Someday Funnies

I LOVE LUCY
Episode 24


“THE BOYS GET DRESSED”


Act 1

FADE IN

Ricardo living room

RICKY sits reading a fashion magazine. There is a knock at the door. RICKY puts down the magazine, stands up, and approaches the hallway door.

RICKY Who is it?

FRED It’s Fred.

RICKY opens the door and FRED walks in with his hands in his pockets.

FRED What are you doing?

RICKY I was so bored that I was reading one of Lucy’s fashion magazines.

FRED I’m bored, too.

RICKY I miss Lucy.

FRED I can top that. (pause) I miss Ethel!

RICKY Well, the girls are going to be visiting Lucy’s mother until tomorrow. How are we going to keep busy until then?

FRED I don’t know. Do you have any ideas?

RICKY’s eyes light up.

RICKY Lucy’s fashion magazine gave me an idea!

FRED is aroused and starts rubbing his hands in anticipation.

FRED What do you have in mind, pal?

RICKY picks up the fashion magazine, opens it, and shows it to FRED.

RICKY Look at all these models dressed in beautiful clothes.

FRED (excited) You think we can land dates with a couple of models?

RICKY No! That’s not what I had in mind.

FRED (mildly annoyed) Well, what do you have in mind?

RICKY Wouldn’t you like to dress up in beautiful clothes like those models?

FRED You bet I would!

RICKY Well, tonight I am going to dress up in Lucy’s clothes and go out on the town. Are you with me, Frieda?

FRED (effeminately) That sounds dreamy, Raquel!

RICKY OK! I’ll make an appointment at Lucy’s beauty salon for the two of us. We’ll get the works done.

FRED That sounds great!

RICKY I’ll call the salon now.

RICKY walks to the telephone table, picks up the telephone directory, thumbs through its pages, and finds what he is looking for.

RICKY Here it is.

RICKY dials the telephone.

(Brief pause as RICKY waits for someone to answer his call.)

RICKY Hello, is this Florence’s Beauty World?

(Brief pause as RICKY waits for a reply.)

RICKY This is Mr. Ricardo. Mr. Mertz and I are planning to go out on the town tonight dressed as women and we want the works.

(Brief pause as RICKY waits for a reply.)

RICKY Yes, that’s right. We want our hair and nails and makeup done.

(Brief pause as RICKY waits for a reply.)

RICKY OK… and do you do waxing?

(Brief pause as RICKY waits for a reply.)

RICKY That’s wonderful. We each want full body waxing.

(Brief pause as RICKY waits for a reply.)

RICKY OK. We’ll see you later.

RICKY hangs up the telephone.

RICKY We have appointments at 2 O’clock.

FRED Great! What are you going to wear tonight, Rick?

RICKY I’ve been dying to try on Lucy’s green evening gown… the low cut one with the slit up the side.

FRED That sounds hot!

RICKY What are you going to wear, Fred?

FRED Well, I love Ethel’s pink chiffon cocktail dress.

RICKY (effeminately) That sounds darling.

FRED (effeminately) I think so, too.

RICKY Well, I’ll meet you later. Then, we can walk to the salon for our appointments.

FRED See you then.

RICKY picks up the fashion magazine, opens it, and begins admiring its pages.

FADE OUT


Act 2

FADE IN

Ricardo living room

The room is empty. There is a knock at the door.

RICKY Who is it?

FRED (effeminately) It’s Frieda.

RICKY (effeminately) I’ll be there in a second, Frieda.

RICKY enters stage left in full drag, walks to the hallway door, and opens it. FRED enters the living room in full drag.

FRED How do I look?

RICKY You look better in that dress than Ethel’s does!

FRED This girdle is killing me, though.

RICKY (effeminately) That’s a sacrifice us girls must make to look beautiful.

FRED I guess.

RICKY How do I look?

RICKY sashays around the sofa with his hips swinging suggestively.

FRED You look fantastic!

RICKY Thank-you… and get a load of these?

RICKY bends over to show off his breasts and cleavage.

FRED How did you manage that?

RICKY I taped my breasts together. Don’t they look real?

FRED They sure do! Can I fondle them?

RICKY Maybe later.

