I Don’t Blend and I Don’t Care

Many wise transwomen recommend blending if you are trying to pass. (I’ve occasionally recommended that myself.)

The theory says that if you dress like the other women in the environment you plan to be in, that is, if you blend in with the other women, you will lessen the chances of bringing attention to yourself, thus increasing the chances of successfully passing yourself off as a woman.

For example, if you are going grocery shopping, then jeans and a top would be your choice of apparel for blending in most places as opposed to a bodycon dress and stiletto pumps.

I have tried blending and it seems to work, but blending is boring. When I dress en femme, I want to dress EN FEMME, if you know what I mean. I dress to be noticed not to be ignored. If I wanted to be ignored, I'd dress en homme.

As Lucille Sorella wrote in her Femme Secrets blog, “As a genetic woman, the last thing I want to do is blend in! I wear makeup, style my hair, and dress fashionably because I want to stand out in a crowd. I believe it’s a natural feminine desire to want to be noticed.”

As a transwoman, I feel the same way. 

I am also at an age that I dress to please me and don’t care what other people think.

And perchance I have to go to Stop & Shop to buy a few items while I am en femme, I just think of myself as another working girl dressed appropriately for the office, but overdressed for grocery shopping during her lunch hour or on her way home from the office.

Works for me.

Wearing Rue La La

Christina at a Tau Upsilon Tri Ess Meeting, Christmas 2008.

Marcie at an entrance to the Galleria in North Dallas, Texas.

70 Years Ago

Seventy years ago on December 1, Christine Jorgensen’s sex change made headlines on the front page of the Daily News and probably kicked off the modern transgender era, although the term “transgender” did not exist back then.

I was just a toddler at the time, but fast forwarding 20 years found me in the audience of University of Connecticut’s Jorgensen Auditorium hanging on to every word spoken by Christine Jorgensen, who was presenting a lecture at my school.

I was taking Journalism 101 and our professor randomly assigned stories to us budding reporters and I just happened to get the Christine Jorgensen assignment. As a closeted crossdressing 21-year-old, I was thrilled, but had to feign disinterest so as not to give anything away!

I attended the lecture and was in awe of the woman, who used to be a man. I had seen photos, but had never encountered a trans-person in person, at least, not to my knowledge. Seeing Christine up on the stage giving her talk was my first trans-encounter and it was a very positive experience. There was no doubt in my mind that Christine was really a woman and it gave me pause that maybe I was one, too.

Thank you Mikki for reminding me about this anniversary.

Wearing New York & Company

Virginia (from France) standing next to the Christmas tree she had just decorated.

Brandy relaxing and contemplating what might Santa bring.

Girls’ Night Out

Girls’ days and nights out during the holidays almost always results in a nice story, so continuing in that vein, I recount another outing with some girlfriends during the holidays.

The agenda for Wednesday's girls’ night out was to go to Hartford to dine at Max Downtown and after dinner, go to TheaterWorks to see Christmas on the Rocks, “an off beat collection of twisted holiday tales.”

I don't know my way around downtown Hartford especially in the dark, so I bribed Diana to do the driving because she worked in Hartford and knows her way around town! So after I got dressed to the nines, I drove to Diana’s abode and she drove us to Hartford.

I-84 in Hartford was threatening to become a parking lot and although we left Diana's house with plenty of time to spare, making our 5:30 reservation at the restaurant looked impossible. Hopefully, the other girls would save the day and get to the restaurant on time.

After abandoning I-84 and working her way through the streets of Hartford, Diana parked in the City Place underground garage, which was under the restaurant (more or less) and we arrived at the restaurant about ten minutes late. Luckily, the other girls (Laura, Robin and Arlene) did arrive on time, so our reservations were intact.

Let me tell you about the restaurant.

Robin suggested it and I went along ― it was new to me and I am always willing to try something new. I checked the menu online and its prices were on the high side, but it’s the holidays, so what the heck!

This place was very classy. Probably one of the classiest restaurants I have ever been in. The male diners all wore suits or sports jackets and the female diners were equally well-dressed. No jeans or tees in this joint!

