Stuff: Shopping for Her

By J.J. Atwell

Whoever heard of a naked CD? What fun would that be? As CDs, we need appropriate clothing for our femme self. Where to get that clothing can be an event that is fraught with hazards. We need a place to shop. We can choose to do that online or we can do it in person at a woman’s clothing store. 

Online Shopping

Doing your femme shopping online is pretty easy. You browse through page after page of beautiful outfits until you spot something that fits your needs. A few further clicks and you’ve completed the order. Then comes the hard part – waiting. 

Of course, there are risks in online shopping. Especially if you are deep in the closet and don’t want your family to know. How will the goods get delivered? If they come to your house, can you grab the package quickly? Or should you have it delivered elsewhere? 

Remember also that once you buy something online the merchant has captured your information. They now know your name, address, email address, credit card information and exactly what you bought. They will most likely use that to try to sell you more stuff. Will it be a problem if mail addressed to you from a woman’s clothing store starts showing up at your house? Did you give them your male or female name for the order and is that an issue for you? 

But perhaps the biggest issue with buying a piece of women’s clothing online is you don’t know if it will work for you. There are many pitfalls to be aware of. The item might look great in the picture online, but will the real item match that? Is the model in the picture representative of what you will look like when dressed? Is the product of good quality and craftsmanship? 

What about getting the right size? In some of my previous installments of Stuff, I talked about sizes and how they can vary considerably from one maker to another. Pay close attention to any size charts for that item and how your measurements mesh with what they think you should be. When one of my GG friends, Alicia, isn’t sure what size to order, she gets two in different sizes and then returns the one that doesn’t fit right. Of course, the final test is how does it look on you. 

Once last tip about online shopping, be sure you know the return policy. 

In-Person Shopping

Going shopping at a woman’s clothing store is harder for most of us. The major dilemma is do we go as a guy or as a girl self. For some, that depends on how well we “pass” and how confident we are in our femme persona. I admit that I haven’t yet gone clothes shopping while dressed as JJ. I feel I need to work on my presentation and confidence a bit more before I take that step. But that doesn’t stop me from shopping in the ladies department as my guy self. 

Remember, just because you are a guy doesn’t mean you can’t buy women’s clothing. The stores do not have rules that require a gender check before they will sell you women’s clothing. Don’t bother making up a story to explain why you are doing it either. The sales agents aren’t going to believe it as they have heard it all before. 

If you need help, simply explain what you are looking for. You don’t have to say it is for you. Just say you need a top that matches the skirt you just picked up. You’ll find that cultivating a relationship with a sales associate will make future visits easier as well. 

If you are shopping en femme, then be sure to try things on in the store. It’s much simpler to check the fit right there. If the size is wrong, you can just grab a size that fits better. If it doesn't look great on you, then just leave it rather than having to go through the whole routine to return an online purchase. 

How Does It Look?

So you’ve braved the women’s shopping world and have secured that prized item. Now comes the really hard part. Trying it on and objectively judging if it is right for you. That means you need to put on the appropriate shapewear. A top won’t look right without boobs. Skirts or pants won’t look right without hips or a feminine butt. Get everything on and look in a full-length mirror. Look hard. Take photos. Did it turn out as good as you hoped? If so, yay! Find a place for it in your closet. If not, return it. Life is too short for bad clothes. 

I’ll Be Back

There will be more Stuff. As always comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff so if there is something you would like to read about please let me know! 

Wearing Lafayette 148

Shopping out and about, Lynn Jones of Yet Another Transgender Blog fame. 

You Have Options

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Tami out and about shopping for FemmeFever.

Butch and Hank

Wearing ModCloth

Caty Ryan out and about shopping for unmentionables

Ballet

By Paula Gaikowski paula.gaikowski@gmail.com

It's a common question among transgender women: when did you realize you were transgender? For some, the answer is clear from a young age. For others, it's a more gradual realization. For me, like many others, there were clues throughout my childhood that I now recognize as signs of my gender identity.

One such memory came flooding back to me recently. My wife and I were walking past a dance studio, and she jokingly suggested that I should take some classes. "I'll go get dinner," she said. "And yes, you can wear tights."

This seemingly innocuous comment triggered a wave of nostalgia. I remembered elementary school, specifically the days when girls with ballet lessons would leave school early. They'd be wearing leotards and tights underneath their skirts. And I remember feeling a pang of envy, a desire to be among them.

