Coping with the COVID-19

By Carollyn Olson

Coping with the COVID-19 virus has been a struggle for those around the world including many of my crossdressing friends.

Even though some states and counties are re-opening in various stages, virtually, due to the pandemic, the world had stopped for many months. For me and my girl friends, there are no more nights on the town, dinner at lovely restaurants, movies, social activities... they have all drawn to a halt. What is a girl to do?

For me, the hiatus, except for a couple of semi-dress-up sessions at home, gave me a chance to reflect on my 40 years of crossdressing and to clear out my wardrobe of items I no longer wear.

I smiled, laughed and cried with joy when looking back on the many times I have dressed as a woman since 1980. I thought of all the wonderful times out and-about on my own or with friends, dinners at well-know establishments, out on the town with the girls and attending the local gala every year. 

I have been blessed to have always been accepted in public and never to have been hassled. I’ve made friends with genetic females, sales associates in major department stores and a couple of bartenders, too. 

I never expected life when dressed as a woman would be so good.

Going through my wardrobe was difficult. There are so many memories mixed in with too many clothing items and pairs of heels. How and when did I compile so many dresses, tops, skirts, etc.? Like my dear friend Tawni, when she went through her collection recently, every “unneeded” item was hard to give away. However, when the boxes were packed and loaded in the car for delivery to the local battered women’s shelter, I had a feeling of joy as I knew my clothes would be helpful to a lady in need. 

Tawni had even a rougher time as I did departing with a small part of her wardrobe during the lockdown in her home town. 

“I first decided to clean the closet!” she told me recently. 

“Dumb me!! That led me to see that I had spread my stuff out throughout the house hidden away here and there like a pack rat or a dog with a bone who buries it and can’t remember where it was. So I cleaned and organized my primary closet and discovered blouses were hidden amongst my drab clothes, shoes hidden everywhere. Shoes, blouses, dresses, skirts, makeup, wigs, foundation support garments. Ee gads! So much stuff!

“I became completely overwhelmed and felt so foolish at some of what I have,” Tawni continued. “A boa jumpsuit? Sheer bodysuit? Goth black velvet dress way to small for me! I broke down in tears that I can’t fit into some of this any longer and that I am getting older. So dividing into Keep and Not to Keep piles was very emotional for me – much more so than with any of my drab clothing.

“I am a wild, mad, rich girl with way too many and much of everything?!? I sorted and sorted and in the end, I could not let go of any of the stockings, pantyhose, corsets, shoes, skirts or blouses. I actually wanted to wear them in that instant and on the spot.

“After a difficult soul-searching and mind-searching day, I only have a very, very small pile of items to let go. I guess I am going to have to live forever and age backwards!”

The following is what some of my other lovely sisters did to cope with COVID-19.

Heidi used her isolation to post a number of educational and fun videos on YouTube while raiding her spouses’ closet. Click here to view her videos.

Teri Lynn wrote, “Well, I miss the monthly local group meetings and had just planned to go to bi-monthly meetings. It would have been double the fun. I also miss going out in Teri-mode to shop for clothes as I don't buy what I can’t try on. Going out and wearing a mask defeats the purpose of makeup to look nice? So if I have to wear a mask, I'm not going out.”

Stephanie said, “I stocked up on good books, enjoyed the company of housemates (for me, it’s my wife and three 20-something daughters), supported local restaurants with take-out food, didn't get too caught up on the non-essential things (including dressing opportunities) and living in a small town, there’s less temptation to go out and fewer people when you do!”

Silke (who lives en femme about 20/7, not 24/7) wrote, “The first thing that came to my mind is a wider opportunity to dress since I have been confined to my home office for work. I now wear more women's clothes than ever before and do so daily! Unless one has to attend a video conference and appear visually, no one cares what clothing one is wearing on the job at home. For example, my wife is a freelancer and while I am engaged in her business, I usually wear women’s clothes so her ‘personal secretary’ is ready when called. I wonder if it will make a difference for a crossdresser, who returns to usual office work after the pandemic – might she (he) stick to wearing women's clothing?

“We were under a limited lockdown, which means that walks outside are permitted, but only a few people are out and about. When my spouse and I were out and about recently, I wore pumps, tan nylons, women’s leggings, unisex sweatshirt and a tightly cut women’s jacket. Handbag, of course! Plus my long natural curls! The very few people that crossed our paths could care less what I was wearing and of which gender I am. And if they do – oh well, then let ‘em!”

