping for Her

By J.J. Atwell

Whoever heard of a naked CD? What fun would that be? As CDs, we need appropriate clothing for our femme self. Where to get that clothing can be an event that is fraught with hazards. We need a place to shop. We can choose to do that online or we can do it in person at a woman’s clothing store. 

Online Shopping

Doing your femme shopping online is pretty easy. You browse through page after page of beautiful outfits until you spot something that fits your needs. A few further clicks and you’ve completed the order. Then comes the hard part – waiting. 

Of course, there are risks in online shopping. Especially if you are deep in the closet and don’t want your family to know. How will the goods get delivered? If they come to your house, can you grab the package quickly? Or should you have it delivered elsewhere? 

Remember also that once you buy something online the merchant has captured your information. They now know your name, address, email address, credit card information and exactly what you bought. They will most likely use that to try to sell you more stuff. Will it be a problem if mail addressed to you from a woman’s clothing store starts showing up at your house? Did you give them your male or female name for the order and is that an issue for you? 

But perhaps the biggest issue with buying a piece of women’s clothing online is you don’t know if it will work for you. There are many pitfalls to be aware of. The item might look great in the picture online, but will the real item match that? Is the model in the picture representative of what you will look like when dressed? Is the product of good quality and craftsmanship? 

What about getting the right size? In some of my previous installments of Stuff, I talked about sizes and how they can vary considerably from one maker to another. Pay close attention to any size charts for that item and how your measurements mesh with what they think you should be. When one of my GG friends, Alicia, isn’t sure what size to order, she gets two in different sizes and then returns the one that doesn’t fit right. Of course, the final test is how does it look on you. 

Once last tip about online shopping, be sure you know the return policy. 

In-Person Shopping

Going shopping at a woman’s clothing store is harder for most of us. The major dilemma is do we go as a guy or as a girl self. For some, that depends on how well we “pass” and how confident we are in our femme persona. I admit that I haven’t yet gone clothes shopping while dressed as JJ. I feel I need to work on my presentation and confidence a bit more before I take that step. But that doesn’t stop me from shopping in the ladies department as my guy self. 

Remember, just because you are a guy doesn’t mean you can’t buy women’s clothing. The stores do not have rules that require a gender check before they will sell you women’s clothing. Don’t bother making up a story to explain why you are doing it either. The sales agents aren’t going to believe it as they have heard it all before. 

If you need help, simply explain what you are looking for. You don’t have to say it is for you. Just say you need a top that matches the skirt you just picked up. You’ll find that cultivating a relationship with a sales associate will make future visits easier as well. 

If you are shopping en femme, then be sure to try things on in the store. It’s much simpler to check the fit right there. If the size is wrong, you can just grab a size that fits better. If it doesn't look great on you, then just leave it rather than having to go through the whole routine to return an online purchase. 

How Does It Look?

So you’ve braved the women’s shopping world and have secured that prized item. Now comes the really hard part. Trying it on and objectively judging if it is right for you. That means you need to put on the appropriate shapewear. A top won’t look right without boobs. Skirts or pants won’t look right without hips or a feminine butt. Get everything on and look in a full-length mirror. Look hard. Take photos. Did it turn out as good as you hoped? If so, yay! Find a place for it in your closet. If not, return it. Life is too short for bad clothes. 

I’ll Be Back

There will be more Stuff. As always comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff so if there is something you would like to read about please let me know! 

Wearing Lafayette 148

Shopping out and about, Lynn Jones of Yet Another Transgender Blog fame. 

You Have Options

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Tami out and about shopping for FemmeFever.

Butch and Hank

Wearing ModCloth

Caty Ryan out and about shopping for unmentionables

Ballet

By Paula Gaikowski paula.gaikowski@gmail.com

It's a common question among transgender women: when did you realize you were transgender? For some, the answer is clear from a young age. For others, it's a more gradual realization. For me, like many others, there were clues throughout my childhood that I now recognize as signs of my gender identity.