After checking in, they asked to take our coats and I was pleased to give mine up so I could better show off my outfit while we were escorted to our table. It was a long walk during which I strutted my stuff and took note of some of the attention I was getting. I loved it!

It wasn’t long ago that when this girl was in a similar situation, she would avoid eye contact with any civilians and try to hide in plain sight. Now she relishes the attention, tries to make eye contact and responds with a pretty smile. That’s progress!

The restaurant was packed and we were seated next to tables full of business people, who seemed to mind their own business and not ours, which is no surprise because a table full of middle-aged women just blends into the background in settings like these. 

The very attentive waitstaff used the correct pronouns, called us “ladies” and made our visit as enjoyable as possible. The wine and food (“Max’s Label Dry Aged Prime Beef Burger,” a $21 cheeseburger) was excellent, but the after-dinner coffee seemed a little stale.

Showtime was quickly approaching, so we paid the bill and prepared to exit. I knew that as soon as I hit the cold air outdoors, I would have to relieve myself, so while the others headed for the exit, I headed for ladies’room and used the facilities as they were intended to be used, that is, I sat to pee.

Exiting the ladies’ room, I was unsure about which way to go to get to the exit. One of the staff, an older gent (probably my age), sensed my predicament and asked me where I wanted to go. He then escorted me all the way to the exit, while engaging me in conversation about my experience at the restaurant. It was such a feminine moment – a lady in distress rescued by a knight in shining armor!

Next stop was the theater – a short two-block walk from the restaurant. The theater was small and the seats were narrow. I was very uncomfortable the whole time and it took away from my enjoyment of the show.

The theater describes the play, thusly, “It's Christmas Eve in a rundown local bar. Expecting a silent night, the bartender finds himself mixing drinks for a parade of surprising guests – children from your favorite Christmas specials and movies - now all grown up! Tiny Tim, Charlie Brown, Cindy Lou Who and a host of others pour out their Christmas woes in this delightful parody.”

The Cindy Lou Who (of Grinch fame) and Charlie Brown segments were excellent; the others were OK. They saved the best for last (Cindy and Charlie), so I was less anxious to get out of Dodge because those segments held my interest, but I was still very happy to get up from my uncomfortable seat and file out when the show ended.

Outside the theater, we exchanged hugs and season’s greeting because Arlene-Laura-Robin were parked in a different location than we were parked. Diana and I walked back to City Place under which Diana’s car was parked and after a couple of false starts trying to get into the now locked-up building, we finally were let in, paid for the parking and left Hartford.

Back home, I turned back into a pumpkin at 10:30 PM with memories of an excellent girls’ night out. We discussed doing it again real soon now and I hope we do. 

Wearing Taylor

Lynn Jones attending the Chameleons Christmas Do in 2021.
Lynn blogs at Yet Another Transgender Blog.

Jessica at a holiday party.

Someday Funnies: Add It to His To-Do List

Wearing Alice + Olivia

Angela wishing you a Merry Christmas

Dani posing by her Christmas tree.

Yet Another Girl’s Day Out

On Friday, I posted the story about attending my former employer’s Christmas luncheon en femme after I had retired. They invited me back again the following year, so as a follow-up to Friday’s post, I am telling the rest of the story today.   

Thursday (December 20, 2018), I attended my former employer’s Christmas luncheon party.

I wore my Julia Jordan gunmetal fit-and-flare dress, Dress Barn off-black pin-dot tights and Nine West metallic platform pumps. Instead of accessorizing with silver jewelry as I originally planned, my wife suggested I wear something colorful for the holidays, so I wore a red necklace and red earrings.

As I began to fill my old tired-looking black handbag, my daughter gave me an early Christmas present: a red Kate Spade handbag! I was so surprised and happy with her generous gift that I almost started to cry, but I held back my tears so as not to ruin my makeup.

I left the house and drove to the banquet hall hosting the luncheon. Usually I wear my heels when I drive, but the platform pumps are about a half-inch higher than my usual footwear and that half-inch or so made it difficult to manipulate the three pedals under the dashboard, so I wore flats to drive and switched to heels when I arrived at the banquet hall.

I entered the hall and when I checked my coat, the three women staffing the front of the hall said they loved my outfit. One said she wanted to buy shoes like mine.

