My “Prom” En Femme

My “prom” dress

As I mentioned in Monday's post, the closest I came to attending a prom en femme was attending my law school reunion en femme. Sure, the only things common between a prom and a reunion is that they both are related to schools and students. There is no going back in time to my high school prom, so I like to think that my reunion was the prom I missed en femme.

My law school reunion experience was just fabulous!

The venue of the reunion was the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, Massachusetts, which was also the location of my law school. After completing an uneventful hour ride from my home to the Hall, I entered the Hall of Fame complex and quickly found the banquet hall for the reunion.

I checked in and immediately encountered the woman who I had exchanged a few e-mails with concerning the reunion. I introduced myself; she welcomed me and helped me find my name badge.

There were about 20 people already in attendance. I recognized one of my classmates, CR, a woman who I considered a school acquaintance, not a long lost friend. I said hello to her and she returned a hello, while looking at my name badge trying to figure out who I was (the badge listed Stana, my last name, and my class year, 1977).

She was carrying a copy of our class yearbook, so I suggested she look me up in the yearbook to refresh her memory. She did and when she put two-and-two together, she exclaimed, “Oh my god! Stanley, you are beautiful now!”

She gushed over how I had changed and then we chatted a bit trying to catch up on the past 35 years in five minutes. She was distracted by another person, who I did not recognize, so I went to the bar and got a glass of white wine.

I mingled with myself for about five minutes, then CR came around again and pointed me the direction of a table where other 1977 classmates were gathering, so I headed in that direction. There I found two other female school acquaintances (PM and LF) and one of my best friends (JB) and his wife.

An aside, as it turned out, there were nine people in my class who made it to the reunion. Four women and five men. All the women came solo and all five men came with their wives. I believe that the three other women are unattached.

Both PM and LF welcomed me with open arms as if we were old girlfriends and not just acquaintances (I think CR had informed them of my presence before I found their table, so they were expecting me). 

I did not recognize JB immediately, but when I realized it was my old friend, I greeted him warmly and gave him a hug. His wife, EB, introduced herself and she was very welcoming, too. We all exchanged our stories about the last 35 years, but the women were more interested in hearing my story than relating theirs to me. So as not to disappoint, I obliged and held an impromptu outreach session.

Another friend, MM, showed up and he greeted me like the old friends we were.

The cocktail hour flew by and before I knew it, PM was beckoning me to join her at the 1977 table in the dining room. I sat down next to PM and we chatted forever, mostly about me. She assumed that I was post-op and I explained that I was not. Actually, everyone I talked to about being transgender assumed I was post-op and I explained to all of them that I was not.

PM said that I was undoubtedly a woman and that I was more of a woman than she was! She said she never felt like a “woman” and was not sure what it meant to feel like a woman. I basically said we are what we are, but society pigeonholes us as “men” or “women” according to their “standards.”

After dinner, which by the way, was excellent, I had a long discussion with EB about being transgender. EB is in the entertainment industry in New York City and as a result, she is familiar with transgenders and knows where I was coming from more or less.

I mentioned to her that her husband, JB, was the person who told me at the law school Halloween party 36 years ago, that he never realized how feminine I was until he saw me in my costume en femme and realized that it was such a good fit for me and my personality, mannerisms, etc.

MM sat down next to me to chat a bit and said that I was very brave to do what I did. And I replied with my standard comeback to the bravery comment, that is, I don't consider it brave to be yourself… to be what who you are. But he said I was too modest and that if he was in the same situation, he doubted if he could do what I did.

Maybe, maybe not, but it was very nice of MM to say what he did. In fact, I received nothing but support and positive words from all my classmates.

I did not mix much with the other attendees; there was not much time to do so. But early on, one woman from the class of 2006 introduced herself and we had a short chat about what we had in common, that is, the mispronunciation of our first names. Her name is Zoe and people call her Zo or Zo-ee.  About half the people pronounced my name correctly (rhymes with Donna) and the other half got it wrong, but I didn't mind.

The only other non-classmate I recall speaking with was a law school professor who dined at our table and sat right next to me. He began teaching at the school the year after I graduated, so he did not know me from the school, but I asked him about what happened to some of the people I worked with way back when (I worked in the library while attending law school) and he tried to fill me in on what he remembered (not much as it turned out).

Another aside... the three female classmates who I conversed with extensively at the reunion seldom spoke to me when we were attending law school. I cannot recall having an extended conversation with any of them back then. So, needless to say, I was very surprised how well they interfaced with me at the reunion. It was like we were four old girlfriends reliving the past. I assure you that I am not complaining, but I was very surprised nonetheless.

