Simply Be Me

I had been waiting for the right day to wear my new Simply Be ribbed knitted dress. It is a short sleeve dress, so I was waiting for a winter day that was not too wintry. The weather forecast looked good for Tuesday, so I decided to go to the mall for a little shopping and a little eating.

My femulation began at 9 AM and by 10:30, I was ready to go in my new Simply Be dress, new Payless white kitten heel booties, new Jessica Simpson bag and my relatively new hairdo.

I arrived at the mall at 11 AM and it was so warm outdoors (65℉) that I left my overcoat in my car. I entered through the Macy's entrance, browsed the their dress racks, but nothing interested me enough to try on.

I proceeded into the mall and window-shopped until I arrived at Ann Taylor. I find their clothing attractive, but the last time I entered their store (over 25 pounds ago), everything I tried on was too small. I was hoping to be more successful now that I was a little lighter.

As I entered the store, a sales representative greeted me and said that she loved the colorful stripes of the dress I was wearing. Her remark made me wonder why I was bothering to shop for another dress!

Wearing Diane von Furstenberg (Source: DVF)

Carlos Marco femulates Soraya Arnelas on Spain's version of television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

I Blend

You may recall that three weeks ago, I had a free dinner date courtesy of Prudential Financial. Stanley was invited and she attended dressed appropriately for a woman her age.

At the banquet hall, each attendee was assigned to a specific table and each table had a Prudential representative seated with the guests. The rep introduced himself and was available to field questions, if any. It was all very laid-back and there was no high pressure sales.

A week later, I received a call on my iPhone. I did not recognize the number, so I did not answer it. I received a second call from the same number a week later and another on Friday.

Over the weekend, I finally noticed that there were two voicemails left after the last two calls. I listened to the voicemails and they were from the Prudential rep seated at our table offering his financial services if I was interested.

He did mention in passing that either I was a no-show at the dinner or I ended up sitting at the wrong table!

There were three couples and two solos (me and a guy) seated at our table. Perhaps the rep thought I was with the wife or girlfriend of the solo guy even though we were not seated together. I also assume he was looking for a male Stanley at his table, not the lady Stanley, who was present.

I guess I blend in better than I thought.

Wearing Derek Lam 10 Crosby sweater, Rejina Pyo skirt, Tibi boots and Yuzefi bag (Source: Intermix)

John Crawford femulating in the 1961 British film The Impersonator.

First I look at the purse

I admit to being a shoe whore, but now I am becoming a bag hag, too.

Purses/pocketbooks/handbags were those things that clearly separated the boys from the girls. Slip on your high heels, grab your purse and you are out the door as a woman, not some boy pretending to be a man.

I had a small collection of bags. Most were inexpensive bags that I purchased at JCPenney, Payless, Fashion Bug, etc. The only designer bag I owned was a B. Makowsky satchel that I bought for $80 at a consignment shop (it cost $250 new).

Then my daughter Christmas-gifted me a Kate Spade bag. And when she moved to an apartment last month, she gave me two Coach bags and two Jessica Simpson bags that she never used and did not want to take along to her new digs.

Since then, I acquired two more Coach bags!

Not only have I become a bag hag, but I am also a bag snob, because when I go out now, I will only wear a designer bag!

I call that "progress." LOL

Wearing Moda  Operandi (Source: Moda Operandi)

Womanless pageant contestant before and after (Source: Pinterest)

Someday Funnies

Wearing Diane von Furstenberg (Source: DVF) 

Ian Saunders femulates Vivian Cupcake on television's Bill Nye, The Science Guy

Not Very Ladylike

I live on a dead end off of another dead end. Our dead end has underground utilities. Beyond our dead end are utility poles.

During the 25 years I have lived here, we have never had a power outage originating on our dead end. Any outages have always originated on the portion of the system with utility poles.

Two Sundays ago, we had snow, freezing rain and high winds. Monday morning, we lost power, which meant no electricity, no water, no heat, no landline, no Internet, etc. My iPhone was the only thing that worked and when I checked the electric company's outage map on the Internet, I was surprised that only my dead end, the underground portion of the system was out. The portion of the system on the poles still had power.

