Let's Go Out Again

My previous post (Let's Go Out) described my early baby steps out of the closet en femme, going to Halloween parties and attending my support group meetings and its rare outings where brief encounters with civilians were always a possibility.

I wanted more, but I still feared that my size would out me. I attended a few trans conventions, which were typically held in high-rise hotels. In those scenarios, there was a greater chance to mix with the civilians, but in truth, the hotels were just a bigger closet than the one at home or at the hall where my support group met.

One of my friends dragged me out of the hotel to shop or dine. Although I looked passable, those were deer-in-the-headlight moments. I acted like a man in a dress in fear of being found out rather than acting like a natural born woman. As a result, I was read right and left.

I retreated to the closets where I felt more comfortable and I became even more active in my support group editing their newsletter and running their annual banquet. The latter probably helped me a lot because I had to deal with civilians who ran the hotel where we held our banquets. In boy mode, I would contact the banquet person at the hotel and meet with her to arrange the event. In doing so, I was admitting to a civilian that I was trans and guess what? The world did not end and the news did not phase her one iota!

As I became more active, the need to go out increased. Finally, I had to do something, so one day, I dressed to shop (sweater tunic, leggings, booties, etc) and drove to West Farms Mall. I sat in my car for almost a half hour before I could overcome my fear and push myself out of my car and into the mall.

As an average looking, middle-aged woman, I was invisible shopping in the mall. No one paid any attention to me except for the sales people trying to sell me their wares. If any sales person figured me out, he or she did not indicate the discovery and treated me as the woman I portrayed. And guess what? The world did not end and my presence in the mall did not phase the civilians one iota.

The flood gates were now open and I began going out with great abandon. I attended a four-day workshop in Manhattan as a woman, I started doing outreach at colleges and universities as a woman,  I began attending ham radio events as a woman, I attended my law school reunion as a woman, etc. Whenever I went out without my family, I went out as a woman.

And guess what? The world did not end and my presence in the world as a woman did not phase the civilians one iota.

Wearing Veronica Beard (Source: Veronica Beard)

Miguel Bosé femulating in the 1991 Spanish film High Heels.

Let's Go Out

Going out for the first time is a very big step in the life of a femulator.

When I grew tired of the closet, I wanted to go out en femme, but I was very apprehensive. After years of practice in the closet, I thought my dress, hair and makeup were passable, but my size worried me.

I did go out en femme to Halloween parties about a half dozen times and those experiences should have given me confidence about my femulating abilities. In each case, I dressed in "office girl drag" and at three of those Halloween parties, strangers asked about me – they wanted to know, "Who is the woman not in costume?" Yet, I still shrank away from going out en femme because I thought my size would expose me as a faux female.

After about 20 years of femulating in the closet and out on Halloween, I joined a support group (Connecticut Outreach Society) that met 30 minutes away via the interstate. The group provided the option to dress at their meeting hall if desired, but I dressed at home and drove to the hall en femme. Perhaps, my Halloween experiences had emboldened me enough so that I did not fear driving en femme without the safety net of October 31.

I was a regular attendee of the support group's meetings and eventually was on their board of directors, edited their newsletter and organized their annual banquets. Today, I am their membership chairwoman, but I am getting ahead of myself.

In addition to the annual banquet, about once a year, my support group had an outing – usually to a restaurant where we were ensconced in a separate dining room so as not to scare the civilians. I did not cotton much to those arrangements, but it was better than nothing and it did give me an opportunity to mix with the civilian staff of the restaurant and any civilian customers that I might encounter entering or exiting the establishment. And being a rebellious sort, I always used the civilian restroom instead of the bathroom assigned to us girls in order to mix it up with the civilians.

In retrospect, those outings don't seem like much, but they were baby steps in the right direction.

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Karl-Erik Taukar femulates Dana International on Estonian television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

SaveSave

The Perils of Femulating

Wearing Iro dress and Jimmy Choo sandals (Source: Intermix)

Pawel Jasionowski femulates Urszula on Polish television's Your Face Sounds Familiar. 

Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Hear Me

If you attended a transgender convention and I was on the bill as a speaker, what would you like me to talk about?

My friend Alison suggested that I spend one day attending the three-day First Event in lieu of attending the week-long Fantasia Fair. And while I am at, why not present a talk on something near and dear to our hearts (assuming that the First Event organizers would have me).

I asked Alison what she would like me to talk about and she responded, "I'd say there's quite a number of topics that you could do presentations on: certainly makeup, fashions tips and shopping. There are lots of newbies who attend First Event who would love that. And there's some heavier stuff, like dressing in the workplace and navigating family relationships, dressing in Dayton and, of course, blogging."

In the past, I've done presentations titled "Makeup Basics for Trans Females," "Top 30 Things Every Crossdressing Man Needs In His Wardrobe To Emulate A Woman" and "What To Do When You Are Out and About."

Those are some topics to consider, but I was wondering if there is anything we missed. If you have a topic you would like me to cover, let me know by leaving a comment below or sending me an email addressed to stana-stana @ sbcglobal.net (without spaces). If I don't cover your topic at First Event, I may cover it here on the blog.

