Someday Funnies: Deer in Headlights

Woman (left), Man (right)?

Memories

By Paula Gaikowski

I couldn’t sleep the other night, so I began to remember, trying to find the earliest recollection of being transgender. These are some of the experiences that ran through my mind. It helps to share them with others who might have had similar experiences. Please feel free to comment or share your own thoughts or experiences. These times and events bond us together into a community

I remember being very young and watching my Mom get ready for work putting on her makeup and doing her hair. The smell of lipstick and hair spray are comforting and bring me back to this time.

I thought about the wedding I went to when I was 5-years-old and became so jealous of the flower girl. I still remember her yellow dress.

My First Communion, wishing I was on the girls’ side wearing one of those pretty white dresses, praying the host would magically transform me into a girl.

Watching the girls in 2-3 grades go to ballet class after school and thinking why can’t that be me?

When I was 7- or 8-years-old, seeing a young boy dressed as a girl at a Halloween party and me becoming jealous, I still remember the beautiful bouffant pink dress with black Mary-Janes and white tights. He truly wasn’t happy about how cute he looked. Oh I wish I could have taken his place.

It was the spring of 1968, I know because we just got our new car. I was 9-years-old and one Saturday morning I went down into my sister’s room and dressed in her clothes. It was the first time I dressed as a girl. I knew I was a girl at that moment. I knew I had to find a way to make everybody understand.

Coming home to an empty house and dressing in my Mom’s and sister’s clothes from age 9 until 18.

Having crushes on girls and wishing I could be them or like them.

Feeling embarrassed changing in a locker room full of men.

Feeling elated when an aunt told me light heartedly that I would have made a wonderful girl.

Going to a go-go bar with my friends and feeling sorry for the way the women were being treated.

At 19-years-old, dressing as a woman for a Halloween party, getting tipsy and then making out with a guy on a couch in the basement.

Cashing my first paycheck at 22-years-old and then, next thing I know I had bought  a pretty black dress with a white collar, pleated skirt and red bow and the cutest pair of patent leather pumps with a heel and a bow in front.

Feeling confused and anxious when I married.

Being devastated when my wife called me a pervert.

Finding the Internet and communicating with other transgender people.

Shaving my legs for the first time.

Saving $5 a week so I could get a makeup lesson at Vernon’s in Waltham, Massachusetts.

Being ecstatic when my wife showed the least bit of acceptance.

Getting a Jamie Austin makeover – Wow!

Sneaking my clothes out of the house for a business trip.

My first time through a shopping mall in Florida, a black pantsuit, cute shoes and blonde hair.

Working from home one day a week and doing it as a woman.

Memories of laying in bed sleepless and remembering...

Let’s Make A Deal’s Tiffany Coyne

Femulating in the 2006 British short Private Life.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Ramy Brook

Monday

I have been going to the hospital every day to spend the afternoons with my wife, so my blogging, emailing and femulating have suffered as a result. I thought about going out en femme after I return home from my visits, but by then I am ready to crash and don’t dress pretty.

If any opportunities to go out en femme arise this week (and I am not ready to crash), I will dress pretty and go out.  

And so it goes.

Someday Funnies

Source: Rue La La

Yet another happy couple – a cisgender female happily socializing with her femulating significant other.

What I should've done...

Almost out en femme

After grocery shopping Thursday morning, I continued my quest to pare down the size of my wardrobe. Makeup, wig, bra, girdle and thigh-highs on, I tried on dresses from the deep, dark reaches of my closet. 

Good news: Everything I tried on fit. Lots of it I had only worn once and were like new. 

Bad news: I found nothing to add to the discard pile.

I quit around 4 PM, de-feminized and prepared dinner. 

After trying on the first dress (which I thought looked fab on me), instead of trying on more dresses, I should have gone out en femme to the mall to shop and to a restaurant to dine.

Wearing Venus

Bartek Kasprzykowski imitating Eugeniusz Bodo femulating Mae West on Polish television’s Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo.

Good News, Bad News

My wife is improving, but is not ready to come home yet.

My knee is a mess according to the MRI I had on Friday, so I will be going to an orthopedic doctor to fix it one way or another. Worst case: knee replacement surgery.

Annual check up showed a high PSA, so I went to a urologist yesterday and he scheduled me for an MRI to see what’s wrong with my prostate. Worst case: prostate cancer. After seeing the urologist, they tested my PSA again and it was in the standard normal range. Go figure.

All this is so depressing, but I guess things could be worse. To cheer myself up, I bought a drop-dead gorgeous cocktail dress from Venus that I hope I will have an occasion to wear out once this all blows over.

Wearing ChickWish

I love photos like this one – a cisgender female happily hanging out with her femulating significant other.

Jumping to Conclusions

Comments suggest that wearing a jumpsuit is not an ideal garment to workaround when nature calls and a visit to the ladies’ room is necessary.

And I remember purchasing my first jumpsuit and being warned that I will regret my purchase when I repair to the restroom.

I don’t get it.

Never have I had a problem using the porcelain plumbing while wearing a jumpsuit. It is no more difficult than wearing a dress or skirt in the same locale and much easier than wearing a suit in the stall.

It’s like wearing an adult onesie. Easy peesy.

Wearing Carolina Herrera

U.S. soldiers femulating in the stage production of This is The Army (Papua New Guinea, 1945)

Someday Funnies

Wearing Bebe

The all-male cast of A Modern Sewing Society.

Status Update

My wife is improving and is now in a different facility for rehab. I am visiting her everyday while trying to fit my “normal” activities into the remaining free time. As a result, some activities have suffered including blogging and answering related emails.

To add to my wife’s issues, some new health issues for myself have arisen and I will be dealing with those issues in the coming days.

And on top of that, Photoshop has become unusable. Whenever I start it up, I get a message that the software is unable to contact the Adobe servers in order to confirm my Photoshop subscription. I have tried many things to correct the problem, but so far I have been unsuccessful. (I use Photoshop for much of my online work including this blog.) 

So if I am scarce here online, you now know why.

Someday Funnies

Wearing New York & Company

Womanless fashion show at Vassar College, 2010

Status

A “keeper”

Thank you all who prayed and sent positive words regarding my wife’s health. 

She has been in the hospital for eight days and is likely to be there for a few more days as the hospital staff tries to pinpoint the cause of her problem. The meds they are giving her seem to be working, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Hospital visiting hours are noon to 8 PM, so I spend mornings puttering around the house and afternoons visiting my wife. “Puttering” includes doing things I have been meaning to do for awhile. For example, going through my wardrobe and deciding what to get rid of – basically clothing that is too large as a result of shedding 35 pounds, as well as clothing that I purchased that are now in the “What was I thinking?” category.

Good news is while modeling outfits to determine whether they stay or go, I discovered that my knee problem has lessened so much so that I can wear high heels again!

Wearing Venus

Modern males girl-talking