The Game of the Name

By Gina V

Greetings to you all! Stana has kindly invited me to contribute towards her most excellent site and as such, I hope I can keep up the high standard.

In another recent guest feature, I noted that the author revealed that her femme name had been changed since her alter ego first surfaced. Which reminded me that I have pondered on occasion if given names are a chicken-and-egg thing, as we are all bestowed one for life when we have no say in the matter 

So do our names influence us as we gain self-consciousness? Would a girl called Angelina start acting and dressing more femininely than one called Ann? Or a Dave get more macho as he grew older than a Damien? Johnny Cash touched on that in his song “A Boy Named Sue,” but I don’t know if anyone has done more extensive research into this subject?

My mother was determined to give me a (male) birth name she considered a a rarity. And it was, to the point where I went through my childhood like Tigger (the only one!). Looking back, I am fairly sure it was a factor in how my personality developed: not only as a bit of a loner (as one teacher noted in a school report), but a secretly narcissistic one as well. And who knows – maybe even a reason I found myself attracted to wearing lady things at an early age?

Anyway, most ordinary Joes (and Josephines) accept their lot and spend their lives bearing the name that for better or worse, they inherited.Some pick up a nickname from others along the way and may then use that in preference to their given one. That seems more often the case with men than women, but a school peer of mine was dubbed “Wilma” by a teacher (something to do with the Flintstones, apparently) and as a res,ult she is still known to one and all as that even today. 

But only a small minority, who may resent the name their parents have lumbered them with, ever seem to do something about it formally. For example, I once greeted a work colleague of mine as “Julie” only to be informed that henceforth she be addressed as “Adele”! 

Her stance seemed rather bizarre to me and I even mocked her behind her back. However, eventually it became second nature for me to think of and refer to her as she wished. I can’t remember if she explained her reasons for what she did, but I suspect she felt her given name was somewhat common in more ways than one (especially, if shortened to “Jools”) and decided to distance herself from that accordingly.

Despite  “transvesting” for over a decade, it had never occurred to me to give my femme persona a name as I was still locked in my own bubble. However, once a transperson (finally) emerges into the public arena, unless they have been blessed with a unisex name such as “Lee” or “Kim,” they are not likely to use their male one. And thus, unlike those named at birth, have a unique opportunity to give themselves one of their own liking. 

Some have simply elected for the female equivalent of their male name (e.g., “Paul”/”Paula,” etc), whilst others have grabbed the chance like kids let loose in a sweet shop to select something far more fanciful even if it didn’t particularly suit them.

So in my case, I found myself making that decision on the same night I made my full-blown public debut! My given name had no female version to my knowledge, so I hastily considered what might be the next-best quick-fix option, which was an anagram (or as near as dammit) of a girls’ name that already existed. I also decided I wanted something that reflected my look and aspirations. Therefore, it was convenient that one of my icons was the ultra-femme Italian actress Gina Lollobrigida (thanks to her, I was never tempted to choose “Dolly” or “Joan”). So, in the heat of the moment plumped for that.

Then shortly after, I discovered that the first transperson I met and befriended (who I later lodged with for many years) had a sister of the same name! Despite him usually referring to her by a family “pet” name, I felt somewhat ill-at-ease with the one I had chosen. And would have picked another had I known. However, I decided that like the average football team supporter, it was not the thing to do to change one’s allegiance simply because things were not going to plan. So I stuck with it.

In the years since, then I have realised that although not an ideal choice, thanks to the above situation, it is a name that exudes style and class and thus, transcends trends. So overall, I am okay with it. 

Had I more time to think about it, I might have gone for the name that my mother had in mind for me were – Lois. But by then, it was too late. If I ever change my name officially, then I could adopt that as a middle name. 

Things could have been far worse. I am eternally grateful that I never decided on something that was the in vogue at the time, but has since become somewhat of an embarrassment, e.g., “Kayleigh” or “Kylie!”

Wearing Veronica Beard

Alexandre Styker femulating in the 2013 French film Belinda and Me.
Search YouTube for “Belinda et moi” to view clips from the film.

Virtual Fantasia Fair

We live in a virtual world thanks to the Trump Virus, so it comes as no surprise that Fantasia Fair will also be virtual in 2020. 

If you have always yearned to go to Fantasia Fair, this year you can go for free from the confines of your computer closet. The virtual Fantasia Fair will include a Fashion Show, an SO Group Session hosted by Maureen Osborne and the world-famous Follies.

