Nobody Cares What You Wear

The comments received in response to Wednesday’s post, “I Love What You’re Wearing, ‘Sir,’” indicates that there is more tolerance for more feminine coloring and style for a man to wear these days.

I am still old school in a lot of ways and believe that if you wear something feminine, you are taking a chance, so don’t be surprised if someone calls you on it. (Yet my experiences wearing feminine items does not support my beliefs, so go figure.)

Anyway it seems that no one is calling anyone on anything, which is a good thing with regards to the situation that girls like us find ourselves. But that throws a monkey wrench into our beliefs that we are passing. Passing may actually be a matter of nobody caring.

If that’s the case, we can dress to our feminine heart’s content out among the civilians and get away with it. I wouldn’t recommend wearing an evening gown to go shopping at Walmart, but a denim miniskirt and crop top will probably work. Although if you go the Walmart evening gown route, you can always say that you were on your way to the opera and decided to pick up a few things.

While on the subject of blending and not blending in, you may recall a few years ago when I had a free dinner date courtesy of Prudential Financial. Stanley was invited and she attended dressed appropriately for a woman her age.

At the banquet hall, each attendee was assigned to a specific table and each table had a Prudential representative seated with the guests. The rep introduced himself and was available to field questions, if any. It was all very laid-back and there was no high pressure sales.

A week later, I received a call on my iPhone. I did not recognize the number, so I did not answer it. I received a second call from the same number a week later and another on Friday.

Over the weekend, I finally noticed that there were two voicemails left after the last two calls. I listened to the voicemails and they were from the Prudential rep seated at our table offering his financial services if I was interested.

He did mention in passing that either I was a no-show at the dinner or I ended up sitting at the wrong table!

Ha!

There were three couples and two solos (me and a guy) seated at our table. Perhaps the rep thought I was with the wife or girlfriend of the solo guy even though we were not seated together. I also assume he was looking for a male Stanley at his table, not the lady Stanley, who was present.

I guess I blend in better than I thought. 

Wearing Boston Proper

Bathing beauty Brandi

Someday Funnies: Not Kissin’ Cousins

Wearing Alice + Olivia

Dave Lynn, British professional femulator

I Love What You’re Wearing, “Sir”

Jasmine wrote, “A topic I would like you to explore with your readers is whether or not when not totally en femme, if they still wear feminine clothing that while not gender neutral, is something that is ambiguous enough to not potentially out themselves to others. I ask because of something that has happened twice to me that probably did out me! 

“The first time, I had on a pair of sandals that were mostly like male sandals, but were embellished on the top, which may have made them feminine enough for the comment I received. I was in Florida staying at an Airbnb and the lady whose home I was at commented in the first few minutes after my arrival about how much she loved my sandals. 

“Along the same lines, I was in male mode at a meeting, but had on female dress shoes that look like they could be for men, although they are a little bit more narrow in the design than men’s shoes and are gray in color. The comment I received may have happened because the brand was Esprit. I was told by a woman prior to the meeting that she really loved my shoes. 

“To me, both of these comments are a nice way of saying they know that I am wearing women’s footwear. Having said that, the comments are welcomed because it is no different than two women having a conversation about fashion and I love it when this happens.”

👠 👠 👠

Personally, I wear panties all the time, but there is no visible panty line, so I get away with it! But seriously, I have worn women’s sweaters, tunics, hoodies, jeans, slacks, shorts, socks and sneakers in boy mode, and nobody ever commented about it. However, a manly shirt that I wore may have confirmed my transness.

When I was still gainfully employed, our division’s HR rep seemed to be friendly with some co-workers, but she was always aloof with me. Whenever I encountered her and said, “Hello Amanda,” she rarely said, “Hello Stan.” Usually just a cold “Hello” and sometimes not even that.

Things changed dramatically after I came out to corporate HR. I assumed our corporate HR Director informed Amanda about my transness because after coming out, Amanda became downright friendly and she never missed calling me by my name when we exchange Hello’s.

So one day I wore a shirt that had a blue floral print. I bought it in the men’s department of Walmart, so I knew it was a man’s shirt. However, there is no doubting its floral design. Some guys might shun such a shirt as being too feminine or at least, too diverse.