Lucy said, “Every time I tell people all the projects I am getting done and how I have been making the best of a really bad situation, people get upset with me. Like I’m somehow enjoying this crisis and having too much fun?

“I live on a small forested farm in the country and I have been working for 33 years. Since I am finally retired and because of the virus, I am getting huge projects done that my spouse and I have wanted to do for 33 years! Everything from cleaning out and organizing all of Lucy’s closets and drawers, to learning how to use a sewing machine, to converting a spare bedroom into a huge walk-in closet for my wife, completely rebuilding our central vacuum cleaner and house water softener, cutting down trees and pruning bushes. I also learned how to use a box grader attachment for my tractor to level out all the gravel roads that have become severely rutted over the years due to gophers and water run off. So, yes, it is exhausting to even think about all the things I have already done and have yet to do. But it is so gratifying! I am coping with COVID by immersing myself in big projects that I otherwise would never have had the time.”

“I have to admit, one of the big reasons I retired at age 62 was that I had a really close friend, who was younger than I, who got pancreatic cancer out of nowhere and died three months later. This had a big effect on me. I really had no plans to retire, but my friend’s story really brought home to me that no one lives forever. One can’t predict how long you have and no one on their deathbed says, ‘I only wish I had worked more.’ So I thought long and hard and decided that I needed to retire, while my spouse and I are still reasonably healthy and active, so we could actually do the things we want to do. My wife encouraged me to retire despite being at the top of my career, at least in terms of earning potential. So I did. Now, I’m not going to waste a minute of whatever time I have left.”

The loss of thousands upon thousands of people worldwide to the virus has been devastating and the continued emphasis to “stay safe” and to follow the rules established by local authorities is a must. If you are required to wear a face mask, please do so. By protecting yourself and others, and with regular prayer, we can beat this terrible invisible disease.

Wearing New York & Company

Christian De Sica (center) and Massimo Boldi (right) party with other femulators in the 1992 Italian film Anni 90.

You can view the femulation on YouTube.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Unique Vintage

Billy Crystal femulating in a 1977 episode of television’s Soap.

Attic Finds

My daughter asked me to climb into the attic to fetch some Christmas tree decorations she had purchased awhile back. While in the attic, I decided to go through some of the clothing I had stored there years ago.

There were about a half-dozen dresses that I thought had potential to wear again, so I moved them from the attic to my closet.

Thursday was a rainy day, so I decided to try on the dresses I had moved from the attic to see how they fit. Two were in shabby shape and beyond repair, so they went into the trash can. The others were in good shape and looked good on me, so they were keepers.

My favorite keeper was a Styleworks sequins cocktail dress that I only wore it once – to my support group’s 1994 Christmas party. I have no memory of purchasing it. My guess is that it was likely online because I was too closeted in 1994 to go dress shopping en femme or en homme. My how the times have changed!

I guess I have changed too as can be seen the 1994 versus 2020 photo comparison above.

This Brooks Brothers dress is suitable for brothers and sisters alike

Alberto Lionello, Max von Sydow and Renato Pozzetto femulating in the 1977 Italian horror film Gran Bollito (Black Journal). You can view the film’s trailer on YouTube.

Thank you, Aunty, for the heads-up regarding this film.

She

Shopping at JCPenney, I quickly found a half-dozen dresses to try on, but the one I really liked was missing its belt. I could not swipe a belt from another dress because the belt was attached to the dress with a plastic tie, so I stopped a passing saleswoman for help.

She told me to take a dress that had a belt to the cashier and she would cut the tie for me. So I carried my half dozen dresses plus one to the cashier and waited while she rang up another customer.

The saleswoman came by while I was waiting and said to the cashier, “She just needs you to cut the tie on a belt so she can try on the dress.”

The cashier retorted, “Oh, I thought she was waiting to pay for the dresses.”

The saleswoman replied, “No, she wants to try them on first.”

My day could have ended right there! All the “she’s” (referring to me) flying through the air was wonderful and so affirming.

Wearing Intermix

Karl Davies and Patrick Walshe McBride femulating in a 2018 episode of British television’s Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators.

Our Dead

Years ago, a bunch of girls decided to go to a gay bar after the conclusion of our support group meeting. I had never been, so I agreed to go to see what it was like. 

As it turned out, I didn't like it. Smoky dimly-lit bars are not my cup of tea, so I had one drink and hung around just long enough so that my clothes and wig stunk from the cigarette smoke.

The bar was not in the best neighborhood. The streets were not well lit and my car was parked a long block away. As I left the bar, another patron exited after me, followed me and began accosting me. He thought I was one of the girls performing in the bar’s drag show and he wanted a “date.”