I phoned in our outage and the trucks showed up mid-morning Monday, left an hour later, showed up again at noon and again left an hour later. The electric company had no estimate when we'd get our power back.

I began feeding our wood stove to provide some warmth to keep the pipes from freezing and managed to keep the indoor temperature around 50℉. But at sunset, we decided to spend the night at my sister's house rather than try to sleep in our icebox.

Tuesday morning, I received a robot call from the electric company that we would have power by 1 PM, so after coffee and, we thanked my sister for her hospitality, drove back home and found that we already had power (Yay!). However, I did notice that down at the end of our dead end, there were about ten vehicles, ten hardhats and a payloader digging on the side of the road. I don't know what was wrong, but they did not finish digging until late Wednesday afternoon.

Anyway, by the time we got back home, I did not feel very ladylike. I had not shaved, showered or moisturized in days. I was wearing my girl jeans, but nothing else from milady's wardrobe. So when we lose power, it means no electricity, no water, no heat, no landline, no Internet and no femulating!

Wearing Tahari (Source: Us)

Bert Savoy, early 20th Century professional femulator

Observed

While taking inventory earlier this week, I made the following observations.

Bad Sizes

Sizes are all over the map. Not only are dress sizes inconsistent between labels, the sizes of dresses from the same label are inconsistent, too. I knew this before, but doing inventory affirmed what I already knew.

I bought a black sequins cocktail dress from a consignment shop a few years ago. The label was Dress Barn; the size was 14. I was wearing a size 16 or 18 back then and I was surprised that the size 14 Dress Barn confection was actually a little big on me (go figure), but I purchased it anyway because it was only $5. Needless to say, I was swimming in the dress when I tried it on this week and it ended up in the discard pile.

And although I am usually a size 12 these days, some of my old size 14's and 16's fit fine and were keepers.

Dead Brands

I own many nice dresses from labels that no longer exist: Newport News, Spiegel, Fashion Bug.

Back when I did all my womenswear shopping online, Newport News and Spiegel were my best friends. When I finally started shopping in person (in girl and boy mode), Fashion Bug became my new friend.

I miss my old friends.

Wearing Unique Vintage (Source: Unique Vintage)

Enrie Scielzo, male womenswear model

Taking Inventory

I just did something that I have been meaning to do for a long time: try on everything in my closet to see what fits and what doesn't.

Why? Two reasons:

1.  I have so much clothing hanging in my closet that everything is very tightly packed. Removing or adding anything is difficult. The clothing has no room to breathe (!) and whatever hanging there is becoming permanently pressed in whatever configuration it was hung.

2.  Having lost 25 pounds and keeping that weight off during the holidays has assured me that I will be able to maintain that weight. So I can free up closet space by removing the size 14's, 16's and 18's that are too big for me now.

Mid-morning Monday, I slipped into my bra, girdle and Spanx and began trying on the contents of my closet. I underestimated how long the process would take and after two hours, I was not even half way through, but I did have a pile of discards, so that was progress.

I broke for lunch and returned to the task in the evening, put in another two hours and clocked out at 8 PM. Another two hours Tuesday afternoon finished the the job.

While I was trying on clothing, I became ruthless on what I discarded. Initially, I only discarded clothing that was too big. And then I encountered some dresses that were too small in the bust — they did fit me at one time, but evidently my breasts have gotten a little larger as I have gotten older, so those dresses had to go, too.

Then there were those dresses that fit perfectly, but I did not like the way they looked on me. I wondered why I had purchased those items in the first place! They ended up in the discard pile, too.

On the flipside, there were dresses that I had not worn in a long time that now look amazing on my thinner body. It's as if I had just acquired new wardrobe to wear!

What am I going to do with the discards?

I will donate most of the dresses to the donation center in town that distributes clothing and household items to the needy in our area. The cocktail dresses and evening gowns are not donation center-worthy and may be eBay-bound.

Now my closet is so empty, I think it's time to go shopping!