The evening ended much too quickly and I was on my way home at 10:30 PM.

I had a wonderful time to put it mildly!

Wearing Elagia

Alexander Vlahos femulating in the French television series Versailles.

Missy's Prom 2024

By Missy

Greetings again!

This past April, Stana posted my story of chaperoning my high school’s 2023 prom as my “other self,” Missy. In brief, my decision to present as Missy at prom was twofold: As an ongoing promise to my non-binary daughter (an alum who wrestled with their identity while at our school) to be a visible advocate for our LGBTQ+ students and to simply be true to myself. 

Some might say there is an element of “bravery” involved, but the way I see it, students who are having trouble expressing their identities need role models beyond those they encounter on social media or in the news. One ounce of bravery could eventually lead to tons of acceptance and inclusivity.

Anyway, if you would like to read (or reread) that post, click here: Missy's Prom 

I sincerely appreciated the kind words and comments sent by Stana’s readers after that initial post and Dee was correct in asserting that I was preparing for Prom 2024 almost immediately afterwards. [:-)] In the fall, I found what I considered to be THE dress I would love to wear at the next prom (my wife gave me the thumbs up on it, which carried a lot of weight), so the plan was already afoot.

Nonetheless, with the anti-trans climate being what it has been for the past year or so, I wasn’t entirely sure if Missy would make another prom appearance. Thankfully, my supportive Head of School approached me a couple of weeks before prom and broached the subject before I had the chance. Below is pretty much how the conversation went.

Head of School: So are you all set for prom?

Me: If you mean, “Am I chaperoning prom again?” Then I am as ready as I have always been. If you are asking “Will I be presenting the same as last year?” Well, I was going to bring it up to you, so thanks for asking. Yes, I was planning to again, if you’re okay with it. With the current backlash against trans-related things, I wanted to be sure there isn't any concern from parents, students or anyone in the community.

Head of School: It’s a total non-issue as far as I’m concerned and I will have your back 100% on this if there is pushback from anyone. You keep on being you.

Me: Then I do believe I am all set and thanks again, Chief.

Whew. And that was that. I checked with a few other administrators who eased my mind by saying it was no problem whatsoever and said that they were looking forward to seeing me at prom, per usual. 

It was definitely a mentally-freeing feeling and I will reiterate here how lucky I consider myself to have such support from my colleagues, friends, students and immediate family. And if not full support, at least tolerance and acceptance. I understand that not everyone is as fortunate, so I do not take my situation for granted.

A couple of days later, one of our school counselors asked if I had my dress for prom yet. She had chaperoned prom with me the previous year, so that was a natural question. I told her I had indeed bought a dress a few months back (but wouldn’t show her a photo, of course!) and asked if she had hers picked out. 

She said she had a couple of choices, but wasn’t sure which one to go with. We then proceeded to have a very natural conversation about the process... where I bought my dress, what kind of shoes I planned to wear, color palette, how I still needed to find the right jewelry to accessorize, etc. It was a thoroughly enjoyable “what women talk about” moment.

(As an aside that readers might appreciate, this counselor had stopped by my classroom earlier in the year and said, “I have a gift for you.” She then handed me a two-sided heart-shaped rock.

She told me, “This rock reminds me of you. The front side is polished and solid; the other side is flowery and beautiful.” Needless to say, I got only slightly emotional and gave her a huge hug.)

So, on to prom! In the days leading up to the event, I found matching flower-based jewelry and my wife helped me shop for magnetic eyelashes (my first time with those – loved them!) and the right shade of nail color to match some of the flowers in the dress. I had practiced with my makeup a few times, so I think I achieved the look I was hoping for, although a rather hot and dramatically humid evening led to a last-minute change from nylons to bare-legs. Ah well, in for a penny.

As was the case the previous year, my own experience at the prom was blissfully uneventful. A number of parents attended the “pre-prom” beforehand, so I shared a few air kisses with some of the moms, graciously accepted any compliments that came my way and just made general chit-chat with families I knew. I was honestly mistaken for another chaperone’s girlfriend (which helped make my night!), but other than that, there were few noteworthy tales to tell. 

During the actual prom, I just did what chaperones do: mingle with students, watch the doors, eat, dance and share in the occasion. Honestly, my presence was a mere footnote, from what I could tell. One reader from my earlier post had commented that my appearance at prom could potentially take the focus away from the attendees (especially the girls) and I kept that possibility in the back of my mind, but that didn’t seem to be the case, as the students were wrapped up in themselves and each other, as it should be.

