Act Naturally

Man Carrying Purse

Elise wrote, “What are your thoughts on personality traits having gender associated with them? For example, why are some traits considered male or female, instead of just being a trait of a specific person regardless of their gender? 

My ex used to (mockingly) say that I was more of a woman than her because I am sensitive, compassionate, sentimental, etc, but I just see those as things that make me who I am. They don't mean there is something ‘wrong’ with me as a man, or that I should become a woman if I want to act that way. 

It just really bothers me when people are criticized for being their authentic selves and not meeting some societal standard of how a man or woman should act, instead of celebrated for being their authentic selves.”

I could be the poster boy/girl for ignoring society’s straitjackets for what makes a man or a woman.

Whenever I recount my trans biography, I usually mention that as a youngster, I participated in sports (baseball and football) and played “boy games” (cowboys, war, spacemen, etc.). I felt that I was a typical boy and I enjoyed doing “boy games,” unlike many of my trans sisters, who as children, hated “boy games” and preferred “girl games.”

I also mention that despite my participation and enjoyment of those boy things, other boys called me names like “sissy,” “fairy,” “faggot,” etc., which indicated to me that I was not necessarily all the boy I thought I was.

This was not just a case of bullies using random offensive names to raise my ire. Even a few of my friends told me that I was not acting like a boy at a 100% level and that I should do something about it.

I wondered if there was something in my mannerisms or speech that caused their reaction. I was not intentionally acting or speaking in an affected manner. Rather, I was speaking and acting in my natural manner, which I did not feel was feminine.

The fact that even friends told me that something was amiss indicated that something really was amiss, but I was clueless. I had no idea what I had to do differently to be more boy-like. So, I continued acting the same way I always acted and if someone called me a name, I hit them with my purse.

Even in high school, college and law school, I occasionally ran into guys, who commented on my particular flavor of masculinity, but I just shrugged them off and kept on truckin’. By then, I was crossdressing in secret and only coming out en femme for Halloween including an appearance in drag at a Halloween party in law school.

I will never forget a friend at that party telling me that he never realized how feminine my speech and mannerisms were until he saw me in drag. He indicated that my female costume was a perfect fit for my normal mannerisms and speech.

After mentioning this story at outreach one time, one of the students said that my mannerisms were feminine and that my friends and acquaintances had been in the ballpark in their estimation of me.

Yet, nothing has changed. I still do not affect a feminine persona. I still act naturally and no differently whether in boy mode or girl mode.

I admit that I do try to walk more like a woman when I am en femme and I talk more softly when I femulate (if I remember to do so), but most of what you get is the genuine me. And I am not changing a thing.

So to answer your question, Elise, I don’t put much stock in society’s standards regarding gender traits.

Source: Intermix

Someday Funnies

 

Wearing Boston Proper

Jessica, Before and After

’60’s Chick

Growing up as a crossdresser in the 1960’s was not a happy place to be. 

For starters, I had no idea what motivated me on that summer day in 1963 to go to my mother’s bedroom and try on a pair of her nylons and high heel shoes. That Pandora’s Box moment was the beginning of my 60-year love affair with crossdressing, but during those early days, it was a tumultuous affair.

I was very guilty about what I was doing. Heaven forbid that anyone found out that whenever I was home alone, I was exploring my mother’s and sister’s wardrobes. I was so closeted that when my best friend suggested that we dress up as girls for Halloween, I feigned complete disinterest, although in reality, I would have loved to have done it.

The closeting of my crossdressing was not as effective as I thought because in retrospect, all the evidence indicates that my parents knew what I was doing, but they never confronted me about it.

The closet was very stifling. After honing my crossdressing skills in private for almost half a decade, I had to let the girl out of the confines of the closet. So on Halloween 1969, I borrowed my sister’s purple mini-dress, black mid-heel pumps, black tights, wiglet and knit beige cap. I wore minimal makeup. Although I had been wearing my mother’s and sister’s foundation garments in secret for years, I skipped the bra and girdle because I did not think they would appreciate me wearing such personal items.

Mind you, I had no place to go. I was too old to trick-or-treat, I had not been invited to any Halloween parties and I was too young to go bar-hopping. So I drove around town visiting a few friends and relatives, who were amused by my costume. I don’t know if I passed (I’m sure I did not), but I did not care. I was having the time of my life! All I cared about was that I was out in public living a few hours as the young woman I had discovered and nourished for the past few years.

👠 👠 👠

While searching the Internet for an appropriate image to accompany today’s post, I came upon something completely different: Mantis Lady Vintage, a website that sells vintage woman’s clothing. The site is the creation of Edward V. Cantwell, who not only sells the vintage clothing, but models it, too!

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Mark before, Jan after

Someday Funnies

Inspired by https://www.deviantart.com/kzinter

Wearing Boston Proper

Jack Benny en femme at the 1948 Friars Club Frolic

Stuff 2

By J. J. Atwell

Hello again!

It’s JJ again! The fact that you are reading this means that Stana thought my initial attempt at a blog post was worthy of a second try. I hope you’ll find it thought provoking.  

Challenges

We all know that being a woman or just dressing like one, has its challenges. For example, how many of us have sat on a cold bench while wearing a short skirt? How high did you jump? How do women get used to that?

Let’s talk about the experience of driving while dressed. During my first time out, I was hyper aware of several things. The feeling of the seat belt shoulder harness between my boobs. The restricted peripheral vision from the long hair framing my face. The sight of red nails on the steering wheel. Operating the gas and brake pedals while wearing heels. Being sure you pull your skirt fully into the car so it doesn’t get caught in the door.  

