Pronouns and We/Us

Meg wrote, “How do your readers feel about offering pronouns?

“I feel (you knew this was coming) like it’s the trans equivalent of “Latinx,” something non-Latinos came up with so they can show they’re supportive but the target group does not like at all.

“I think this is a cis-gender construct to show they're supportive of the non-binary community, but not really. If I’m in a dress, wig and heels, do I really need to say, “Meg, she/her?” Or if I am sans all of those things, should I need to say “he/him?” 

“At work, I leaned more and more towards androgynous/femme and the only reason I did not include pronouns is I felt that turned it into a bathroom issue and I wasn’t full Meg at any time.

“Also, too many ‘funny’ people are using the pronoun construct to just spew hate. I don’t need to give another venue to those sorts of people.

“The last couple of groups I joined, people gave pronouns. Some did prefer they/them or a zie variation, but the newest group is seniors and I’m pretty sure I could fill in the blank on pronouns for all of them.

“Your thoughts?”

Mark Your Calendars Dept.

The Casa Susanna documentary will air on PBS’s American Experience on Tuesday, June 27, 9-10 p.m. ET. (Thank you, Diana, for the heads-up.)

Wearing New York & Company

Jonny Beauchamp femulating on television’s Katy Keene.

Someday Funnies: What – No Cookies?

Wearing Paige

Edgar Nelson Barclift (September 14, 1917 – March 11, 1993) was an American choreographer and dancer. As a member of the United States Army's Theatre Section during the Second World War... (Source: Wikipedia)

Following a Trailblazer

Yesterday I was honored to have this photo added to an exhibit in Cleveland's LGBTQ+ complex, Studio W 117, as part of This is Trans: A Photography Journey of Love and Awareness. Today, I am also filled with pride to announce the newly renovated and updated Kandi's Land! Please check us out! Not a bad 24 hours or so. How did I get here?

I want to take this opportunity to thank Stana publicly for many reasons. This blog (her blog) normalized all of this for me and many. It showed what was possible. This blog also gave me the motivation to do one myself. I have always enjoyed writing, but was that tree that fell in the woods. If I write something meaningful, does it make a sound? Now I try to make that sound for our sisters. I don't have a magic wand to fix the big picture issues many sisters have to fight every day. I don't have the answers for many questions, including why am I this way?But I can use my blog, my voice, to be part of the chorus led by Femulate.

Please understand the work that goes into running places like Femulate and Kandi's Land. It is a labor of love. We do it because it matters. Every voice, every opportunity for one person to find out they are not alone, every shared experience, matters. Every time you are out, every interaction is another jelly bean in the jar. When you change one mind, you make a permanent and positive impression with someone, it all gets a little better for those that follow. It will never be perfect, nothing ever is. But it will get better, it is better, we must continue to strive for better.

We have to support each other; we need to remain a community and we need to thank trailblazers like Stana for showing us the way. I'll try to do my part on my miniscule microfiber of the internet. Support Femulate, check us at Kandi's Land out. Most importantly, love yourselves!

We now return to regular programming...

Wearing Ann Taylor

Alan Manson femulates Jane Cowl surrounded by other femulators in the 1943 film This is the Army. Click here to view this film on YouTube.

A Proclamation on Transgender Day of Visibility

Transgender Day of Visibility celebrates the joy, strength, and absolute courage of some of the bravest people I know — people who have too often had to put their jobs, relationships, and lives on the line just to be their true selves.  Today, we show millions of transgender and nonbinary Americans that we see them, they belong, and they should be treated with dignity and respect.  Their courage has given countless others strength, but no one should have to be brave just to be themselves.  Every American deserves that freedom.

Transgender Americans shape our Nation’s soul — proudly serving in the military, curing deadly diseases, holding elected office, running thriving businesses, fighting for justice, raising families, and much more.  As kids, they deserve what every child deserves:  the chance to learn in safe and supportive schools, to develop meaningful friendships, and to live openly and honestly.  As adults, they deserve the same rights enjoyed by every American, including equal access to health care, housing, and jobs and the chance to age with grace as senior citizens.  But today, too many transgender Americans are still denied those rights and freedoms.  A wave of discriminatory State laws is targeting transgender youth, terrifying families and hurting kids who are not hurting anyone.  An epidemic of violence against transgender women and girls, in particular women and girls of color, has taken lives far too soon.  Last year’s Club Q shooting in Colorado was another painful example of this kind of violence — a stain on the conscience of our Nation.

My Administration has fought to end these injustices from day one, working to ensure that transgender people and the entire LGBTQI+ community can live openly and safely.  On my first day as President, I issued an Executive Order directing the Federal Government to root out discrimination against LGBTQI+ people and their families.  We have appointed a record number of openly LGBTQI+ leaders, and I was proud to rescind the ban on openly transgender people serving in the military.  We are also working to make public spaces and travel more accessible, including with more inclusive gender markers on United States passports.  We are improving access to public services and entitlements like Social Security.  We are cracking down on discrimination in housing and education.  And last December, I signed the Respect for Marriage Act into law, ensuring that every American can marry the person they love and have that marriage accepted, period.

