The above image was created using Photoshop and Artificial Intelligence (A.I.), specifically DeviantArt’s DreamUp application. I played with DreamUp over the weekend, got the hang of using it and enjoyed creating femulating-related images. So I will be using it off and on for future installments of Someday Funnies. Meanwhile, I offer you a more traditionally-created cartoon that Diana relayed to me.
Wearing Cynthia Rowley
Robert Morse and Tony Roberts femulating in a 1972 stage production of Sugar.
Can’t believe I’m still talking about stuff. A sane person might have wondered how much more Stuff there could be to write about. But I never claimed to be sane, so here we go!
Mentors and Allies
I’d like to use this installment to give thanks to all those non-crossdressers who are our mentors and allies. They are so important to our community. On both an individual and global basis, these individuals have made huge contributions to how we are seen today.
JJ is very lucky to have the benefit of advice from others. “Others” as in other crossdressers and genetic girls. I found it was important to learn from those that walk the walk all the time in order to improve my own presentation. I know I’ve still got a long way to go, so I often check with my genetic girl friends, Gigi and Alicia, when I’m pulling an outfit together. I’ll also ask them to honestly critique my look after the fact.
I also included other crossdressers in this category. Perhaps it’s obvious that we can learn from other crossdressers, just as we learn from genetic girls. They have learned to deal with the same issues we are facing ourselves. Some of them are happy to share their “secrets” which we can adopt for our own. Indeed, by writing Stuff for Stana’s blog I’m attempting to share what I’ve learned about crossdressing. I urge others to make their own contributions.
As I’ve become more active in our local crossdressing group, I’ve had a great opportunity to chat not only with the other crossdressers, but also their significant others. I’ve found these women to be a great resource for advice about my appearance and how I behave in my femme presentation. It’s also instructive to see how they interact with their other halves when they are en femme.
I guess this column rambled for a bit. But I just wanted to pay homage to those who help us appear to be the best woman we can be. That’s what all this stuff is about.
I’ll be back
I’d love to hear about your mentors or your allies. I hope you’ll also take the time to thank them. Until then, I’d welcome comments here on the blog or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.
“Yes, yes, yes,” to quote Meg Ryan in Harry Met Sally, that’s what I said when I read Stana’s post about “Why.” It really struck home. It is so true!
Our brains appear to be inherently wired to release a surge of dopamine or endorphins whenever we immerse ourselves in or identify with, femininity or womanhood.
We can all relate to that magical moment when we finally gaze into the mirror and see a woman staring back at us. Similarly the feeling of having a door opened for us or when we’re referred to as “ma’am” or “miss,” this can be an empowering experience.
“Gender euphoria” refers to the positive and affirming feelings that individuals experience when their gender identity aligns with their perceived or expressed gender. It is the opposite of gender dysphoria, which involves discomfort or distress that arises when an individual’s gender identity does not align with the sex assigned to them at birth or with societal expectations. It’s important to note that individuals may have different experiences and not everyone uses or experiences the concept of gender euphoria in the same way.
When considering gender euphoria, it’s commonly associated with transgender individuals. However, it’s important to note that cisgender people also experience gender euphoria in similar ways. Women experience the same feelings that we do when they feel pretty or feminine. They too get that shot of dopamine!
I wrote an article titled “Feeling Pretty and Gender Euphoria.” It showcased responses from women who were asked about what made them feel pretty and feminine. Many women shared similar experiences, revealing that activities like putting on makeup, wearing a pretty dress, or indulging in self-care were sources of joy. These natural inclinations are often stigmatized for crossdressers or transgender individuals despite mirroring common practices embraced by women.
I’ll extend the theory to suggest that there’s a shared element in the brains of cisgender females and ours. It’s like a spot or script, that when ignited creates a desire for feminine identification and validation. Basically, both women and transgender women have a part of their brain that’s wired to be female. I call it a ”spot” or a “script.” This part pushes them to express their femininity. Transgender women and cisgender women are alike in this aspect, showing that we all share this common thread in our brains.
