A Passing Interest

Most transpeople have an opinion on passing and seem to be in one of two camps on the subject.

One camp feels that passing is overrated and not important, while the other camp feels that passing is a goal that they work to achieve. I am in the latter camp and along with Faith DaBrooke of Adventures of a Gender Rebel fame. Her recent podcast about passing is a must-hear on the subject.

One of my favorite passing stories occurred about ten years ago when I was doing outreach at Southern Connecticut State University. I started the day in 3-1/2-inch stilettos, but just in case, I brought a pair of flats that I left in the car.

After shopping at the mall before outreach and going to the first of two classes to do outreach, my 3-1/2-inch stilettos had to go, so I went to the car to fetch my more comfortable shoes.

As I walked through the parking lot, I saw a university dump truck parked right in front of the car. The driver was talking with another university employee standing next to the truck. Oh, damn, just what I needed: the classic trans-woman nightmare, a Transwoman Vs. Macho Guy face-off!

I was ready for the worst! Making a beeline for the car, I tried to ignore the guys, but the guy standing by the side of the truck greeted me with a very flirtatious, "Good afternoon," while the guy in the truck smiled appreciatively and drove away.

They flirted with me! Wow – that was an affirming moment!

I switched shoes and went to the student center to eat lunch, but I was unsure where it was located. I got lost fast, so I asked a couple – girl and guy students – for directions. The guy was really helpful. He dumped the girl and walked with me down a long sidewalk to a place where I could actually see the student center.

My success at passing was amazing that day especially since I thought that I didn't think I look my best! But did I really pass or were the people I encountered just being very respectful of a person showing a lot of diversity?

I have no doubt that I passed with the university workers. If they knew I was a guy, I don't think they would have flirted with me.

I probably also passed with the male student who gave me directions. He was just a little bit too solicitous dumping the young girl student to help out the older woman on campus.

Needless to say, I was very pleased.

Wearing T By Alexander Wang dress, Sergio Rossi sandals and Valentino bag (Source Intermix)

Crowning the winner in the 1970 womanless pageant at Southside High School in Florence, S.C. (Source: Starla)

Life, Look & the Saturday Evening Post

Since semi-retiring, my daily routine has no routine. This blog has suffered as a result.

When I was working, the first thing I did before starting work was to write the next post for the blog. Now that I am not working, my daily schedule is so fluid that regularly writing a new blog post each day is not happening. Hopefully, I will get better as I get used to my new life.

And so it goes.

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My daughter and I were discussing feet yesterday after she noticed that I wasn’t wearing socks in boy mode, which has been my warm-weather routine for a few years now. 

One thing led to another and I mentioned how my footwear did not fit right lately. All my shoes seemed loose — so loose that my feet were slipping around inside my shoes when I walked causing me to walk more weirdly than usual. The only shoes that fit well were a pair I recently bought at Payless, which was a half-size smaller than my “normal” size.

My daughter suggested that since I lost weight (10 pounds), my feet lost some weight, too.

Of course — why didn’t I think of that! Which also explains why my girl shoes have felt more comfortable lately.

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My favorite nude bag had seen better days. I bought it from Avon about five years ago and it became my go-to bag whenever I wore nude heels.

The inside of the bag was as good as new, but the outside of the bag was worn out. Cleaning it helped a little, but it had some blue worn spots that cleaning only made worse. It was time to shop for a new nude bag.

I visited all the online suspects and found just what I was looking for at Payless: their “Lianna Tote” designed by Christian Siriano. It is a classy looking bag with lots of room inside to hold all the contents girls like us need when we go out. 

Its list price was $49.99, but it was on sale for $34.99 and to sweeten the deal, I had a coupon, which knocked the price down to $27.91. So, Stana’s got a brand new bag!

Wearing Veronica Beard dress, Alexandre Birman sandals, Odette bracelet (Source: Intermix)

Chelsea Manning

Something New

I am a big fan of Kiss Express Stick-On artificial nails. They go on fast and easy, stay on until you want them off and look good. Friday night, the first thing the girls did when I met up with them is compliment my nails!

The only problem I have with the Kiss Express Stick-On nails is that they are only available in one style. Years ago, Kiss sold other Express Stick-On styles, but not anymore. So I am stuck with one style and although they always look great, I am bored with them.

