Stuff 18

By J.J. Atwell

More Stuff

Wow, 18 installments of my Stuff! I find it hard to believe that there is this much stuff to write about. 

Today’s comments sprung to mind as I was preparing to go out. There I am, all dressed and made up. Ready to go out the door only to realize that I have no pockets to put my stuff in. What to do? Why, put it in a bag, of course!

What’s in your bag?

A woman basically carries her life in her bag. I say bag but you might also hear it referred to as a “pocket book,” “purse” or a “handbag.” Maybe even a clutch. For purposes of this installment, though, I’ll call it a bag. 

When I first started going out I wasn’t at all sure what I should carry in my bag. Some things are obvious like money, identification, credit cards and keys. That’s pretty much the same as you would put in your pockets as a guy. But what else might a woman or a crossdresser want to carry in her bag? With help from my GG friends, GiGi and Alicia, I put together a short list:

Lipstick

Hair brush

Perfume

Small mirror

Phone (this might substitute for a mirror)

Small packet of tissues

Hair ties or barette

Glasses/sunglasses?

So, maybe that’s not such a short list. But most of it is necessary for a woman being out in public for any amount of time. Once you start carrying around a bag, you find that stuff expands to fill the amount of available space. Yes, you’ll put more and more things into the bag. Before you know it, you will need a bigger bag!

What Kind of Bag?

Good question. There are so many options for bags to carry, but for most women the decision depends on what they are wearing and where they are going. Color and style of the bag should match the overall look of the clothing. 

If you are just in jeans and a t-shirt, then you might leave the sequined, glittery bag at home and opt for a simple cloth or leather bag. Similarly, if you are getting dressed to the nines then it’s time to bring out the fancy, upscale bag. Again, think about how you are presenting.

The shape of a bag can be termed “north/south” or “east/west,” North/south is a style where the bag is longer than it is wide. It then follows that east/west is a bag that is wider than it is long. Which style you pick is mostly a matter of personal taste. I tend to prefer the north/south style as I think it’s a more slimming look. 

Also, a good tip for safety sake is to carry a bag that closes either with a zipper or a snap. You don’t want to have all your stuff easily seen by anybody. Another plus is a separate interior pocket that zips closed. You’ll also want to be conscious of your bag when you are out. When walking, you might want a crossbody bag and keep it more or less in front of you. When dining out, you can sling the bag over the back of your seat or perhaps on a spare seat next to you. 

I’ll be back

After sorting out what I need to include in my bag, I’ll be back with more stuff. Comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff!

👠👠👠

Stana’s Two Cents

Having carried a purse for over 50 years, I have to add my two cents about what else to carry in a bag.

A woman’s wallet to hold your money, credit cards, IDs, etc.

A compact that includes a mirror, powder (foundation) and applicator to touch up during a long day out

Eyedrops to get the red out (makeup crumbs can cause eye irritation/redness)

Mascara

Lip liner (if you use lip liner)

Stick-on nails in case you wear them and lose one

Spare hosiery in case you run your nylons

With all that, you’re gonna need a bigger bag! (LOL) I actually include a small zippered bag in the big bag to carry the makeup separately from the rest of the bag’s contents.

Wearing Dress Barn

Womanless Pageant Son and Mom: Yesterday, Today (and Tomorrow?)

Forced

Wearing Ann Taylor

Anonymous alerted me about this video: the making of the video for Troye Sivan’s new song, “One Of Your Girls.” I wrote about the original video here. The “making of” video is just as fabulous; click here to view it.

Go Solo

“I'm a guy.”

I love to pass. What femulator doesn’t? But sooner or later, most out-and-about femulators realize that passing as a cisgender woman is not the end-all and be-all of male-to-female crossdressing. 

As a tall girl, I feared that my height would give me away if I attempted to go out among the civilians. That fear kept me in the closet for years. When I could not stand that stuffy closet any longer, I stepped out of the closet and into a local mall and discovered that my height was not a big deal. I was perceived as just another middle-aged woman. 

