Act Naturally

Whenever I recount my biography (like at outreach), I usually mention that as a youngster, I participated in sports (baseball and football) and played "boy games" (cowboys, war, spacemen, etc.). I felt that I was a typical boy and I enjoyed doing "boy things," unlike many of my trans sisters, who as children, hated "boy things" and preferred "girl things."

I also mention in my bio that despite my participation and enjoyment of those boy things, other boys called me names like "sissy," "fairy," "faggot," etc., which indicated to me that I was not necessarily all the boy I thought I was.

This was not just a case of bullies using random offensive names to raise my ire. Even a few of my friends told me that I was not acting like a boy at a 100% level and that I should do something about it.

I wondered if there was something in my mannerisms or speech that caused their reaction? I was not intentionally acting or speaking in an affected manner. Rather, I was speaking and acting in my natural manner, which I did not feel was feminine.

The fact that even friends told me that something was amiss indicated that something really was amiss, but I was clueless. I had no idea what I had to do differently to be more boy-like. So, I continued acting the same way I always acted and if someone called me a name, I hit them with my purse.

Even in high school, college, and law school, I occasionally ran into guys, who commented on my particular flavor of masculinity, but I just shrugged them off and kept on truckin'. By then, I was crossdressing in secret and only coming out en femme for Halloween including an appearance en femme at a Halloween party in law school.

I will never forget a friend of mine at that party telling me that he never realized how feminine my speaking and mannerisms were until he saw me dressed as a woman. He indicated that my female costume was a perfect fit for my normal mannerisms and speech.

After mentioning this story at outreach one time, one of the students confirmed that my mannerisms were feminine and that my friends and acquaintances had been in the ballpark in their estimation of me.

Yet, nothing has changed. I still do not affect a feminine persona. I still act naturally and no differently whether in boy mode or girl mode.

I admit that I do try to walk more like a woman when I am en femme and I talk more softly when I femulate, but most of what you get is the genuine me. And I am not changing a thing.

Wearing Metrostyle (Source: Metrostyle)

Professional femulator Willie Manders poses for this postcard from the 1920's.

She comes on like a rose

What turned out to be a free recall of my Subaru to replace an airbag turned into an $850 bill!

I took the Subaru to my dealer Tuesday morning for the recall and an oil change and drove home in a loaner, a brand new Subaru Outback.

Later that afternoon, I got the call telling me that my car needed assorted work including a rear brake job. At first I balked at the potential $850 bill, but then I reconsidered since I have driven the car for over a year without any trouble nor maintenance. Also, I am facing a roadtrip to Ohio in two weeks, so I agreed to the work that was suggested.

Meanwhile, I literally drained the swamp on Friday. The west side of my property has a number of springs and the water runs downhill into a culvert that dumps it into a nearby brook. The primary path for the water was clogged with leaves and other debris, so instead of flowing away, a swamp was in the making. So I spent about an hour clearing the path and draining the swamp.

No good deed goes unpunished and I woke up Sunday morning to find my hands and arms blossoming with poison ivy. I applied apple cider vinegar to effectively stop the itching, but it did nothing for the spreading rash. So after I picked up my car at the Subaru dealer yesterday, I drove to the local hospital's walk-in clinic to deal with the poison ivy.

A PA confirmed that I had poison ivy and she prescribed Prednizone and Benadryl. I picked up the meds at my pharmacy, drove home and popped the pills.

About an hour later, I was on my way to Aldi and Stop & Shop to do the weekly grocery shopping, when the Bendryl kicked in and I started feeling very sleepy. As a result, what is normally a 90-minute grocery run took 2-1/2 hours because I was so out of it. Upon returning home, I unloaded the groceries and crashed.

Around 9:30 PM, I decided to turn in. Before going to bed, I went into the room where my radio shack is located to make sure everything was powered down. I could not resist listening to the radio before going to bed and as luck would have, radio conditions were very good (I could hear WJCC on 1700 kHz, which is located in Miami Springs, F-L-A, 1666 miles away!), but I was so exhausted that I shut down the shack and went to bed.

(Source: Bluefly)

Alex Newell

Overdressing

I am an overdresser.

There ― I admitted it. I got it off my chest and now I don't have to worry about people accusing me of being an "overdresser" because I have come out to the world about it.

