Stuff 8

By J.J. Atwell

Hello again

It’s JJ again! Yes, there is more Stuff. I’m happy you continue to find this column thought-provoking. Let's get on with it today by talking about moisturizing and sunscreen.

Moisturizing

I’m a big convert to moisturizing. Being older, my skin has been through a lot including long sessions tanning at the beach or on the golf course. I really never thought about taking care of it. I go to a dermatologist regularly and I don’t have any serious issues. But I’m getting more concerned about my skin.

So now I moisturize my face twice a day, once in the morning and before going to bed. I also moisturize my arms and legs after showering. I especially love the feeling of my freshly shaved and moisturized legs. So nice and smooth.  

But the constant reiteration of the importance of sunscreen is starting to penetrate. Hopefully my reminder here will encourage some of you to start using it regularly.  

Sunscreen

At my regular dermatologist appointments and my visits to a spa for facials, they remind me about the importance of sunscreen. Let’s be clear; there is a difference between moisturizing and using sunscreen since not all moisturizers include sun protection. Sunscreens are measured in “SPF,” so look for that number when buying your moisturizer. 

Also consider where and when you’ll be moisturizing. There may not be a need for an SPF in your moisturizer when you use it before bed. But when you get up in the morning, that’s when you should be picking up the moisturizer that has an SPF preferably SPF 20 or greater.  

I’ll be back

OK, so I think I’ve given you enough stuff to think about. I hope you enjoyed this installment!  As before, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com . JJ is always looking for more stuff!

Wearing Black Halo

Andrew Garfield femulating in Arcade Fires’ music video for We Exist.
Click here to view this video on YouTube.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Halston

Male beauty pageant contestants in the 1968 film documentary The Queen.
View this film on YouTube by clicking here.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Ann Taylor

Billy Crystal en femme on television’s Soap.
You can view this crossdressing on YouTube by clicking here.

Tomboys and Sissies

By Paula Gaikowski

Society often judges men who show feminine qualities unfairly. This happens because our culture values masculine traits more than feminine ones. 

I’ve been crossdressing since I was 8-years-old. When I think back to those afterschool dress up parties when my parents were at work, I realize now how often I spent time dressed up as a girl. I did it constantly. Several days a week, all though elementary and high school. I was bound to slip up (pun intended) and be discovered. My mother must of known someone was in her things; perhaps she just decided not to say anything. 

I suppose I became a bit too comfortable and left her no choice. One day I left her clothes, lingerie and a wig scattered all over her bedroom. I had complexly forgotten to cover my tracks and was called up to her room and asked to explain what was going on. 

I was mortified and told her that “I was just messing around.” That’s all I could think of. I remember her horrified look and the word “sissy.” Do you want to grow up and be some kind of “sissy.” Her words and demeanor hit hard. 

I did want to grow up and be a woman or at least dress and live as one. But now the message was clear that was bad, extremely bad. I was made to believe that I had a character flaw.  

People treat men and women differently when they act in ways that aren't expected for their gender. Men who act in feminine ways are made fun of and given mean names like “sissy” or “effeminate.” This is hurtful and makes men hide who they are to fit in.

On the other hand, women who do things seen as masculine are often praised. Girls who like things considered boyish are called “tomboys” and are admired for being confident. This  shows that our society thinks being feminine is not as good as being masculine.

The reason for this unfair treatment comes from the way our society is set up. We have a history of thinking that being tough, loud and strong is better than being gentle, quiet and caring. This way of thinking makes us believe that men showing feminine traits are weak and not as important.

To change this, we need to teach people about how these ideas hurt everyone. We should show that both masculine and feminine traits are okay for anyone, no matter their gender. We can also celebrate people who don't follow the usual rules and act the way they want.

Had my mother reacted in a more positive way, perhaps my life would not have been the struggle it has been concerning my gender identity. Had she told me not to be ashamed and that it’s okay to dress up like a girl if I want to, then I could have approached this conundrum with hope and optimism instead of self-doubt and anxiety. In her heart, she was trying to protect me and save me from a cruel society that needs to change its perception of femininity and masculinity.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Femulating in London

Someday Funnies: Back to School

Wearing Boston Proper

24 Hours

By Tami Knight

Sunday was to be busy. 

Here goes: I had a hair appointment at 9 AM with Tiff who has a small salon in her home. First priority was a brand-new R. Lauren dark navy pleated midi skirt. I added a yellow sleeveless top and a pair of Nicky Hilton ballet flats trimmed in yellow to tie it all together. With a thin ¾-length sweater over my shoulders and a quick stop at Starbucks, where I received a compliment, I was sitting in church at 10 AM, hair looking great! 