Looking for alternatives, I discovered Kiss Impress Gel Manicure nails. They are available in over 20 styles and are pre-glued stick-ons like the Express Stick-On brand, but better; Kiss claims the glue on their Impress nails is "3X stronger than other pre-glued nails."

I was intrigued, but wondered about the size of the Kiss Impress nails. I have long, thin lady-like fingers, but in the past, I have purchased artificial nails that were not large enough to cover my own natural nails. If the size of the fake thumbnail doesn't match the size of my natural thumbnail (5/8 of an inch wide), then the whole set is useless to me.

There is only one way to solve find out if the size is right: buy a set and try them on. So I purchased a set at my local Rite Aid this morning and took them home to measure them up. And I was pleased to discover that like their kissing cousins, the size of the Impress thumbnails are a perfect match for my natural thumbnails.

I did not try on the new nails because I want to save them for a nice day out as a woman. When I do, I will let you know how well they survive out in the wild!

Wearing Elizabeth Kennedy (Source: Moda Operandi)

Jeremy Stockwell femulating in the 1970 film Dinah East.

T T-shirt

I love this T-shirt that I saw for sale at zazzle.com. I would have no problem wearing it when I am in girl mode, but I might think twice about wearing it in boy mode.

Wearing Badgley Mischka (Source: Rent the Runway)

Sister and brother, Ria Jones and Ceri Dupree, on the London stage in Mis-Leading Ladies (2015).

Dress Dad for adventure!

"Dress Dad for adventure! Click for great Father's Day deals from Sears" was the subject of an email I received yesterday.

Dress Dad for adventure? I'm thinking a pretty frock, heels and a matching bag!

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By popular demand, a number of readers asked to see the outfit I wore Friday evening, so here it is!

Dress from DressBarn, high heel pumps from Payless and scarf from Avon.

Friday was amazing. My ex-managers were so happy to see me presenting as a woman and they could not have been more supportive. If I had ever pulled the trigger and gone to work full-time as a woman, they would have had my back.

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No matter how many times I've done it, walking up and down stairs in heels still gives me pause, so it was nice to receive a refresher course from Abby at Vivian Lou. Here is the link!

Wearing Brahmin bag (Source: Brahmin)

Lee Roy Reams femulates Dolly on stage in Hello Dolly (2015).

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Girls' Night Out

As I wrote in my previous post, my former manager (X) had promised to take me out to dinner to celebrate my retirement. She also invited another former manager of mine (Y), as well as one of the guys (Chuck) who I have worked with for 20 years. 

I had originally planned to attend the dinner as Stana (both my managers know I am trans), but when I learned that Chuck was joining us, I began reconsidering my en femme plans. Chuck did not know I was trans, although he might have suspected after having seen me en femme at work on Halloween.

With a lot of encouragement from Femulate readers, I finally decided to "damn the torpedoes" and stuck to my original plans to go to dinner en femme.

We had a dinner reservation for 5:30 PM, so I got ready and left for the restaurant at 5 because the Maps app claimed that the restaurant was 20 minutes away. Just as I was ready to go, I received an email from Chuck saying he would not be able to attend the dinner, so we were back to a girls' only night out. This was kind of a letdown because now I was prepared to dine with Chuck and introduce him to Stana. C'est la vie.

I arrived at the restaurant in 20 minutes, parked the car and went inside. I was the first to arrive and was seated at our reserved table in the bar. I ordered a drink and waited for the girls to arrive. 

About 15 minutes later, I saw them enter at the opposite end of the bar and I could see that they were looking around the room trying to find me. As they got closer, I waved and caught their attention. When they recognized who was waving, they both squealed with delight and were so happy to see me presenting as a woman. Any doubts that this was the right thing to do flew out the window.

They both complimented my presentation and admitted that if I had not waved, they would never had found me.

Y asked me if I would have presented as a woman if Chuck had not cancelled. It was kind of a silly question because we only received the news of Chuck's cancellation about an hour before our dinner reservation and there is no way I can switch from boy to presentable girl mode that quickly. As soon as Y asked the question, she realized it was a silly question and gave me a lot of credit for my willingness to meet Chuck as a woman. 

Both of my managers were absolutely wonderful and treated me like another girl and not a guy in a dress. They worked hard to get the pronouns correct and got used to calling me "Stana." There was some trans-related conversation, but it was mostly girl talk about work, marriage, fashion and even sex! 