It is hard to overdress when you attend a trans support group meeting; many of the attendees overdress because the meeting may be their only opportunity to dress at all, so they dress to kill.

That being said, when I attended trans support group meetings, I was usually the most overdressed girl at the meeting. Hands down. No question about it.

I carried on my overdressing when I began going out in public en femme. The woman in a cocktail dress and high heels shopping at Wal*Mart ― that was me. The woman in the sequin evening gown seated in the centerfield bleachers at Fenway Park ― that was me. The woman in the little black dress and pearls dining at Taco Bell ― you guessed it ― that was me, too.

At first, I worried about it because overdressing drew attention to me and by drawing attention to me, civilians might scrutinize me too closely and figure out that I was packing something extra underneath my periwinkle bridesmaid gown.

I sure did not want to out myself, so I began toning it down. But I soon found out that toned-down dressing was Boring with a capital B!

Blending in with all the other babes at Home Depot was just not my thing. I wanted to be outstanding in my field in heels, not flats.

So, I began overdressing again and I have never looked back because in the words of blogger Kate Fridkis, "Being overdressed is fun. You have to pull it off with confidence. You have to walk with your shoulders back, like you planned it. Like you're dressed up because you live a dramatic, impressive life. I mean, why not? Maybe you do."

Ms. Fridkis' "The Art of Overdressing" on The Huffington Post inspired this post and I urge you to go read it yourself; maybe it will inspire you to buy a red strapless dress to wear to the grocery store.

Wearing JustFab (Source: JustFab)

Austrian actors Oscar Sabo and Josefine Dora switched genders 100 years ago

A Fan Letter

Paul goes by the name of Paula and sends me infrequent fan letters. His/her most recent missive follows.

I am aware as much as anyone the nature of the fantasyland that crossdressers inhabit but one thing has always bewildered me; EVERY story of 'passing' involves women, never men. I gave up believing these stories years ago particularly when they included a picture which nearly always demonstrate that the ability to 'pass' is extremely limited. One has to accept that 'Fictionmania' is not the only place for fantasy. Can you recommend a supplier of these mirrors which enable one to believe that this so often unattractive male is is transmuted into a beautiful sexy woman. There must be one hell of a lot sold judging by the pictures you post.

I have other "fans" who send similar letters and comments. They claim to be femulators and are very judgmental of their femulating sisters.

Early on, these writers bothered me with their vitriol, but then it occurred to me that they were probably just jealous. When they compare the image of the man in a dress that they see in their mirror with what they see in this blog, their jealousy turns to rage and it ends up in my in-box.

And so it goes.

By the way, Paula, I have had many passing encounters with males. They clearly treated me as a woman by calling me "Ma'am" or "Miss," holding doors open for me, flirting with me and even propositioning me. They have also spoken to me in a condescending or oversimplified fashion (as if was a bimbo) and called me a "dyke," "lipstick lesbian" and "Amazon," which are affirming in a negative sort of way.

And so it goes again.        

Wearing Moda Operandi (Source: Moda Operandi)

Nastja Sherer and friend (Source: flickr)

Someday Funnies

Wearing Paige (Source: Paige)

Michael femulates Michelle. Read all about it here. (Thank you Leon for this femulation)

No Show

I am very sorry and very disappointed, but I will not be able to present and attend the Transgender Lives Conference on Saturday. It is due to a personal family matter that I cannot work around. I was hoping to work it out in time to attend the Conference, but it was not meant to be.

Again, I am very sorry, but this bump in the road was unavoidable.

Too Tall, No Way

By Carollyn Olson

For many crossdressers, being tall is a major concern and problem. But, it shouldn’t be.

I‘ve stopped counting the number of times I’ve been told by those reading my series of Tricks of The Trade crossdressing advice books, “I can't crossdress because I'm too tall." My response, to put it bluntly, is… (fill in the blank)!!!

Height has very little to do with crossdressing!!! Just look around!!! Are you blind or have a bag over your head??? How can you miss seeing tall, beautiful women??? They are everywhere!!! And you can be a tall and beautiful woman as well with a little confidence and fashion sense.

