Someday Funnies

Wearing New York & Company

Girls’ Night Out

Someday Funnies

Wearing Venus

Maid of Honor and Bride at a womanless wedding
Source: Aunty's Womanless Photos

Train of Thought

Funny Dept.

I have been posting Someday Funnies three times per week for awhile now. I enjoy creating the funnies and I think some of them are actually funny! But my funnies seldom receive comments (good or bad) from Femulate readers. Go figure.

Ohio Dept.

I am still thinking about missing Hamvention this year. On the other hand, I sure don’t miss driving 750 miles to get home. 

Next year, I plan to go, but I plan to fly (pretty). I just hope the airline industry is in better shape by then because I heard stories from Hamvention attendees whose flights were cancelled going to or from Dayton.

Fly Dept.

Never flown pretty. In fact, I seldom fly at all. (Last time was in 2005.

But I have flown pretty in my head many times and long ago settled on what I would wear (more or less). Of course a wig, makeup, handbag, jewelry. Comfortable heels... not my usual high heels, but mid-heel or kitten heel pumps. Skinny jeans or leggings and a pretty top... maybe a tunic top. Bra, girdle and thigh-highs.

And so it goes.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Jakub Nowak femulating on Polish television’s Do Dzwonka.

You can view this femulation on YouTube.

My Polish is a little rusty, but I believe I figured out the plot of this video. Two boys are curious about what goes on in the girls’ bathroom at school. So they dress another boy as a girl (not very convincingly) and send him into the bathroom to see what’s going on. Some time later, he exits the bathroom after the girls give him a thorough makeover. (If your Polish is better than mine and my guess about the plot is wrong or if you can add any details, please comment below.)

Someday Funnies

Wearing Boston Proper

Tommy Kelly femulating in the 1938 film Peck's Bad Boy with the Circus.

Minus 4

By Francesca Pankewicz

When I was four, I discovered the movie The Little Mermaid. I couldn’t help but feel this automatic connection with the movie. This feeling of excitement would fill my body each time the colorful pictures would pop up on the screen. 

Ariel taught me how to sing and act. That had become a huge part of my self expression as a child and still do to this day. Of course the music and plot of the story were great. But I saw a daring young mermaid ready to take on a new world. 

Ariel dreamed of adventure and excitement. She would never let anyone get in her way. She was determined, tenacious and headstrong. Which was the dream of any young girl, but the only difference was I felt like I couldn’t be like them... because I wasn’t born female. 

Growing up I would run around in princess dresses and play with dolls. I was obsessed with mermaids, hair and makeup. I would sing, act and dance and was always born to be heard in this world. I would look up to female celebrity pop culture icons for fashion inspiration and enjoy the content they would create.

But I was supposed to be playing sports, wrestling and whatever else the male ideal is for a young boy. I never fit in with it. My relationship with the male ideal never changed because I always felt female. I almost went against it in my head because that wasn’t who I wanted to be. I would be in my head as a child thinking of being the princess and saved by a charming prince. I would play with Ariel dolls and wish I could be like her, have her hair, smile and personality. I connected with women more; it was just natural. 

Dolls for me were a huge deal and I was quite obsessed with them for a little too long in life. It was because I got to live out my life through them. I got to act like the girl I wanted to be. I could feel their hair and feel as it was mine and create my own little perfect reality. 

Hair is a huge thing for expressing femininity. Ideally it’s long according to stereotypes for women. I’d have to wear a short bowl haircut and wear polo shirts. 

I held onto playing with dolls until I was about ten because I couldn’t let go. If I didn’t have my dolls I could never be who I wanted to be. My parents would say to me, “You’re too old to be playing with those” and whisper about how they thought I would’ve grown out of that “phase.” But it wasn’t a phase – it was me. 

One of the first times I felt transphobia was when I was four. I had just lost my grandmother Rosalinde and she was my best friend. She started out my life and taught me it was okay to be myself. Let me play however I wanted wherever I wanted. It wasn’t a secret she loved me for me and wouldn’t care what anyone would think. My parents would pay attention to the dirty stares and side comments. But I never cared because I was who I was. I didn’t have a concept of gender identity, it was just me. 

She had recorded me in a princess dress acting out the movie Snow White and it was put on a VHS tape. The first Thanksgiving dinner after Rosalinde had passed, we had it at my grandfather’s and we were going over home movies. The recording of me and the princess dress came up and everyone started to laugh at me. I didn’t know why, but I started to feel ashamed. That was the first time that I realized I wasn’t normal, I wasn’t supposed to be who I wanted to be. A child should never feel that way. 

“You need to grow out of that phase!” But if it makes me unhappy, why would I do that? When I would play with my dolls, I could live the life I wanted. They became so much more to me once my Grandma passed – it was my only escape. 

The princess dresses and princess shoes stopped, so did my femininity. The only way I could do something was in my head fantasizing. Sometimes I would get access to wigs and dresses and shoes, but I’d have to sneak around to do it. I would go in the bathroom with my Mom’s makeup and sneak doing my makeup. 

My Dad would sometimes catch me and say I was a sissy or sometimes use the F slur towards me. The transphobia was real, but it was always said as “I'm protecting you.” 

I started getting depressed. Once my dolls were taken away and I felt shame for them afterwards my life got so boring. The best comparison I have for this is when Ariel’s Dad found her grotto and wrecked all of her treasures she’d spent years collecting. She begged and pleaded for her father to stop, as did I, but it didn’t stop. 

