Chivalry Lives

By Velma

Sunday is Velmas’ day of freedom. The weather was unusually cold here in Podunk, so I dressed in blue, wide-leg, low-rise gurl jeans, pantyhose, black ankle boots with 3-inch heels (total height 6’ 3”!), somewhat oversized and comfy white and pink banded stripe cable-knit turtleneck sweater (insulated by a silk tee undershirt) along with a short length, brassy blonde wig.

Usually I take care of fueling and oil check whilst en homme. I forgotten about the need for fuel until my truck did the ding thing and the fuel pump light showed.

This was the first time I have ever fueled en femme and then thought about the logistics of leaving purse and keys securely in car while handling Visa and affinity card in a secure theft-resistant manner because gurl jeans have lousy, shallow, almost useless pockets.

I pulled into my regular Speedway station, pulled the hood release and proceeded to check the oil. The hood is slightly mis-aligned, so I have to give it a slight tug. And along comes Sir Lancelot to the rescue from the adjacent fueling bay.

Lancelot must have noticed the 42DD's.
 
“Hey, Lady, you need some help?”

I avoided eye contact and gave him a broad, somewhat toothy from the side smile, while merely mouthing, “Thank you,” through my ruby red lips.

My next moves should demonstrate to Lancelot that I am no virgin to the mechanisms under the hood. With used oil towel in my left hand and oversized, gaudy gold and pearl ring on my left ring finger, I draw the oil dip stick from the rear of the engine compartment with the right hand and deftly  wipe the stick, re-dip and pull the stick to check the oil level.

I note the oil is a quart low, but decide that since the engine is a 6-quart system and the trip is short, the top off of the oil will safely wait. And besides, I need to finish ASAP to end this errand and avoid Sir.....

 “Hey, Lady, you need some oil? A quart of oil? I got a quart of oil!”

(It has to be the double D’s.)

I offer a big side smile and a slow but sure head shake ‘No’ with absolutely no eye contact and quickly slam the hood with a firm, hard, man-sized slam.

The tank is full – it’s time to bug out.

Wearing Yumi Kim

Antti Vare femulating on a 2018 episode of Finnish television’s A New Day. See the video here.

Someday Funnies

Paris street style

Dmitry Bikbaev femulates Natasha Koroleva on Russian television’s One to One. See the video here.

Fry Day

This is why you feel discouraged when you try on clothes

By Ginger Burr at Total Image Consultants



Here's the free webinar link mentioned at the end of the video: https://totalimageconsultants.com/web

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Laser Hair Removal: Everything You Need to Know

By Jenna Rennert for Vogue.com

“While laser hair removal has been around since the ’90s, it’s more popular than ever. And for good reason: it’s an effective and safe way to get rid of facial and body hair that requires virtually no upkeep. And while we might be seeing the return of the full bush, the laser hair removal market continues to climb.”

Read the rest of this excellent article here.

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When I was a kid, I thought Friday was so-called because that was the day of the week that Catholic kids like me had fried fish for supper.

Wearing JustFab

Male and female patrons at Eldorado in Berlin, circa 1930

Rago Girl

I’m a Rago girl.

Rago bras and girdles are my favorite foundation garments. I have tried other brands, but always go back to Rago for the best hourglass figure that a boy can ask for.

On top, I wear Rago’s Long Line “Expandable Cup” Bra. It supports my girls, trims my midriff and is pretty, too. Also, it has a textured 2-inch elastic bottom to prevent the garment from rolling up.

Below, I wear Rago’s Extra Firm Zippered High Waist Long Leg Shaper or as I prefer to call it “girdle.” It fits tightly to give you the shape you desire, but it is still very comfortable – I can wear it all day (and I have). The girdle has a split crotch so that you don’t have to remove it when you use the little girl’s room, yet it is tight enough so that you can tuck those unsightly parts out of sight.

Fashionista that I am, I own a Rago bra and girdle set in both black and white.

The accompanying video will show you what Rago’s bra and girdle can do for you. I just wish they had used a girl like us to demonstrate the garments.

C’est la vie.

Wearing Tahari ASL

Professional femulator Sone Teal, circa 1960

Patterns

Saturday morning, I stopped by my sister's apartment to drop off her Avon order and found her going through a box of stuff from my mother's apartment. (Mom died years ago, but only recently has my sister begun going through Mom's stuff.)

"Here – this is yours," my sister said to me and handed me a stuffed manilla envelope.

"What is it?" I asked.

I opened the envelope and withdrew its contents: five old dress patterns for styles from the mid- to late-1960s.

"What do you mean these are mine?" I asked.

"Mommy bought them to make dresses for you," she explained.

"Huh!"

"She even made one dress for you – this one," she said, as she pointed to one of the patterns I held in my hands.

"She was going to give it to you as a birthday gift. But then she changed her mind because she didn't want to embarrass you."

(Note that although my sister and I are very close, she does not support me much on the trans front.)

"So, she knew," I replied.

"Dad knew, too, and he talked her out of giving the dress to you."

I always suspected that my parents knew and now my suspicions were confirmed.

"Wow! What happened to the dress?" I asked.

"I have no idea," my sister replied, "Let's change the subject."

I don't know what was the next subject because my mind was still on the dress my mother made for me and how my life might have been different if I had only confided in her.

(Caveat Emptor. This is a rerun of an old Femulate post about an event I had completely forgotten about in my old age.)

Wearing Eloquii

Rob Stone femulating in a 1989 episode of television’s Mr. Belvedere. Watch it here.

Short Shorts

Good News About Shoes Dept.

A number of readers relayed the following news to me. (Thank-you, all.)