Wearing Balmain (Source: Intermix)

Dad or Mom and sons dressed for Halloween. (Source: Pinterest)

Alison Laing

Alison and Me

I have not attended Fantasia Fair in a few years, but when I did attend, I usually stayed at the Chicago House, a cozy bed and breakfast in Downtown Provincetown.

About half the guests at Chicago House were repeats and as I became a repeat myself, I got to know the other Chicago House repeaters, including Alison Laing, who died recently.

From Dallas Denny (via Helen Boyd):

Alison played a huge role in the forming transgender community. She was a co-founder of Renaissance Education Association, author of a book on voice, and served as Executive Director of the International Foundation for Gender Education. Alison and spouse Dottie were long-time supporters of Fantasia Fair, and both served as Director for multiple years, and both earned the Fair’s highest awards.

Living in a B&B, you get to know your sister residents a little more intimately than you would otherwise. Only in a B&B do you get to chat with your sisters over breakfast while wearing nightgowns and slippers. Some girls showed up without wigs and makeup, others with wigs and full makeup (that's me) and then there were some in boy mode pajamas — it was quite a mix. That's where I got to know Alison... over breakfast at the Chicago House.

Alison was very friendly and very knowledgable. And she was very willing to share her knowledge and never tired of this newbies questions about Fantasia Fair and the trans world, in general. She also had a good sense of humor and got my jokes.

I will miss Alison. May she rest in peace.

Wearing Ann Taylor (Source: Ann Taylor)

Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari femulating in television's Bosom Buddies, circa 1981.

A Quest for Perfect Hair

By Sally Stone

I remember so vividly the first time I wore a wig. It was one I "borrowed" from my Mom, a style that really didn't flatter me much. Still, it was a feminine hairstyle and I just couldn’t get over much it changed my appearance.

Way back then, my funds were minimal, so my access to wigs was limited making my acquisitions mostly opportunistic. Usually they were well-worn and often discarded by the original owner. In short, I was wearing wigs that were not particularly suited to my facial structure and skin tone. Of course, at the time, I knew little about the art of personalizing a hairstyle or about how to select the right wig.

Later, when I could afford to spend more, I made purchases mostly via mail order catalogs to avoid outing myself. When the Internet came along, ordering wigs got even easier, but like mail order, I was still making a wig purchase based on how it looked on the model in the catalog. Unfortunately, the wigs I ordered didn’t look nearly as good on me as they did on the model and in many cases, the wig I received bore little resemblance to the picture in the catalog. Obviously, it would have been much smarter to buy a wig in person from a salon where I could try it on and be fitted properly. At the time, however, I simply didn’t possess the courage or the confidence.

Eventually, I worked my way out of the closet and at some point, I forced myself to go to a salon for a wig fitting and purchase. And while it was clearly a much better method of purchase, the downside was the extra cost. On that first visit, the specialist fitted me with a beautiful blonde wig that really looked great, but it cost me well over $200. Because it was such a huge hit to my “girl” budget, I was forced to wear the wig for nearly four years, even though after only two years, it was already beginning to show its age. This is a typical failing of even the most well-made synthetic wigs, a fact that adds even more to the cost of maintaining a well-coiffed appearance.

Human hair wigs are an alternative to synthetic, but they are extremely expensive and require the same high-level of care and preparation as real hair. I did give thoughts to trying one, but the cost deterred me. The best solution, something I have always dreamed of, was to grow out my own hair. Unfortunately, that isn't currently a realistic option for me, so, synthetic wigs have always been my solution for maintaining a feminine hairstyle.

Since a hairstyle is such a powerful form of camouflage, choosing the right wig is critical. A wig can counter or at least soften masculine facial features, helping to feminize the appearance. I have discovered through trial and error that sometimes it is subtle wig characteristics that can make the most difference. The sweep or length of the bangs, the location of the part, the fall of the wig can each help to feminize a face. The trick is to find the characteristics that work best for individual facial features.

Whether online or in salons, I have spent a tremendous amount of money on wigs over the years and finding that perfect wig has always been elusive. However, five years ago, while searching online, I found a style called "Glow Girl” by Forever Young. Like Internet and mail order purchases from my past, I held out little hope the wig would end up being my go-to style. Additionally, the wig was priced at $29 and certainly, a wig this inexpensive couldn't possibly look as nice on me as it did in the online photo. Still, there was something about it that pushed me to buy it anyway.