Near the end of the evening, one of my students asked if I had a “drag queen name.” I told him I didn’t because drag queens seem more like a form of entertainment and I wasn't trying to entertain anyone. I was just trying to be myself. He responded, “That's fair. Makes sense.” I almost divulged the name Missy, but figured it best to leave the conversation right where it was.

My prom night ended with little fanfare, but it was another truly amazing experience.

So there you have it, dear readers. I enjoyed once again sharing this corner of my world and being a part of Stana's “Prom Week” postings. I’ll let you know how 2025 goes (or if anything relevantly interesting happens during the upcoming school year).

On Monday, Stana wrote the following, which bears repeating:

“Support from friends, family and school staff is crucial for students who choose to attend prom in a dress. Positive reinforcement can make a significant difference in their experience, helping them feel accepted and valued. Schools that foster an inclusive environment by allowing students to express themselves freely contribute to a more supportive and understanding community.

“High school males attending prom dressed as females is more than a fashion statement; it’s a courageous act of self-expression and a step towards greater gender inclusivity. By challenging traditional norms and embracing their true selves, these students are not only making their prom night memorable, but also paving the way for future generations to express their identities without fear.”

Amen to that. I could not have said it any better.

Thank you for reading and thanks again for the opportunity, Stana.

Wearing JustFab

Doris Fish, professional femulator

Prom Week Continues

Wearing Elagia

Whitney attended the prom en homme in 1999 with a drag queen named Butterfly on his/her arm. “The girls who saw Butterfly... knew the truth right away, and were distraught that a man looked so much better in that dress than they did.”

Prom Misses

Most of us did not attend our proms en femme. The closest I came was attending my law school reunion en femme. That was an experience I will never forget.

But getting back to proms, I did not attend mine dressed femininely. Doing so at a Catholic high school in 1969 would have been outrageous. If I had done so, I probably would have made it inside the banquet hall hosting the event, but I am sure that an adult chaperone would have thrown me out with all due speed.

Missing the prom en femme, I have lived vicariously through the few who have done so three generations after I missed the boat. 

Being me, I have been loosely keeping track of those who have attended proms en femme and over the years, there has been a very slow increase in the numbers of end femme prom attendees. You would think that there would be more than just a handful today. Maybe the popularity of “gay proms” has syphoned off potential en femme “straight prom” attendees.

I ask myself, “Would I attend my prom en femme if I was a high school student today?” I like to think that I would, but even today, it would take a lot of guts to do so. And the opportunity to attend a gay prom en femme would be very attractive as an easier way out.

Anyway, I am pleased to fill the Femulator slot with the girls who did attend their proms en femme.

Wearing Leau

Matt Garber was way ahead of the curve attending her prom in Texas in 1996.

Rachel attended her prom in 2011.

Chris attended her prom in the UK in 2012.

In 2017, Raven Ross and Rey Silva went to the prom crossdressed to celebrate Silva’s passion for pop fashion icons and bring awareness about the fears that LGBT high school students often feel.

The seniors at McFatter Technical High School in Davie, Florida, elected Andrew Viveros as their 2011 prom queen.

With the help of the ACLU, Tony Zamazai attended her prom at HoustonÆs Spring High School in 2013. 

In 2019, Jack Lodge went to the prom to support a cancer-stricken teacher.

Dakota Yorke attended her prom at Portage (Indiana) High School in 2016.

A Bold Step Towards Gender Expression

Prom night is a significant milestone in the high school experience, a night filled with glamour, excitement and memories. Traditionally, it has been an event where gender norms are strictly adhered to with boys in tuxedos and girls in elegant dresses. However, in recent years, a growing number of high school males are challenging these norms by attending proms dressed as females. This bold move is not just about fashion; it’s a statement of self-expression and a step towards greater acceptance of gender diversity.

For many high school males, choosing to wear a dress to prom is a powerful act of self-expression. It allows them to showcase their true selves and break free from the constraints of traditional gender roles. This decision is often met with mixed reactions, ranging from admiration and support to confusion and criticism. Despite the potential for backlash, these students are paving the way for a more inclusive and accepting environment.

Xavier Parkins and Mom

Social media platforms like Instagram, TikTok and Twitter have played a crucial role in normalizing and celebrating this trend. Hashtags such as #PromQueen and #PromDressChallenge have created communities where individuals can share their experiences, offer support and inspire others to embrace their true selves. These platforms have also provided a space for allies to show their support and amplify the voices of those challenging gender norms.

