A funny thing happened on the way to the Gala

I was a satisfied customer of Kiss brand stick-on nails. Usually, I stuck them on top of my natural nails and they hung on until I removed them (by soaking them in hot water). 

On extended outings, I always packed extra sets in case a nail got away from me. On the other hand (pun intended), I have had four-day Hamvention trips and seven-day Fantasia Fair trips without losing a nail.

Awhile back, I discovered that the Kiss was discontinuing the nail style I preferred, so I stocked up buying all that I could find on Amazon and other sources, often at overstock prices. I ended up with over two dozen sets – a lifetime supply! So it seemed. 

I now only have a few sets left including a couple of sets in a style I kept avoiding to wear for some reason. Monday, I decided to wear that set I had been avoiding.

All dressed up and ready to go, I sat down to do my nails. They go on quickly and in less than five minutes, I was completely nailed. But something did not look right and I concluded that I had put the nails on upside down! 

I had a second set of the same style, so I removed the first set and put on the second set right side up, grabbed my purse and my keys and drove to the Gala.

The drive was uneventful, but walking from my car to the museum, I lost two nails! What the heck!

Seated at the Gala, I studied my nails and concluded that I might have put the nails on correctly the first time and when I put on the second set, the curve of the fake nail did not match the curve of my natural nail, thus there was a gap between that the fake nail’s glue could not fill completely. 

I’m surprised I did not lose more nails. And proof that my nail installation was faulty, I removed them all without having to soak them in hot water.

A few words about fake nails.

The fake nails are designed for dainty fingers, not the hot dog fingers that a lot of girls like us have. All brands of fake nails I have tried match the eight fingers on my hands, but matching the my two thumbs is hit and miss (usually miss). That’s why I liked the old Kiss brand that I used – the fake thumb nail was large enough to cover my natural thumb nail.

My point is that a lot of girls like us will run into the same nail size issues. It is probably worse for many of my sisters because girls like us do not have dainty hands. Lucky me, I have my mother’s hands and not the big mitts my Dad had, so once I solve the thumb issue, I am home free.

Wearing Venus

French World War I prisoners-of-war femulating at a German internment camp.

Coming Soon!

 

Wearing Shushu/Tong

German World War II prisoners-of-war femulating at the Camp Carson, Colorado internment camp.

Striking a Pose at the Matt Gala

Monday evening, I attended The Matt Gala – not The Met Gala, but The Matt Gala, hosted by the Mattatuck* Museum and Greater Waterbury PRIDE. 

“Enjoy an evening of music, dancing, drinks, hors d’oeuvres, and of course fashion. All guests will have the opportunity to walk the red carpet, strike a pose for photos, and view a live stream of the Met Gala.” My attendance was courtesy of Stonewall Speakers, which made a donation to the event.

I didn’t have a thing to wear (LOL) and spent a an hour Monday morning modeling dresses for my wife’s opinion. She has great taste and we agreed on a dress from Venus, a “twist front maxi dress” that I purchased recently, but had not worn out yet.

Worrywart that I am, I was concerned about parking. The museum is located in downtown Waterbury and has three parking lots – one right next to the museum and two remote lots that are nearby unless you are wearing 4-inch stilettos. So I left home early in order to get a parking space as close to the museum as possible and I wore short heels instead of my skyscrapers.

It took 20 minutes to drive to the museum and the closest parking lot was far from full – there were only two cars in the lot, so I had my pick and just had to sit in my car for 20 minutes waiting for the event to begin. While I sat there, other attendees arrived and I noticed that they were all female or presenting female… not a guy in sight. As it turned out, there were about 100 attendees and most of them were either female or presenting female; there were perhaps 15 to 20 males or presenting male.

I knew only one person and only knew her via emails – Lynn Discenza, who heads up Stonewall Speakers. But that did not stop me from socializing and socialize I did meeting a lot of new people in the process. Everyone dressed up for the occasion in one way or another – a few dressed to kill like the women you see on the red carpet at the Met Gala, some came in costume and the majority were in their “Sunday best.”

The wine and hors d’oeuvres were excellent, but the PA was too loud! The folks who spoke were usually unintelligible (to me) because the PA was so loud that their voices were distorted. And when someone was not speaking, the music drowned out any attempts at conversation, so we sat at our table looking at each other and occasionally shouting out a comment that most people could not hear.

There was a HUGE screen streaming what was going on at the other Gala and it was interesting seeing the “competition.” I thought our Gala was more interesting. Miss Connecticut USA even showed up! (She is first openly queer woman to win that title.)

They took photos of us posing on the red carpet and the photographer promised that all the photos would be posted online, but I have not seen any with yours truly yet.

I was running out of gas and left about 20 minutes before the event ended. I have been staying up late reading Faithful by Stephen King and Stewart O’Nan, but still getting up at my normal wake-up time, so the shorter sleeping hours were catching up with me.

I had a good time and learned how my old home town is becoming more LGBT+ friendly, (there was even a representative from the Mayor’s office in attendance.) There will even be a Pride parade in June! 

And so it goes.