I was very scared.

I ignored him and walked to my car as fast as possible. (In retrospect, I should have returned to the bar and asked for an escort to my car.) He finally gave up pursuit, I assume, because I would pay him no mind. I escaped unharmed, although a little unnerved, but others have not been so lucky. 

There are a lot of girls, who have turned up dead after being in similar situations (this year in record numbers) and we are about to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice.

Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) is next Friday and there will be events throughout the world next week to commemorate the event. Due to the pandemic, live in-person gatherings have given way to virtual meetings, so you will be able to participate from the safety of your computer. (Here, in Connecticut, the Metropolitan Community Church Hartford will be holding a virtual TDOR on November 20 at 7 PM via Zoom.)

In the past, there have been websites that listed all the TDOR events occurring throughout the world. This year, I cannot find such a website, so I cannot tell you where to look to find out what is going on in your area. If anyone knows where to look, please let me know and I will amend this post with that information.

(Thank you, Diana, for the information about Connecticut’s TDOR for 2020.)

Wearing Rotate

Paolo Sassanelli femulating in the “La Vendetta” episode of Italian television's Classe di Ferro.

This is another of my Foreign Film Femulating Finds. I don’t understand Italian and there were no English sub-titles or dubbings, so I had to piece together the plot from what I saw, not heard. According to IMDb, Classe di Fierro was a 1989-1990 Italian television series about “The funny misadventures of a group of guys serving at a military barrack in the north-east of Italy.” According to me, the plot of the “La Vendetta” episode was as follows. A group of wives want to catch their husbands in the act of philandering, so they enlist the Italian military for help. Four soldiers demonstrate their crossdressing talents to the affected wives and the wives choose one soldier who they believe is the best femulator. The wives select “Gabriela” (Paolo Sassanelli, pictured above) and he/she proceeds to work his/her magic on the unsuspecting husbands and all hell breaks loose.

You can view the film on YouTube. (If anyone understands Italian and can come up with a better description of the plot, please let me know.)

Wow, was I wrong!

Sara summarizes the plot in the first Comment below and Helene sent me a link to a more comprehensive description of the plot on the Italian Wikipedia website. Use Google Translate to translate the Italian description to the language of your choice.

No More Closets

I was in the closet for a very long time.

Although my interests in feminine things go back to my earliest memories, I did not take up crossdressing until I was 12-years-old. But once I began, I crossdressed at every opportunity, typically whenever I found myself alone at home.

When I was 19, I reached my tipping point and had to let Stana out of the closet. So I dressed en femme on Halloween despite the fact that I had nowhere to go. Unlike today, where there is a Halloween event everywhere you turn, back in the late-1970s, there was not much Halloween-wise for a young adult. I had not been invited to any Halloween parties (I didn't even know of any Halloween parties) and I was too young to go to any bar that might be celebrating Halloween. So, Mom let her “daughter” borrow the car and I visited some friends and relatives to “trick or treat.” (How desperate is that?)

Post-Halloween, I was back in the closet honing my femulating skills while waiting for next year’s Halloween party invitations. I never went out en femme to trick or treat again, but I did get a few party invitations over the years. 

I always attended the parties dressed as a woman, not as a woman wearing a woman’s costume. Invariably, some party-goer would wonder why I wasn’t wearing a costume and I would explain to their astonishment that I was in costume. Post-Halloween, I would be back in the closet again, but at least I realized that all the practice in the closet was not for naught.

Online (via CompuServe’s Genderline), I discovered and joined a local support group in the early 1980s. Now, I was able to get out of the house en femme on days besides the last day of months beginning with the letter O. I attended meetings once or twice per month, always dressing at home and driving to the meeting hall 25 miles away. 

On occasion, the support group sponsored outings – usually dinners at local restaurants, which sheltered us in a private room so we would not to mix with the civilians. I always attended, but being a rebel, I made a point of using the public ladies’ restroom instead of the private restroom that had been assigned to us.

I wanted more and began attending trans conventions, which gave me the opportunity to have the run of a whole hotel for a long weekend en femme. But I realized that I was still in the closet. I just had more closet-space: in my home, in my support group’s meeting places and in trans convention hotels.

I still wanted more, so I became a little more adventurous. On my way to support group meetings, I would stop off to buy a refreshment at a convenience store or fast food joint. Amazingly, no one seemed to notice or care that I was en femme. I was passing or at least, I was accepted and that emboldened me to do more. 

