Someday Funnies

Wearing Intermix

Mother and son

My Motherly Moment

Dressed to kill for the IFGE
Convention Banquet

The traffic light is on the verge of turning green and the anticipation is palpable. Things are getting back to “normal” in Connecticut and in a few more weeks, I will feel safe to go out en femme visiting my old haunts and some new haunts, too.

Meanwhile, I spent some time recently looking over old photos from past hauntings – recalling the good old days – when I came upon my photos from the 2004 IFGE Convention. 

My friend Sylvia drove and I navigated our way to a hotel near the Philadelphia airport where we had a blast over an extended weekend attending workshops, presentations, dinners, lunches, social gatherings and a banquet.

Recalling the Philly convention, I remember attending a presentation by the mother of a young transgirl. She was very young – single digit in age.

I have no idea why I decided to attend that presentation. I was not the parent of a trans-child. My guess is that none of the other presentations in that time slot interested me, so what the heck.

The mother walked in with her daughter in tow, went up to the dais and prepared to begin her talk while directing her daughter to find a seat in the audience. The room was almost full with over 100 attendees and the girl looked a little lost going up the aisle looking for a seat.

I had an aisle seat and when the girl got to me,  she gave me a big smile and asked me to pick her up so she could sit in my lap! I was speechless and she sat in my lap for the duration of her mother’s 45-minute presentation.

She was perfectly behaved, a little lady and her mother thanked me afterwords for “babysitting.” 

I don't know why her daughter picked me over all the other people sitting in that room, which included some cisgender women in addition to the male-to-female majority. No matter the reason, it was the highlight of the convention for me – I passed with motherly colors!

Wearing Boston Proper

Paweł Góral femulating Céline Dion on Polish television’s Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo.
You can view this amazing femulation on YouTube.

Notes of Note

Wanted: Trans Lives Conference Presenters

The annual Transgender Lives Conference will be virtual this year due to the pandemic. And Connecticut TransAdvocacy Coalition (CTAC) seeks presenters for this virtual event on June 12. If you are interested in presenting, please contact the Coalition at conference@transadvocacy.org

Changing Your Gender Marker – State-by-State

Updating gender markers on government-issued documents such as a driver’s license can help one to truly feel like their authentic self.  However, depending on your state, this process may require more than just a trip to the DMV. 

To the rescue, Bankrate created a state-by-state resource for changing gender markers on a driver’s license. Click here to visit this gender marker resource.

Mikki Has News Times Three

Patti Harrison in Together Together

Mikki sent me three interesting stories from TGForum that I am passing on to you.

👠  TGForum has a link to a Vogue article about Patti Harrison, a trans actor who plays a woman who becomes a surrogate mother for a character played by Ed Helms. It’s one thing for a trans actor to have a big role in a film, but I don’t think there’s been one who plays a pregnant woman – this is a big first! Can’t wait to see Together, Together! Click here to read the Vogue article.

👠  Also mentioned is a film titled Port Authority. It’s about a boy who runs off from Pennsylvania to NYC and meets some kids in the ballroom scene. One of the kids he becomes involved with is a gorgeous transwoman. Click here to read about Port Authority.

👠  TGForum also has a story about a previous Drag Race competitor, Honey Mahogany, who is into much more important issues these days. She’s trying to be the first black and trans chairperson of the San Francisco Democratic Party. She’s very well educated and has “paid her dues” in the Democratic Party, having been elected to several key positions. I’m reminded in a way of Virginia's Danica Roem except Ms. Mahogany has done all her political work as a woman. I’d vote for her! Click here to read the Honey Mahogany story.

Fantasia Fair Is On

Good news is that a real live Fantasia Fair is a go this year. Scheduled for October 17-24 in pretty Provincetown, Massachusetts, the Fair returns as a real live event (after a one year absence due to the pandemic). 

Each time I have attended Fantasia Fair, I have had the times of my life (so much so that I wrote a book about it). And I am seriously thinking about attending again this year after a seven year absence.

Whether I scratch my seven year itch or not, I highly recommend the Fair to you – it’s time for you to have your time of your life.

Wearing Bebe

Piotr Gawron-Jedlikowski femulates Magdalena Narożna on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo. You can view this femulation on YouTube.

Candid Camera

I have a lot of photos. I took most of them myself. Others were taken by friends, acquaintances and strangers who I imposed upon to take my photo.