Alone in an empty house, we were driven down the hallway, our confusion and curiosity piqued by the allure of our mother’s stockings and our sister’s high heels.
The question is: Where does this spot come from? Why do we have it and why don’t others?
I'm a baby boomer and during those years, many women, including my 40-year-old mother, used a drug called DES (synthetic estrogen). As a fetus, I was immersed in a sea of estrogen, 1000 times the normal amount. Some transgender individuals believe this could be a cause, and I tend to think it might be for me, too. Does it really matter? Yes, no, but it’s certainly comforting to have a community where we can discuss and support each other on these topics.
The “where” and “why” of this spot in our brains can wait for another day. Right now my skirt, sweater, pantyhose, Rago lingerie and pair of cute pumps wait for me. I’m on my way to savor a day of being a girl. The tap of my heels, the makeup, the gentle nods of acknowledgment – that's my focus. No need to analyze, just relish.
As Meg Ryan would say, "Yes, yes, yes" to enjoying the simple joy of embracing my femininity. Today, the only agenda is to revel in being a girl and let the why’s fade into the background.
Got out Wednesday and wore my new plaid blazer dress fromVenus and new black “Sort” high heels from Nine West. I like it when I wear new, but it was cold and windy, so I topped my new outfit with my vintage white fake fur jacket from Fashion Bug (remember them?).
Met Diana and Sylvia for lunch at Viron Rondo Osteria in Cheshire, Connecticut. The place was packed – lots of people doing lunch to celebrate the holidays.
We three were seated at a table that could seat many more people and shortly after our food arrived, the manager came by and asked us if we would be willing to move to another table because she had erred and had a party of 19 lined up for our table. To entice us, she offered us free drinks and free desserts, so we happily took her up on her offer.
It was nice to be out en femme again.
After all these years going out among the civilians, I noticed something new during my recent outings. I no longer check to see if civilians are noticing me. That’s progress. (And it’s nice to know that at my age, I can still progress!)
Wearing ShopBop
Steven Weber femulating on television’s The Comedians.
All my life I wondered why. In the past, I wondered about it a lot, but now I seldom think about it. Now, I prefer to do it rather than wonder about it.
I think my tipping point occurred when I went out and nobody cared (just another old lady shopping at Macy’s) or even noticed. I could enjoy it and not worry about what caused it.
Anyhow, a few days ago, I came across a “theory” explaining why we do what we do. The theory was new to me and maybe it will be new to you. Here it is:
“Those guys who like, or love, crossdressing are the most interesting group. It seems their brains are hardwired to release feel-good neurotransmitters (dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, serotonin), when they immerse themselves in the feminine. Women’s clothing gives them an automatic and involuntary response with their brain releasing the neurotransmitters producing sensations of excitement, gratification, pleasure, comfort and well-being. These men will often say that don’t know why, but they just NEED to cross-dress. For them the urge to cross-dress is powerful, innate and immutable. Actually, their body needs the neurotransmitters and the clothes are just the tool to get the brain to release them. If they deny themselves the neurotransmitters then they may experience symptoms like, a lack of motivation, reduced concentration, depression, and reduced sex drive. Most people what [sic] to be happy, and for these men, women’s clothing makes them happy.”
That’s the gist of Philip Peters’ theory. You can read more about it on Quora.
So what do you think?
Personally, doing it is exciting, gratifying, pleasurable, comforting and especially very good for my well-being. As Woody Allen once said, it’s “the most fun I ever had without laughing.”
Wearing StyleWe
Femulating at the All Ireland Pole Dancing Championship
On the way to my noon pedicure appointment, I stopped for coffee at Savaya. There are always several couples camped out at the tables, laptops open with concentration levels up. I wore simple straight leg Madewell jeans, linen L'Agence jacket, a burgundy bodysuit from Lulu’s, and black slip-ons. Pretty standard dress for me on this chilly 59-degree midday in Arizona. Two women looked up very briefly, smiled and went back to their screens.
