Confidence

As long as I have been going out as a woman, I have had some trepidation before I took that first step out the door into the real world. After all, under that makeup, wig and female finery is a 6 foot 2, 199-pound cisgender male.

Will I pass? Will I get read? How will civilians react? If you have ever gone out in public as a woman, you have been there and done that. I believe I will never do that again.

Two week ago, I stood at a podium in Ohio as a woman and made a short presentation to approximately 150 of my ham radio peers. It was a positive experience and a personal accomplishment.

Tuesday morning, a video of my presentation was posted on YouTube. I hesitated before I clicked the play button to view it. For the first time, I would see my female presentation as others see it... not in a still photograph, but in a full motion "live" video. Would I see a cisgender male in a dress? Would the video shatter the notion that I pass?

I clicked on the play button and five seconds into my appearance I thought "Holy Cow!" Watch my body movement and mannerisms as I say, "I used to write for QST." That is not the body movement and mannerisms of a cisgender male; that is the body movement and mannerisms of a female. 

Watching the 2-1/2 minutes of video, I continued to see a female and I was absolutely floored how feminine I appeared. Yeah, "Holy Cow!"

Growing up, I was clueless about my feminine ways, but my peers were very aware of it and let me know about it in no uncertain terms. But I refused to change because my mannerisms were natural to me, a good fit and I really did not want to man-up and embrace some of the aspects of being "male" that I found unattractive and even abhorrent.

But until I viewed the video, I did not realize how really feminine I appeared. So feminine, that even my male voice worked.

As a result, I am very confident about my femulation and I will never again have any trepidation about experiencing the real world as a woman because under that makeup, wig and female finery is a 6 foot 2, 199-pound female.

Wearing Shoshanna (Source: Rent the Runway)

Krzysztof Szczepaniak femulates Lady Gaga on Polish television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Got Stuff

Got App Dept.

The online app that puts "Your Face on a Glamorous Magazine Cover In Seconds!" seems to be very popular with Femulate readers (and me). More of you have sent in your results, so I am posting a second set of your glamorous images today.

Got Voice Dept.

That Hamvention video that shows me for about 2-1/2 minutes had over 300 views from all over the world not long after I mentioned it here. Since the video was not publicized elsewhere until late in the day, I assume that most of that 300 were Femulate readers. (It has over 650 views 24 hours later.)

I girded my loins for criticism and as expected, I received some comments about my voice. 

Yes, I have a New York accent and sometimes my "these," "thems" and "those" come out as "deese," "dems" and "dose." [Actually, I have a South End of Waterbury accent, which is a distant cousin (80 miles) of a New York accent.]

And yes, my voice is deep for a woman. 

Years ago, I took a femme voice course and after three weeks of practice, I had a very feminine voice, but I always felt silly when I used that voice. It seemed so fake to me. Since I found that my normal male voice was not a deal breaker as far as passing was concerned that is what I decoded to use. 

I think that when people initially encounter me, they see a woman. If and when I speak, they just assume that I am a woman with a deep voice. 

After years of using my normal voice en femme, I assure you it usually does not give me away. As I recounted in last Wednesday post, a fellow came over to me after I spoke at the Hamvention forum and asked me how I am related to Stan Horzepa?

And so it goes.

Wearing Show Me Your Muu Muu (Source: Haute Look)

Abe Vagoda femulates in an episode of television's Barney Miller (circa 1978).

Live!

This year's Hamvention was the first time I spoke at a forum as a woman.

When I attended Hamvention in the past as a male (before 2010), I moderated and spoke at a number of forums. But since I have been attending as a woman, I have not presented because I was not ready to take that step in my coming out process.

This year, I was ready and gave a short presentation at my group's forum, the TAPR Forum, to encourage people to submit content for my group's quarterly publication, which I edit.

I think my presentation went well. No one hooted or threw rotten tomatoes and a couple of people even complimented me.