It took 55 years, but I finally summoned up enough courage to go out in public en femme. I decided to make that leap by going to the mall. I dressed en femme, drove to the mall, arrived just as it opened and sat in my car for a half hour trying to muster the courage to exit the car and walk across the parking lot to the mall entrance.

I finally pushed myself and did it and spent the better part of day at the mall having the time of my life. Some people read me, but it was not the end of the world and once I got a taste of the world en femme, I wanted more. 

Subsequently, I picked my days and spent them en femme, shopping, dining, being entertained, enjoying the arts, etc., etc. and I loved it, doing what other women did when they were out.

It all felt so natural to me. I was always feminine. As I have written here before, I was not a female trapped in a male body, rather I was me trapped by society’s expectations of what a male was supposed to be. The “problem” was that I preferred to fulfill society’s expectations of what a woman was supposed to be. 

Finally, I realized I was a woman, who happened to have a male body, but I was not going to let that little handicap hinder me from being the best woman I could be.

And so it goes.

Cavet Emptor: Today’s post originally appeared here in 2011. I rewrote it and reposted it in 2015 and I rewrote it once again and reposted it today.

Wearing father and son outfits from Boston Proper

Mark McKinney femulating in The Kids in the Hall’s 1996 film Brain Candy.
You can view the film on YouTube.

My Favorite Thing

Going out en femme is my favorite thing. But this year, my outings have been severely limited by the pandemic. With Joe Biden in the driver's seat next year, I believe things will improve and by this time next year, I will have racked up thousands of miles out en femme. But for now, all I can do is reminisce about past outings like the following from the summer of 2012.

I went out en femme yesterday.

I wore the brown draped brooch shift dress and necklace that I bought at Dress Barn in June. I accessorized with my simulated snake skin bag and peep-toe slingback heels (see the first photo).

I learned something new yesterday: perfumes stain.

When I finished dressing, I dabbed on some Chanel Eau de Cologne No. 22. A couple of drops got away from me and landed on the hem of my dress. I assumed the drops would evaporate, so I didn't think anything of it.

Hours later, I noticed that the perfume drops had left stains on my dress. (I hope they come out in the wash.)

Dressed and out the door at 9:45 AM, my first stop was the Ann Taylor store in West Farms Mall in Farmington. I saw some attractive dresses on their website that I wanted to see in person.

Entering through Macy’s, I walked through half the mall to get to Ann Taylor. On my way, a few women smiled and some said “Hello,” a few guys looked my way and no one pointed and shouted, “She's a man,” so I felt confident about my femulation.

I entered Ann Taylor and a “saleswoman” greeted me and pointed out the racks of dresses that were on sale. (I put saleswoman in quotation marks because the two women working in Ann Taylor yesterday looked like high school kids to me. I realize they were not that young, but their ages were a lot closer to high school age than mine!)

The saleswoman loved my shoes, but admitted that shoes like mine hurt a lot. We discussed the perils of high heels, then she complimented my necklace. (Yesterday, I received a lot of compliments for my necklace.)

I noticed that all the dresses in the store topped out at size 14, whereas larger sizes are available online. Eyeballing the size 14‘s, they looked like ample size 14‘s, so I found three dresses to try on.

I managed to slip into all three dresses and close their zippers. The dresses were gorgeous and would look very nice on me if they were one size larger (or I was one size smaller). As is, they were just a little too tight, so I left Ann Taylor empty-handed and disappointed.

I decided to walk to the other end of the mall to JCPenney. They have a huge dress department and I almost always have shopping success there. 

I spent about an hour in JCPenney looking through the dress racks and trying on my finds. During the hunt, I was very surprised to find the exact same Dress Barn dress I was wearing for sale. I had assumed incorrectly that Dress Barn and JCPenney did not sell the same lines of clothing, so I learned something new twice yesterday.

My hunt ended with two dresses making the final cut, a purple ruffle dress (“Flowing ruffles add a feminine flair to this sheath dress in a comfortable matte jersey”) and a sleeveless black/teal color-block sheath (“Bold colorblock print adds a modern twist to this classic silhouette.”).

Trying on a dress makes all the difference in the world when shopping. I knew the ruffle dress would look good on me assuming that it fit, whereas the color-block sheath was one of those dresses I was not sure about. I grabbed it as a “what-the-heck” pick since I was going to the dressing room to try on some other dresses anyway. Turned out it was one of the nicest dresses (on me) that I tried on yesterday. So, you never know.

I took my finds to the cashier and she asked if I wanted to use my JCPenney credit card.

I said I wanted to pay cash.