The young man behind the counter took my order, asked my name and got to work on my latte. I walked to a vacant table, leaned against it and studied my iPad for mail on Yahoo. The young man (by my standards, maybe 35) called my name and handed me my drink.
“You look nice,” he said.
I thanked him, smiled, grabbed a napkin, turned and walked to the door. I had styled my hair that morning and I guess it came out alright!
Driving a couple miles north, I pulled up to Nail Trix. I walked in, flip flops and latte in hand and waved to Kim in the back. (Always bring your own flip flops!) She is a trusted friend and always has compliments and a kind word.
I sat in the waiting area, purse and flip flops on my lap. A young mother (again by my standards, maybe 30) sat down just one seat away and gave me a nice smile as she looked my way. I smiled back and watched for Kim to be ready. I heard the mother talking as if to a child, and I leaned to my right to see around the front desk. Sure enough, a very young girl was getting her nails polished.
“How old?” I asked.
“Five,” the mother said.
“Oh, how fun for her!” I said.
She was happy to have her daughter along as there was no sitter to be found that morning, so why not entertain her? Now the two of us were off and running talking about first experiences. She asked if I had raised children and I responded saying yes, boys.
Kim called me back to her pedicure station and we greeted each other with a hug and went through the usual pre-holiday pleasantries. It was quiet in the salon and it was nice to relax talking with her while she took good care of my toes.
Nice to relax too with many simple midday interactions with people being so pleasant. Kim finished up (OPI bubble bath) and my flip flops were carefully slid back on to my feet. I walked towards the front door (toe separators in place) with several women looking ever so briefly my way.
Nice to collect so many smiles and to return them as any woman might. Life is good.
Wow, 22 installments of my Stuff! I’d love to hear about what you would like to read about in future installments.
Today, I’d like to talk about picking a nom de femme. How did you pick a name for your girl side?
Still a Rose?
Some of us may remember from our English literature classes that a famous writer once wrote, “That which we call a rose, by any other word would smell as sweet.” I suppose we could call ourselves anything and it really wouldn’t matter to our presentation. But if I did that, this would be a very short column.
So I got to wondering how crossdressers go about picking out a name for their girl side. Unlike most people, we crossdressers get to pick our preferred name. I’m sure some of us gave that a lot of thought. While some took the easy road of just adopting a female version of their male name. Gene becomes “Jean,” Robert becomes “Roberta,” etc. Maybe I shouldn’t call that the easy way. How we arrive at our nom de femme is something personal and bears some thought.
Yes, Still a Rose!
When you pick your femme name you are really making a statement about yourself. The simple act of deciding to adopt a nom de femme says that you accept that part of yourself. That is that she exists. She is real. There is something there that affects you profoundly and is a part of your whole being.
When you use your femme name and have others recognize you by it, it affirms not just that part of you, but all of you. Acknowledging your girl side affects your life decisions consciously and subconsciously.
How did I pick my nom de femme? I took a fairly easy way out. I wanted to keep my same initials. So I adopted a first name (Jennifer) that is roughly similar to my guy name. Picking a middle name was pretty easy. Joy described my feelings when dressed. It took a bit more effort for the last name but ultimately went with Atwell because it connotes an overall feeling of wellness. How’s that stuff?
I’ll be back
I’d love to hear how you picked your nom de femme. I’ll be back with more Stuff in the next installment. Comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff, so let me know what you would like to read about.
Editress’ Note
Some readers have indicated that they are confused by J.J.’s published email address (Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com). J.J. and other people use this format to prevent Internet robots from mining email addresses for nefarious purposes.
In order to use such an address to send J.J. an email, you must manually convert this format into a legitimate email address. For example, I will convert Lola at-sign femulate dot org
at-sign converts to @
dotconverts to .
Delete the blank spaces and Lola at-sign femulate dot org becomes Lola@femulate.org
Wearing A.L.C.
Mahmoud Hemeida femulates in the 1994 Egyptian film Strawberry War.