Anyway, I ran into our local HR rep while wearing that shirt and said, “Hello Amanda.”

She replied, “Hello Stan” and then she added, “Nice shirt, by the way.”

I was very surprised by her compliment and thanked her for it.

Anyway, Jasmine and I would like to hear about your experiences wearing girl garments in boy mode. So comment below and tell all.

Wearing Nana Jacqueline

David Tennant femulating on the British stage in What the Butler Saw.

Someday Funnies: Too Manly!

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

British professional femulator Jimmy Slater, circa 1935

Starting Over Again

I am scheduled to have knee replacement surgery on January 30. At the present time, my bad knee is swollen and arthritic. When I walk, it is not pretty. Getting up from a seat is difficult and climbing down stairs is challenging. The surgery can’t come too soon.

I have relatives who had the surgery and listening to their experiences, I concluded that maybe I will approach normality in six months. So it will be awhile before I will be sashaying around town in high heels (or even kitten heels).

We are a one-car family and I worry how this all will affect my ability to drive my Subaru with its manual transmission (as luck would have it, my bad knee happens to be on my clutch leg).

Recovery will probably affect the daily schedule of this blog, too. I’m not too concerned about missing a few daily posts, but I just want to forewarn you readers so that you will not worry when I am a no-show.

On the other hand, I hope that after I heal, it will be a new beginning for me. That I will be able to get out more. Do more outreach. Volunteer. And just enjoy my life as a woman.

The New Beginnings image above was originally an email fashion ad from Joie that screamed to be Photoshopped (face swapped) as you see above. 

Wearing Oscar De La Renta

Before becoming Dame Hilda Bracket of Hinge and Bracket fame, Brit Patrick Fyffe was a professional femulator named Perri St Claire.

Someday Funnies: Wig Out

Wearing DKNY dress, Christian Louboutin shoes and vintage Chanel bag

Patrick Fyffe and George Logan femulating as Dame Hilda Bracket and Dr. Evadne Hinge on stage, television and radio as the en femme British comedy team Hinge and Bracket.

Someday Funnies: Fit for a Queen

Wearing Valentino

George Sanders femulating in the 1970 film The Kremlin Letter.

At Work En Femme

Paula Gaikowski commented so positively about a photo of me on flickr depicting my first Halloween en femme at work that I decided to recount that day here today.

Halloween is “National Crossdresser’s Day,” so they say. I guess there is some truth in that because my first public crossdressed outing was on Halloween and I know many other crossdressers also poked their bewigged heads out of the closet for the first time on October 31. And over the years, I have continued to crossdress on Halloween attending parties given by friends and my support group. But, this year was different.

One week before Halloween, my company announced that they were sponsoring a day of Halloween events including a costume contest. In all my years of being gainfully employed, no employer of mine had ever sanctioned wearing costumes to work on Halloween.

I know some of you have gone to work en femme on Halloween and I often considered it, but I never had the nerve to do it. However, in the year 2000, I could go to work en femme with the blessing of the boss! T’was a crossdresser’s dream-come-true.

There was no doubt that my costume would be en femme, but how en femme was the question. I considered my options and decided to dress appropriately for my workplace, which is an office. My costume would be “office girl drag.”

I had a plenty of outfits that qualified as office girl drag, so I went through my stash to decide what to wear. I narrowed my choices down to three outfits. To make the final decision, I slipped into my unmentionables and modeled each outfit for my wife. She and I agreed that the black print, short-sleeved, knee-length sheath looked best. To round out the ensemble, I chose tan pantyhose and a pair of black patent pumps with 3-1/2-inch spike heels.

The night before Halloween, I prepared for the next day. I depilated, combed out my wig, and laid everything out so I could get ready as quickly as possible Halloween morning. I turned in early because I had set the alarm clock for 4:45 AM to give me enough time to depart for work at 7:15 fully made-up and dressed. However, turning in early did no good because I was so excited I had a hard time falling asleep. It was after 2 AM before I finally nodded off and I woke up 15 minutes before the alarm clock was set.