Women are as pretty as ever. They’re also taller and their shoe, dress, skirt and jeans/slacks sizes are bigger. The average height and weight for a woman has increased by one inch to 5-foot-4 and has gone from 150 to 166 pounds in the last 20 years, according to www.livestrong.com.

When I started crossdressing 35 years ago, the Internet was non-existent. In the department stores, I could not find decent fashions, let alone shoes that fit. Women’s dress sizes seemed to stop at size 12-14 before one had to go in to the Large Woman or Maternity section and nice heels over size 10 were nearly impossible to find. I managed somehow, but girls today are so fortunate with almost all their needs available in the stores and on the Internet.

I stand close to 6-3 in heels and weigh about 175 pounds and I have never had a negative comment regarding my height or my body shape. Why? It’s probably due to my “learned” feminine style and fashion sense, body language and mannerisms. If you carry yourself properly, nobody will even think of you as anything other than a woman.

Recently, I was standing in a crowded concessions line at a public event and one of the most beautiful ladies I have ever set my eyes upon walked up behind me. She had shoulder-length blond hair and was wearing a lovely long sweater and skinny jeans tucked inside her 4-inch heel boots. She stood at least 6-7, maybe 6-8. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a few people “gawk” at us as we chatted (maybe they thought we were female basketball players or at least she was), but nobody made a disparaging comment. Why would they? We were just two tall women chatting while awaiting our orders. What may have been “rare” or “abnormal” in the past is now “the norm.”

I have a number of crossdressing friends, among them Michele Popkov, Jamie Grae and Jennifer Williams, who are three to five inches taller than me. Height has never stopped any of them from being out and about anytime they wish.

Confidence is the key to crossdressing no matter how tall you are. Locking yourself in the closet because you are “too tall” is a huge mistake. The fear of being too tall can be overcome by finding clothes that are appropriate to your body type and taking that first step out the door. So, don’t delay… go for it!

Wearing Hanes (Source: OneHanesPlace.com)

The always lovely Carollyn Olson, the author of today's post

Three Pieces for Thursday

Book Report Dept.

A lot of water has gone under the bridge since Susan Stryker wrote Transgender History: The Roots of Today's Revolution in 2008, so she has updated her work. The second edition of Stryker's book  includes all that has happened since 2008 and as you know, a lot has happened in those intervening years.

In the Mail Dept.

Would you like to receive Femulate by e-mail? Just click on the Get Femulate by E-Mail link at the top of the right-hand column to subscribe to the blog. Or just click here!

Skirting the Issue Dept.

Have you ever wondered what is the most flattering skirt length for your height? Well I have the answer for you: an article from Who What Wear appropriately titled "The Most Flattering Skirts for Every Height" by Nicole Akhtarzad.

I won't keep you in suspense, so "as far as miniskirts go, if you’re on the taller side, the best type would be a classic straight-cut style. Rather than covering your waist, a classic style sits lower, so it offers more fabric while still showing off your legs."

Harry McEntire femulates in the 2012 British film Unconditional Love. View the film's trailer here and clips from the film here and here. (Thank you, Patty, for the heads-up about this film.)

Regrets

I am dubious of people who say that they have "no regrets." 

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and I admit that I have made choices and decisions that I regret.

In retrospect, I cannot believe how long I hid in the closet because I thought I was too big to present as a credible woman.

When I finally got out of the closet it was so anticlimactic that I was incredulous. I quickly learned that I either passed or that most civilians minded their own business when they saw a man dressed as a woman.

"Youth is wasted on the young" is so apropos in my case. I should have exited the closet and experienced the world as a woman much sooner. 

So do as I say, not as I did. Get out of the closet, grab your purse and take a walk on the female side of the street. You won't regret it.

Wearing Dress Barn (Source: Dress Barn)

Will the real girl please stand up.

Dress Yourself

"Please Yourself First" was the topic of Ginger Burr's blog a few years ago and it is still applicable today when it comes to deciding what to wear and dealing with people who criticize your wardrobe decisions.

"Generally speaking when you feel fabulous about how you look (even if others do not totally agree), their unsolicited comments have much less charge to them."

Her words are applicable to cisgender and trangender woman alike and I highly recommend reading them.

Unless there is something technically wrong with what I am wearing, like a run in my stockings, I ignore negative comments about my choice of dress. If I am happy with the way I look, that is what matters to me and I will be comfortable in my skins.

