Stuff

By J. J. Atwell

Hello All

I’m J. J. Atwell. The J. J. is short for Jennifer Joy, but just JJ will do. This is the first of what I hope to become a regular piece on Femulate. So let me introduce myself. I’m a lifelong CD’er who prefers the CD label because it’s most descriptive of how I feel. I lived most of my life in New England. I retired and moved to Florida about 10 years ago.

Why did you name the column “Stuff” you ask? Simply, I couldn’t think of a more descriptive title for what I hope to write about here and in future chapters. I’ll cover a wide range of things and just needed an overall umbrella to slot it all into. So this column is, as George Carlin once said, “A place for my stuff.”

Personal Growth

In the past year I joined a local CD group and started going out to monthly meetings. That was JJ’s first step out of the house. As Stana has said, we move out of the closet to a bigger closet. Those group meetings in a safe environment are really just a bigger closet. But I did get to experience some time out among the general public, even if I was in my car.  

Having found the courage to go out and meet people, it was time to push the edges of my box a bit further out. I visited a Sephora store for help picking out makeup to enhance my presentation. I did that in guy mode first and found the people very helpful and non-judgmental.  

The next step was to stop there as Jennifer and get a makeup lesson. So a few months ago, JJ stepped out of her car and into Sephora where she was greeted warmly. Yes, they knew who it was from my visits in guy mode. It didn’t matter to them; I was somebody that wanted their help. 

I’ll be back

Well, actually that depends on Stana and the feedback she gets from you. I hope my stuff gives you something to think about. In the mean time I’d welcome comments here on the blog or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail.com.

Wearing Bebe

Kerry before, Mary after

First Time

“How old were you when you first dressed up?” was a question asked on Reddit r/crossdressing last week. There were about 200 comments in response. My guess was that the age of puberty would be the most common answer, but a lot of ladies admit to crossdressing earlier than puberty.

In my case, I did not wear woman’s clothing (nylon stockings and high heels) until I was 12 or 13 years old. However, I do recall a few episodes when I was younger (single digit-years-old) when I wrapped a bedsheet around me to simulate a woman’s evening gown. 

And then there was the time that I smeared my face with cold cream to simulate a circus clown’s white makeup and my mother misinterpreting my feeble makeup skills as attempting to simulate a female’s face – then proceeding to remove the cold cream and make up my face as a proper young lady. 

So, how old were you when you first dressed up?

Wearing Bebe

Tim and Tina
I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication here.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net

Another Health Update

My wife is improving everyday and Thursday afternoon, she had improved so much that they moved her out of the critical care unit to a room among the civilians.

Someday Funnies

Wearing New York & Company

Mike and Mikki celebrate Christmas

Health Update

My wife has turned a corner and has improved a lot during the last 24 hours. So much so that they will probably begin physical therapy today and move her out of the critical care unit real soon.

Once again, thank you all for your prayers and encouraging comments. 

Someday Funnies

Wearing Chicwish

Géraldine

Health Update

Again, I thank you all for your positive comments and emails regarding my wife’s health. 

Her condition is improving slowly and on Tuesday, I began to see a glimmer of that girl I married 40 years ago. I am very much relieved, but also very tired. 

And so it goes.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Ann Taylor

Femulate reader Marnie
I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication on the blog.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net

Bad News Followup

Following up on yesterday’s post, my wife’s status has improved a little and they are performing new tests today trying to figure out what is wrong with her. I will be driving to the hospital soon and hopefully I will have more good news.

Thank you for all your prayers and positive thoughts.

Why Go Out and About?

On Thursday, Joey commented, “We have the compulsion to dress as women. But there is more than that. We also have the secondary compulsion to go out in public this way. That is VERY interesting to me. Why do we do this? Do we do this with everything we do, and it is just a standard part of humanity, or is this unique to crossdressing?”

Speaking for myself (your mileage may vary), I believe 

I am very meticulous about how I crossdress. My makeup takes anywhere from 30 minutes to 45 minutes. Dressing, another 15 minutes. Prepping to dress en femme, also known as “shaving,”can take various lengths of time depending on how many body parts I have to shear. Add some time for putting an outfit together and picking out the right jewelry to go with my outfit. My goal is to femulate as authentically as possible. It’s hard work, but I love my job!