I found a seat at a table with my former co-workers and it was just like last year’s Christmas luncheon when I wrote, “It was as if I showed up in boy mode.” Folks greeted and chatted with me like old times. The fact that I was presenting as a woman made no difference.

I realize now that it did not matter if I showed up in boy mode or girl mode. Rather, it mattered that I showed up in Stan mode. In a dress or slacks, I am the same person that my former co-workers knew for 20 years and I think most of them were glad to know me just as I was glad to know them.

👠👠👠

All my previous femulations among my co-workers was with blonde hairdos, so when I showed up as a brunette on Thursday, some people did not recognize me.

While standing in line for the buffet, the co-worker in front of me remarked that she had no idea who I was because I looked so different as a brunette. She added that I looked gorgeous as a brunette.

👠👠👠

Although I had a great time celebrating the holidays with my former co-workers, it was also a little depressing to hear the news I missed during the past year. One co-worker’s son committed suicide, another co-worker was diagnosed with colon cancer and the company is being sold (again), which may result in my division disappearing.

👠👠👠

Good news is that I reached my weight loss goal this week. Bad news is that I now have a closet full of shoes that no longer fit. I had no idea that losing weight would result in reducing my shoe size as well as my dress size.

I plan to go through my collection and see what fits and what doesn't fit. Every cloud has a silver lining, so I assume I will also find shoes that were too small six months ago that now fit.

I discovered my shrinking foot problem when I tried on the Nine West metallic platform pumps a few days before wearing them out. They were very loose and after a few steps, I would lose one shoe or the other.

Being a stubborn fashionista, I was determined to wear those shoes with my new dress to the Christmas party, so I inserted heel liners in each shoe. The liners helped and I did not lose a shoe throughout the day, but often I had to clench my foot when it felt like a shoe was not going my way. So they are destined for the “do not fit” division of my shoe wardrobe.

By the way, I have not been invited back again to my former employer’s Christmas luncheons. It is probably due to my losing touch with my former co-workers, as well as management changes after the company was sold.

Wearing New York & Company

Cyrsti (left) at Christmas dinner with her wife Liz.
Cyrsti blogs at Cyrsti’s Condo.

Paula Gaikowski toasts to Happy New Year.

Someday Funnies: Feckless Father

Wearing Veronica Beard

Allison James sending Holiday Greetings to all!

Joey at a dermatologist appointment. Joey blogs at Joeypress.

Holiday Photo Glut

The response to my invitation to submit your holiday photo for publication in the Femulator spot below has been overwhelming. So much so that I would not be able to finish posting all the received photos until after the holidays were over. To correct that problem, beginning with today’s post, I will post two holiday photos each day so that all your photos will appear in a timely holiday manner.

Happy Holidays!

Wearing New York & Company

Kerri in her LBD.

Rachel at Sidetracks in Chicago in December 2020 wearing a gorgeous honey blonde wig, an LBD, full makeup and jewelry, nails, 3-inch heels and fur jacket. (Not bad for 70 years old!)

Girl’s Day Out

I retired in the summer of 2017, but the folks at my old salt mine invited me back for the company’s Christmas party luncheon. After five consecutive appearances en femme at work on Halloween, I assumed some of my co-workers figured that I was gender variant, so I decided to attend the luncheon en femme and confirm any thoughts that my co-workers had concerning my gender. So hop on the wayback machine and read the post I wrote all about that day five years ago .   

Tuesday, this girl went out for the day.

After I did my face and my hair and slipped into my undies, I had second thoughts about the outfit I had put together on Monday and began formulating Plan B.

Hanging in my closet was a hunter green lace dress that I wore to my support group’s Christmas party about 25 years ago. It was dressy, not over the top and very suitable for an office Christmas luncheon. I slipped it on and discovered that the lining was falling apart (strike one), the zipper was not working properly (strike two) and it looked like an old dress (strike three). I literally threw it away and went back to Plan A.

After I put on “the outfit,” I realized it would have been a mistake if I had not worn it. It made me feel like a million bucks and a few years younger.