I got up, shaved, showered, and applied my makeup. For a change, I had no makeup disasters and was finished by 6:15. I put on my undies, dress, shoes, and wig, then I checked myself out in a full-length mirror. Was that Nicole Kidman’s reflection in the mirror? Not quite, but when I squinted real hard, I thought I saw Nicole Kidman’s mother.

Last thing to do was my nails. I applied press-on nails to my pinky and ring fingers, then I had an incredibly hard time applying the nails to my middle fingers. None of the press-ons fit quite right and adding glue did not make a difference. Time was running out, so I decided to forgo the nails. After removing the press-ons from my pinky and ring fingers, I grabbed my purse and hit the road.

The commute was uneventful and I arrived at work 15 minutes early. I exited my car and walked to the main entrance enjoying the feminine beat of my heels clicking on the sidewalk.

Inside, the first people I encountered were our receptionist and a woman from Human Resources. At first, neither of them recognized me. Then, they both recognized me and started gushing over my costume. So far, so good.

I went upstairs to my cubicle. Since I was early, there was no one around to see me, so I went to the cubicle of one of my best friends at work (she is one of the few people who gets to work earlier than I}. I stuck my head around the corner of her cubicle and said, “Trick or treat.” She was floored!

After she regained her composure, she began calling me “Stella” and insisted on escorting me to the cubicles where other early birds were already at work. Our first stop was her boss, who had been with the company about six months. I don’t work directly with him, but he is only three cubicles away from me and we cross each other’s paths each day.

My friend pushed me into his cubicle and he had no clue. At first, he thought I was a new female employee, but my friend blew my cover, “Don’t you recognize him?” He didn’t until I explained that I was the guy three cubicles away.

And that was the way it went all day long. A tall woman in a Halloween costume environment is a dead giveaway. As a result, the majority read me as a man in drag, but did not know which man until I showed them my mug shot on my security card. On the other hand, a minority did not read me at all including some folks that I work with on a regular basis.

By mid-morning, the word was out that there was a guy in drag upstairs and a procession of onlookers began marching up to my cubicle to check me out. (No other guys appeared in drag. In fact, only a handful of guys wore costumes at all. On the other hand, the woman had a lot more Halloween spirit and approximately 1 out of 4 women appeared in costume.)

In general, women loved my costume. Some were amazed that I shaved my legs and my arms. Others complimented me on my makeup and some asked, “Did your wife do your makeup?”

“No, I did it myself,” I responded, which caused even more amazement.

A few remarked that I should quit my job and become a professional female impersonator! One woman said, “You made my day,” and she returned to my cubicle three times with two or three new onlookers in tow each time. A pretty administrator remarked, “You look better than most women I know.”

I don’t think I fooled everyone. A few women gave me knowing looks, like they knew I looked too good to have only done this once. But, I didn’t mind.

On the male side, the majority appreciated my costume, but there were two or three who seemed to be phobic about it, typical macho twaddle, I guess.

Shortly after getting to work, my pantyhose began running like crazy! I don’t know if they were defective or I was careless, but by 10 AM, I had three runs that were getting bigger by the minute. I wanted to look my best, so I left the building for a few minutes and drove to a nearby CVS to buy a new pair.

Now, this is the scary part because CVS was not having a Halloween costume contest. I parked the car and walked into CVS passing a handful of people who paid me no mind. I entered the store and to avoid causing a commotion, I went to the first salesgirl I saw and explained that I ran the pantyhose of my Halloween costume and needed a new pair.

“Hosiery is in aisle eight, Ma’am,” she replied, unfazed by my Halloween costume hint.

I guess I was not going to cause a commotion, so I went to aisle eight, picked out a pair, then I went to the register where the same salesgirl rang me up without a clue.

Now, here is the amazing part. I never used a femme voice. I spoke in my normal male voice, which is admittedly soft-spoken, but definitely male. I guess the salesgirl’s eyes convinced her that I was a woman no matter what clues her ears might be picking up. (I had read about this phenomenon, but did not believe it until I actually experienced it.)

I returned to my office and waited for the results of the costume contest. A lot of people said they would vote for me and I guess they did because I won. I thought there were three or four costumes that were better than mine, but I guess having the guts to wear the costume I wore was that little extra that pushed me over the top.