The schedule is:

Fashion Show – Tuesday, October 20, 8 PM ET

SO Session – Wednesday, October 21, 7 PM ET

Follies – Friday, October 23, 8 PM ET

And everyone is invited to participate in the Fashion Show and Follies. 

Click here for details.

Every time I attended Fantasia Fair, I never missed the Fashion Show or the Follies. They are the highlights of the Fair, so I am glad we will be able to experience them again this year.

Wearing ModCloth

Femulating Miss Fame

My Admirer

By Stephanie Julianna

Stana's post on the 28th about “Old crossdressers never die, they just fade away” gave me pause, thinking hard about the many layered society that makes up our world. I had alluded to this topic in my article, “Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow” when I spoke of some of the amazing women and crossdressers in my life and how they contributed to my growth and development. A special few even changed our whole world with their tenacity, bravery, politics and legal battles.

But there is a small group that some of us are, or were privileged to have in our crossdressing lives. The stars were aligned the day that I went to Lee Brewster's Mardi Gras Boutique dressed in my feminine best dress, hair and makeup. I regularly stopped in on Mondays when I traveled to NYC on business back in the late ’70’s and into the ’80’s. Lee had mentioned more than once that he knew someone who would love to meet me. I can never say that Lee set it up for this guy to eventually be there when I showed up one Monday, but I suspect strongly that he had a part in it.

It was the early spring of 1980 when Lee introduced me to Sam. He said we shared a similar sense of humor and an obvious love of the crossdressing scene. Lee left us alone on the shop floor and we easily struck up a conversation. Sam complimented my presentation as a young woman and I ate it up. I had never had a man interested in me, nor had I even thought I would want one to be taken with me. 

I just loved dressing and being out and about with people responding to me as any other woman. I was not looking for anyone to be friends with other than crossdressers. I also had no idea that our world was populated with “crossdresser admirers.” I was a married person with three kids and a loving wife. I was not looking for anything else but to find some friends to dress with.

I won't bore you with the details, but in a short time, Sam and I became best friends. He had a garden apartment in a brownstone on West 90th off Columbus and this became my home away from home. I had a closet and two dresser drawers for my female persona. Sam took on the role of being my Svengali, helping me perfect my look and manners as a lady. We shared many adventures going to different drag venues around the city and many of Lee's different events around town, even as far as Provincetown, Massachusetts.

I was really struggling with my gender and even my sexuality in those years and Sam was there for me. I could not tell my wife any of this because that was always her biggest fear, that I wanted to transition. However, Sam listened and understood and I could tell him anything and he still loved me no matter how screwed up I seemed. 

We did talk about him and I becoming “us,” but we both knew that my love for my wife and kids would never allow that. He would remind me of that if I seemed to be thinking of throwing all that away. When he thought that maybe it was a possibility, it was my turn to remind him of who I was and my commitments as a husband and a father. We found a balance and simply enjoyed each other's company whenever I got to the city.

By the late ’90’s, he returned to Richmond, Virginia to take care of his Mom and I encouraged him to see others down there. He only wanted a trans girlfriend and had not found one. Over a few years, I would drive down there or he would come up for a weekend to be together. Then something special happened.

I was asked to be a model for a bridal shop at the fabulous First Event in Boston. Sam flew up from Virginia and I, as Stephanie, picked him up at Logan Airport. The banquet night of the three-day event always features a fashion show. There were a few models from the crossdressing community and I was lucky enough to walk the show in a few gowns. And I was the finale wearing an amazing wedding gown. I had bought all appropriate lingerie to go with the dress. I felt like a bride through and through. And Sam was in the audience clapping with everyone else.

Then something magical – Theresa, the bridal shop owner told me I could wear the gown for the evening if I let her take more pictures in the lobby of the hotel. What crossdresser could refuse that offer? Sam was already by my side and Theresa asked him if he would be willing to be in the photoshoot. What ensued was an amazing, once in a lifetime, experience, a crossdresser’s dream. 

The pictures shown here were taken in the garden part of the huge lobby of the hotel. Many guests, not First Event participants, stood around watching. Most were couples with the woman not wanting to leave. Eventually we finished and headed through the lobby toward the elevators. All the women and even a few men complimented my gown and congratulated us on our nuptials. 

Not one person questioned my gender or our being married. This is truly the one time I can say without reservation that I passed. And it was not just the gown, makeup and hair. It was because Sam was with me. For one evening, we looked like we both got our wish, if only for a few hours.