I wasn’t the same. I started to not like my makeup done or my hair done anymore. I didn’t know what was missing in my life at this point. I had fully come to accept who I was taught to be and forgot about who I truly was. 

I turned 15, and some feeling came back. It was the same as when I was a child. I knew it wasn’t right, was not who I was taught to act like but I couldn’t take it anymore. Like in old ways, I went again and snuck my Mom’s makeup for the first time in about four years. I was listening for people to be awake and didn’t hear anything. So I went to the bathroom and began my attempt at makeup. I heard footsteps coming, but I didn’t worry because I was under the impression that the door was locked. It was not. 

My Dad comes barging in and says the same offensive slurs as usual. I felt this extreme anger inside instead of shame. Usually I would try to hide what I was doing and have my face hidden looking the other way, but I stood my ground. I looked him in the eyes and I responded with “I don’t care, f*** you.” 

I finally felt this feeling that I missed it and I knew I wasn’t going to let it go. The next morning I bought $100 worth of makeup. I saw a video of James Charles doing his makeup and I thought why can’t I? The next day I went to school with my makeup on. I put on press-on nails and my hair was already growing out. 

Of course the makeup looked horrible and yes, people did judge me. I didn’t care anymore. I finally got the confidence to do it. Everything started to fit in one place. The puzzle was coming together. Before you knew it, I subtracted four letters in my name and was Fran.

Source: ShopBop

Femulating in the Roaring Twenties

Someday Funnies

Wearing Neiman Marcus

Bryan DeSilva femulating in an all-male production of Chicago.
Source: Aunty's Womanless Photos

Tami at the Salon

By Tami

I always go to salon or speciality crossdresser makeup service whenever I go out in public en femme. It’s not that I can’t do my makeup, but having someone else do it always produces far better results. Besides that, I love the full feminine experience of being among the girls, being pampered and told that I look pretty as pretty beauticians work their magic and fuss over me.

At first, I was afraid to go to “regular” salons with the genetic girls, so I only went to crossdresser specialists like Katie Wannabe, Le Femme Finishing School, Femme Fever and Feminine Mystique. Sadly, some of those places no longer exist.  

Then I tried a “regular” salon (Donna's Hair Salon in Ewing, NJ) that advertised that they served crossdressers. I got an amazing total transformation there, out in the salon among all the women. I had my wig styled, full makeup applied and long nails attached and painted.  

I made an appointment and was assured there would be no problem, that they had a lot of “gurls” like me as customers. I arrived in drab mode, got dressed in a back room. The owner even helped me dress by tightening the laces on my corset, after which she made me swoon when she said that now I had a figure any woman would die for! 

I was over the moon after being fully dressed in corset, bra, stockings, high heels, wig, jewelry and makeup. I was led over to the nail technician where she attached beautiful long nails and painted them bright red, all the while talking to me about all sorts of subjects that only girls talk about. She treated me as if I was born female and said I was the most feminine customer she had in a long time. She said that males like me, who dress as women, are always more feminine than “regular women” because we go out of our way to be as feminine as possible. 

To me they entire salon experience is simply divine. All the lady customers are usually friendly and some want to talk to me about all sorts of feminine things. I’ve gone to many salons over many years and I’m always looking for a new place to try, to have a new experience and see the different results being feminized by different beauticians.  

Don't wait, girls, the full world of feminine bliss awaits you at a salon/beauty parlor. 

Wearing Boston Proper

Harry Ritz (right) femulating in the 1937 film On The Avenue.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Backgrounde NYC

Robert Urban and Albert Černý femulate Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe on Czech television’s Your Face Sounds Familiar.
You can view this fab femulation on YouTube.

The Spark

I have always had feminine inclinations and made no effort to hide them. Ask my family, friends, acquaintances and enemies and they will tell you that I am one of the most feminine guys they know. And I’m not even trying! 

Natured or nurtured? Any feminine characteristics I have are natural and not put-on. As long as I can remember, I have always been feminine. That’s not to say that my parents had nothing to do with it – being a Momma’s boy/girl certainly had an influence.

Crossdressing was a perfect match for me. But who knew squat about crossdressing back in my formative years?

So it was kismet that my Dad bought the Daily News for handicapping horses, where I noticed an ad for 82 Club among the horse race results in the back of the paper. 82 Club (AKA Club 82) was a nightclub in New York City that featured female impersonators and their ads depicted a beautiful showgirl (or so I initially thought), who was actually an impersonator from the club.

I was amazed that a male could look so female! And I began clipping the weekly 82 Club ads from the newspaper saving them behind the Washington Senators in the box containing my baseball card collection.

Soon I was investigating my mother’s wardrobe. I will never forget when I finally got up the courage to try on a pair of her nylons and high heel pumps. Then looking in the mirror and seeing the the legs of a woman reflected back at me. And that woman was me!

Whenever I was home alone, I dressed in my mother’s and sister’s clothing and makeup. I often concentrated on experimenting with their bras and girdles trying to find the right combination that was best for me. Makeup was a challenge, but I studied the art and got better at it. My sister even bought a wiglet to complete my femulation! 

Practice, practice, practice, but to what end? I finally could not contain myself any longer and on Halloween 1970, I crossdressed and went out visiting (and shocking) some relatives. 

That was the beginning and there seems to be no end!

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

Fontasia L'Amour femulating on television’s Sparks in 1997.
You can view this femulation on YouTube.
Thank you Zoe for the femulation alert!

Someday Funnies: Dragnet

Wearing Bebe

Femulating with big hair in Texas, summer of 1970