Someday Funnies: Gowns for Gents

Wearing Rago

Robbie Coltrane and Eric Idle femulating in the 1990 British film Nuns on the Run.

No one would ever guess that you’re not a woman

Hard to believe, but one of my favorite Halloweens was five years ago even though it seems like it was just yesterday. I just reread the post describing that outing and I am sharing it with you again.

I slept late (I've been doing that a lot since I retired) and pretty much abandoned my Halloween plans because I would be getting such a late start. So I performed my normal morning routine, then sipped a cup of coffee while reading the newspaper.

My wife and I always read our daily horoscopes to each other for amusement, but when I read mine, I was enthused rather than amused. 

So I put down the newspaper, took my cup of coffee to the bathroom, set up my makeup mirror and began doing my makeup. Ninety minutes later, I completed my transition and looked very business-like wearing a vintage pinstripe skirt suit that I bought on eBay over 20 years ago.

Hair Salon

I was on the road at 11 AM and made my first stop only two miles away at the salon where I have been getting my hair done for over 25 years.

Two years ago, I was getting my hair done after Halloween and my hairdresser, Miss D, asked if I did anything for the holiday. So I pulled out my iPhone and showed her my en femme photo. She was floored and could not get over it, so I decided to let her see my femulation in person this year.

I entered the salon and Miss D greeted me without a glimmer of recognition. I played along and said I wanted to make an appointment with my regular hairdresser, Miss K. Miss D opened the appointment book and found an opening that I could fill, then she asked my name (to enter into the book).

When I told her my boy name, her jaw dropped and the “Oh, my God’s” began flowing without interruption. Just then, another hairdresser, Miss C, showed up for work and she was flabbergasted, too.

Miss D had to return to her station to attend to a customer, but Miss C hung back and agreed to take some photos with my iPhone.

Bank

Next stop was my bank, where I usually do my business via the drive-through window. Since I was cashing a check and making a withdrawal, I would have to show my I.D. (my drivers license) and there might be some confusion considering how I appeared, so I went indoors rather than driving through.

As I entered, I saw three women staffing the bank — I have done business with all three of them for a number of years, usually at the drive-through window and occasionally up front and personal.

I greeted the woman who was seated typing away at a computer in the cubicle just inside the bank entrance. She looked up from the computer and was clueless.

I smiled and said, “Happy Halloween! You may know me as [insert my male name].”

I believe she heard me, but I think she could not believe her eyes and asked, “Who?”

I had to repeat my name a couple of times before it sank in and she said, “Wow — you look fabulous!”

“Thank-you,” and I proceeded to get into the line waiting for my turn at the teller, who greeted me with a big smile as I queued up. The third woman was staffing the drive-through window and did not seem to recognize me.

When it was my turn, I walked up to the teller, who greeted me so profusely that I knew she knew who I was.

“You look lovely today,” she said.

“You know who I am, don't you.”

“I recognized you as soon as you walked in.”

There were no other customers in the bank, so my teller called over the other teller and asked her if she recognized me.

The other teller did not have a clue.

My teller tried to clue her in with this hint, “Who has a green car and always uses the drive-through window?”

The other teller was still clueless.

Another clue, “Who has a little friend (my dog) in the passenger seat?”

Still nothing!

My teller finally showed her my drivers license and the other teller shouted out my male name followed by a series of question marks and exclamation points. She was amazed and gushed over my “disguise.”

I asked my teller if she would take my photo and she said she would love to do it, so I handed her my iPhone and she took a half dozen shots including the one above.

I said my goodbyes and as I passed the cubicle where the first woman was working, she stopped me and went on and on about how convincing I looked.

I mentioned how my wife always said that I would never pass because of my large size.

“Oh, no,” she retorted, “No one would ever guess that you’re not a woman.”

And so it goes.

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

Warren Fremming and Chuck Bratton femulating in the 1972 film All About Alice.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Venus

Iain Armitage femulating on a 2022 episode of Young Sheldon.

The World According to Irving

I read a lot; always did, still do. Mostly non-fiction and occasionally fiction. 

One fiction I read a long time ago was The World According to Garp by John Irving. Its main attraction to me was that a transexual played a prominent role in the novel (and back in 1978, there weren't too many books, fiction or non-fiction, that touched on trans matters). The book was made into a film in 1982 with John Lithgow playing the transexual.

This year is the 40th anniversary of the film and gave CBS’s Sunday Morning an excuse to interview the book’s author, John Irving. The interview was very interesting and revealed that Irving’s favorite novel was Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick; or, The Whale (my favorite novel, too). It also revealed that one of Irving’s three progeny is a transwoman.

And so it goes.

Wearing Venus

Robin Williams and John Lithgow femulating in the 1982 film The World According to Garp.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Chicwish

Femulating cast members of Irving Berlin’s traveling World War II U.S. military play, This Is The Army.