On those occasions when a civilian suspected that something was amiss, they might stare at me and/or comment about my presentation to another civilian. But no one ever called me out about being en femme because I believe/assume that my presentation was usually just good enough that even if a civilian suspected something, they would not dare say anything fearing that I really might be a cisgender female. Or if they thought that I was en femme, they did not think it was something important enough to confront me about it. I was just a curiosity (“Guess what I saw at the mall today”).

On the other hand, I often pass successfully – more often than not. If you’ve read this blog for awhile, you probably read my numerous accounts of successfully passing. Like the time at JC Penney when a woman stopped me because I was “fashionably dressed” and wanted my opinion on some clothing she was buying. Or the time a saleswoman working at Nordstrom engaged me in a discussion about being tall females. Or my numerous May weekends en femme staffing the booth (booth babedom) at a ham radio convention. Or Halloween 2022, dining at Viron Rondo Osteria…

My waitress was pleasant, took my order and in short order, I was drinking a beverage and dining on a delicious pasta dinner. I noticed some male diners and waiters checking me out, but I just looked away... after all, I am a married woman!

Time flew by quickly and before I knew it, the waitress was packing up my leftovers and presenting me with the bill. I overheard her complimenting a couple at another table about their Halloween costume, so when she returned to collect my payment, I asked, “How do you like my Halloween costume?”

She looked at me with a blank expression and asked, “What is it?”

“I’m a guy.”

She was shocked. She had no idea and began gushing over my “costume,” loved my hairdo (wig) and thought that my nails were “cute.”

Contrast that with my dining experience with three trans-lady friends at the same restaurant last Wednesday. When we paid the check, the waitress said, “Thank-you, sir.”

Why the difference? My presentation was similar on all those occasions. What caused the passes and the fails?

My experience is that I usually pass when I am out and about solo, but add a trans companion or two and I (we) fail to pass. In almost every failure to pass that I can recall over the years, there was usually one or more trans folks accompanying me.

One very tall lady (me) can pass. It helps that I am old and basically invisible to the younger civilian population. No one pays attention to an old lady even if she is six feet tall. But add two or three tall ladies to the mix and that is so atypical that it raises a red flag. It causes people to look more closely and deduce what is really going on.

So to pass, go solo.

Problem is that going solo is a lonely proposition. It is always more fun to go out and about with a companion. However, if that companion is a male en femme, passing may be more difficult, so if possible, go with a cisgender female companion. No guarantees, but it may help.

Wearing Venus

Someday Funnies

Wearing Boston Proper

 

Yet another modern couple

Ladies Who Did Lunch

Diana, Lee Anne, Sylvia and me (the ladies who do lunch) met at Viron Rondo Osteria in Cheshire, Connecticut, on Wednesday to have an early afternoon meal.

Osteria was jumping. Their large parking lot was almost full, so I am glad I made reservations the day before. We were seated in the main dining room and no one seemed to notice the senior ladies. None of our fellow diners seemed to pay any attention to us. No one stared, pointed or laughed.

I wore an animal print ruched dress from Venus that I have not worn out before. I also wore a new wig (Sandie from Noriko in “Sandalwood”) and new heels (Nine West Sorts 3.35-inch heels in “Barely Nude”). It was chilly, so I topped my outfit with my JustFab double breasted plaid coat and accessorized with gold jewelry (necklace, earrings, bracelet) and a beige Christian Siriano Dress Barn bag. I also wore Berkshire thigh-highs in a new (to me) shade that I like – “City Beige.”

I also wore glasses. I had a feminine-style bifocals that I ordered from Zenni a year ago, but I had put them away a couple of months ago and I don’t remember where (one of those senior traits), so I wore a different feminine-style that were not bifocals. This became an issue when trying to read the menu. Lee Anne kindly let me borrow her bifocals to get over that hump.

One more accessory – I took my cane along for insurance while walking in heels on unforgiving pavement and sidewalks. The cane was strictly insurance as I had no problem walking in heels on Wednesday. 

The only other time that I use the cane is during my daily walk in the woods. The paths through the woods are very natural – lots of ups and downs and hidden (by leaves) holes and broken branches, so the cane is again insurance in case I trip up or have to fend off a bear. (In all my years hiking those same woods, I only encountered a bear once – about a month ago. The bear got out of Dodge as soon as he saw me coming.)