Meanwhile, we are also working to ease the tremendous strain that discrimination, bullying, and harassment can put on transgender children — more than half of whom seriously considered suicide in the last year.  The Department of Education is, for example, helping ensure that transgender students have equal opportunities to learn and thrive at school, and the Department of Justice is pushing back against extreme laws that seek to ban evidence-based gender-affirming health care.

There is much more to do.  I continue to call on the Congress to finally pass the Equality Act and extend long-overdue civil rights protections to all LGBTQI+ Americans to ensure they can live with safety and dignity.  Together, we also have to keep challenging the hundreds of hateful State laws that have been introduced across the country, making sure every child knows that they are made in the image of God, that they are loved, and that we are standing up for them.

America is founded on the idea that all people are created equal and deserve to be treated equally throughout their lives.  We have never fully lived up to that, but we have never walked away from it either.  Today, as we celebrate transgender people, we also celebrate every American’s fundamental right to be themselves, bringing us closer to realizing America’s full promise.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, JOSEPH R. BIDEN JR., President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim March 31, 2023, as Transgender Day of Visibility.  I call upon all Americans to join us in lifting up the lives and voices of transgender people throughout our Nation and to work toward eliminating violence and discrimination against all transgender, gender nonconforming, and nonbinary people.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirtieth day of March, in the year of our Lord two thousand twenty-three, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and forty-seventh.

JOSEPH R. BIDEN JR.

Aspiration Is Inspirational

By Cathy Laura Peterson

Cathy Laura Peterson

Tami Knight closed her recent post with these lovely words, “friendship is aspirational, when we meet someone we like, because we find aspects of them we admire.” I absolutely confirm Ms. Knight’s perspective. I enjoy my regular visits to Femulate because it is very affirming and encouraging to know there are so many femulating women like me all across the country. Tami shared her lovely personal story of connecting with others in the everyday world as the woman she enjoys being. As I read about her experience, her aspiration became my inspiration to share my very similar experiences to her socializing at church.

I live in very open-minded LA. I’m mid-60s (but everyone tells me I look mid-50s). There are two “safe places” of cisgender gal-friends I see regularly, similar to Tami’s Congregational church. The first is a new-age/far-East influenced day-spa. The second is a women’s book club. 

I have been going to the spa every three to four weeks for over five years. The owner is an early 50s woman. The two female receptionists are early 40s. The staff of aestheticians, massage therapists, manicurists and beautician-stylists are ten gals and one male masseuse. They all only know me as Cathy and to quote Tami, it is these “women who are more social” and have been incredibly friendly and welcoming. Same as Tami, “I have no doubt that the owner and her staff have or might have figured me out, but how does one explain the friendly faces, smiles, and laughter from so many women?” The women at the spa are so fun to see. I love to hear, “Hi Cathy” or “she can sit right here” or “hello my dear, don’t you look lovely today,” or “let’s have her in salon number four today.”

The ladies’ book club was referred to me by the spa owner and the gal who has always done my Swedish massage for five years. Sharon has hosted the club for about 20 years at her beautiful (and huge) house on a quiet tree-lined street in Santa Monica. We are currently reading and discussing All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. Most nights we are nine or ten women relaxed in a spacious living room with fireplace along with tea and scones. These gals also only know me as Cathy and once again, all I can do is wonder do they know? But they always treat me like any other woman in the group and this has carried over into meeting for coffee or lunch with three ladies I have become genuine friends with.

Granted, the westside of LA near the beaches is very progressive, PC and TG-friendly shops, clothing stores, restaurants, coffee shops, movie theaters, libraries, art galleries – so this provides the perfect environment to venture out as a woman among women. Perhaps all these gals know or at least suspect, but I have only experienced genuine kindness, laughs, fun conversations, smiles, hugs and a true acceptance among them simply as Cathy.

Tami’s thoughts on aspirational friendships are incredibly inspirational to me as I have navigated this delicate walkway at the spa and Sharon’s home these many years. And I can wholeheartedly say that being with women as Cathy only makes me wish to aspire to even more female friendships who will only know me as Cathy Laura Peterson. Times at the spa and book club are far and away the most relaxing, affirming and encouraging places to be as Cathy and I am so grateful for these ladies. Hopefully, you too will also be inspired to aspire to such opportunities for friendship with women solely as a woman. 

Side Note: I echo Tami’s words, “My voice is pretty good, but I might give out clues in a longer conversation and I dress like any other female wherever I am and carry myself with a sense of pride.” One fun outcome from my many years of individual and group gender identity counseling therapy has been for me to aspire to three female archetypes in my clothing, hairstyles and overall look when I aspire in public (these arose out of my therapist’s passion for Depth Psychology). 

