Not the Best

Wearing Boston Proper

Logan Henderson femulating on television’s Big Time Rush.

All dressed up with a place to go

I was a closeted crossdresser during my teens, twenties and thirties. I escaped the closet a half dozen times for Halloween events, enjoyed being out among the civilians and was back in the closet on November 1.

I’m not sure whether my spouse got tired of me dressing pretty just to hang around the house or if she thought I needed more support than she could give me – probably a little bit of both – and she suggested I find a support group.

So I dialed up Compuserve, navigated to Genderline and at 110 baud, asked if anyone was aware of a support group in my neck of the woods. A day or two passed and someone answered my question suggesting that I check out a relatively new support group, Connecticut Outreach Society (COS).

I got in touch with Denise, the COS contact person, and she told me all about the organization and invited me to attend its next meeting, which I did.

At the COS Meeting House during COS’s heyday

When I attended that first COS meeting, I considered that my real first time out en femme (discounting my Halloween excursions). I recall being very nervous and sweating profusely at the meeting, so much so that I left the meeting early determined that I would never come back.

But, I came back and became very active in COS. I edited their monthly newsletter and annual membership directory for a number of years, organized their annual banquet three years in a row, staffed their telephone help line for a stint and participated in their outreach program.

I enjoyed outreach a lot because it allowed me to go out and hopefully demonstrate to the civilian population that transpeople are not freaks, but are just like them. And I enjoyed editing the newsletter because it gave me an outlet to be a little creative in a feminine way. But the main reason I was active in COS is because COS helped me become a better transperson. If not for COS, I would not be me. 

COS was organized in the late 1980’s and met twice a month (on second Saturdays and fourth Wednesdays) in West Hartford, Connecticut. 

I joined in 1989 and was an active member through the late 2010’s. During those two decades, I saw hundreds of people join COS and attend meetings. 

During its heyday, meetings typically drew 15 to 25 attendees. Most meetings had a speaker or purveyor of feminine goods (wigs, makeup, clothing, etc.)  

In addition to the West Hartford meetings, COS had remote events, for example, visits to hair/beauty/nail salons, Dress Barn, wig stores, etc. and dinners at up-scale restaurants. COS’s annul banquet at local hotels typically drew 50 to 100 attendees. 

Sadly Connecticut Outreach Society is no more. Diana informed me that COS is folding its tent due to a lack of attendees. 

It is not the first to disappear. The Internet has been killing off support groups and transgender conventions for years and the pandemic just accelerated the slaughter. I feel badly about COS’s demise, but it served its purpose when it was needed. It was a place to go when you were all dressed up. 

And so it goes.

Wearing Bebe

John Ritter femulating on television’s Love Boat.

Two Weeks ’Til Halloween

 

Wearing Boston Proper

Yet another modern couple: Binh An and Phuong Nag

Stuff 14

By J.J. Atwell

Hello again

Yes, there is more stuff. I’m happy you continue to find this column thought provoking. Let’s think today about Transvaal.

Transvaal?

Yes, Transvaal. A geographic area of South Africa. Go ahead, consult your atlas. Or Google. I’ll wait.    

How is Transvaal relevant?

Well, it really isn’t relevant to us as crossdressers. I’m only mentioning it as a lead into my early days searching for information about crossdressing. Or, as it was more commonly labeled back then, transvestism. 

Before the Internet, you went to a library to find knowledge in books. Libraries had huge card catalogs that you used to find books about any subject. One section of the card catalog was an alphabetical listing by subject matter.  

But there was a problem; the card catalog was right next to the desk where that stern librarian sat. So I tried to disguise my search by looking for something close in spelling. By chance, Transvaal was right before transvestism in the catalog. To keep my search hidden, I’d make believe I was looking up Transvaal and then casually check the following cards.  

I think I learned as much about Transvaal (not much) as transvestism back then. Unfortunately, the world didn’t have a lot of books about transvestism and what there was didn’t really help me understand why I wanted to crossdress.  