Our lunches were excellent. The ladies seemed to like the new lunch venue that I had suggested and we will probably continue dining there in the future. (Probably some time before Christmas.)

For what it’s worth, I don’t think we passed. It is the same old problem – a girl going solo can pass if she is presentable. But it is difficult for a quartet of girls, all six-footers or thereabouts, to pass. And I know for sure we did not pass because when we paid the check, the waitress said, “Thank-you, sir.”

UPDATE: Contrast this with a girl who dined solo at the same restaurant on Halloween 2022.

And so it goes.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Yet another beautiful femulator

A Big Splash!

Wearing Paige

EJ Johnson

My Bra-tober Challenge

By Paula Gaikowski

As a Femulator, I have always celebrated the special occasions when I could embrace my feminine side. It was a chance to be myself for a few hours, reveling in the experience. However, I often wondered what it would be like to wear a bra every day, as a part of my daily routine rather than just on special occasions. 

This October, I embarked on my Bra-tober Challenge to find out. The aim was to experience, on a daily basis, what it’s like to wear a bra, something that had always been a special occasion occurrence for me. The experiment was not only a chance to explore this aspect of femininity, but also to gain insights into its role in shaping my identity.

In the midst of my Bra-tober Challenge, I continued to navigate my daily life. My wife, who typically had reservations about my feminine expression, initially doubted my commitment. She believed that I wouldn’t enjoy wearing a bra every day. However, as I discreetly went about my daily routine, her skepticism waned and she became less enthused. There were days when she knew about my experiment, but for the most part, it went unspoken.

One day, in the kitchen, she noticed that I was wearing my favorite Vanity Fair bra. She playfully took hold of the backstrap and gave it a good snap. We both shared a good laugh about that, a moment of light-heartedness amidst the challenge.

Typically, I wore my male clothing most of the time. However, there were occasions when I incorporated some elements of my feminine expression into my daily wardrobe. While working in my home office, I would opt for leggings and a knit top or occasionally don ladies’ jeans and a knit top. These choices allowed me to balance my authentic self with the expectations of my daily life.

I am an avid hiker and here in the picturesque landscapes of Maine, I make it a point to hit the trails at least once a week. It’s a pursuit that brings immense joy and serenity. The trails are often graced by the presence of fellow hikers, many of them women, who don traditional hiking outfits. This ensemble typically consists of comfortable leggings, sturdy hiking boots and a cozy sweater or perhaps, the iconic L.L. Bean vest or jacket. It’s a timeless combination, ideal for braving the ever-changing weather of Maine.

What I’ve found intriguing is the ease with which I’ve embraced this attire, not only during my Bra-tober Challenge but also on numerous occasions beyond it. These hiking trails offer a haven of acceptance, where no one raises an eyebrow or gives a second glance to my choice of clothing.

Living and working as a man and putting on a bra every day was a profound change. It became an integral part of my morning routine as I selected the type of bra to coordinate with my outfit. Fastening hooks, adjusting straps and pulling on the bra, once reserved for special occasions, now became a part of who I was on a daily basis. The various styles of bras I wore throughout the month presented unique challenges and feelings.

The Rago firm control longline bra stood out as a favorite in this challenge. This specialized undergarment provided not only support, but also a sense of firm control, sculpting and enhancing my silhouette. Wearing it in the morning gave me a sense of empowerment and confidence and taking it off in the evening was a moment of relaxation and unwinding. I was filled with joy all the while wearing this bra, relishing the confidence it brought me.

Sports bras were a category that made me very aware of their presence. They offered robust support of my breasts while working and doing physical activities, which I greatly appreciated. However, they were also hot, uncomfortable and would chaff and poke me during physical labor. Despite the discomfort, the thought of taking them off seemed somehow disloyal. They remained among my favorites.

T-shirt bras were easy to put on, but not necessarily my favorites. Despite being comfortable, they never seemed to fit right, often requiring constant readjustments. While they offered ease of wear, the fit left something to be desired. I wasn’t as that happy with these bras, as they often caused inconvenience due to their fit.

Underwire bras offered a different experience. The underwires provided enhanced support and shape, maintaining a well-defined silhouette. These bras often felt the most feminine and cute and I couldn’t resist pairing them with pretty lingerie. The poking underwire became less bothersome when paired with matching undergarments. 