The telephone rings. RICKY sashays to the telephone and picks up the receiver.

RICKY Hello.

Cut to MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL (nervously) Hello, Mr. Ricardo. This is Mrs. Trumbull.

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY Hello, Mrs. Trumbull. What can I do for you?

Cut back to the MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL (nervously) Well, I don’t mean to be a bother, but a few minutes ago, I saw a strange woman walking through the halls and she was headed toward your apartment.

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY breaks out in laughter.

Cut back to the MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL (annoyed) What’s so funny Mr. Ricardo?

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY (amused) That strange woman was Mr. Mertz. He and I are dressed up as women.

Cut back to the MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL (amused) Oh, that explains it! I was so worried.

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY There’s nothing to worry about!

Cut back to the MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL Do you need any help?

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY What do you mean?

Cut back to the MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL Well, I’m an expert at dressing up men like women. As you may remember, when Mr. Trumbull was alive, I made him dress as a woman and I also made a lovely woman out of my son.

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY How could I forget your husband, Mary-Ann, and your son, Mary-Ann Junior?

Cut back to the MRS. TRUMBULL’s apartment with MRS. TRUMBULL on the telephone.

MRS. TRUMBULL Well, I’m here if you need me.

Cut back to the Ricardo apartment with RICKY on the telephone.

RICKY Thank-you, Mrs. Trumbull. Good-bye.  (pause) What a nice neighbor!

FRED Yes, she’s a doll.

There is a knock at the door.

RICKY Now, who can that be?

RICKY sashays to the door, opens it, and LUCY and ETHEL walk in.

RICKY (shocked) Lucy, you’re not supposed to be home until tomorrow!

LUCY (angrily) Never mind that, buster. What’s been going on here while we were away?

RICKY (sheepishly) I can explain.

LUCY (sarcastically) This ought to be good!

RICKY (sheepishly) Well, you see, honey. Fred and I had nothing to do tonight, so we decided to get dressed up like women and go out on the town.

ETHEL (angrily) What do you have to say for yourself, Fred?

FRED (sheepishly) Raquel… I mean, Ricky’s telling the truth, honeybunch.

LUCY (sarcastically) What do you make of these two girls?

ETHEL (amused) Actually, I think they look pretty good!

LUCY (amused) I do, too. Why don’t you and I get dolled up too, then the four of us can have a girls' night out?

ETHEL What a wonderful idea, Lucy! Come on, Fred, you can help me pick out something to wear.

FRED OK, honeybunch.

FRED and ETHEL leave the apartment and LUCY stands with her hands on her hips giving RICKY the once over.

RICKY What’s the matter, Lucy?

LUCY You look gorgeous, honey, but…

RICKY But, what?

LUCY I don’t like you wearing my clothes.

RICKY I’m sorry, dear.

LUCY Next, time you get dressed up in women’s clothes, they better be your own.

RICKY But, I don’t own any women’s clothes.

LUCY Well, we can fix that. Tomorrow we can go on a shopping spree and buy all the women’s clothes that you will need.

RICKY Really!

LUCY Yes, really. I don’t want people saying that my husband wears my hand-me-downs.

RICKY Oh, honey, that’s a dream come true.

RICKY runs to LUCY and embraces her. While embraced, LUCY looks at the audience and gives the audience a knowing wink.

FADE OUT

I absolutely love this dress that Doris Day wore in the 1961 film Lover Come Back.

Doris Day discovers a femulating Paul Lynde powdering his nose in the 1966 film The Glass Bottom Boat.

Frocking Friday

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Filip Lato femulates Florence and the Machine on Polish television's Your Face Sounds Familiar. See it here.

Out-of-Body Experience

Have you ever had an "out-of-body experience"?

I have and they mostly occur when I am out among the civilians as a woman. Here is a typical one.

I promised my wife that I would buy some groceries after a meeting I attended as a woman and a Stop & Shop was on my way home.

Instead of driving home, changing into boy mode and driving back to Stop & Shop, I decided to go grocery shopping as a woman. I hesitated momentarily because I was overdressed for grocery shopping, but I decided to throw caution to the wind and went grocery shopping anyway.