The dance studio was next to my dentist's office, and I would sometimes linger outside, listening to the classes. I’d watch my classmates pirouette and leap across the dance studio floor, their tutus shimmering under the stage lights. As a 10-year-old boy, I yearned to be part of their world. I’d imagine myself slipping into a tutu and tights, dancing alongside them. The night of the grand performance I’d imagine myself stepping in for someone who was sick. No one would know the truth. I’d dance the night away, a secret ballerina. Maybe then, they’d see me as I truly was. It was a forbidden dream, a fantasy that I dared not share in the 1960s.

Like many, I pushed down those feelings, only to have them resurface. It's a common experience, a testament to the enduring nature of our true selves.

Looking back, I realize that my childhood fascination with dance was more than just a passing interest. It reflected my deep-seated desire to express my femininity. The dance studio, with its graceful movements and beautiful costumes, represented a world I longed to be a part of.

As I continue my journey as a transgender woman, I find solace in knowing that I am not alone. Countless others have shared similar experiences, and their stories offer both inspiration and validation. It's a reminder that our identities are complex and multifaceted, shaped by both our personal histories and the broader cultural context in which we live.

Today, as I reflect on this childhood memory, I see it as a glimpse into the transgender woman I was always meant to be. It's a reminder that my journey began long before I had the words or the courage to articulate it. And it's a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, our ability to overcome societal expectations and embrace our true selves.

Wearing Paige

Michelle out and about in an art museum

Got Self-Awareness?

Wearing Ann Taylor

Nancy Ng out and about at Lake Erie beach resort town Port Dover, Ontario

Writing Wrandomly

The blog’s new Casa Stana masthead is a big hit. Paula suggested it in passing (or in jest) and I pounced on the idea. (The name is in honor of Casa Susanna.)

Out and About

Keep sending in your photos of your out and about experiences. The blog’s readers love them and so do I.

Returns

Returning stuff to Amazon that doesn’t fit or you just plain don’t like is easy. Just print out the QR code or have it on your smart phone and take the ugly dress to a place like a UPS Store to return it. No more having to package up the dress, print out return documentation, print out and stick on a mailing label and then send it back via USPS or UPS.

I just discovered that easy returns are also available from other sellers. I bought a sweater dress from Venus and it was too big, so when I began the return process, I found that Venus offers a similar return service as Amazon. Just get the QR code and take the dress to a place like a UPS Store. And voila!

T-Week

This week is Transweek. Formerly known as Fantasia Fair, I had no idea that it was this week until JJ asked me and I looked it up.

I attended the “Fair” four times. Last time was 10 years ago. I always had a good time. Each visit was a unique and memorable experience. Read my book to read all about my four Fair trips.

The only negatives about the Fair was the weather and the civilians. 

The weather can be all over the place in late October in this neck of the woods and since the Fair has stuff going on all over Provincetown, you have to do a lot of hoofing to get around in whatever Mother Nature has to offer. (I’ll never forget running down Commercial Street wearing 4-inch stilettos in a thunderstorm!)

The local civilians are used to us and don’t give a damn, but the civilians tourists gawk and even point at us. But I found a surefire way to disarm them. One time, a group of my girl friends had reservations to dine at Lobster Pot. When we entered the dining room, some folks at a nearby table got all excited and began gawking and pointing. In response, I smiled and waved at them and that shut them down immediately.

And so it goes!

Wearing ModCloth

Dining with Prometheus; yours truly out and about in NYC

Still?

 

Wearing Black Halo

Chris out and about for lunch

Stuff: Do You March?

By J.J. Atwell

Pride Parades

Today I’m wondering how many of our Femulate readers participate in LGBTQ+ pride events. Typically. June is Pride Month and there are pride parades in many communities. Oddly enough though, some southern states hold pride parades in October when it’s a bit cooler.

These pride parades (as I’ll refer to them hence forth while including the ancillary events as well) often get a lot of press attention. You can pretty much count on seeing a report about them in local newspapers and television news stations. The coverage isn’t always flattering, but I believe the trend is more towards acceptance than when these parades started in the early 70’s. 

Origin of Pride Parades

So, how did pride parades start? A Google search about the origin of pride parades generally focuses on the one-year anniversary of the 1969 Stonewall Riots. Those riots occurred in New York City on June 28, 1969, when police conducted one of their then routine raids on the Stonewall gay nightclub. But this time the patrons were fed up with what they saw as police harassment and resisted. 

I’ve only recently become aware that some of the instigators of the rebellion were the drag queens in attendance. While I don’t consider myself a drag queen, as a CD, I do have something in common with them – the wearing women’s clothing and a desire for the freedom to do so. I’ll leave the reader to their own Google search about the details of the pride parade origins.

Should We Participate?