Throughout the month, I was consistently aware of having a bra on. It tugged at me during different times of the day, serving as a reminder that this was a unique garment typically reserved for women. This heightened awareness brought joy and fulfillment. 

There was one memorable instance that epitomized this awareness: I was in a supermarket, dressed in jeans, a sweatshirt, sneakers and of course, my bra. A glance around the store revealed that all the women present were dressed similarly. It was a moment of revelation. I realized how deeply connected I felt with them, as if I had been granted membership into a shared experience of femininity.

Wearing different types of bras brought a range of sensations. Some days, the bra would pinch or poke, leading to discomfort. On other days, those same sensations brought a sense of comfort, as if they were a ticket to a shared experience. It served as a reminder that embracing femininity comes with its own set of challenges and occasional discomfort as part of the journey. I felt privileged to experience the joy of feeling both the comfort and discomfort that comes with wearing a bra.

After a month of wearing a bra every day, it became an integral part of my daily routine. There were mornings when I eagerly put it on, finding empowerment and confidence in the process. There were also evenings when I found relief in taking it off, a moment of unwinding and relaxation. This Bra-tober Challenge had not only been an exploration of femininity, but also a very small part of understanding of what women go through daily.

Wearing Bebe

Unknown Femulator

What’s Next?

I watch television, but when a commercial comes on, I tune out.

Now that the holiday season is upon us, there is a commercial using a new version of the Darlene Love tune It’s A Marshmallow World that I enjoyed hearing. 

After hearing the commercial a dozen times more or less, I decided to actually watch the commercial to see what they were advertising. Turned out it was a Sephora commercial, in which various people gift a Sephora bag containing Sephora products.

When a young woman gifts a young man, I had to rewind the commercial because I wasn’t sure what I was seeing. She gave him lipstick! And after withdrawing the lipstick from the bag, he applies it to his lips! I could not help noticing that the young man was wearing silvery eyeshadow, mascara and blush.

Click here to see the commercial on YouTube.

Wow! What’s next?

Wearing Ann Taylor

The femulating “Senoritas’ ballet” performing in Nova Scotia, Canada, April 1931.

Stuff 17

By J.J. Atwell

Hello again

In today’s Stuff, I’d like to talk about social graces. Especially when presenting as a woman. Yes, the world is different for women and they practice different social graces when they deal with real life.

Social Graces?

Here I’m talking about how you relate to others when you are en femme. As a guy, you’ve adopted certain mannerisms. The way you carry yourself. The way you walk. The way you interact with others.    

Greeting one another

Here’s an example: imagine you are out in public as a guy and you are introduced to another guy. What do you do? You step up, look him in the eye and extend a hand for a firm handshake. 

You’ll likely also comment about something like a favorite sports team or vehicle – something “manly.” If you (again as a guy) are introduced to a woman the routine is similar, but the handshake will be a bit softer and the conversation would probably be about something like the weather or the locale.  

Now let's think about what typically happens when two women meet. Assuming they already know each other, there will likely be a gentle hug and a compliment on some aspect of her presentation. Similarly, if they haven’t met before the hug might be replaced with a nod or a gentle handshake. And there will most likely still be a compliment. Compliments about the clothing, hair, jewelry... stuff like that.  

When we crossdressers are out en femme it’s time to put aside our guy social graces and adopt those more typical of women. When you meet a sister, you might consider complimenting her about the color of her dress or the way her hair looks. Perhaps the earrings she is wearing. It’s one of those little niceties.  

Hugging

Hugs are good. Have you ever notice that when hugging women are very careful not to send the wrong signal. They will typically bend forward slightly at the waist so that their breasts don’t contact the one they are hugging. And it’s a brief hug. That’s another type of social grace we need to consider when presenting as a woman. 

I’ll be back

I hope you will think about your social graces when going out. Do some research by observing how people interact in various social circumstances. In the meantime, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.  

JJ is always looking for more stuff!

Wearing Boston Proper

Andrew Semuel

Someday Funnies

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

A 1949 womanless fashion show featuring femulators from Quebec, Canada.