There are numerous inspiring stories of high school males who have attended prom in dresses. For instance, Xavier Parkins, a 15-year-old student, made headlines when he attended his prom in a short pink strapless dress and was crowned Prom Queen. His story resonated with many, highlighting the importance of being true to oneself and the impact of supportive peers and school environments.

While there are many positive stories, there are also challenges. Some students face significant opposition from school administrations and peers. For example, Kevin Logan, an 18-year-old student, was turned away from his prom because he wore a dress. Such incidents underscore the ongoing struggle for acceptance and the need for policies that protect students’ rights to express their gender identity.

Support from friends, family, and school staff is crucial for students who choose to attend prom in a dress. Positive reinforcement can make a significant difference in their experience, helping them feel accepted and valued. Schools that foster an inclusive environment by allowing students to express themselves freely contribute to a more supportive and understanding community.

High school males attending prom dressed as females is more than a fashion statement; it’s a courageous act of self-expression and a step towards greater gender inclusivity. By challenging traditional norms and embracing their true selves, these students are not only making their prom night memorable but also paving the way for future generations to express their identities without fear. As society continues to evolve, it is essential to support and celebrate these brave individuals who are leading the charge towards a more inclusive world.

Wearing Madeleine

Arte Johnson and Bert Convy femulating on a 1977 episode of television’s The Love Boat.

...and then will go see our OBGYN

Wearing Bebe

Leslie Jordan (left) femulating in television’s Sordid Lives: The Series.
Thanks to Zoe for finding this femulation.

Dad's Support

Wearing ML Monique Lhuillier

Kenneth Connor (center) femulating in the 1960 British film Watch Your Stern.

Menswear Revolution: Embracing Womenswear

In a surprising twist in the world of fashion, the latest trend sweeping the globe is men embracing women’s clothing. This new fad, dubbed “Womenswear for Men,” is not just a fleeting trend but a bold statement of individuality and comfort.

From flowy skirts to elegant blouses, men are redefining traditional gender norms and finding freedom in styles previously reserved for women. Fashion icons and celebrities have been spotted sporting these looks, inspiring a wave of followers eager to experiment with their wardrobes.

Fashion experts attribute this shift to a growing acceptance of gender fluidity and a desire for more diverse and comfortable clothing options. “It’s about breaking down barriers and expressing oneself without constraints,” says renowned fashion designer Alex Monroe. “Men are discovering the versatility and comfort of women’s clothing and it’s changing the fashion landscape.”

   Charles Greene and son, Maurice, are two men who wholeheartedly embrace the 
   “Womenswear for Men” movement.

Retailers are quickly adapting to this trend, with many launching new lines specifically designed for men who want to explore women’s fashion. Popular items include tailored dresses, stylish jumpsuits, and even high heels designed for male feet.

Social media is abuzz with hashtags like #MenswearRevolution and #FashionFreedom, as men proudly share their new looks and inspire others to join the movement. Influencers are hosting virtual fashion shows and offering tips on how to incorporate women’s clothing into everyday wear.

Critics, however, argue that this trend is just a marketing gimmick. But for many, it’s a genuine expression of personal style and a step towards a more inclusive fashion industry.

As the trend continues to gain momentum, one thing is clear: the lines between men’s and women’s fashion are blurring and the future of style is all about embracing individuality and breaking free from traditional norms.

Stay tuned as we follow this exciting development in the world of fashion!

Womenswear

Here are some iconic pieces of womenswear that men are embracing in the latest fashion trend:

Skirts and Kilts: Skirts, especially pleated and A-line styles, are becoming popular for their comfort and freedom of movement. Kilts, traditionally worn by men in Scotland, are also making a comeback as a stylish and bold choice.

Blouses and Tunics: Flowing blouses and tunics offer a relaxed fit and are often made from lightweight fabrics, making them a comfortable and fashionable option.

Jumpsuits and Rompers: These one-piece outfits are practical and stylish, providing a sleek look that can be dressed up or down.

High Heels: Some men are experimenting with high heels, finding them to be a powerful fashion statement. Designers are creating heels specifically designed for men’s feet, combining style with comfort.

Leggings and Tights: Often worn for their comfort and versatility, leggings and tights are being paired with longer tops or under shorts for a modern, layered look.

Dresses: Tailored dresses that fit the male physique are becoming more common, offering a unique and elegant style that challenges traditional gender norms.

These pieces are not just about fashion but also about expressing individuality and breaking down gender barriers in clothing.

(Editor’s Note: This article is wishful-thinking fiction.)

Wearing Paige

Walter Brennan femulating on television’s The Red Skelton Show in 1970.

The Acorn

Wearing Boston Proper

Donna, a Femulate.org reader