Huge question. One that I’m not sure I can adequately answer. Let me be upfront– I have not participated in a pride parade. But as I think about it, I think we owe it to the entire CD community to show ourselves. By showing ourselves to the public, we can help others escape from the closet. Yes, that is a scary proposition.

As I’ve noted, I haven’t marched myself, so I’m in no position to preach. But I hope bringing up this subject gives you, dear reader, cause to consider the situation when the next pride parade rolls around. I know I’ll be giving it serious consideration myself. 

A few thoughts for those going to an event, be it as part of the march or as a supporting spectator. Wear sunscreen as you’ll likely be out in the sun for quite some time. Sensible shoes are important for these events. Even if you are just a spectator, you’ll be on your feet for quite a while. Four-inch heels are probably best left at home for this outing unless you are riding on a float. Hold your head high. It is a pride event so go out and be proud rather than hiding in the shadows. 

While you are out, make new friends and expand your comfort zone. That tight group of friends is nice, but an even bigger group is better. Support the vendors you’ll find at these events. They are sticking their necks out, too. Above all, be you... unapologetically.

I’ll Be Back

In addition to pondering pride parade participation, I’ll be finding more Stuff to write about. I welcome comments and suggestions here on Stana’s page or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.

Wearing Yumi Kim

Bernardo Letro

Perfect Size 12

Wearing Venus

New Zealand's John Hunter entertained the troops during World War II

Femulating the Femulators (Part 2)

By Norah Blucher

When we parted last, I had just stepped out into the world, the new and improved Norah, ready to fully embrace all that I am and engage in social interaction with civilians for the first time…

Dining

I had a restaurant picked out already courtesy of Stana, who recommended a place she has frequented before. This was reassuring and I was also glad to be going to a local place for a “real” experience as I know the big chains have all sorts of training on how to be friendly and what not. I did not tarry in the car too long, grabbed my purse and headed in.

The place was half restaurant, and half deli, so I strolled over to the restaurant side and said “Just one please;” my first use of my months-long practiced femme voice! To someone other than a telemarketer,or the house plants anyway, LOL. There was a genuine look of surprise on the staff’s faces. I don’t know why. I know I was not “passing” in looks, but maybe they were expecting a deeper voice? Maybe I just sounded weird or fake. Whatever the case, the waitress told me to follow her as I tried to be conversational and told her I had never been here, but this place was highly recommended by a friend.

What happened next was a little confusing. One side of the place had a lot of full tables, the other was empty and the hostess was taking me to the empty section. I was a little miffed and thought they were just trying to hide the femulator from public view. To be honest, I was also relieved as well. I was completely terrified, and sitting secluded would not have been unwelcome.

My feelings changed however, when the hostess realized this section had not been prepared to seat people and she looked back at the crowded section and then looked back at me. She had a hesitant look on her face and shyly asked if I minded sitting over there. I realized later she was just very perceptive and likely knew how terrified I was,and was trying to do me a favor. I just smiled, feigned a confused look and said, “Of course not, dear,” as though I did this everyday. Fake it ’til you make it at its finest! So back we went and I was seated right in the middle of the room, the next occupied table just two feet away. I was DYING inside!

It was not until I went to take a sip of water that I realized my hands were shaking a bit. I really was showing how nervous I was. Dining alone in a restaurant is a daily thing for me and it is always a bit awkward to some degree, but I just ordered my meal and took my phone out to text some friends like I normally would. Inspired by all the cute photos Stana takes while dining, I also tried to nonchalantly take one of myself as well.

It did nothing to boost my confidence to say the least. I looked right dreadful. I’m bloated and starting to break out. My nervousness shows. I was not in best form. In my defense, I had been up early, driven for six hours, did two meetings along the way and was utterly tired to start with before getting en femme, and I was also very hungry. The lighting was horrid, and I was also not about to start cocking my head to strike a pretty pose. I’m sort of embarrassed to show it, but for the sake of the blog here, this is it…

I just reminded myself that I am who I am, and even a GG has long hard days when she does not look her best. Perhaps a Saturday afternoon off would have been best to try this, but I was here now determined to make the best of it. I slowly began to feel more at ease though, ate my meal and chatted with the waitstaff when they did come by.

I had to go back to the deli to pay when they brought my check, and I needed change to leave a tip. I could have asked the cashier to give it to the waitress, but I walked back into the restaurant, found my waitress and handed it to her myself! I tipped her well and thanked her for a great meal.

I went out to my car, took a deep breath and was quite proud of myself. I had done it! I had survived, had a good experience actually and knew that next time would be easier. You’d better believe that there will be a next time! To be honest, a year ago, this would have been taxing on me en homme. Not nearly this much and I was not always that way, but I had gotten that part of my life over the hump and now I was getting the other part over it. I felt rather good about the whole thing.