The vast majority were posed photos, that is, I was aware that I was being photographed, so I smiled and tried to look as ladylike as possible. A few were candid photos – no posing, no forced smiling, no nothing, just me caught on “film” au naturel.

Despite all the effort I put into looking my best in posed photos, I look OK in about one in five photos. Or maybe it’s more like one in ten. Or one in twenty... 

One of my best photos was a candid shot taken by my friend Jamie at the Transgender Lives Conference. I volunteered to staff the conference’s registration table and Jamie caught me while I was going over some paperwork related to job.

When I posted the photo here, it received rave reviews. The consensus was that I looked so naturally feminine in that photo. 

What gets me is that I wasn’t even trying!

Wearing New York & Company

Enzo Cerusico femulating in the 1979 Italian film Scusi, Lei È Normale?
You can view the film on dailymotion.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Intermix

Sydney Drew (center) femulating in the 1914 film Never Again.

Past Lives

Do you believe in past lives and reincarnation?

I always thought that if there was something to reincarnation, then it might help explain why trans-people are trans. For example, if you were a woman in your previous life and came back as a man in this life, perhaps you might bring along womanly traits from your previous life. Maybe so many traits that you were still a woman, but in a man’s body.

Who knows?

If anyone asks about my past lives, I tell them that in my previous life, I was a female singer in a USO troupe touring with Glenn Miller’s band during World War II and that I died on December 15, 1944 when Miller’s plane was accidentally bombed by the RAF over the English Channel.

Being female in my previous life explains my trans-ness in this life and being a singer during that era explains my affinity for the music of that time period.

My death aboard a bombed airplane explains the horrific nightmares I had as a young child. In those nightmares, I was in an enclosed place that started exploding and before long, I was exploding, too. Then, I’d wake up screaming.

I had that same nightmare numerous times and cannot attribute it to anything I experienced in this life. If reincarnation is fact, then maybe the roots of my nightmares are from my previous life.

Like I wrote above, who knows?

Wearing Venus

Hans Lothar femulating in the 1961 film One, Two, Three.

your president has your back

To all the transgender Americans watching at home — especially the young people who are so brave — I want you to know that your president has your back — President Joe Biden

Nail Tips

I have worn artificial pre-glued press-on fingernails like forever and over that time, I learned a thing or two that I want to pass along to you.

As I wrote in my previous post, I have lady fingers, so press-on nails fit me fine. However, if you have manly mitts, press-on nails may not be large enough for you. 

Even with my lady fingers, size may be an issue particularly with my thumbnails. Over the years, when I strayed from my go-to brand of nails, I had to occasionally discard the new set because the fake thumbnail was too small.

If you are shopping in person for nails and the thumbnails are visible in the package, you can kind of compare your thumbnail with the fake thumbnail and decide whether they are a good size for you.

For what it’s worth, I never had a size issue with my other lady fingers... just the thumb.

I prefer pre-glued nails as opposed to the nails that use glue applied from a tube or bottle. The consistency of the pre-glued nail glue is like rubber cement and it molds between your natural nail and the fake nail for a better grip. The glue that comes in a tube or bottle is too watery. As a result, the glue’s contact points between your natural nail and the fake is inconsistent and the result may be a loose or lost nail.

Also, when it comes time to remove fake nails, running your fingers under hot water does the trick with pre-glued nails, whereas you have to use acetone to remove nails that use the tube/bottle glue. 

“Breathing moderate to high amounts of acetone for a short amount of time can irritate your nose, throat, lungs and eyes. It can also cause headaches, dizziness, confusion, a faster pulse, nausea, vomiting, effects on the blood, passing out and possible coma, and a shorter menstrual cycle in women.” (Source: Delaware Health and Social Services)

Whereas you can remove pre-glued nails easily, they stay put as long as you avoid soaking your fingers in hot water. Whenever I go away to spend some time as a woman, I always pack two or three sets of pre-glued nails under the assumption that one set will not survive the whole length of my stay in Manhattan, Dayton, Provincetown, wherever. I usually surprise myself and find that one set does the job for the whole stay even during a 7-day stay like at Fantasia Fair.

You might thinking, “What a pig! Doesn't she ever wash her hands?”

Au contraire. I clean my hands, but I just avoid using hot water. I use a hand sanitizer to be germ-free and use soap and warm water to remove dirt — I just go easy with the water around my fingernails and I never soak my fingers in water for any length of time.