During 15 minutes of shopping, I noticed three or four guys checking me out, but no one else paid much attention to me until I queued up to check out. After I emptied my shopping cart onto the conveyor belt, I noticed the woman ahead of me look down at my shoes. Then she looked at me and remarked, “You are a brave woman to wear those heels to go grocery shopping!”

Thus begins the out-of-body experience. I am watching two women interacting, exchanging comments and pleasantries as women normally do and one of the women is me!

Is it really happening? Am I being treated as a cisgender woman? Do I detect any clues that she suspects that I am not a cisgender woman?

This happens when I interact with civilians, especially female civilians. And I wish it would stop!

In truth, it occurs less often today than it did in the past, so I am getting better all the time.

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Alec Guiness femulates in the 1949 film Kind Hearts and Coronets.

Stuck

I am stuck. After losing 20 pounds last year, I have not lost any additional weight. It is no mystery why; I eat and I cheat.

My goal is lose 25 pounds total and I would like to do it before I head out for my long weekend en femme in Ohio next month. I have four weeks to do it and I know I can if I don't cheat.

The trip to Ohio is for Hamvention, the big ham radio convention held annually in the Dayton area. If you are a ham (or not) and plan to attend, I hope we can make an "eyeball QSO."

A lot closer to home, I will be attending and presenting at the Transgender Lives Conference on April 28 at the UConn Health Center in Farmington, Connecticut. Again, if you plan to attend, I hope we can meet in person.

If you have been reading this blog for awhile, you know what I look like, but most likely, I don't know what you look like, so if you see me at Hamvention or Transgender Lives, or anywhere else,  don't be shy — I'd love to meet you, so please introduce yourself and I'll talk your ear off!

Wearing H&M

Femulating on stage for the Australian Army during World War II.

Someday Funnies

In January, I wrote about how I grew up with comic books.

I outgrew comic books circa 1970 and except for Zap and it's ilk, I seldom bought any. But I was interested in the history of comic books and comic strips and began buying books related to that history.

Over the years, I amassed a collection of such histories. A few nights ago, I was reading a recent acquisition and was reminded of Madam Fatal, a 1940's superhero who dressed up as an elderly woman to fight crime.

Richard Stanton, a retired actor whose daughter was kidnapped, used his acting skills to disguise himself as an elderly woman and in that persona was able to effect his daughter’s rescue and her kidnappers’ capture. Seeing the need for justice to be meted out, he continued to use his female identity to battle criminals as the first crossdressing superhero as Madam Fatal. (Source: An International Catalogue of Superheroes)

Madam Fatal was not popular and only ran for 22 issues. (You can see her in action here: Spotlight Comics #9.)

I started thinking about a Madam Fatal revival. Bring her back as a 21st Century superhero, but as a 30-something fashionista rather than an elderly woman... a cross between Katy Keene and Lizz Worthington-Grove.

I researched the idea on the Internet and discovered that Madam Fatal appeared as "Miss Sharp" (above) in a 1944 flashback in Shade #4. But she has never been seen in a contemporary setting.

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

My skirt's not too short – my legs are too long!

Determined

Thank you all who sent me words of advice, support and encouragement in response to my To Be Determined post.

I have decided to continue doing the blog, but not on a daily basis. I plan to post twice a week – probably on Tuesdays and Thursdays and if my muse moves me, also on Sundays with my weekly Someday Funnies post.

Also, thank you to all who contributed to my Coffee Break! Your contributions will help defray some of the blog's costs.

And so it keeps on going!

(Source: Harper's Bazaar)

Gabriel Sanches femulates in the Brazilian television's The Big Catch.

Resembling Nancy

To Be Determined

Last week, I was occupied doing taxes for my daughter, her business, my sister, my wife and myself. I filed everything electronically over the weekend and I put TurboTax away until next winter.

I was also occupied with a new radio that I acquired ten days ago, learning all its functions and options and writing a review in the process. This is still on-going.

In the midst of tax filing and radio reviewing, I decided to forgo blogging here until I filed the taxes. As a result, this is my first post since last Wednesday.

I actually considered giving up this blog forever. 

I put my heart and soul into Femulate and it is time-consuming. I think the quality of this blog is evidence of that. In return, I receive some complimentary comments and e-mails (not to mention disparaging comments and e-mails from trolls and trans-harpies). 