Even better... the forum was video-recorded and you can view it here on YouTube. (My appearance starts at the 6:39 mark and last about 2-1/2 minutes.)

I looked forward to seeing this video because I have never seen my female self "live" and I wanted to see for myself if I had feminine mannerisms.

All my life, I have been accused of being feminine. The way I walked, talked and moved were decidedly girly according to the social norms police.

I was not trying to act girly, I was just acting in a way that came naturally to me. Furthermore, I was happy with the way I acted and I was not about to change or "man up."

Anyway, after viewing the video, I have to admit that the social norms police were correct.

Wearing Mango (Source: Elle)

David Lander and Michael McKean femulating on television's Laverne and Shirley (circa 1980)

A Memorable Hamvention

As regular readers of Femulate know, I do not present as a woman 24/7, although I would prefer to do so. 

During Hamvention, a long-time ham radio friend mentioned that my transition appeared to be successful and wondered how my family has reacted to my living as a woman 24/7.

I was surprised by his comment and asked him what gave him the impression that I had transitioned and lived as a woman 24/7.

He was surprised by my question and stated that "everyone" just assumed that I had transitioned because I was so feminine in every way. No one would think I was a male or had ever been a male.

On a similar note, another long-time acquaintance noticed the engagement ring (a fake) that I was wearing at Hamvention. She asked me who was my boyfriend and when did we plan to marry!   

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I did not see as many Femulate readers as I have at past Hamventions. Usually I encounter a dozen or so of you at the "big show," but this year I only saw six of you.

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The fashionistas out there want to know what this fashionista wore during Hamvention, so here is a list.

Thursday: Dress Barn sleeveless handkerchief hemline midi dress, Avon animal print scarf, Payless Karmen nude pointed-toe pumps, gold jewelry

Friday: Roz & Ali polka-dot faux-wrap jumpsuit, Payless black patent Mink Vison wedges, silver jewelry

Saturday day: Dress Barn sleeveless handkerchief hemline midi dress, Avon animal print scarf, Payless Karmen nude pointed-toe pumps, gold jewelry 

Saturday night (as in the photo above): Dress Barn brushstroke scuba midi dress, Payless Karmen nude pointed-toe pumps, Avon modern greens drop earrings, gold watch 

By the way, I way overpacked and brought more than twice the amount of clothing I actually wore!

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I like the new site of Hamvention, that is, the Greene County Fairgrounds in Xenia. It reminds me of The Big E and I like The Big E.

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I wrote this after attending Hamvention in 2016:

One female ham I have known for many years and who is very familiar with my roots, lives in Connecticut, but I usually only see her in Ohio at Hamvention. She staffs a booth near my booth and we always meet up at one booth or the other to chat and catch up, as was the case Friday morning, when she stopped by my booth. After talking for about ten minutes, she had to go, but before she left, she said, "By the way, you look beautiful!"

I was speechless, but managed to squeak out a "thank you." 

Then she added, "I really mean that!"

This year, I looked her up a few times, but she was never at her booth. I assumed that she did not make the trip this year and I was disappointed that we did not meet up.

After I returned home, I was shocked and heartbroken to discover her obituary. She had died the day before the start of Hamvention.

She was a kind and beautiful woman in so many ways and I will miss her.

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Esme Percy femulates in the 1930 Hitchcock film Murder!

Your Glam Transformations

Last week, I mentioned an online app that puts "Your Face on a Glamorous Magazine Cover In Seconds!"

Some of you tried it out and sent me the results and with your permission, I am posting your glamorous images here today.

I mentioned last week that some of my results were blurry. After experimenting with the app, I discovered that I got better results (see my image below) if my original photo was a headshot rather than a full-length image. Your mileage may vary, but if you are experiencing blurry results, try a headshot and see if that is an improvement.

Have Fun! And please send me your results if you would like to see them posted like the ones below.