Thank goodness we now have easy and more full access to information about crossdressing. Sources like Stana’s site and several others. There are also great sites for exchanging experiences and getting opinions. Two I follow are crossdresserheaven.com and crossdressers.com. Take a look!  

I’ll be back

I doubt that many aspiring crossdressers are researching Transvaal these days, but maybe we should just to spread the love around. 

As before, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff!

Wearing Manolo Blahnik shoes

Max Baer Jr. femulating on television’s The Beverly Hillbillies.

Walk a Mile in His Shoes

 

Wearing Boston Proper

The girls of Pink Pistols

Wow!

Lynn Jones of Yet Another Transgender Blog fame sent me a link all about Australian singer Troye Sivan’s new song, “One Of Your Girls” and accompanying video. The song, about a boy who has a crush on another boy and offers to be one of the other boy’s girls, is provocative enough, but the accompanying video is absolutely amazing – the femulation of the year in my opinion. 

Below are screen captures from the video and you can see the video yourself by clicking here.

And so it goes.

Business World

By Paula Gaikowski

My earliest memories take me back to kindergarten, a time when boys and girls were neatly separated. I recall being drawn to the girls’ side with an almost magnetic force. The desire to belong, to dress and act like them, consumed my young heart. Yet, even in those tender years, the world made it abundantly clear that such desires were not just unconventional – they were deemed unacceptable.

Thus began my lifelong dance with repression – a relentless effort to suppress my feminine self and conform to the societal expectations of masculinity. It wasn't all gloom and doom, but I always sensed that I was out of step with my male peers. I adapted, doing my best to fit the mold of what society deemed appropriate.

In the year 1975, at the age of 16, I found myself grappling with thoughts about my future. The idea of joining the military to fund the gender transformation I yearned for seemed like a viable solution. Looking back, it’s amazing how such thoughts consumed the mind of a 16-year-old boy. It’s a testament to the depth of my struggle with gender identity.

My stint in the Air Force passed, but the dream of saving enough money for my desired transformation didn’t materialize. “Look everyone, I’m in the military and successful; everything is normal.”

Upon my separation, I was faced with the uncertainty of life beyond the military, unsure of where my path would lead. I took to drinking with friends and pursuing hunting and fishing in the outdoors. “See everyone, I’m manly?”

However, a turning point in my journey arrived when I ventured into the world of business. There, amidst the hustle and bustle of corporate life, I encountered a sea of women – elegant, stylish and undeniably feminine. This was a stark departure from my military experience, where masculinity dominated. The contrast was striking.

In the office, the women donned dresses, pantyhose, makeup and high heels, radiating an unapologetic femininity. Their presence mesmerized me, awakening a profound desire to embody that same grace and charm.

One specific day, following the receipt of my first paycheck, I made a key decision. With determination, I headed to the Willowbrook Mall and scanned racks of dresses, selecting one that mirrored the outfit of a particular colleague. Pantyhose, a brassiere and panties followed. When I returned home and donned these items, the reflection in the mirror didnt quite align with the image in my mind. Disheartened, I purged my newly acquired wardrobe, discarding it in panic and with hopelessness.

Yet, deep within, I clung to an unwavering belief that I couldn’t abandon my quest for self-discovery. I knew that someday, when I gazed into the mirror, I would see the beautiful woman I had always felt I was meant to be staring back at me. Deep down I knew my journey wasn’t over and my resolve remained steadfast.

Wearing Bebe

 

Girls’ Night Out in Washington, D.C.

Thursday Toon

 

Wearing Ann Taylor

Lena

Halloween Anewed

By Cathy Peterson

Now that we’re into October I thought I’d share a very profound “a ha moment” I had in my counseling therapy session last Thursday. Dr. Jill and I were almost finished with our weekly 50 minutes when she made a quick reference to Halloween coming up later this month. She asked if I was going to do a costume for any parties or events. I said I didn't have anything planned as yet. Then she said something that really made me think.

