By Missy
Greetings again!
This past April, Stana posted my story of chaperoning my high school’s 2023 prom as my “other self,” Missy. In brief, my decision to present as Missy at prom was twofold: As an ongoing promise to my non-binary daughter (an alum who wrestled with their identity while at our school) to be a visible advocate for our LGBTQ+ students and to simply be true to myself.
Some might say there is an element of “bravery” involved, but the way I see it, students who are having trouble expressing their identities need role models beyond those they encounter on social media or in the news. One ounce of bravery could eventually lead to tons of acceptance and inclusivity.
Anyway, if you would like to read (or reread) that post, click here: Missy's Prom
I sincerely appreciated the kind words and comments sent by Stana’s readers after that initial post and Dee was correct in asserting that I was preparing for Prom 2024 almost immediately afterwards. [:-)] In the fall, I found what I considered to be THE dress I would love to wear at the next prom (my wife gave me the thumbs up on it, which carried a lot of weight), so the plan was already afoot.
Nonetheless, with the anti-trans climate being what it has been for the past year or so, I wasn’t entirely sure if Missy would make another prom appearance. Thankfully, my supportive Head of School approached me a couple of weeks before prom and broached the subject before I had the chance. Below is pretty much how the conversation went.
Head of School: So are you all set for prom?
Me: If you mean, “Am I chaperoning prom again?” Then I am as ready as I have always been. If you are asking “Will I be presenting the same as last year?” Well, I was going to bring it up to you, so thanks for asking. Yes, I was planning to again, if you’re okay with it. With the current backlash against trans-related things, I wanted to be sure there isn't any concern from parents, students or anyone in the community.
Head of School: It’s a total non-issue as far as I’m concerned and I will have your back 100% on this if there is pushback from anyone. You keep on being you.
Me: Then I do believe I am all set and thanks again, Chief.
Whew. And that was that. I checked with a few other administrators who eased my mind by saying it was no problem whatsoever and said that they were looking forward to seeing me at prom, per usual.
It was definitely a mentally-freeing feeling and I will reiterate here how lucky I consider myself to have such support from my colleagues, friends, students and immediate family. And if not full support, at least tolerance and acceptance. I understand that not everyone is as fortunate, so I do not take my situation for granted.
A couple of days later, one of our school counselors asked if I had my dress for prom yet. She had chaperoned prom with me the previous year, so that was a natural question. I told her I had indeed bought a dress a few months back (but wouldn’t show her a photo, of course!) and asked if she had hers picked out.
She said she had a couple of choices, but wasn’t sure which one to go with. We then proceeded to have a very natural conversation about the process... where I bought my dress, what kind of shoes I planned to wear, color palette, how I still needed to find the right jewelry to accessorize, etc. It was a thoroughly enjoyable “what women talk about” moment.
(As an aside that readers might appreciate, this counselor had stopped by my classroom earlier in the year and said, “I have a gift for you.” She then handed me a two-sided heart-shaped rock.
She told me, “This rock reminds me of you. The front side is polished and solid; the other side is flowery and beautiful.” Needless to say, I got only slightly emotional and gave her a huge hug.)
So, on to prom! In the days leading up to the event, I found matching flower-based jewelry and my wife helped me shop for magnetic eyelashes (my first time with those – loved them!) and the right shade of nail color to match some of the flowers in the dress. I had practiced with my makeup a few times, so I think I achieved the look I was hoping for, although a rather hot and dramatically humid evening led to a last-minute change from nylons to bare-legs. Ah well, in for a penny.
During the actual prom, I just did what chaperones do: mingle with students, watch the doors, eat, dance and share in the occasion. Honestly, my presence was a mere footnote, from what I could tell. One reader from my earlier post had commented that my appearance at prom could potentially take the focus away from the attendees (especially the girls) and I kept that possibility in the back of my mind, but that didn’t seem to be the case, as the students were wrapped up in themselves and each other, as it should be.
Near the end of the evening, one of my students asked if I had a “drag queen name.” I told him I didn’t because drag queens seem more like a form of entertainment and I wasn't trying to entertain anyone. I was just trying to be myself. He responded, “That's fair. Makes sense.” I almost divulged the name Missy, but figured it best to leave the conversation right where it was.
My prom night ended with little fanfare, but it was another truly amazing experience.
So there you have it, dear readers. I enjoyed once again sharing this corner of my world and being a part of Stana's “Prom Week” postings. I’ll let you know how 2025 goes (or if anything relevantly interesting happens during the upcoming school year).
On Monday, Stana wrote the following, which bears repeating:
“Support from friends, family and school staff is crucial for students who choose to attend prom in a dress. Positive reinforcement can make a significant difference in their experience, helping them feel accepted and valued. Schools that foster an inclusive environment by allowing students to express themselves freely contribute to a more supportive and understanding community.
“High school males attending prom dressed as females is more than a fashion statement; it’s a courageous act of self-expression and a step towards greater gender inclusivity. By challenging traditional norms and embracing their true selves, these students are not only making their prom night memorable, but also paving the way for future generations to express their identities without fear.”
Amen to that. I could not have said it any better.
Thank you for reading and thanks again for the opportunity, Stana.
 |
| Wearing JustFab |
 |
| Doris Fish, professional femulator |
-High-School.jpg)