One such memory came flooding back to me recently. My wife and I were walking past a dance studio, and she jokingly suggested that I should take some classes. "I'll go get dinner," she said. "And yes, you can wear tights."

This seemingly innocuous comment triggered a wave of nostalgia. I remembered elementary school, specifically the days when girls with ballet lessons would leave school early. They'd be wearing leotards and tights underneath their skirts. And I remember feeling a pang of envy, a desire to be among them.

The dance studio was next to my dentist's office, and I would sometimes linger outside, listening to the classes. I’d watch my classmates pirouette and leap across the dance studio floor, their tutus shimmering under the stage lights. As a 10-year-old boy, I yearned to be part of their world. I’d imagine myself slipping into a tutu and tights, dancing alongside them. The night of the grand performance I’d imagine myself stepping in for someone who was sick. No one would know the truth. I’d dance the night away, a secret ballerina. Maybe then, they’d see me as I truly was. It was a forbidden dream, a fantasy that I dared not share in the 1960s.

Like many, I pushed down those feelings, only to have them resurface. It's a common experience, a testament to the enduring nature of our true selves.

Looking back, I realize that my childhood fascination with dance was more than just a passing interest. It reflected my deep-seated desire to express my femininity. The dance studio, with its graceful movements and beautiful costumes, represented a world I longed to be a part of.

As I continue my journey as a transgender woman, I find solace in knowing that I am not alone. Countless others have shared similar experiences, and their stories offer both inspiration and validation. It's a reminder that our identities are complex and multifaceted, shaped by both our personal histories and the broader cultural context in which we live.

Today, as I reflect on this childhood memory, I see it as a glimpse into the transgender woman I was always meant to be. It's a reminder that my journey began long before I had the words or the courage to articulate it. And it's a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, our ability to overcome societal expectations and embrace our true selves.

Wearing Paige

Michelle out and about in an art museum

Got Self-Awareness?

Wearing Ann Taylor

Nancy Ng out and about at Lake Erie beach resort town Port Dover, Ontario

Writing Wrandomly

The blog’s new Casa Stana masthead is a big hit. Paula suggested it in passing (or in jest) and I pounced on the idea. (The name is in honor of Casa Susanna.)

Out and About

Keep sending in your photos of your out and about experiences. The blog’s readers love them and so do I.

Returns

Returning stuff to Amazon that doesn’t fit or you just plain don’t like is easy. Just print out the QR code or have it on your smart phone and take the ugly dress to a place like a UPS Store to return it. No more having to package up the dress, print out return documentation, print out and stick on a mailing label and then send it back via USPS or UPS.

I just discovered that easy returns are also available from other sellers. I bought a sweater dress from Venus and it was too big, so when I began the return process, I found that Venus offers a similar return service as Amazon. Just get the QR code and take the dress to a place like a UPS Store. And voila!

T-Week

This week is Transweek. Formerly known as Fantasia Fair, I had no idea that it was this week until JJ asked me and I looked it up.

I attended the “Fair” four times. Last time was 10 years ago. I always had a good time. Each visit was a unique and memorable experience. Read my book to read all about my four Fair trips.

The only negatives about the Fair was the weather and the civilians. 

The weather can be all over the place in late October in this neck of the woods and since the Fair has stuff going on all over Provincetown, you have to do a lot of hoofing to get around in whatever Mother Nature has to offer. (I’ll never forget running down Commercial Street wearing 4-inch stilettos in a thunderstorm!)

The local civilians are used to us and don’t give a damn, but the civilians tourists gawk and even point at us. But I found a surefire way to disarm them. One time, a group of my girl friends had reservations to dine at Lobster Pot. When we entered the dining room, some folks at a nearby table got all excited and began gawking and pointing. In response, I smiled and waved at them and that shut them down immediately.

And so it goes!

Wearing ModCloth

Dining with Prometheus; yours truly out and about in NYC