The food and drink were excellent, but secondary to the evening. The evening was so affirming and a dream come true! I asked them if we could do it again and they both agreed that they would enjoy dining with me again.

The evening ended too quickly and after two hours, we exited to the parking lot where we said our goodbyes. They both hugged me, but as Y hugged me, she planted a real kiss (not an air kiss) on my cheek! 

It was a wonderful evening and I did not want it to end, so when I got home, I even walked the dogs en femme in broad daylight.

Street style, New York City

Alec Mapa femulating in the 1998 film Playing by Heart.

Girls' Night Out... Sort of

Wednesday was my last day at work. I thought about going to work as Stana, but I did not.

The CEO came to my cube about 10 AM to wish me well and that was my cue to get out of Dodge. I turned in my badge, keys and laptop, went around the building to say goodbye to everyone and drove home.

It was all very anti-climatic!

Anyway, my former manager had promised to take me out to dinner when she got back from vacation. I received an email from her Wednesday afternoon saying she was back and had made a reservation for us at a local restaurant for Friday evening. The original plans were to also invite another of my former managers, also female, to join us, which she did. So I was looking forward to joining my two ex-managers for a girls' night out. (Both ex-managers know I am trans.)

But my old boss threw me a curve; she also invited a guy from my workplace, a workplace friend who I have known for 20 years. He has seen Stana on Halloween and jokingly remarked that I was the best looking woman in the building, but I never came out to him like I had to my former bosses. He might have guessed I am trans, but who knows! (I lost count how many times I assumed people thought I was trans and when I came out to them, they said they were clueless.)

So now I was on the fence about going to dinner as Stana. I exchanged emails about my dilemna with Paula and she encouraged me to go as Stana. Then I read yesterday's blog post by the always insightful Joanna and the one-two punch from Paula and Joanna pushed me off the fence, so Stana will be dining this evening.

It should be interesting. The girls have no idea who will show up, but I know Stana's appearance will not surprise them. I am sure that the guy will be very surprised, just as I am sure that everyone in the company will have their suspicions confirmed Monday morning when the story about our dinner gets out.

Who says I lead a boring life!

Wearing Emilia Wickstead (Source: Moda Operandi)

Paolo Ballesteros (left) femulating in the 2016 Filipino film Die Beautiful.

Civilian or Not? Revisited

By Paula Gaikowski, Femulate Contributing Editor

Paula Gaikowski

Yesterday’s post got my attention. I have to admit I too am intrigued by the non-civilians in these Halloween and womanless contests.

Ms. Caulfield, does appear to be a member of our club. First off, it's Halloween and not a womanless pageant, so we know right off the bat that this was a choice of hers. Add to that the attention to detail that only a non-civilian would be aware of. You mentioned the eyebrows, yes, definitely a clue, the dainty necklace and blouse, a well-styled wig and perfect make-up. The clincher though is the smile ‒ we all know that feeling of true happiness.

As for Mr. /Ms. Waugh, well, the shaved legs, c’mon??? Oh yeah, you’re a swimmer or oh, a bicyclist, oh yeah that’s it. Also, who has a pair of sling back pumps in your male size hanging around that by the way, matches the stylish suit that likewise just happens to be in your size. Judging from her petite image, I’m guessing that Mrs. Waugh doesn’t wear a size 11 shoe nor a size 16W suit.

As for Matt Garber, he’s not even trying to feign civilian status, I am guessing Matt is more likely gay and not transgender and making a statement... just a hunch.

One thing I also noticed about these more recent womanless pageants, they seem to be attracting more realistic versions of womanhood than the caricatures of women in the past. By posing a comical exaggeration, the message was sent that the contestant has no interest in being or looking like a feminine woman, thus preserving their masculinity.

In the past, there seemed to be a denigration of femininity. Today, there appears to be more a celebration with contestants trying to actually femulate the best they can.

Perhaps now young persons who are questioning aren’t quite as hesitant to demonstrate an interest in showing this side of themselves in today’s less judgmental environment.

Who knows us better than our parents, especially Moms, who we see are willing collaborators in these most accomplished femulations.

What better way to for a young transgender person to not only have an opportunity to finally dress as a girl, but to send out a test message and judge the response to coming out.

“Hey, Mom, this might be fun. Can you help me?”