Women do this just as a matter of routine. It’s all very different from the average guy experiences though. I hope you have all had the opportunity to experience these sensations.  They are both scary and exhilarating at the same time. Go ahead and push your boundaries.  Put your stuff out there.

I’ll be back

A fairly short piece today, but I hope my stuff gives you something to think about. As before, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail.com. JJ is always looking for more stuff!

Wearing Diane von Furstenberg

Bobbi Jo, Before and After

I confess. This is not a legitimate Before and After photo. It is just a random photo I found on the Internet that fit the Before and After meme so well that I could not resist posting it. I would like to continue posting legitimate Before and After photos, so just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net and I’ll take it from there.

Someday Funnies

Wearing New York & Company

Emilio Tellez, professional femulator

Nothing but good news!

My wife is being transferred from the hospital to a rehab facility to help her get back on her feet. That’s progress and I am so happy for her. I can’t wait to bring her home!

I am walking in heels again. My titanium knee is approaching 100% normality and I am able to walk around in 3- and 4-inch heels for extended periods of time without any problems.

Like I said, “Nothing but good news!”

Someday Funnies: Cold Feet

Wearing Venus

Lee, before and after

I always wanted to go out and about and be seen

By Paula Gaikowski

I always wanted to go out and about and be seen as a woman, I almost did when I was 10 to 12 years old. I had planned to walk around the block and it’s good that I didn’t. Or maybe being outed would have led to a different path in life?

When I think back to the times I was gendered correctly in public, it was always so powerful. In one way, it authenticates all the work I have put into my outfit, makeup, hair and accessories. The other part is that it validates the way I identify, as a woman; the world and society sees me as a woman and at that point, all the ideas and thoughts that have been out of alignment become synchronized, focused and for a short time, the stars align.

For instance, one time I was in the Lennox Mall in Atlanta and asked for assistance in the women’s department. “Excuse me Ma’am, I’m looking for…” These words almost knocked me down as they swept over me. I smiled demurely and answered, “I don’t work here, but you can find the Misses department over there.”

Another time I was wig shopping outside of Philadelphia, it was the typical beauty/wig supply store that you often see in urban strip malls. The young woman assisting me was very helpful and we tried on at least half a dozen wigs. We finally settled on a wig to purchase. 

At this point, after all of this close interaction I assumed she knew I was a crossdresser. So I asked her, “Do you get many other men in here shopping for wigs?” She look at me a bit confused and replied, “What do you mean other men? Why do you say it like that?” 

She was under no obligation or pressure to be polite and pretend she didn’t read me. She thought she was working with a woman and when I told her I was transgender, she was truly surprised. I can tell when someone is gaslighting me, she wasn’t. This incident gave me so much confidence and helped me evolve my feminine image over the next few years.

There are a few other times and I’ll add just one more. I was trying on gowns in the formal section of Nordstrom under the guise of needing a dress for my niece’s wedding. There was another woman also trying on gowns and here we were sharing a communal dressing room critiquing and complementing our different choices. The conversation between us ran the length of it all, what shoes to wear, body types, dress fit, foundations, bras and how a dress would be for dancing.  In the past, I can tell when someone reads me and then peppers me with sanguine artificial comments. She really thought I was female, and for about an hour I was in a dream world.

As transgender persons, we struggle with incompatible identities, gender roles and biological sex. With that there often comes feelings of guilt, rejection, sadness and antipathy.  We need and crave acceptance – all the ill thoughts and feelings can be wiped away when we are recognized for who we are. 

“Excuse me, but she was next, can I help you, Miss?”

You just did!

Wearing Rue La La

Silvia, antes y después de

Someday Funnies

 

Wearing Paige

Ross Mitchel before, Michelle Rose after

Angela’s First Time(s)

By Angela Booth

I was four-years-old and my mother dressed me for a fancy dress competition for a small village fete. I recall wearing one of my sister’s dresses, which was to my feet, a fur stole, heels, beads, floppy hat and a bit of makeup. The theme for me was “Lady Muck” – a haughty or socially pretentious woman as an expression of the early 1960’s. 

I won and rather liked being dressed – the trigger had been pulled. 

When I went to school, the girls wore such nice dresses, as did my sisters, so any opportunity to try on dresses was taken. There was the play box of old clothes that I would delve into and there will be no guessing what I wore. It was fun and my family went with it. In secret, I discovered that girls wore more than dresses!

I dressed again for fancy dress competitions and my mother made me a rather lovely fairy dress to wear for a school play when I was about eight-years-old. 

I always felt more comfortable in girls clothes and in the company of girls, contrary to the social norms of the time, I never thought it was wrong – it was the others. The only time I recall an issue was when I kept wearing a dress for the day. My eldest sister commented to my mother, although it wasn’t anything harsh, but I did continue for fun and also in secret. Growing older, it became getting fully dressed up, looking the complete girl, even with boobs.

The last time I dressed fully for “fun” before puberty was to enter a beauty competition where I was dressed up by mum and elder sister. I was about thirteen-years-old. Wearing a lovely blue dress of my sisters, that I had sneaked on many times before, with padded bra, loving every minute parading around the floor. So many people didn’t realize that I was a boy and then gaining a win with a nice cash prize was icing on the cake

Then came puberty and having to conform to social norms. Having grown out of my mother’s and sister’s clothes, this became the dark ages. Of course, the desire never went away and would come out on occasion until the time was right to blossom once again.

Wearing Hale Bob

 

Helene avant aprés
I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication here.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net

Yet Another Health Update

My wife is recovering slowly, but she is recovering. I expect she will be hospitalized for a few more days (another week maximum) and then transferred to a rehab facility for a week or two. Hopefully, she will be home for her birthday in August.

Thank you again for your prayers and positive thoughts.