First is Beachy BoHo Casual Pinterest Shabby Chic. Second is Professional Business Woman (law firm, accounting office, bank, finance company, etc.). And third is Elegant Garden Party/Wedding Reception/Bridal Shower/High Tea. For the spa and book club, I usually aspire to the Beachy BoHo Casual Pinterest Shabby Chic archetype and blend in very well like one of the gals.

I do envy Tami for her more traditional feminine dimensions. Like Stana, I pass very well in public even though I’m definitely a tall woman at 6 feet 2 – but 183 pounds with a 31-inch waist and long slender legs. My own hair is very full so I wear it in an age-appropriate style just over my collar all around. I have invested seven years with a naturopath-homeopathic gal’s prescribed intensive daily regimen of plant-based phytoestrogen extracts and capsules (alongside diet and exercise) resulting in amazing natural breast development. I now measure 39-31-35, wear Misses 10 or 12 and 36C bra. Also like Stana, I can no longer be without a shirt with family, friends, neighbors – so I have settled into good ways to stay covered and flattened. But it’s a very small price to pay as I aspire to acceptance among women as a woman.

Wearing Bella Dahl

Kayky Brito (left) femulating in Brazilian television’s Pepper Chocolate (Chocolate con Pimenta).

Someday Funnies: Beyond Chapeau

Wearing Ann Taylor

Piotr Gawron-Jedlikowski femulated Magdalena Narożna on Polish television’s Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo. Click here to view this femulation on YouTube.

My Trigger

Monday’s post and your comments to that post reminded me what may have been my trigger.

In the past, I have written that discovering the world of female impersonators moved me to try female impersonation myself at the age of 12. However, I had been exploring my gender gifts years before that, so female impersonation was not necessarily my trigger. But it was so long ago, that I am not actually sure what it was. 

Digging way down deep in my memory, I can only recall one event that may have started it all.

I was probably between the ages of 6 and 9 and for a day or two, I wanted to be a circus clown when I grew up. I remember I was home alone with my mother (my father and sister were out) and I covered my face with my mother’s cold cream to simulate a clown’s white face. What a mess!

I showed my handiwork to my mother and she volunteered to do a better job. She removed the cold cream and started anew applying various cosmetics to my face.

When she was done, I looked in the mirror and was shocked. Instead of looking like a clown, I looked like a girl. I still remember the bright red lipstick on my lips.

In retrospect, I am not sure if she realized what I was trying to do. I do not recall if I was clear about trying to be a clown. She may have thought I was trying to be a girl and acted accordingly.

Anyway, I was so embarrassed that I insisted that she remove the makeup before my father and sister returned home. She complied.

But now I no longer wanted to be a circus clown when I grew up. I wanted to be a woman.

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

William Hoeveler femulating for University of Pittsburgh’s 1938 womanless stage show.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Name Brand Wigs

Femulating in Russian television’s King of the Games
Click here to view this femulation on YouTube.

Trigger?

Anonymous wrote the following comment to a recent post. I thought the comment deserved a post of its own, so here it is.

I’m curious how many of us girls got our start in femininity after getting recruited to dress up as a girl in a show or skit? 

I’ve always believed that my interest was sparked after playing a girl’s role in a little show that my parents were involved in at the community theater in my hometown. I was seven and they were putting on Showboat. For reasons I never understood, they needed one more girl to be in the background of several scenes.

It was presented to me as a “big adventure” by mom. I didn’t want to be a girl, but I didn’t know how to say no. I remember being shown how to put on my 1850’s styled little girl’s dresses, petticoats and I think almost everyone who saw the show had no idea that I was not a little girl. Still it felt embarrassing and once the show was finished, I didn’t like seeing photos of myself as a girl or talking about it.

As a young teen, I began to think about that experience more and more. I wondered what it would feel like to try on a dress with pantyhose.

One day when I was home alone, I saw one of mom’s dresses on a hanger in the laundry room and I couldn’t resist trying it on. Who’d know? I was young enough so that mom’s dress fit me fairly well. I walked around the house and decided that I needed to find pantyhose. Then I wanted to put on a slip under my dress.

Dressing up as a girl became a regular activity when I was home alone. I felt guilty for doing it and felt that something was wrong with me, but I didn’t want to know what it was nor did I want to stop wearing dresses and skirts.

Who knows if I’d have ever started crossdressing had I not played a little girl in a show. I’m sure there are opinions both ways. I love the feeling of wearing dresses, the swish of a chiffon hem against pantyhose, but I love being a man and having a wife and family. So I don’t share that aspect of myself with them.

However, from the couple of surviving photos of me from the play, I didn’t look too unhappy being all dolled up.

Wearing Hemant & Nandita

KISS femulating to celebrate Paul Stanley’s 1977 birthday.

Someday Funnies: Fashion Mincing Forward

Wearing Samantha Sung

Richard O’Brien

Someday Funnies: Not a Misster

Wearing A.L.C.

Femulating on stage in Casa Valentina