I feel a little guilty about that because it did not take any guts to do what I did. This was something I wanted to do for a very long time. I also felt like I cheated a little because this wasn’t a costume I put together overnight. I’ve had practice dressing like this for years.

I’ll admit that I did have some qualms about possibly losing the respect of some of my colleagues. But when I thought about it, if somebody lost respect for me because I crossdressed on Halloween, then I don’t want their respect. So, qualms be damned! Tighten that corset as tight as you can. Today you are a woman!

I made one fashion blunder: my choice of footwear. I had not worn that particular pair of high heels in such a long time that I had forgotten why I stopped wearing them – because they hurt a lot in a very short time! I have other pumps with the same heel height and even higher that don’t hurt like that pair did. The only saving grace is that I did not have to get up and walk around too much. I could just sit at my desk and pose for my admirers whenever they showed up.

However, I regret that I did not wear more comfortable shoes because I wanted to go to the mall, have lunch at the food court, and do some window-shopping. But by noon, my feet were so hobbled that walking around the mall would have been very ugly.

I also had a fashion revelation. Wearing a tight corset all day was quite painless. The corset did inhibit movement, but it did not cause any aches or pains (like my shoes and clip-on earrings), while improving my figure immeasurably.

I had the time of my life. I wished the day would never end, but it did and now I have a lot of wonderful memories about my first day at work en femme.

In retrospect, that first Halloween en femme at work gave me a lot of confidence about appearing among civilians en femme. So much so, that I did not think twice about going to work en femme five years in a row even though the company was not celebrating Halloween with a costume contest.

Wearing New York & Company

As a 17-year-old transvestite-in-training, The Queen blew my mind upon its release in 1968. Here was a film about a womanless beauty pageant at a time when any information about crossdressing was very difficult to find, leaving girls like me who lived out in the boonies to wonder if we were all alone in the world. The Queen indicated otherwise.

Someday Funnies: Trans Tradition

Wearing Bailey44

Charles Hawtrey femulating in the 1969 British film Carry On Again Doctor.

A Woman in Pants

On Monday, Hannah, one of my favorite bloggers, wrote, “When we are en femme, I believe we become a different person.”

In response, I say, “It depends.”

There are femulators, who for legitimate reasons compartmentalize their male life and their female life. So much so that when they are en femme, they do become a different person. I propose that this is probably the case with most femulators.

Then there are femulators like me. 

As I have written here in the past, I am a feminine guy... always was. However, for the first half of my life, I did not know it and was confused by the abuse I received from my peers for being so. Boys called me names like “sissy,” “fairy,” “faggot,” etc.

This was not just a case of bullies using random offensive names to raise my ire. Even a few of my friends told me that I was not acting like a boy at a 100% level and that I should do something about it.

I wondered if there was something in my mannerisms or speech that caused their reaction. I was not intentionally acting or speaking in an affected manner. Rather, I was speaking and acting in my natural manner, which I did not feel was feminine.

The fact that even friends told me that something was amiss indicated that something really was amiss, but I was clueless. I had no idea what I had to do differently to be more boy-like. So, I continued acting the same way I always acted and if someone called me a name, I’d hit them with my purse.

However, as I became more involved with crossdressing, I finally realized that I was indeed feminine and that crossdressing was a perfect fit for my feminine personality. 

This was not just self-deception. 

I will never forget a friend of mine at a Halloween party telling me that he never realized how feminine my speaking and mannerisms were until he saw me dressed as a woman. He indicated that my female costume was a perfect fit for my normal mannerisms and speech.

After mentioning this story at outreach one time, one of the students confirmed that my mannerisms were feminine and that my friends and acquaintances had been right on the mark in their estimation of me. That I was a woman in pants, a girl in boy’s clothing. And when I crossdressed, I did not become a different person; rather I adjusted my wardrobe to conform with my feminine self.

South Korean singing group Brown Eyed Girls created this video for their song “Wonder Woman.” The video is gender role reversal personified with boys dressed as brides and women dressed as grooms. You can view the video on YouTube.