The pastor’s first request was that everyone stand and say hello to as many others as they can. This was fun as several people shook my hand and asked me to come to coffee after the service. Afterwards I met several people including one woman (and her husband), who I had much in common with as she lives on a lake where I was born. Lots of memories were shared.

I had a mani/pedi appointment at 12.30, so I headed home to change. Madewell jeans, Joie floral top, Ann Klein short camel collarless blazer and brown croc loafers would get me through rest of the day. I rushed the tech a bit on the pedi; I had a flight in three hours and I like to be early.

As soon as I was dry, I was in the car with a Pepsi and headed to the Detroit airport for a flight to Arizona. I am always in pre-check, but this afternoon my driver license was rejected and TSA sent me to the regular line. This was a first! In the regular line, my license was again rejected and they sent me back to the AA desk to figure it out. Turns out, someone had input my birthday wrong by two years, so this was fixed quickly.

Back in line at the pre-check, I sailed through with a smile. But set off the alarm due to the brand-new hip and was asked to step into that other scanner. 

Finally, I had time to kill, so I had a salad at Outback and chatted with the people at the next table. Once on the plane, I opened my copy of the Presidential Records Act to prepare for a good conversation with an attorney friend of mine who had provided me with all the pleadings in Trump’s indictment. The young man to my left noticed my reading and asked if I worked “on the hill” and I had to explain that the preparation was only for a good conversation with a friend. My seatmate said he had worked there and that led to another interesting exchange.

Once in Dallas waiting for my connection, I stopped at MAC to try something new and see a new friend who works there.

After much delay at the gate, another couple and I boarded one after another,and once seated the woman, explained that she and her husband were just getting back from Paris. That led to another fun talk about each of our many trips there.

I arrived in Arizona late, got to bed even later. Arizona time is three hours later than Michigan time and I, of course, wake at 3 AM! So I got busy for the coming day. I threw on some shorts, a cute crocheted white top and white tennies. Did hair and makeup (light) and I am off to my coffee shop that opened at 6 AM for a breakfast burrito. There was a line at the door and two gentlemen asked me to go ahead of them. “Paying customers first, Ma'am.”  I thanked them. More corny jokes followed.

My interest in sharing this busy 24 hours is that I couldn’t count the number of people who were so pleasant, friendly, helpful, sincere, interested and interesting, all condensed in a 24-hour day. 

My idea of fun!

Wearing Boston Proper

Ralph before, Roxie after

Someday Funnies

Wearing New York & Company

Paul Mazursky femulating in the 1988 film Moon Over Parador

Stuff 7

By J.J. Atwell

Hello All

JJ is back with more stuff! I find it hard to believe that I’m up to number 7 of this little corner of Stana’s Way. Many thanks to Stana and all you faithful readers for following along with my Stuff.  

Pronouns

Let’s take a brief trip on the time machine to grade school grammar classes. For those who need a refresh, here is a definition of pronouns from an on-line dictionary: “a word that can function by itself as a noun phrase and that refers either to the participants in the discourse… or to someone or something mentioned elsewhere in the discourse.” Whew! That’s a long way of explaining words like “him” and “her” as they apply to our world. Hopefully that wasn’t too painful a trip to those school days. 

Most people don’t think about pronouns when they write or speak. It kind of comes naturally.  “Naturally,” that is, until you enter our world of crossdressers and transgender individuals. Then it becomes something we need to think about carefully. Should I address that person as “he” or “she?” Does that change depending on what the person is wearing?  

All very difficult questions with many nuances to an answer. In general, the rule I follow is that if they are attempting to look like a female, then female pronouns are appropriate. Of course, if they tell me their preferred pronouns, then that’s what I use. In my everyday guy life, I’m always “he.” But when I’m dressed as JJ, then “she” fits better. It just seems right to me.   

I was recently at a Girls’ Night Out with about a dozen folks at a restaurant – half CD/TG and half SOs. I happened to be siting between two of the SOs and struck up conversations with them about their other halves. I found it interesting that they sometimes slipped back and forth between he and she when referring to their partners. No doubt, they have lived many years as husband and wife and that person still occupies that role no matter how they dress.  

The wives did say that they help with the spouse’s feminine presentation. Things like making sure that the partner looks appropriate for the event/venue. Generally, that’s something that we of the CD/TG community struggle with at first. Some of that is probably self-preservation for the wife, but I got the impression that they really wanted to help.  

So where am I going with this Stuff? No place in particular. I just wanted you to think about how you use pronouns and if that affects your perceptions and interactions with members of our community.  

I’ll be back

That’s it for today. I hope my stuff gives you something to think about. In the meantime, I’d welcome comments here on the blog or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

Barbara Trebor

Someday Funnies

Wearing New York & Company

Heather Wells, before and after