"With so much acceptance of your being out all year long as Cathy and you being so comfortable in public, seems to me that Halloween is no longer that special one day of the year it used to be where you could feign your dressing up as a woman simply as a ‘costume’ for fun or to get a laugh. In fact, you don’t want to get any laughs, you want to be seen, treated and accepted as a woman all year long when you’re out, so you no longer need a costumed-Halloween to give you license to dress as a woman.”

Wow! She was so right. Back in the 1980s and 1990s, maybe even the early 2000s, Halloween was my big chance I waited for all year, where I could be out in public dressed entirely as a woman and be able to hide behind it as a costume for fun.

Like you Stana, I always took my costume waaaaaaaay beyond the typical guy-in-a-dress for laughs, as I would show up at Halloween parties or events in 100% female mode from my full lingerie to my perfectly coordinated outfit, matching jewelry, flats matching shoulder purse, expert tasteful make-up, my own hair in a very traditional “female” style, all finished off with pretty nails and perfume.

Just as Stana has told those wonderful stories of going to her office on Halloween in the same “full female mode” and sitting in her cubicle as people came by to see how amazing she looked, I also got “those looks” that what I was wearing and how I was presenting myself was not a costume; something much deeper was going on!

Think of how far our society has come with so many popular TG women celebs all the way through to TG staff at the hotel front desk, Macy's makeup counter, hostess seating us at the restaurant, receptionist at the day spa, sales clerk at Kohl’s, barista at coffee shop and even the cute reference librarian at LA Public Library.

I quickly agreed with Dr. Jill and she hit it right on point with, "Cathy, why not find a really great costume that any woman would be likely to wear for a Halloween party or event. Then you’re out and seen as a woman who’s having fun for Halloween. In fact, why not shop the thrift stores or costume shops as Cathy, a mid-60s woman out to find a great costume for her office party?”

So simple, but so profound as my “a ha moment.” This past Saturday, I went as Cathy to Adele’s of Hollywood and Sylvia’s (also in Hollywood), Happy Halloween and the Spirit Halloween shops on both Wilshire and La Brea. I was a woman out shopping for my costume. The sales gals who helped me look treated me every bit aa a woman and we looked at costumes “appropriate for a mid-60s woman.” 

My three favorites were: go as witch in black gossamer and lace with black stockings, hat and broom or a classic 1920s flapper in silky crepe dress, long satin gloves to my elbows, stockings, straw hat with flower, fluffy boa and faux cigarette holder à la Some Like It Hot or  medieval queen in gown with flowing headdress or Cleopatra in a flowing gold gown and crown with heavy eye make-up.

About 15 to 20 years ago, dressed up in my full female attire, looking like a typical business woman in an office, folks realized that was my costume, so they knew right away I was not a woman and was dressing up (but going waaaaaay too far with it all).

Now, I can show up at the Medieval Faire as a 16th Century European queen. Or I can be a witch while working the ticket entryway for the “live” haunted house. Or be a ’20s flapper taking bids at the Halloween silent auction fundraiser. Or be the queen of Egypt while doing kids’ face painting for the local elementary school community Halloween party. And I will volunteer myself as Cathy Peterson, mid-60s woman, happy to volunteer and help out and with a great “female” costume that any woman would probably wear, that is, not a costume of being a “female.”

I am so excited to see which opportunity I will do on the night of October 31!

(Editrix’s Note: Reminds me of my old Halloween routine… I would go to work and out among the civilians in office girl drag, but when I attended my support group’s Halloween party, my costume was a typical woman’s costume… schoolgirl, cheer leader, Playboy bunny, etc.)

Wearing Lilly Pulitzer

Michael Caine encounters a femulator in the 1966 film Funeral in Berlin.

Click here to view this scene on YouTube.