Long ago, I abandoned dressing pretty just to sashay around the house and snap a few photos. After all that work, I want to go out and experience the world as a woman.

As a senior citizen (old lady), I am kind of invisible, so I probably “pass” because no one is paying any attention to me. When I do interact with a civilian and they treat me like a lady, it is very affirmative; it affirms my femulation – how I looks a lady and how I act as a lady.

Working as a “booth babe” at Hamvention is always very affirming. Countless guys smiled and/or winked at me when they walked past our booth. Women smiled at me too, but in a different way. As you know, there is a big difference between a man-to-woman smile and a woman-to-woman smile.

On one occasion, a guy asked me a question that I could not handle, so I jokingly said, “You'll have to ask him (referring to one of the guys staffing our booth) because I am just a ‘booth babe.’”

His response was, “And a very good booth babe!”

It’s moments like those when I am out and about that I know that all my hard work has paid off.

And by the way, going out and about en femme is a lot of fun!

Wearing Bebe

Fernanda from Mexico
I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication here.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net

Bad News

Friday about midnight, I had to call 911 to have my unconscious wife taken to the hospital emergency room. After a few hours in the ER, she was transferred to the critical care unit where she has been ever since. Seems she had a seizure and is now undergoing lots of tests to find out what caused it and what to do to prevent it from reoccurring.

Needless to say, I have been spending a lot of time with her at the hospital and have not had much time for the blog. 

The blog posts for Saturday and Sunday and the upcoming Monday and Tuesday posts were written beforehand, so there is no interruption of the blog so far, but going forward, there may  be days when nothing new is posted.

So please bear with me and say a prayer for my wife.

Someday Funnies: Ladies Do Lunch

Wearing Bebe

British Femulate reader Davina, feeling natural in natural makeup.
I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication on the blog.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net

Someday Funnies

Wearing Ann Taylor

French Femulate reader Mike/Virginia
I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication on the blog.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net

Someday Funnies

Wearing Nine West

Lena, an Australian lady
I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication on the blog.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net

Throwback Thursday: Reflections of a Booth Babe

I posted the following after my 2010 trip to the Dayton Hamvention in which for the first timed, I was en femme 24 hours a day during the three day event. 

One week ago, I was on my journey en femme attending the world's largest ham radio convention in Dayton, Ohio. I have had a few days to reflect on my experience and have some thoughts to share.

You readers have posted comments and sent e-mails congratulating me on my trip to Dayton. I thank you all for your congratulatory words.

“Courage” is the oft-repeated word you used in those comments and e-mails. According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, courage is the “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.”

Wow – that is stuff that makes someone a hero! I sure did not feel courageous in Dayton, nor did I feel like a hero (or heroine). I was just trying to be the real me.

All my life, I struggled trying to be the real me. While I patently rejected most of what it meant to be a male, I still presented as a male and as a result, I was an incongruous being, that is, I was a woman dressed like a man (or a girl dressed like a boy).

Although I did not know it at the time, I began crossdressing in my teens to correct that incongruity. I discovered that my new “hobby” was such a good fit that I crossdressed at every opportunity, initially in the home closet, but later in other closets beyond the home, for example, support group meetings, support group outings, crossdresser conventions, Fantasia Fair – all larger closets, but closets nonetheless.

While I was hanging out in those closets, I also took a few steps out of the closet and got a taste of being the real me in the real world. That experience was so addictive that I wanted to do it more often. Eventually, whenever I had the opportunity to be the real me, I chose to do it in the real world rather than in a closet, no matter its size.

If there was any courage on my part, I had it when I took those first few steps out of the closet into the real world. After that, my forays into the real world were fueled by the exhilaration that I knew awaited me when I was the real me in the real world. I did not need courage to do that; I just needed the opportunities to do that. My trip to Dayton was one of those opportunities.

I look forward to all the opportunities that present themselves in the future. I assure you I will use those opportunities to be the real me and it will not take courage to do so.

Wearing Boston Proper

Michelle