I recently deleted the Adsense ads because I grew tired of Adsense trying to dictate the contents of this blog. Now I am free to post whatever I want, but I had to give up the monthly check from Adsense to gain that freedom.  

My attempt to compensate the loss of Adsense income with my Coffee Break! gadget has been a bust. I won't mention the amount I received, but I do thank the two readers who did contribute.

My life would be easier if I gave up this blog forever, but I decided not to abandon my faithful readers. I also would miss the writing, but not so much on a daily basis. (During the past 4079 days, I have written 4236 posts. Do the math and that's more than one post per day over 11 years and two months!)

So I decided to forgo blogging here on a daily basis. Rather, I will blog when I feel like it.

And so it goes.

Stuart Weitzman sandals (Source: ShopStyle)

Femulator Andrey Nagorny

You should have been a girl

"You should have been a girl!" is a statement my mother made to me a number of times while I was growing up. Usually, she made it after complementing my shapely girlish legs. On other occasions, when she mentioned that I walked like a girl (on my tip toes).

To compound my gender confusion, whenever she took my sister and I out on her weekly shopping trips, she insisted that I use the ladies' room when nature called. I don't recall if I stood or sat to pee, but I used the ladies' room until I was 10 or 11 years old.

Then there was my introduction to makeup.

I was probably between the ages of 6 and 9 and for a day or two, I got the notion that I wanted to be a circus clown when I grew up. I remember I was home alone with my mother and I covered my face with my mother's cold cream to simulate a clown's white face. What a mess!

I showed my handiwork to my mother and she volunteered to do a better job. She removed the cold cream and started anew applying various cosmetics to my face.

When she was done, I looked in the mirror and was shocked. Instead of looking like a clown, I looked like a girl. I still remember the bright red lipstick on my lips.

In retrospect, I am not sure if she realized what I was trying to do. I do not recall if I was clear about trying to be a clown. She may have thought I was trying to be a girl and acted accordingly.

I suspect that later, when I began exploring femininity, she would have been very willing to assist me, but I never asked for her help or revealed my desires even when she prompted me with, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

In retrospect, I realize she knew (mothers always know) after finding my hidden stash of girly things and learning about my Halloween excursions en femme, but I was too closeted to tell her the truth that I really was a girl.

Wearing OPM Boutique

Steve Coogan femulates on British television in Pauline Calf's Wedding Video.

I am not a drag queen

I am not a drag queen!

After a local "GLBT" pride celebration, the local newspaper had no articles about the event, but it did publish one photo from the event, which it featured on the front page of the local news section of the paper.

Guess what the photo showed?

Gay couples with their children in tow? No.

Appropriately attired transpeople taking in the event? No.

Over-the-top drag queens preparing to perform a number from Hairspray? YES!!!

You seldom see the media showing appropriately attired transpeople. That would be boring. The media prefers to show drag queens.

I have friends, relatives, and acquaintances, who know that I crossdress, but have never seen me en femme. I am sure they have seen news reports about GLBT pride events and like the "report" in the local newspaper, they almost always feature flamboyant drag queens. So, I have no doubt that those friends, relatives, and acquaintances who have never seen me en femme think that when I crossdress, I dress like a drag queen, too, because that is all they know.

Source: Annette at A Vintage Splendor dot com

Professional femulator Michael Andrews in the 1983 film Murder Me, Murder You

Lavern Cummings RIP

In my opinion, Lavern Cummings was the most beautiful femulator of the 20th Century. And I was shocked to learn from Heather that Lavern died in Las Vegas after being hit by a car while trying to cross Charleston Boulevard in a crosswalk last week. The former Finocchio's star was 90 years old.

En femme, Lavern was absolutely gorgeous in a natural way as opposed to a drag queen way. Audiences were convinced that Lavern was female until he dropped his voice from soprano to baritone in the middle of a song.

There are countless images of Lavern on the Internet. Below are a few of my favorite.

God bless you, Paul Lavern Cummings.

Wearing Arafeel dress, H&M bag and Embis shoes (Source: Cookbook.nu)

Beautiful Lavern Cummings