Another tip to keep your artificial nails in place: Clean your natural nails with alcohol before you apply the fakes. The alcohol will remove any oils and other substances that may affect how well your fake nails adhere to your natural nails.

Still another tip: Use an emory board or a cuticle remover to clean up your cuticles before applying the fake nails. The fakes will fit and adhere better to cuticle-free natural nails.

Finally, I always have a spare set of nails in my handbag just in case all my precautions fail and I lose a nail. Better safe than nail-less!

Wearing A.L.C

Sydney Drew femulating in the 1914 film A Florida Enchantment. According to IMDB, in the film a “young woman discovers a seed that can make women act like men and men act like women. She decides to take one, then slips one to her maid and another to her fiancé.” You can view the film on YouTube.

Heels and Nails

Slinging It Dept.

While attending high school and college, I worked summers and occasional weekends at a printing company whose biggest customers at the time were Marvel Comics and Sears. 

One time, I worked 12 hours (8 regular and 4 overtime) stacking Sears newspaper inserts onto skids after they came off the printing press. The cover of that particular Sears insert featured a woman’s shoe – a black patent slingback high heel pump.

For 12 hours, tens of thousands of Sears inserts passed through my hands. More specifically, tens of thousands of black slingback pump images passed through my hands! And that image was seared in my brain. 

I always loved high heels, but after that 12-hour shift 50 years ago, I gained a special affinity for black patent slingback high heel pumps. 

I've owned a few pairs over the years, but count none in my wardrobe these days. However, I corrected that omission over the weekend and ordered a pair that were on sale (30% off) at Nine West.

Nailing It Dept.

Jenn, my ham radio sister, alerted me to an article from Glamour, “The 11 Best Press-On Nails for Every Nail Shape and Style,” and I am passing it on to you. 

I am a big fan of press-on nails (that’s all I wear) and over the years, I have received a lot of compliments regarding them. (My nail admirers often believe that I had my nails done at a salon and are surprised when I reveal truth.) So I highly recommend press-ons.

Caveat Emptor: I have lady fingers, so press-on nails fit me fine. However, if you have manly mitts, press-on nails may not be large enough for you.

Wearing New York & Company

The always lovely Marie Anne Greene

Someday Funnies

Wearing Brahmin

Photo Deleted

Someone Needs a Bra

Tony sat on the edge of his bed cupping his breasts in his hands thinking back to the Shirts vs. Skins touch football game at the family’s Memorial Day picnic. Tony remembered being very embarrassed when he ended up on the Skins team and everyone saw his breasts bouncing up and down the field.

During the game, Uncle Terry remarked, “Someone needs a bra.”

Tony’s Dad was Uncle Terry’s kid brother and he always listened to his older brother. So returning home after the picnic, Tony’s Dad asked Tony’s Mom to take Tony to Macy’s to buy a bra.

The next day, Tony’s Mom picked him up after school and drove to Macy’s. As they entered Macy’s lingerie department, a sales associate named Jamie greeted Tony and his Mom .

“What can I do for you today?” Jamie asked.

“My son needs to get fitted for a bra,” Tony’s Mom replied

“I’ll need to take your son’s measurements, so please follow me to the dressing room,” said Jamie.

Tony followed Jamie to an empty stall in the dressing room, then Jamie told Tony to take off his top. 

Tony did as he was told, Jamie took his measurements and then told Tony to wait while he found some bras for Tony to try on.

Jamie returned with an armful of bras and by process of elimination, Tony was fitted with a bra.

At the Independence Day family picnic, Tony ended up on the Skins team again, but was not embarrassed because he wore his bra throughout the game – just like his uncles, cousins and Dad, who were also on the Skins team.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Femulating prisoners-of-war in the 1937 film Grand Illusion.

Republicans quietly giving up on anti-trans bills

GOP's War on Transgenders

“Bills targeting the transgender community have stalled all over the country this week as legislators debate the effects these laws will have on trans youth.

“2021 has marked an onslaught of hate in state legislative sessions across the country as Republicans sponsored bills that seek to limit trans youth’s access to gender affirming health care as well as prohibit their ability to participate in school sports. While several have passed, multiple bills in at least six states have been set aside or gotten veto threats from governors this week.”

Read the rest of Molly Sprayregen's article on LGBTQ Nation.

Wearing Boston Proper

Femulators of Club 82, circa 1975