Wearing Moda Operandi (Source: Moda Operandi)

Femulating at Tutenball 2017

A Very Good Hamvention

I had a very good Hamvention.

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Here is a short explanation for newcomers to this blog so that my Hamvention stories make more sense.

I am well known in ham radio having written over 1,200 articles for various ham radio publications as well as having authored a half dozen books on the subject. The caveat is that my notoriety was accomplished as a male, so my male name and ham radio call sign are recognized by people who have been in ham radio for awhile. However, I have been attending Hamvention and other ham radio conferences as a female for the past nine years.

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Thursday evening, I attended my ham radio group's board of directors' meeting. Normally, we hold it in a meeting room at whatever hotel we use for our Hamvention stay. However, one of the board members lives in Dayton and invited us to his home for the meeting, so that is where we met this year.

I had met our host's wife numerous times when I attended Hamvention as a male and we got along swimmingly, but I had not seen her since I began attending as a female. I thought she would be OK with it, but you never know.

Her reaction when she saw me was better than OK. First, she complimented me profusely on my hair, then she gave me a big hug and complimented me again.

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Friday morning, my group has a forum at Hamvention and I spoke briefly to encourage folks to contribute to my group's quarterly publication which I edit. (That's me at the lectern in the first photo).

After the forum, a fellow came over to talk to me. He is a member of our organization and I have probably seen him at every Hamvention I have attended during the past 10 to 15 years.

The gent asked me, "How are you related to Stan Horzepa?"

I sure did not see that coming!

It took a little convincing before he realized what was what. He seemed to be OK with it because he was very pleasant when I ran into him again during the weekend.

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Similarly, while I was staffing our booth at the convention on Saturday, a stranger comes up to me, looked at my old pre-Stana call sign badge and said, "You're not Stan Horzepa."

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On the other hand, a lot of people are now accustomed to me as Stana nee Stan. Countless people came to our booth and spoke with me while addressing me as "Stana."

Saturday evening, I attended the Hamvention Awards Dinner. This is the same dinner I attended two years ago when I received the Hamvention Special Achievement Award. Past award winners are often invited back and that is why I was in attendance. The second photo shows me dressed to kill for the dinner. I received a handful of compliments from the women in attendance (they loved my retro dress).

There were approximately 70 attendees and besides the award winners, the other attendees were the makers and shakers of ham radio and their spouses — a very prestigious group. Everyone I encountered addressed me as "Stana" and proudly introduced me to their spouses.

They treated me as a woman and I never felt more accepted.

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Yanny

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A half dozen Femulate readers (you know who you are) showed up at the booth to say, "Hello." I have met all but one at past Hamventions.

One, Jenna, brought a copy of one of my books that she had in her library and I was happy to personally autograph it for her.

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I guess I make a lasting impression.

Friday evening, my group co-hosts a banquet with another group and we have been using the same banquet facilities for over ten years. The meal is a buffet and like many buffets, the food line ends with a meat table where a server wields a carving knife to provide you with a slice of prime rib, turkey, ham, etc.

As I approached the meat table, the woman staffing the table greeted me and said she always looks forward to our banquet to see what kind of "wild outfit" I will be wearing. She admitted that the polka dot jumper I was wearing Friday night was not so wild, but she was happy to see me nonetheless.

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Why was it "a very good Hamvention?"

The food was very good. The breakfasts at the hotel were very good (and I was constantly ma'am'd by the hotel staff) and the dinners were over the top.

The 725-mile roadtrip was a good one. Although I absolutely hate the drive, traffic was light, there were no highway construction delays and I encountered only one traffic delay (due to a minor accident).

The weather was lousy. It rained every day, but most of the activities I participated in are indoors, so it did not rain on my parade.

I managed to find everything on my shopping list. (I am transitioning from soldered to crimp-on coax connectors, so I was able to buy the crimp-on tools and connectors at bargain "Hamvention" prices.)