When I went to the mall the other day, I thought I was one of the best dressed customers, male or female, in the mall (at least in comparison to the ones I saw).

Do you realize how empowering that is?

You just want to strut your stuff. And if someone checks you out, you know why ― because your dress is attractive, you stand out in the crowd. People are thinking that she or he really knows how to put herself or himself together.

Now I don't recommend wearing an evening gown and tiara to go shopping at the mall. Instead, dress a little over the top, but in a way that is plausible. For example, my mallwear was plausible for a businesswoman shopping or working at the mall. And that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Which reminds me, when I was wandering through the racks in Nordstrom on an outing earlier this year, a woman came up to me and asked me a question because she thought I was a Nordstrom saleswoman.

And so it goes.

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

This is not your typical civilian participating in a womanless beauty pageant. Instead of wearing a wig, she had her natural hair curled and styled. Brava! 

Have Yourself a Merry Monday

Wearing Etienne Aigner

Son and father femulate daughter and mother.

Someday Funnies

I LOVE LUCY
Episode 24


“THE BOYS GET DRESSED”


Act 1

FADE IN

Ricardo living room

RICKY sits reading a fashion magazine. There is a knock at the door. RICKY puts down the magazine, stands up, and approaches the hallway door.

RICKY Who is it?

FRED It’s Fred.

RICKY opens the door and FRED walks in with his hands in his pockets.

FRED What are you doing?

RICKY I was so bored that I was reading one of Lucy’s fashion magazines.

FRED I’m bored, too.

RICKY I miss Lucy.

FRED I can top that. (pause) I miss Ethel!

RICKY Well, the girls are going to be visiting Lucy’s mother until tomorrow. How are we going to keep busy until then?

FRED I don’t know. Do you have any ideas?

RICKY’s eyes light up.

RICKY Lucy’s fashion magazine gave me an idea!

FRED is aroused and starts rubbing his hands in anticipation.

FRED What do you have in mind, pal?

RICKY picks up the fashion magazine, opens it, and shows it to FRED.

RICKY Look at all these models dressed in beautiful clothes.

FRED (excited) You think we can land dates with a couple of models?

RICKY No! That’s not what I had in mind.

FRED (mildly annoyed) Well, what do you have in mind?

RICKY Wouldn’t you like to dress up in beautiful clothes like those models?

FRED You bet I would!

RICKY Well, tonight I am going to dress up in Lucy’s clothes and go out on the town. Are you with me, Frieda?

FRED (effeminately) That sounds dreamy, Raquel!

RICKY OK! I’ll make an appointment at Lucy’s beauty salon for the two of us. We’ll get the works done.

FRED That sounds great!

RICKY I’ll call the salon now.

RICKY walks to the telephone table, picks up the telephone directory, thumbs through its pages, and finds what he is looking for.

RICKY Here it is.

RICKY dials the telephone.

(Brief pause as RICKY waits for someone to answer his call.)

RICKY Hello, is this Florence’s Beauty World?

(Brief pause as RICKY waits for a reply.)

RICKY This is Mr. Ricardo. Mr. Mertz and I are planning to go out on the town tonight dressed as women and we want the works.

(Brief pause as RICKY waits for a reply.)

RICKY Yes, that’s right. We want our hair and nails and makeup done.

(Brief pause as RICKY waits for a reply.)

RICKY OK… and do you do waxing?

(Brief pause as RICKY waits for a reply.)

RICKY That’s wonderful. We each want full body waxing.

(Brief pause as RICKY waits for a reply.)

RICKY OK. We’ll see you later.

RICKY hangs up the telephone.

RICKY We have appointments at 2 O’clock.

FRED Great! What are you going to wear tonight, Rick?

RICKY I’ve been dying to try on Lucy’s green evening gown… the low cut one with the slit up the side.

FRED That sounds hot!

RICKY What are you going to wear, Fred?

FRED Well, I love Ethel’s pink chiffon cocktail dress.

RICKY (effeminately) That sounds darling.

FRED (effeminately) I think so, too.

RICKY Well, I’ll meet you later. Then, we can walk to the salon for our appointments.

FRED See you then.

RICKY picks up the fashion magazine, opens it, and begins admiring its pages.