“Payless said in a news release on Thursday that it has emerged from Chapter 11 bankruptcy with a plan to re-enter the shoe market in the United States. That reportedly includes relaunching an e-commerce site and opening some physical stores.

“Payless did not have any immediate details to share about a timeline or where the new stores would be located.”

Blushing Boy Bride Dept.

Typically, when I watch a film on television, I read the trivia about that film on IMDB. So while watching Saturday Night Fever this past Saturday night, I found this tidbit, “Letting off steam at the end of the shoot, John Travolta and members of the crew filmed a mock wedding at the disco, for laughs, with John dressed as the bride and one of the grips appearing as the groom.”

Mystery TV TV Dept.

Last Wednesday, I asked if anyone knew the source of a photo I found depicting a femulation from an unknown (by me) television show. A number of readers responded and as Julie succinctly put it, “The picture is from an NBC television program California Dreams, an episode titled ‘Wooing Woo,’ season 2, episode 4, first broadcast on September 25, 1993. You can watch the full episode on YouTube.”

Wearing Nine West

Diego Serrano femulating in the 1999 film The 24 Hour Woman, The plot of the film involves a daytime talk show with female and male (Serrano) co-hosts. Serrano crossdresses because for one airing of the talk show, the cast and crew swap genders.

Aaron Hernandez

Friday night, I watched all three episodes of Killer Inside: The Mind of Aaron Hernandez, a Netflix documentary that examines how Aaron Hernandez went from a pro football star to a convicted killer. (I started the evening off watching The Hustle, a comedy starring Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson, but it was so bad that I switched to Netflix after watching about 30 minutes of the Hathaway-Wilson stinker.)

I don't usually watch documentaries or news stories about murderers, but I have some personal connections to the the Hernandez story.

Besides Hernandez being a New England Patriot and me being a Patriots fan, he lived just down the road from me, so his old stomping grounds were my stomping grounds. A friend of mine was his Little League coach and the son of another acquaintance was one of his best friends. The Hernandez family doesn't know me from Eve, but I used to encounter his brother grocery shopping of all places! That's why I watched the program.

I enjoyed seeing nearby places in the film including the grocery store where I used to run into Hernandez's brother, but otherwise, the film presented a very sad story. Besides being beaten by his abusive father, Aaron had to hide deep in the closet because he was a homosexual.

How many of us experienced life in the closet? My parents were far from abusive and never beat me, but I hid in the closet because I thought that coming out to them as trans would disappoint them to say the least.

Older and a little wiser now, I realize that my parents loved me unconditionally and that they would have been ok with my big secret. In fact, I am sure my mother knew about it and tried to meet me half way to talk about it to the day she died.

I so regret not accepting her invitation, but it was only after she passed that I realized what she was trying to do. What a dumbbell I was!

Wearing Chelsea and Walker

Femulating Paolo Ballesteros, Christian Bables and Martin del Rosario in the 2019 Filipino film The Panti Sisters

Someday Funnies

Wearing Madeleine

Drew Pillsbury femulates in a 1994 episode of television’s Married With Children.

My Dream Job

When I was a kid, adults often asked me (just like they probably asked you), “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

I would answer with a definitive, “I dunno.”

In reality, I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I didn't dare tell anyone because I wanted to be a female impersonator (or FI, for short).

Female impersonation is not the kind of career choice that is going to make Uncle Joe or Aunt Nellie proud of their nephew, so I kept a lid on my dreams and never ran away from home to join the Jewel Box Revue.

I regret that decision now, but I try to make up for it as often as possible by femulating. I also live the life of a female impersonator vicariously by reading about the subject as often as I can.

If you are interested in old school female impersonation, I recommend a couple of sites on the Internet that deal with its history:

Drag Artists & Female Impersonators, which is part of JD Doyle's Queer Music Heritage website.

David de Alba's website – Alba was a female impersonator and his website includes interviews pictorial tributes of other female impersonators.

Wearing Bebe

Mr. Dori D'Or, professional femulator, circa 1950

Dress Code

Seven years ago when I was still working, Human Resources sent an e-mail titled “Dress Code.”

We expect you to report for work in appropriate attire. The image projected by personnel is important to our company’s success. Even though we have adopted a casual dress code policy, you should exercise discretion in selecting clothes suited to a casual business environment.

For example, the following are not appropriate attire for an office environment:

•    Backless or see-through shirts and/or styles that expose the abdomen, excessive skin or undergarments

•    Ripped/torn clothing or jeans and low-rise styles that expose excessive skin/undergarments

•    Miniskirts/dresses, short shorts and cut-offs shorts

•    Stretch/stirrup pants/leggings unless combined w/mid-thigh length top

•    Visible foundation garments, low cut and/or suggestive clothing

•    Clothing that is unwashed or stained

•    Bare feet, over the knee boots and beach shoes (rubber flip-flops)

Ouch - My wardrobe resembles some of that banned attire!

Leaving work yesterday, I mentioned to the receptionist that I will have to start abiding by the dress code.

“No miniskirts for me tomorrow,” I remarked.

She laughed.

If she only knew!

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For today's post, I considered changing the Femulate Her icon to the Femulate Him icon because the model in the Femulate Her slot looks so boyish.

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I was unable to confirm that Linda Grant in today's Femulator slot is actually a femulator. She is quite tall and her voice is borderline feminine, but I could find nothing on the Internet about her. If you know anything about Miss Grant, please let me know.

Wearing Price

Linda Grant femulating on a 1972 episode of UK television's Braden's Week.
(View Linda's appearance here; thank-you, Stephanie for this find.)