It was great to see my radio friends and acquaintances again and to meet new friends as well.

Friends and strangers treated me as a woman. I guess I will always be amazed at such treatment. I  am very aware that there is the body of a 6-foot-2, 200 pound guy under all the female finery, yet the civilians buy into my female persona. Amazing!

The only negative was that I got a call from home that something was wrong with my dog. So instead of returning to Hamvention on Sunday, I started driving home to see what was wrong. When I arrived home, my 16-year-old blind pup came to life when she heard my voice and we had an emotional reunion (my face is still wet). She seemed fine and my guess is that she was just depressed because I was gone for so long. (I missed her, too.)

And so it goes.

Wearing Zimmermann

Arianda Sodi, professional femulator

Good Hair Day

Wednesday, left home without girl clothes on. I usually don't dress driving the first leg of my Hamvention roadtrip so I can get on the road as early as possible and beat the commuters in the tri-state area.

Femulating for the trip would get me on the road about 90 minutes later. Yes, I could get up 90 minutes earlier, but at my age, I need 7 to 8 hours of sleep. Yes, I could go to bed 90 minutes earlier but that never works because I just lay awake for 90 minutes and fall asleep at my normal time. And so it goes.

Anyway, I femulated Thursday morning after waking up in a hotel on the Ohio-Pennsylvania border.

I packed three wigs for the long weekend: the blond wig from Noriko called "Sky" that I have been wearing almost every time I femulated in the past year, the same wig in a different color called Kahlua-Blast (a medium brown base with honey blonde highlights in the front) that I wore once and a new blond wig from Raquel Welch called "Salsa."

Thursday morning, I femulated with Salsa. The accompanying photo shows how I looked wearing a Dress Barn frock, Avon scarf, Payless pumps, gold jewelry and an array of unmentionables.

By the time I arrived at the my destination in Dayton, Ohio, five hours later, I decided that Salsa was not me. It was just too country music fangirlish for me, so I switched to the Kahlua-Blast wig and fell in love with the way it looked. It reminded me of Janet Leigh's hair in the film Bye Bye Birdie, which is a look that I always liked.

Besides liking how the wig looked, I discovered something obvious: your earrings are more visible. I lost count how many times I thought, "Why bother wearing gold or silver earrings when they get lost in the blondness of my wig?" Now,my pretty gold and silver earrings are very noticeable in contrast to a dark wig.

I wore the Kahlua-Blast wig the rest of the long weekend and it was a big success.

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I had very little time to get on the Internet last week and the e-mail piled up in my in-box. I promise to answer it all in the next few days.

Wearing Ann Taylor (Source: Ann Taylor)

Kacper Kuszewski femulates Maria Callas on Polish television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Transform those Monday blues

I am driving home from Hamvention today; I should be home in the early afternoon.

I created today's post last Tuesday after I discovered a neat on-line app that girls like us can appreciate and enjoy. And I thought posting it today would be a good way to brighten the Monday blues.

Powered by FaceApp, this online app puts "Your Face on a Glamorous Magazine Cover In Seconds!"

But it does more than that! First, it performs a facial and removes all the lines and wrinkles you may have collected over the years. Then it gives you a glam makeover suitable for appearing on the cover of a glam magazine.

The app is simple to use. You simply point the app to a photo saved on your computer, tablet or smart phone and the app performs the transformation in about 15 seconds.

Sometimes the results are too blurry. (I performed ten transformations and discarded three as too blurry.)

One of my best transformations is the one you see at the top of this post. Yeah, "Wow!"

Enjoy!

Wearing Moda Operandi (Source: Moda Operandi)

Sunday

Stana is on the road.

Wearing Madeleine (Source: Madeleine)

James Beaman on stage in La Cage Aux Folles (2007).

Saturday

Stana is at Hamvention.

Wearing Eloquii (Source: Eloquii)

Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo with Shirley MacLaine on television's Where Do We Go From Here (1977)