* The original Native American inhabitants called the Waterbury area “Matetacoke” meaning “the interval lands.” Thus, the settlement’s name was Anglicised to “Mattatuck”in 1673. (Source: Wikipedia)

Wearing Boston Proper

Canadian soldiers, known as the “Dumbells,” femulating to entertain the troops during World War I. 

Join the Team

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

World War II Polish prisoners-of-war femulating in the Murnau internment camp.

Stuff: Lady Fingers

By J.J. Atwell

Today I’d like to cover a fairly small detail of presenting as a woman: Lady Fingers.

Lady Fingers?

Yes, Lady Fingers! No, not the cookie that is a major component of tiramisu. I mean what you do about your fingernails. I’ve observed that nearly all the genetic girls I see out and about have nice nails. They also seem to cover a range of color, styles and lengths. Whatever they choose, it has the effect of making their hand more ladylike. That can work for us crossdressers, too. 

Let me preface my comments by saying that I’m assuming that for most of us it’s not possible to wear polish on our own nails for the non-femme part of our life, so we resort to press-on nails. 

For those that do use color on their own nails, I understand from my friend Gigi that some polishes are harder to remove than others. Be sure to experiment with your favorite color and polish remover to see how well it works.

I go to a local nail salon with my significant other for a manicure every two weeks and every fourth week, I add a pedicure. I do this in guy mode and settle for clear polish on my nails. While there I have a great opportunity to observe the many choices women have when getting a manicure. Just picking out a color can take a while as there are so many to choose from. My genetic girl friend Alicia generally goes for pink. For me, I alternate between pink and red press-ons depending on the outfit.

Then there is the question of just how long fingernails should be. When picking out a length the answer seems to be dependent on what a person does and how practical longer nails are in everyday life. I use press-on nails when I present en femme and I like the longer length of nails. But I often find my femme self wrestling with ordinary tasks when I wear those longer nails. Simple things like tapping on the screen of an iPhone, picking up a pill from a table, putting on earrings. Stuff like that. 

Obviously, women who have longer nails all the time have learned to live with them. Those of us who don’t live with long nails everyday need to learn new behaviors though. It’s another thing that is part of the fun we have learning about life for women. It also reminds us that dressing like women doesn’t make us women.

What about shape?

Yes, there are different nail shapes. Which will look better on your hands? There really aren’t any good guidelines I can give you for this. I’m of the opinion that a tapered nail looks nicer than the more squared off coffin style. I think the almond shaped nail does wonders for making fingers look longer and slimmer. So if I can find that shape in a press-on nail, that’s what I go for. But you really need to try a few shapes and colors yourself to see how they look and how you function wearing them. 

I’ll be back

I’ll be back with more Stuff in the next installment. Comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff, so let me know what you would like to read about.

Wearing Pleats dress and Rag & Co. shoes

World War II British prisoners-of-war femulating in their stage production appropriately titled Girls, Girls, Girls.

Crying Aunty

 

Wearing ModCloth

Femulating German soldiers, circa 1940.

Oops!

 

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Lon Chaney femulating in the 1930 film The Unholy Three. This was a sound remake of the 1925 silent version of the film also starring Lon Chaney. This was Chaney’s only sound film and his femme voice and mannerisms were excellent. (I would expect nothing less from “The Man of a Thousand Faces.”)

Laddy of the House

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Marcin Rogacewicz emulates Debbie Harry on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo (Your Face Sounds Familiar).

Blue Eyeshadow

As a novice femulator circa 1970, I knew bupkis about makeup and I thought that blue eyeshadow was the cat’s meow. Didn’t all the bikini-clad girls in those 1960s’ beach movies wear blue eyeshadow? If it was good enough for Shelley Fabares and Barbara Eden, then it was good enough for me.

As I began researching the art of makeup, I quickly learned that blue eyeshadow was not the best choice for someone like me who has green eyes. I also learned about shading with different hues of eyeshadow, applying eyeliner and mascara, thinning and coloring eyebrows, etc.

Who knew that the doing your eyes was so complicated!

I read books on the topic that were informative, but not hands-on. I figured that “hands-on” meant getting a professional makeover, so I pulled up my big girl panties and dared to have a few makeovers primarily for the purpose of learning how professionals would apply makeup to my face. The problem is that it is difficult to see what the artist is doing if you are the canvas. 

One pro proffered a handheld mirror so I could watch what he was doing. In theory, that should work, but in practice, it did not because holding a mirror up to my face impeded what he was trying to do. I could view the results of each step of his makeup application, but I could not see how he performed the application.

Videotapes were popular back then, so I bought a VHS tape called The Eyes Have It by Donna Mills, a drop-dead gorgeous actress, who had beautiful eyes. On the tape, Donna showed how she did her makeup step-by-step.

After watching the tape once, I set up my makeup mirror next to the television and played the tape again applying each step of Donna’s routine to myself. Almost 40 years later and I am still following her routine (more or less) to do my eyes sans blue eyeshadow.

(The Eyes Have It is no longer for sale unless you can find a used copy on eBay or elsewhere, however, the video is available on YouTube in various forms.)

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Bert Errol, professional femulator, circa 1930

No Mistakes

Wearing Boston Proper

Before and After via A.I.