“Sure, sweetheart, let’s start by trying-on some of my dresses.”

“Maybe we need to do a little shopping this weekend. We’ll find you the perfect dress and you’ll be the prettiest one there.

“Oh Mom! Stop, okay let’s go!”

“I’ll have to confess, Mom, dress-shopping was kind of fun and I can’t wait to see myself all made up”

“Wow, I can’t believe I won! Everybody said how good I looked and how pretty I was!”

“I had fun too sweetheart and I was so proud of how well you did. You seem to be a natural?”

“Remember, the makeup, wig and your new wardrobe are yours to keep, I want you to know that you don’t need a pageant to express this side of yourself.”

“You will always be beautiful to me whether this side of you grows or not and please don’t ever be afraid to talk to me.”

Oh, in a more perfect world, one more perfect than the 1960’s and 70’s when I was coming of age... I guess that why I am so captivated by these stories. I truly envy their opportunities and see myself in their shoes grabbing and reaching for that brass ring.

Wearing Tadashi Shoji (Source: Macy's)

2017 Cinderfella pageant contestants in Cleveland, Oklahoma

Civilian or Not?

Whenever Starla sends me a new batch of femulator images that she culled from online school yearbooks, I try to pick out the femulators who are not civilians, that is, girls like us and not one-time femulators dressing up for their school's womanless event.

It may be due to all those years operating the trans radar, but there is something about certain womanless participants who give off vibes that they are in it for the long run. And sometimes, there are other clues that confirm those suspicions.

Such is the case with Sean Caufield, whose image (above) was in the latest batch that Starla sent me. She is exquisite! Her hair, makeup and jewelry are perfect. And the extra clues move her out of the civilian realm. The clues I am referring to are her thin eyebrows en femme and en homme and the fact that dressing as a female is her choice for a Halloween costume and is not a femulation for a womanless event. And she is not alone.

I always suspect that something is up when a faculty member femulates along with the students like the student-teacher above, who "shows off his feminine side on Halloween." Does Miss Waugh's perfect wig, cleanly shaved legs, tailored skirt suit or slingback pumps hint that she shows off her feminine side on other occasions? Just wondering.

I was also wondering about Coach Ed (above), who goes by "Edwina" during her frequent forays in frocks, when she successfully passes among her students.

And then there is Matt Garber (above), who "was the only male student to wear make-up to the junior-senior prom," which begs the question: Did other male students attend the prom wearing prom dresses, but without makeup?

Wearing Madeleine (Source: Madeleine)

In honor of my last day at work, here I am the first day I went to work en femme (Halloween 2000).

Got Happy Day!

DressBarn texted me that they were having a sale. Buy two things and the less expensive thing costs 40% off the list price.

Since I was all caught up with my work, I decided to take an early morning break (instead of cleaning out my cubicle) and I moseyed on down to my favorite DressBarn.

There were a lot of other women in the store, but that did not stop me from browsing the racks and taking my finds to the dressing room to try them on. If any of the other women were paying attention (I noticed a few that were), I gave them a story to tell their friends at their Memorial Day picnics about the "male" trying on dresses at DressBarn.

Anyway, I found a dress on the DressBarn website that I had to have and "happy day!," I found it (above left) in my size in the store. I took it to the dressing room, tried it on, but I was not sold on how it looked on me. I was wearing boy lingerie at the time and figured that the dress would look fine when I was properly foundationed, so I put it on my to-buy rack and browsed some more.

I found six more dresses to try on. Some fit, some did not, but one that did fit (above right) looked fab on me even in boy lingerie, so I had my second "thing," cashed out and talked to the manager about employment at DressBarn (see my previous post to read what I have to say about that).

After I arrived home Friday evening, I put on a bra and girdle and tried on my purchases. The "fab" find looked fantastic and really showed off my new figure and its new weight (or lack thereof). The "happy day!" find was a disappointment; it looked no better in girl undies than it did in boy undies, so I planned to return it.

After I shaved and showered Sunday morning, I decided to give "happy day!" one more chance. So I slipped on my bra and girdle, but this time, I added my wig and a pair of heels.

Wow! I was surprised by the difference that the wig and heels made! The "happy day!" dress became a keeper!

Wearing ALC top, Helmut Lang skirt and Valentino clutch (Source: Intermix)

The always lovely Zachary Drucker