Wearing Alexia romper and Khokha bag (Source: Intermix)

Miguel Oyola femulates Paulina Rubio on Panama television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Got Butt

Last week, I was whining here about my flat butt. I decided to do something about it, so after some googling, I found an inexpensive solution: a pair of drop-shaped silicone pads. Amazon has them for $23.99, so I ordered a pair along with some lingerie tape to hold them in place.

Amazon Prime delivered my order in two days and I tried the pads on as fast as I could strip down and redress.

I am happy to report that I now have a shapely butt. The Great Plains are now the rolling Berkshire Hills!

It remains to be seen how my new butt fares during a full day out as a woman. I will let you know.

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Femulating in the 2016 Menlo College Drag Show.

Clerk won't sell clothes to transwoman

After another roller coaster week with the President, this segment of What Would You Do? restored my faith in humanity, at least for a brief moment.

But I wonder, does this ever happen in this day and age?

I have been shopping for women's clothing for nearly 50 years (in boy and girl mode) and have never had an encounter like this. The worst thing that ever happened to me was eons ago, when a JCPenney saleswoman asked me (in boy mode) to use the men's changing room to try on a girdle. Other than that, every salesperson I have encountered was very helpful and encouraged me to try on anything and everything (and spend my money).

Wearing Dress Barn (Source: Dress Barn)

Paula

Fantasia Fair Blues

It is that time of year. A couple of girls asked me if I was going to Fantasia Fair this year. My response is that I would love to go, but I cannot to leave my multiple sclerosis'd wife at home alone for a week or even a half-week.

Their retort is bring my wife to the Fair.

Her MS does not permit her to walk very far for very long and visiting Provincetown is all about walking. The venues for the various Fantasia Fair events are all over town and my wife is in no condition to trek up and down Commercial Street for a full week or a half-week. (I guess there is something to be said for those trans conventions that are held within the confines of a high rise hotel.)

I could get away for a day or two and I would be willing to pay for the privilege of attending the a Fair for a couple of days, but a whole week or a half-week are the only options available for attending.

I could pay for a half-week and only attend one or two days, but having just entered the ranks of the Socially Secured, I am loathe to spend $390 for one or two days at the Fair (which does not include a hotel room).

Some girls I know go to Provincetown during the Fair without paying. They attend the free daily  keynote addresses and pay for admission to the fashion show and follies, but they miss everything else.

I could do that too, but I don't want to miss everything else and I feel like I would be cheating the Fair, so I will not go.

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Jun Pham femulates on the Vietnamese version of Your Face Sounds Familiar (2017)
(Thank you, Cheryl)

If I Only Had A Butt

Yesterday's daily e-mail advertisement from ModCloth included a swimsuit that I immediately recognized. So, who wore it better... Chelsea Manning or the ModCloth model?

👠 👠 👠

I have an anti-J.Lo butt.

Head-on, I look curvaceous, but from the side or rear, not so much because my butt is as flat as the Great Plains. Instead of the Great Plains, I would prefer the rolling Berkshire Hills.

If any of you were in the same boat and successfully corrected the problem, I would love to hear how you did it. (I'd like to wear a swimsuit like Chelsea, but first I need a butt!)

Wearing Tory Burch (Source: Tory Burch)

Brian Deacon femulates in the 1972 British film The Triple Echo.

Rest in Peace, Holly Boswell

I met Holly Boswell at Fantasia Fair. Her reputation preceded her and I was in awe of Holly. Being a shy girl, I admired her from afar.

Yesterday, I learned that Holly died on August 12. She was only 66 years old and left us too early.

Jennifer Barge wrote a letter to the Asheville, NC, Mountain Xpress announcing Holly's death and describing her life as a transgender activist. Click here to read Jennifer's letter.

God Bless You, Holly.

Wearing Miu Miu (Source Matches Fashion)

Alena

Feminine Mail

In today's mail, there was a wig catalog from Paula Young, an advertisement from Dress Barn and the September issue of Elle all addressed to a boy named Stan.

Every day, I receive mail with a feminine bent addressed to my boy name. The reason being is that over the years, I have ordered various feminine paraphernalia using a credit card account that is in my male name.

That being the case, I often wondered what goes through the mind of the person delivering the mail.

Here in the foothills of the Berkshires, our mail person typically lasts about ten years before he or she gets a different route. As a result, he/she has the opportunity over a decade to get familiar with the type of mail delivered to my address.

I don't know any mail persons personally, so I cannot ask if this is something that they notice or are they so busy delivering the goods that they don't have time to consider the evidence.

Maybe if one day, I met the mail person at our mailbox dressed to the nines, he might recall my feminine bent mail and put two and two together, but until then, who knows?

Wearing Eloquii (Source: Eloquii)

Prep Time

A Few Feminine Things

Do you remember the early Beatles?

Their hair was so long by 1964 standards that I was sure it was the beginning of the end of gender as we knew it. That boys would all be wearing long, girlish hairdos before long and as one thing led to another, boys would be dressing like girls, too.

Wishful thinking?

Boy's hairdos did get longer and the lads' hair length rivaled the ladies. And boys dressed more flamboyantly – not quite dressing exactly like girls, but definitely adopting items from milady's closet, as epitomized in a 1973 issue of Mad magazine.

Wearing Tibi (Source: Shopbop)

Brian Charles Rooney femulates on the Broadway stage in Miss Blanche Tells It All.