I only saw Sam a few times after that. I urged him to find that girl that was free just for him. He did find a trans girl after his Mom passed and they were very happy together until he passed away in 2005 from lung cancer. I had gotten him to quit smoking years earlier, but the damage was done. 

So to all those crossdresser admirers, you are appreciated, loved and missed by so many of us. And as long as I have breath in my lungs, you are never going to fade away. You saved me from myself and my family is better for it. I am better for having known and loved you as a friend.

Wearing Unique Vintage

Janek Traczyk’s boots are made for walking on Polish television’s Your Face Sounds Familiar.
You can few this femulation on YouTube.

Someday Funnies

 Three Variations of a Theme

Wearing Ann Taylor

Male bride and male bridesmaid

Your First Time Out

In my previous post, My First Time Out, I described my less than wonderful first time out en femme (not counting Halloween). That experience might have been better if I had some sage advice beforehand, but where was a poor girl to go to get that advice back in 1990? 

There was no how-to literature to read up on. I knew no other femulators to consult with. Online, all there were were bulletin boards, Compuserve and 110 baud (read: incredibly slow) modems. 

Can’t rememberers where online, but I did find a list of local support groups and finally got the nerve to phone the contact person for one of the groups and she gave me the time and place of the group’s meetings. I guess I could have asked her for advice, but it never crossed my mind and it was hard enough just making that call.

I don’t have to tell you that times have changed and today you can find loads of advice and how-to information on the blogs and websites that proliferate on the Internet... even here.  

With that in mind, I poked around the Internet to find advice for your first time out en femme and I believe I found a good article on the subject: “Crossdressing — Going out in public for the first time” by Fiona Dobson. Her suggestion about going to a drag club was something I actually tried successfully my first time out en femme in Dayton. 

If Fiona’s advice is not your cup of T, then Google “first time out crossdressed” to find something you are more comfortable with. Whatever advice you follow, just do it. Get out of the closet and experience life as a woman. I so regret hiding in the closet for so long and I don’t want you to wait until you are an old lady before you go out as a lady. Just do it!

Wearing Unique Vintage

James Charles

My First Time Out

My first time out

Not counting Halloween, my first time out en femme was to attend a support group meeting 30 years ago Wednesday. I dressed at home and drove 25 miles to the group’s meeting hall west of Hartford.

I was nervous driving en femme and stuck to the speed limits the whole 25 miles. I found the meeting hall, parked in the hall’s driveway and sat in my car trying to find the courage to get out of the car and go inside the hall.

Sitting in the car, I noticed a number of tall women entering the hall. They seemed innocent enough (no whips, chains or leather body suits), so I got out of the car and went inside.

There were about 20 attendees and I was the youngest. Most looked like men in dresses and were not fooling anybody; they did not even seem to be trying to fool anybody. One person came over, introduced herself and welcomed me to the group. The others did not engage me at all except to gawk at me.

I was still nervous and began sweating profusely. I looked around at the men in dresses and wondered if I looked like them. The thought disgusted me. 

“That’s not me,” I thought and after 30 minutes, I left and drove home.

It was not a very auspicious first time out, but I came back, kept coming back and became a cog in the support group’s machinery, editing the group’s newsletter and organizing its annual banquet among other things.

And so it goes.

Wearing Venus

Ed Wood femulating in the 1953 film Glen or Glenda.
You can view the film on YouTube.

On Main Street

On Main Street (actually on Commercial Street in Provincetown)

Until recently, this year has been typical as far as blog readership is concerned. For years now, I can count on at least 5,000 hits per day, usually more, but seldom less. And that’s the way it has been in 2020 until the past month or so during which 5,000 hits became 6,000 hits and yesterday, 7,000 hits!

Go figure! Nothing has changed here. Same old blog, same short hemlines, same old Stana. 

Maybe the pandemic has driven stay-at-home guys with time on their hands to explore their feminine side and those new femulators are just now discovering this blog.

Could be. I dunno. You tell me.

Anyway, femulating is certainly becoming more mainstream. We seem to be everywhere these days – on television, in films, on stage, in print media and even on Main Street.

Successful femulating on Main Street does not necessarily mean passing on Main Street. If you pass, great, but most of us do not pass most of the time. However, that does not mean we should not have pride in our presentation. Although it may work at home or at a support group meeting, the “man in a dress look” does not cut it on Main Street. 

I recently read an article titled “What Kind of Crossdressing Men are Popular on Crossdresser Dating Sites?” by hemrna mikier. Although the article is about achieving popularity on crossdressing dating websites, it is just as applicable for achieving success as a femulator on Main Street.

