Friday, June 23, 2023

BFF – Not!

What might have been: Me and my BFF
Billy and I were best friends throughout grammar school. I can’t remember how we became friends, but we had a lot in common and that is what probably drew us together. We were both Polish, which was a rare commodity in our neighborhood, we both went to the same church (a Polish parish, needless to say), we were both artists, which put us on the outs with the school’s “in crowd,” and we both were fascinated with the opposite sex. We had crushes on certain girls, but we both were also scared of them and never did anything about our crushes, at least not in grammar school.

Around puberty, maybe in the 7th or 8th grade, I remember Billy hinting that we dress as girls for Halloween. At that time, I knew something was up with me gender-wise, but I didn’t know what. The idea of dressing as a girl for Halloween was very attractive, but I was also in public denial about my gender issues and told Billy that I had no interest in his Halloween costume plans.

I don’t remember what I wore for a costume that Halloween, but I do recall that I went out with my usual Halloween trick and treat partner in crime, my other best friend, who lived across the street.

In school the next day, Billy mentioned that he did dress as a girl; he trick and treated at my house and was disappointed that I was not home to see him in his costume. Note that Billy never before trick and treated at my house, so he made a special effort that night to show me his girl costume.

Around this same time, I remember that one of us decided that we should adopt girl names (why - I don’t remember) and for days, he addressed me by my girl name, which was “Susan” and I addressed him by his girl name, which I cannot recall now.

As I mentioned above, we were both artists. He was very good at painting and I was a very good at sketching. As an outlet for my budding trans psyche, I spent a lot of my free time back then sketching males wearing female clothing. I must have killed a forest doing it. One day, Billy mentioned that he had been doing something similar and another day, he showed me some of his sketches. My reaction was to show disinterest.

But my real reaction was fear. I was in uncharted waters; I did not know what was going on with him (or me). I had enough trouble sorting out what was going on with me without having to deal with what was going on with my best friend, so I basically ignored him and I think that was the beginning of the end of a beautiful friendship. We hung out less during our last days in grammar school and ended up going to different high schools and were both out of each others' lives.

I think Billy was reaching out to me. He probably was just as confused as I was and maybe he thought he and his best friend would be better able to work things out as a team rather than solo. If that was the case, he was probably correct and I very much regret not reaching out to him and trying to work out together what the heck was going on. And so it goes.

Over the years, I learned through a mutual friend that Billy got married and lives two towns away, but our mutual friend said nothing about anything trans and I certainly did not ask. I recently found his Facebook page and there was no hint about being a crossdresser. 

I often think about Billy and wonder if he really was trans (or was it just my ’magination) and if he ever did anything about it. I often hoped that one day he would show up at my support group and we could become best friends again except that this time we would be girlfriends.

(This post originally appeared in September 2008 and was updated recently. It inspired me to create the “BFF” Someday Funnies that appeared here on Tuesday.)


Wearing Avon
Wearing Avon (recently added to Miss Stana’s wardrobe)


Janek Traczyk
Janek Traczyk femulating Slawa Przybylska on Poland’s version of television’s Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Monday, June 19, 2023

We’re everywhere, we’re everywhere!


I was out twice over the weekend and both times I encountered a transwoman. Friday, I went to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription and the woman who waited on me was trans. Saturday, my family dined out to celebrate Father’s Day and while we were finishing dinner, a couple was seated a few tables away from us and the woman in the couple was trans.

I could be wrong, but in both cases the women were tall, big-boned, wide-shouldered and spoke with male voices. But what gave them away is not the point I am trying to make. My point is how it is becoming more common to see transpeople out and about among civilians (at least in this neck of the woods).

Speaking of which, Aunty sent me a link about a high school in Louisiana (not in my neck of the woods) that nominated an openly transgender girl to homecoming court! Click here to view the story.

Then there is Jan Jönsson, the Swedish Liberal Party leader, who released a video of himself dressed in drag (photo above) reading a fairy tale to children. But in a cutting dialog with the camera, he addresses adults, not kids. Click here to view the story on LGBTQ Nation.

Finally, Zoe reminded me that two transwomen took home Tony Awards last week: J. Harrison Ghee and Alex Newell.

We’re everywhere, we’re everywhere!


Source: Ann Taylor
Wearing Ann Taylor

Jim Carrey
Jim Carrey femulating in the 2005 film Fun with Dick and Jane.

Friday, June 16, 2023

Gender on Her Mind

By Paula Gaikowski

Stana’s blog post “Gender on My Mind” prompted me to examine a lifetime of gender thoughts. 

There are some out there who discover their gender identity at an older age. The popular expression currently is “to have your egg crack.” 

For me, I’ve always known and my narrative will mirror so many of you out there. I started crossdressing at 8 years old and have never stopped. I prayed myself to sleep hoping to wake up a girl. I did what I had to fit in and get along, but always felt I was just going through the motions. I never really had a passion for sports, academics, or career. 

I joined the Air Force at the prodding of my parents. I did well in the Air Force in a technical field, a masculine environment where even the woman I worked with dressed as I did wearing fatigues. 

When I got out of the Air Force, I still had no plans for my life or the future. I was offered a great job at a high-tech company, so I started work there. What I saw the first week there astonished me and made me realize why I felt so lost and aimless. 

I never had been around or worked with office women. About half the employees were women and the dress of the day was professional, skirt suits, dresses, heels, pantyhose, make-up. Big hair and designer purses were de rigueur. They talked about fashion, family, cooking and romance. I could relate. I was enamored. These were my people, my tribe. I wanted so bad to be like them.  I wanted in. 

I remember getting my first paycheck and cashing it at the local bank, then going to the mall and buying a dress like one I has seen a woman wearing in the office. It was way too small, a size 10. I sat in the car and opened the bag and looked at it reflectively. I remember being so bewildered and confused and thinking please someone help me.



Source: Rue La La
Wearing Lilla P


Suzanne
Suzanne shopping selfie

Wednesday, June 14, 2023

A Little Herstory

Darrell G. Raynor
A Year Among the Girls
by Darrell G. Raynor was the first book about transvestism that I ever encountered. 

One day in the summer of 1968, I was perusing the paperback racks at Bradlees when I spotted the book in the non-fiction section. Holy Moley – a book about my secret hobby! I had to buy it and read it, but I was too embarrassed to do take the book to the cashier and returned home without the book.

For the next 24 hours, all I did was think about the book and the next day, I returned to Bradlees determined to purchase the book and damn the torpedoes. I got the book from the rack and handed it to the cashier to ring it up. She glanced at the book, smirked and asked me for my money to complete the purchase.

I returned home, read the book from cover to cover and received an education about transvestism in the USA in the 1960’s. The book did not help me figure things out, but it did make me aware that there were more guys dressing as girls than I had originally suspected.

The book was such an eye-opener. Back then, there was next to no information available on the subject unless you frequented the right (wrong) bookstores or received mail wrapped in plain brown paper. So I was amazed that there were adult males dressing up and socializing as women!

Much of the book revolves around a resort in the Poconos where transvestites met to do their thing. The owner later sold that resort and purchased a large house in the Catskills that became the famous Casa Susanna.

The history of the book, its author and those getaway places in the Poconos and Catskills always fascinated me. So I was very happy to discover that Zagria recently covered the subject in detail in two installments of her blog, A Gender Variance Who’s Who. Click here and here to read parts I and II. 

Enjoy!


Source: Boston Proper
Wearing Boston Proper

Modern Grandfather
Modern Grandfather