The weather was unseasonably warm (in the low 50’s), so I was able to wear my blue trench coat instead of a heavy winter coat. Perfect – because the trench coat grazed my knees. Although I was very comfortable wearing “the outfit” to the luncheon, I was less comfortable wearing it around the mall and my trench coat would hide “the outfit” while I went shopping before the luncheon.

First stop was the nail salon in the Waterbury mall to buy a gift certificate for my daughter. In the past, I avoided that mall, as well as all the other stores in Waterbury because I spent the first half of my life in Waterbury and I did not want to run into anyone I knew from my male life.

I realize that even if I did run into an acquaintance, they probably would not recognize me, but they might recognize my wheels. My license plate displays my ham radio callsign, so anyone who knows my call (most of my family and friends) might wonder who was the blond driving my car.

But I don’t give a damn anymore. If I ran into an old friend or acquaintance, I would say “Hello” rather than run away. Then I  could cross another person off my Coming Out To Do List.

So I went to the mall, found the nail salon, purchased a gift certificate and no one batted an eye. And I did not run into an old friend or acquaintance.

I did not browse the mall because time was of the essence and I had two more stops to make before going to the luncheon.

I drove to Big Lots in Wallingford (the city where I was formerly employed and where the luncheon was being held) to purchase CD/DVD jewel cases. Big Lots has the best price for jewel cases (25 for $5) and since the store was on the way to the luncheon, I stopped by to stock up.

I picked up two packages of jewel cases and went to the cashier to pay up. The cashier was a 20-something fellow and I think he was flustered by my presence. Instead of spouting out the usual, “Were you able to find everything you wanted?,” he said something that I did not understand, so I asked, “What did you say?”

He replied, “I meant to say ‘Were you able to find everything you wanted?’”

I don’t know if he was flustered because I was a crossdresser or a ravishing beauty or a ravishing crossdresser. Whatever... I was amused as he settled down and handled the rest of the transaction in a professional and pleasant manner.

I have my car serviced at the dealer where I bought it in Wallingford. Whenever I have my car serviced, the dealer always gives me a coupon for a free car wash. So after Big Lots, I went to the car wash to use a coupon.

There is only a brief encounter with a human being (to turn in the coupon), so I did not expect any issues and there were none, although the human being I dealt with is the same guy who I have encountered during past car cleansing. Evidently, he did not recognize me, my car or my license plate.

It was now high noon. I was five minutes away from the luncheon location, so I would be fashionably late.

I arrived at the banquet hall, parked my car and as I walked to the entrance, I encountered Jackie, who was also on her way into the hall. I confessed to her that I was nervous and she said I had nothing to be nervous about, but that did not comfort me much.

I entered the hall and almost every seat was full and the contents of every full seat looked up as I removed my trench coat and revealed “the outfit.” There was a definite buzz in the air. Rick, the fellow who organized the luncheon greeted me and pointed out the empty seats that were available. I was always on very good terms with Rick, so I took the empty seat next to him at his table.

I was the only woman at that table, but I had worked with all the guys at the table for years. In fact, I worked with one fellow at two previous places of employment, so we have known each other for over 30 years. The other fellows were always supportive when I dressed en femme at work for Halloween, so I felt comfortable with the group. As I settled in, one of guys offered to buy me a drink (“A glass of pineau, please”). That never happened when I attended past Christmas luncheons en homme!

One hyphenated word described the luncheon: anti-climatic.

It was as if I showed up in boy mode. Except for Jackie, who said she loved my skirt, no one mentioned “the outfit” or the fact that I was presenting as a woman. Everyone called me “Stan” and socialized with me as they always had in the past.

I was seated at the first table in the room, so everyone had to pass by me to get to the bar and the food. About half the attendees greeted me in one way or another — waving, shaking my hand, giving me a hug, asking me how I like retirement, etc. Folks I have known for a long time stopped by and spent a longer time conversing with me.

A few co-workers confirmed my suspicion that they suspected I was transgender, so it is likely that most of my co-workers shared the same thought. I guess being transgender did not make a difference.

What a great bunch of people I worked with!

Wearing New York & Company

Sister blogger Paula Goodwin glammed up for her support group Christmas party.