Confidence is mentioned more than once. Having the right attitude is also important. While proper grooming, mannerisms and speech are essential.

I urge you to read the article – it is short, but full of good stuff that may help you succeed.   

Wearing Venus
(I liked this dress so much that I ordered it for myself.)

Repeat womanless beauty pageant contestant

Old crossdressers never die, they just fade away

Over the years, I have made friends and acquaintances with hundreds, if not thousands of trans people. Although I knew them by their trans names, I've known the birth certificate names of maybe 50 or 60.

And that’s only because I was privy to their names (and addresses) when I produced and mailed my support group’s newsletter or because they are trans radio hams and I know their government-issued call signs (which I can look up online). Take that away and I would probably know 10 or 12 by their birth certificate names (and you are probably in the same boat I am).

When one dies, you can bet the farm that their obituary will not mention their trans name or mention that they were a member of a trans support group. And unless you know their birth certificate name, you will never know that they died. As far as you know, they just stopped attending support group meetings, stopped exchanging emails with their trans friends or stopped posting to their blog and they just fade away.

Sometimes the spouse of a deceased trans person will contact a trans friend of the deceased to pass along the bad news. But in the majority of cases, spouses have no idea who or how to make that contact or could be bothered less.

It is so sad when our trans friends fade away like that. Their trans identities were probably as important or more important to them than their birth certificate identities, yet their preferred identities disappear without any acknowledgment (and often with a sigh of relief by embarrassed family members). Very sad.

And so it goes. 

Wearing Venus

Womanless beauty pageant contestant, Elizabeth City, North Carolina, 2016

Someday Funnies

 

Wearing Venus

Two Brides - One Male and One Female

For men and boys the future looks bleak

The following article originally appeared in the always entertaining Gwen’s Place, Glavyril's now-defunct blog. Although originally written with tongue in cheek, as time goes by, the grains of truth buried in this article may come to fruition.

Personally I am in the camp that believes that “male” and “female” are precise terms defined by the biological capacity of each sexes anatomy. We can change anatomy, but we can’t change capacity, yet… perhaps more on that later. So, from my perspective, all other gender roles, duties, activities, etc. are anchored in societal constructions and subject to change.

What we have is an assessment of the social future for males if current trends continue. What trends you ask?

First and foremost, despite the feminist smoke screen, women are obtaining more education, better jobs, and higher pay then men. Women have the same sexual and financial freedom that only men really enjoyed in the past. That is to their credit. Boys don’t seem to get it, evidently all planning careers in the NFL, MLB, NBA, etc. ?

One reads almost constantly now about the woman as the predominate bread winner in the modern marriage and the stresses it causes for men and let’s face it, in modern society hunting skills are not exactly appreciated and day labor isn’t the avenue to financial freedom. The tipping point will come, not sure when, perhaps when women run almost everything including the government and boys have fallen so far behind that attracting, marrying and pleasing a successful woman is their only chance of financial security? At the very least, the time of male physical violence and sexual aggression against females will be over. In the more extreme case, my Holiday picture there may not be far off!

The standard of  “male” attractiveness will be set by society, which is now a reflection of female power. If they decide that all males should be muscle-bound hunks well, that does fly in the face of my construct, but I think not as it enhances the innate physical advantage that already exists. No, I think women would likely apply the same principals to men that were applied to them, likely and ironically through the educational system.

Females will opt for the prettiest, softest boys, who can still satisfy their female needs, but in a gentle and attentive way. It will be boys who compete on the fashion and social stage for the attention of the girls. Rough whiskers will be a definite no-no and treatments that eliminate it quickly and painlessly will make millions. Boys will depilitate and wear heels to make their hairless legs look shapelier and be brought to tears if a girl calls one “rough.” No need to deal with tough courses in math and science, everyone will agree boys just aren’t suited for such learning. 

Oh, not to worry, society will still have it’s,  “Girls,” “Ladies,” “Brides” and “Wives,” they will just be male. The term “Mother” will not be banned as some futurist extremists predicted, it will just no  longer have anything to do with the birth-giver but refer to the person raising the children. While the female gestates the baby, the future “Mother” will drink his daily “nursing cocktail” – a hormonal bomb that will certainly temporarily highly feminize and render his breasts perfectly capable of lactating and nursing. (That could probably be done now, who knows?)

So, when you go to visit your grandson and his “Husband” for the Holidays and you see the scene above, don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Wearing Baum Und Pferdgarten

Two Girls – One Male and One Female