FADE OUT


Act 2

FADE IN

Ricardo living room

The room is empty. There is a knock at the door.

RICKY Who is it?

FRED (effeminately) It’s Frieda.

RICKY (effeminately) I’ll be there in a second, Frieda.

RICKY enters stage left in full drag, walks to the hallway door, and opens it. FRED enters the living room in full drag.

FRED How do I look?

RICKY You look better in that dress than Ethel’s does!

FRED This girdle is killing me, though.

RICKY (effeminately) That’s a sacrifice us girls must make to look beautiful.

FRED I guess.

RICKY How do I look?

RICKY sashays around the sofa with his hips swinging suggestively.

FRED You look fantastic!

RICKY Thank-you… and get a load of these?

RICKY bends over to show off his breasts and cleavage.

FRED How did you manage that?

RICKY I taped my breasts together. Don’t they look real?

FRED They sure do! Can I fondle them?

RICKY Maybe later.

The telephone rings. RICKY sashays to the telephone and picks up the receiver.

RICKY Hello.

Cut to MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL (nervously) Hello, Mr. Ricardo. This is Mrs. Trumbull.

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY Hello, Mrs. Trumbull. What can I do for you?

Cut back to the MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL (nervously) Well, I don’t mean to be a bother, but a few minutes ago, I saw a strange woman walking through the halls and she was headed toward your apartment.

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY breaks out in laughter.

Cut back to the MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL (annoyed) What’s so funny Mr. Ricardo?

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY (amused) That strange woman was Mr. Mertz. He and I are dressed up as women.

Cut back to the MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL (amused) Oh, that explains it! I was so worried.

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY There’s nothing to worry about!

Cut back to the MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL Do you need any help?

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY What do you mean?

Cut back to the MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL Well, I’m an expert at dressing up men like women. As you may remember, when Mr. Trumbull was alive, I made him dress as a woman and I also made a lovely woman out of my son.

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY How could I forget your husband, Mary-Ann, and your son, Mary-Ann Junior?

Cut back to the MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL Well, I’m here if you need me.

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY Thank-you, Mrs. Trumbull. Good-bye.  (pause) What a nice neighbor!

FRED Yes, she’s a doll.

There is a knock at the door.

RICKY Now, who can that be?

RICKY sashays to the door, opens it, and LUCY and ETHEL walk in.

RICKY (shocked) Lucy, you’re not supposed to be home until tomorrow!

LUCY (angrily) Never mind that, buster. What’s been going on here while we were away?

RICKY (sheepishly) I can explain.

LUCY (sarcastically) This ought to be good!

RICKY (sheepishly) Well, you see, honey. Fred and I had nothing to do tonight, so we decided to get dressed up like women and go out on the town.

ETHEL (angrily) What do you have to say for yourself, Fred?

FRED (sheepishly) Raquel… I mean, Ricky’s telling the truth, honeybunch.

LUCY (sarcastically) What do you make of these two girls?

ETHEL (amused) Actually, I think they look pretty good!

LUCY (amused) I do, too. Why don’t you and I get dolled up too, then the four of us can have a girls' night out?

ETHEL What a wonderful idea, Lucy! Come on, Fred, you can help me pick out something to wear.

FRED OK, honeybunch.

FRED and ETHEL leave the apartment and LUCY stands with her hands on her hips giving RICKY the once over.

RICKY What’s the matter, Lucy?

LUCY You look gorgeous, honey, but…

RICKY But, what?

LUCY I don’t like you wearing my clothes.

RICKY I’m sorry, dear.

LUCY Next, time you get dressed up in women’s clothes, they better be your own.

RICKY But, I don’t own any women’s clothes.

LUCY Well, we can fix that. Tomorrow we can go on a shopping spree and buy all the women’s clothes that you will need.

RICKY Really!

LUCY Yes, really. I don’t want people saying that my husband wears my hand-me-downs.

RICKY Oh, honey, that’s a dream come true.

RICKY runs to LUCY and embraces her. While embraced, LUCY looks at the audience and gives the audience a knowing wink.

FADE OUT

I absolutely love this dress that Doris Day wore in the 1961 film Lover Come Back.

Doris Day discovers a femulating Paul Lynde powdering his nose in the 1966 film The Glass Bottom Boat.