Honestly, I was fully expecting to be disappointed when the wig arrived in the mail, but surprisingly Glow Girl proved to be the most flattering wig I'd ever owned. In fact, I was so happy with the way it looked on me that I ordered two more in slightly different shades. This particular purchased taught me that,while a challenge, it is possible to find a very nice wig without spending a fortune. Unfortunately, this discovery was mostly luck since I purchased it based on how it looked on the model instead of getting it fitted on me first.

Today, I own five Glow Girl wigs. The last two I purchased cost $39 and $49 respectively, but I still consider them bargains. All of my wigs are color variations of either blonde or red shades as they tend to flatter me best.

I learned something else interesting after acquiring my collection of Glow Girl wigs: each of them was slightly different. The differences were subtle, which didn't change the overall style, but the subtleties; how much curl, texture and fullness and the fall and length of the bangs gave each wig its own unique personality. I don't know if this is a quality control issue associated with this particular manufacturer or if the nature of wig construction generates slight variations in all wigs of the same style.

Owning multiple wigs allows me to rotate them, which significantly increases the amount of time it takes for any one of them to wear out. And these five wigs actually cost me less than a single high-priced salon wig would have making Glow Girl even more of a bargain. Rotation also allows me to vary my color choices from day to day, something I believe keeps my hairstyle looking fresh and new.

Finally, after so many years, I have satisfied my personal quest to find the perfect hairstyle at least for now. I must assume that as I age, the hairstyle I wear today may not suit an older me in the future. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, but for now I'm extremely happy with this style as it accentuates the feminine characteristics I possess very effectively.

I’m not trying to advocate for the style or the manufacturer of the wig I currently wear. That wouldn’t make sense, because a hairstyle that works for me may not be a good match for someone else. In fact, choosing a wig is an intensely personal choice and each of us has to pick a style and cut that best suits our feminine and dare I say it, our masculine characteristics.

Ultimately, I can't guarantee that someone else will be as lucky as me finding a go-to hairstyle. After all, it only took me 25 years, but there are beautiful, well-made wigs out there and they don’t need to break the bank.

Wearing Rachel Zoe (Source: Rachel Zoe)

Professional femulator Mr. Gene Chandler, circa 1965 

Someday Funnies

Wearing Rachel Zoe (Source: Rachel Zoe)

Bride and groom of a womanless wedding in 1925.

Trans-Manners

Hi Stana!

I’m a cis-woman who started reading your blog for the fashion and stayed for your unique perspective on trying to live an authentic life. Could you write a post about what good manners are for members of the public who encounter transgender people?

Thank you,

Beth

👦 / 👧

Hi Beth,

Thank you for the compliment, that is, "I’m a cis-woman who started reading your blog for the fashion."

Regarding your question, I will always remember when I unintentionally scared the living daylights out of a transwoman. I was attending a transgender convention, arrived in boy mode and boarded the elevator at the host hotel, which was occupied by a young transwoman.

I said, "Hello" and asked her if she was enjoying the convention.

She reacted like the proverbial deer in headlights.

Oops! I immediately realized my error and added that I was also attending the convention, but had not changed to girl mode yet.

She was relieved and I learned a big lesson. Whenever I encounter someone who I think is trans, I bite my tongue and don't say anything that gives away my assumption about their gender. I might say, "Hello" and make small talk, but I would never say something like, "Your femulation is great!" 

...for two reasons...

1.  What if they are not trans? I don't think I have to explain why misidentifying a civilian as trans is a big no-no.

2.  And if they are trans, they probably don't want anyone (even another trans) telling them that their cisgender is showing. Some trans people may not care, but it is better to err on the side of caution and not say anything because many trans people do care.

So the answer is that generic small talk is OK, but don't say anything that will burst the bubble of a trans person who is trying to make their way out among civilians in their true gender.

Wearing Diane von Furstenberg (Source: DVF)

Simon Hanselmann, cartoonist