Someday Funnies: Mother Knows Best

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

Ready to go out en femme selfie

My Story and I’m Sticking With It

I was employed three years at my last (and final) employer before I gave away any hints that I was trans. The hint (and it was a big one) was dressing as a businesswoman for the company-sponsored Halloween celebration. I did not dress for laughs (a man in a dress); rather, I dressed as authentically as I could and in the process, convinced some of my co-workers that I was a new female employee.

Three years later, my company did it again and so did I wearing a pinstriped skirt suit, high heels and all the trappings of a businesswoman. I am sure that some of my co-workers who were familiar with my previous Halloween appearance en femme, were starting to wonder about my wardrobe choices. Some made amusing or pointed comments about my costume, but no one ever questioned me about it.

My company did not celebrate Halloween again. Occasionally, a co-worker would show up in costume on October 31, but without the company imprimatur, most people did not costume up.

After waiting nine years for the company to do something again, I took matters into my own hands and showed up at work en femme on Halloween 2013. Since the company was not celebrating Halloween, my co-workers had no reason to suspect I was in costume. Instead, I successfully played the new female hire again. And I became a Halloween tradition by appearing en femme for the next four Halloweens – that’s five consecutive Halloweens in a skirt and heels. 

I assumed by then that some of my co-workers thought that something was up regarding my wardrobe. Little did I know that by the time I retired, nearly all my co-workers assumed I was trans-something or other. This was a revelation to me when after retirement, I attended the company Christmas luncheon en femme.

At that luncheon, I apologized to a number of my friends for giving them the wrong impression that my Halloween appearances were nothing more than a very authentic costume. In each case, my friends admitted that they saw through my ruse and figured that I was trans-something! (That framed photo on my desk of me en femme probably did not help keep my secret identity a secret!)

Thing is that by the time of my five consecutive appearances in businesswoman drag, I did not care what people thought. But I did find it amazing that no one ever asked me about it. If they had, I would have told them the truth, but it never happened. 

Another thing is that if I knew that everyone knew, I would have found more opportunities to show-up at work as a businesswoman, for example, on other holidays, my birthday, days of the month ending in the letter Y, etc.

And so it goes.

Wearing Reiss

  

Pat Henry femulating in the 1968 film Lady in Cement.

Someday Funnies: Girly Men at Work

Wearing New York & Company

Peter Capaldi and Robbie Coltrane femulating on British television’s The Comic Strip Presents. Robbie died on Friday and his antics in skirts will be missed.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Bebe

Christer Lindarw, Swedish clothes designer, actor and professional femulator

Sometimes Dreams Come True

Attending Fantasia Fair in 2010, I became friends with

trans advocate Ethan St. Pierre, who received the Fair’s

Virginia Prince Transgender Pioneer Award that year.

I began crossdressing in my teens in the 1960s. Home alone, I dressed, but I was strictly closeted and even missed an opportunity to Halloween crossdress when I refused my best friend’s invitation to be trick or treating girls.

I continued crossdressing as a 20-something throughout the 1970s. I was still closeted, but got up the nerve to Halloween crossdress on three occasions (and had the time of my life doing so).

Along came the November 1980 issue of Playboy containing an article about Fantasia Fair. It was intended to be a humorous piece, often at the expense of the folks attending the Fair. 

Put that aside, I had never heard of Fantasia Fair and the article provided a trans public service by revealing the Fair to me (and to probably hundreds of other girls like me across the USA).

What a dream! And the Fair was on Cape Cod – an easy four-hour drive, so maybe I could attend and live as a woman for a week. But...

👩 It was not free and at the time, I was only making $10,000 per year. 

👩 I was still mostly dressing out of my mother’s closet, so I didn’t have anything close to a wardrobe for a week (and Mom was not likely to let me borrow hers).

👩 I was scared. Except for a handful of Halloween crossdressings, I had never been out among the civilians and I was ill-prepared to spend a week en femme among the population of Provincetown.

So I did not go. 

Attending Fantasia Fair remained a dream for over a quarter of a century until I finally attended in 2008 (and again in 2010, 2012 and 2014). During the ensuing 25 years, I had joined a support group, attended long weekend trans conventions and went out solo en femme among the civilians, so the population of Cape Cod was no longer something to fear. 

I had a fabulous time each time I attended Fantasia Fair. Living 24/7 as a woman was initially thrilling and then became routine, but in a good way. I attended informative workshops, dined on fabulous food, enjoyed beautiful Provincetown and made a lot of friends.

The Fair is this week and I will not be attending, but I have my memories and they are all good.

Caveat Emptor: This post is an edited rerun of a post from last October.

Wearing New York & Company

Donald Dillaway femulating in the 1934 film The Circus Clown (starring Joe E. Brown)
Thanks go out to Lou for finding this image.