Shopping!

I was feeling good and did not want the night to end, so I decided to do some shopping. The mall was soon closing, so I just planned to go to Target, when I spied out of the corner of my eye a Home Goods and T.J. Maxx. Bingo! I wasted no time and headed in. Not wanting to be the cliché crossdresser buying clothes I headed to Home Goods first.

I looked around awhile and my confidence was starting to rise. No one followed me or gawked. As I walked down an aisle of mirrors I suddenly noticed myself and thought I did not look that bad! I spun around and yes, being more relaxed had actually improved my look. Looking back, I wish I had done an out and about photo then.

Not finding anything in Home Goods, I walked over to T.J. Maxx. I actually needed a new wallet as my current one is a bit ragged, but I did not find what I wanted and checked out purses. I was having an absolute ball trying different ones, when suddenly nature called, so off to the bathrooms I went. I half expected the generic family bathroom I see more and more at big stores and have used in the past, but this place had only a men’s and ladies’ room, so into the ladies’ side it was!

I’ve actually used the ladies’ room many times. A few times when the men’s room was closed, and a few times, inadvertently, when I was just half asleep, but I have never actually used a proper ladies’ room en femme, so this was another first I guess. No one was in there, though I did remain seated for the duration of the ride, just in case. I did my thing and took a few minutes to fix my hair before I left. As I exited, no one awaited me with torches and pitchforks. 

With nowhere left to go, it was onto clothes... This was sort of anticlimactic for me in a way as I have done this before, but en homme and it has always felt a bit awkward. It never stopped me, but awkward best describes it. 

It felt different tonight. Like it just felt right, as though I belonged there. There were a few other GGs among the racks and I did not avoid them as  I would have done previously. Nor did they avoid me. No warm smiles either, no one complemented my outfit or jewelry, but they did not seem to be doing that for each other as well. So we were all just doing our thing and going about our lives.

I did not take notice at the restaurant, but I suddenly felt tall! At 5’7” I’m not tall at all, even for a girl, so maybe it was just short ladies out shopping that evening? Anyway, I found a sweater I liked and went to pay for it. I tried being conversational with the cashier, but she did not seem impressed and I doubt she would have been impressed by anyone else either, so it wasn’t me.

Back to the Hotel

I walked back to my car and was truly floating on cloud nine. I made the short drive back to the hotel, humming with Laura Wilde all the way. I had accomplished everything I set out to do and more importantly, the new and improved Norah was out! I know it sounds a bit silly, nothing exciting happened, but that is all I really wanted. Just a moment of being myself, and being treated like anyone else.

I managed to find a spot in the crowded parking lot right in front of the hotel and as I walked in the main door, I gave the clerk a little smile and wave and made my way up the elevator to my room. I did encounter another guest as I was fumbling in my purse for the door card and he paid me no attention to me. I doubt he suspected anything strange about me with my head down anyway, though I did not shy away intentionally. 

Confidence is Key

We say that all the time here on the blog, but pushing myself way into the deep end, truly showed me how much it matters. If you don’t believe me, take note of me in the restaurant. (or maybe not and just forget you ever saw that wretched picture). At that particular moment, I was just trying to survive. By the end of the night, despite it being the end of a tiring 16-hour day, I felt great and had regained some of the happy glow I feel en femme. I’m a bit disheveled, but I’ll also let you see what I wore and see the rest of me for a change, and not just my hair.

I know this was a rather short and mundane outing and it took me longer to write this than the actual event, so I hope you did not find it altogether boring. I know I’m not all that and a tin of biscuits and right now, I don’t even think I come close to passing. But that is precisely my point. I’m nervous in new surroundings, I never feel my makeup is good enough and I can think of scores of other things I should improve upon, but if I waited to correct them all, I probably never would and I’d never get out. So I just went ahead anyway. I was not perfect, but felt I represented our tribe well and that is what matters.

In the end, I realized I set out to femulate a Stana- and Paula-style adventure and found something else; a Norah Blucher one instead! We are all at different places in our journeys and we are all unique, but hopefully we can use our own experiences to inspire others to get out there and have their own experiences.  

Stana started this blog with the intention of getting more girls like us to take a leap and get out into the world. After all these years, it is still serving that purpose and if my little story and all the others can get one more girl out into the wild, who would not have otherwise, it continues on.

So there it is, loves. Questions and comments are always welcome below or e-mail me at nblucher at-sign proton dot me. I’d very much like to hear about your own out and about adventures. I promise you though, I will be having many more and hope to see you out in the world!

Wearing ModCloth

Stana out and about at Tonkin’s Wigs