She asked if I had a JCPenney credit card.

I said I did, but have not used it in years.

She tried to convince me to sign up for a new credit card and get a 20% discount on all my purchases that day.

I knew I would have to show a photo identification to apply for a new card and I was a little reluctant to out myself whether or not the cashier had already figured me out. But the 20% discount was hard to resist, so I relented.

As I handed the saleswoman my driver's license, I commented that I looked a little different than when the license photo was taken.

She glanced at the license and then said something to the effect that my hairdo was now much bigger.

For a fleeting moment, I wondered if I had not outed myself afterall and that she thought that the license photo just showed me, a woman, with a short female hairdo. But there is a big letter “M” next to the “Sex” on the license that is a dead giveaway.

I'll never know what she thought, but whatever the case, she was very pleasant, treated me politely throughout our encounter and that’s alright by me.

After leaving the dress department, I passed the jewelry department and checked out the earring racks for those rare hard-to-find clip-ons. There were a handful and I found a retro style pair that I purchased with my new 20% off credit card.

A saleswoman rang up my purchase and mentioned that they were getting in some more clip-ons from Monet.

I told her I would be back and I am sure I will be.

My day out as a woman was going very well except for one thing. By the time I exited JCPenney, I had an intense headache and was so tired that I could have taken a nap right on the spot.

I decided to call it a day if I did not feel any better by the time I walked the length of the mall back to Macy’s where my chariot awaited me. I stopped briefly at a couple of stores along the way, but more or less made a bee-line to Macy’s.

I did not feel any better, but I thought fresh air might help. It was now raining, so I sprinted to my car as quickly as my high heels would permit me and regrouped.

It was hot and stuffy inside the car, so I turned on the ignition and cranked up the air conditioning. The AC did not help; I did not feel any better, so I decided to return from whence I came.

Upon my return, I took a short nap (I rarely nap during the day unless I am ill). I felt a little better afterword.

Before I returned to boy mode, I took some photos wearing my new dresses. (You can compare me with the models on the JCPenney website in the second and third photos. By the way, I did not cut off the model’s head – JCPenney did it)

I was disappointed that it was a short day out en femme, but it was a day out en femme and that is a wonderful thing!

I highly recommend it to everyone.

Wearing Wolford

Maurycy Popiel femulates Debbie Harry on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo.
You can view the femulation on YouTube.

Someday Funnies

Wearing ModCloth

Nino Manfredi femulating in the 1966 Italian film Adulterio all’italiana. Nino plays Franco and is married to a woman who invents a lover in order to get Franco more interested in her. Franco tries to figure out who is the lover by disguising himself as a woman. You can view the film on YouTube.

Think Like a Woman

In the last post, I mentioned finding foreign films and television shows with crossdressing contents. Think Like a Woman looks like one of the better finds.

Dumay, Kak Zhenshchina (Think Like a Woman) was a 2013 Russian television series starring Marat Basharov, who according to IMDb, plays “a self-centered man, not deprived of female attention. But due to a vicious setup, he fakes his own death and assumes the identity of ‘Eva.’ Now he has to clear his name, while coping with the struggles of being a woman.”

The series is viewable on YouTube. Be forewarned that the series is in Russian; there are no English subtitles or English dubbing.

Wearing Metrostyle

Marat Basharov femulating in Russian television’s Dumay, Kak Zhenshchina (Think Like a Woman)

Friday at Femulate Headquarters

My posts have been irregular this week. Long hours watching the election results, short hours watching the inside of my eyelids, removing 7 million leaves from my yard, weird dreams along with my normal housewife duties, it has been an unusual week here at Femulate Hq.

Usually, I don’t remember my dreams, but I remembered one from Wednesday night that was really weird. In the dream, I was wearing a classic white female nurse uniform and I was at work, but my employer is located in my old grammar school. A fellow, a well-known local news show personality, who is now retired showed up at my workplace in a wedding gown and asked me to find someone to officiate his marriage. I knew someone at work who was a justice of the peace, so I began searching the building for him. And then I woke up.

Sitting in front of the television watching the election results, I spent some time with my iPad on YouTube searching for films with crossdressing contents. I was surprised to find a lot of foreign films and television shows in which crossdressing made an appearance. Sometimes there was just a brief crossdressing encounter, but sometimes crossdressing was a significant theme of the film or TV show.

Using Google Translate and IMDb along with YouTube, I have been sorting out all my finds and it will take a while. In the near future, I will report here what I found.

Wearing L'Agence

Joshua Agai, male womenswear model