Pink Elephant in the Room

All of my in-laws are aware that I crossdress. I won't explain how they know, but I assure you that they know. (Also, most of them don't know that I know that they know.)

When I visit my in-laws, I feel like I am the elephant in the room because no one will say anything to me about my crossdressing, although I know that they speak about it behind my back.

I think I should dress en femme this upcoming Easter Sunday. I'm thinking of a real girly pastel dress with matching purse and heels, etc., etc. Then go visit my in-laws.

I wonder if they would mention my crossdressing then?

Anyway, Happy Holidays en femme or not!

Wearing LOVER.

Five changes of underwear.

Just for Fun

I femulate because I am a male woman. But there is a growing contingent of born-males who femulate just for fun (or so they say). I am referring to the male-to-female crossplayers (crossdressing cosplayers) and their sisters, the brolitas (boy lolitas).

"Cosplay, a contraction of the words costume play, is a performance art in which participants called cosplayers wear costumes and fashion accessories to represent a specific character" from "manga and anime, comic books and cartoons, video games, and live-action films and television series." (source: Wikipedia)

Crossplay is crossdressing cosplay. Most crossplay is of the female-to-male variety, however, more and more guys are getting into the act: male-to-female crossplaying.

Meanwhile, "Lolita is a fashion subculture originating in Japan that is based on Victorian and Edwardian clothing." (source: Wikipedia)

Brolitas are males, who dress like lolitas, that is, they crossdress wearing extremely feminine Victorian/Edwardian/Gothic clothing. Some brolitas are male-to-female crossplayers.

I don't know what to make of brolitas and male-to-female crossplayers. Some of their femulations look perfect. Having never met one in person, I don't know if their voices and mannerisms match what they are wearing, but I imagine some do and some don't.

I question if it is really just for fun?

My guess is that like the contestants in womanless beauty pageants and womanless fashion shows, there are a few participants who are not civilians. Rather, they are trans-something and crossplaying/brolitaing is a safe way to express their feminine side without outing themselves.

I wish I had that option when I was younger!

Male-to-Female Crossplayers of Note:

Brolitas Who Impress:

Wearing Metrostyle.

Dylan Jenkins (right) femulates on British television's Hollyoaks (2015).

Flashback

After penning yesterday's post about my first crossdressing experience, I browsed some womenswear websites and had a flashback when I saw this retro flower dress from Alice + Olivia. Fifty years ago, my sister owned a dress that was very similar and it was one of my favorites... on me, not my sister.

I wore that dress often.

I always wanted to pair it with white go-go boots, but the other ladies in my house did not own go-go boots and I was too closeted in 1967 to go out and buy a pair for myself.

My sister did own a cute bag like the one the model is wearing and I often posed in front of the mirror wearing that dress and bag and a pair of white patent block mid-height block heel shoes instead of go-go boots.

About 40 years later, I did buy a pair of white go-go boots to wear with my "Swinging 60's Chick" Halloween costume, but I have not had an occasion to wear those boots since then.

C'est la vie!

Wearing Madeleine.

Femulating Snow White for Halloween.

Why?

It was 55 years ago, but I recall the day as clearly as if it were yesterday.

I was home alone. Dad was at work. Mom and my sister were out shopping or some such. I went into my parent's bedroom and searched through my Mom's dresser drawers looking for her nylon stockings.

I found the stockings, removed a pair from the drawer and tried them on. I knew how to roll them and then unroll them up my legs because I had seen women do it in movies and on television.

I straightened the seams and then I opened my Mom's closet to look at my legs in the full-length mirror mounted on the inside of the closet door. My hairless legs look very nice in a pair of stockings, but I thought they might look better with a pair of shoes.

I searched through the shoe boxes on the closet floor, found a pair of four-inch high heel pumps and slipped them on my stockinged feet. I looked in the mirror again and was mesmerized by what I saw... not a 12-year-old boy's legs in drag, but an actual pair of shapely woman's legs.

That was the beginning. Soon I was trying on bras, girdles, slips, blouses, skirts, dresses, hats, gloves, earrings, necklaces, bracelets and I even began experimenting with cosmetics whenever I was home alone.

Although I can clearly remember that first crossdressing experience, I have no recollection of what moved me to do it.

At the time, I was not aware that crossdressing was something that people did, so I was not emulating other crossdressers.

I was aware of female impersonators on stage, film and television, that is, men dressing as women for disguise or for entertainment. But back then, I had no plans of being a female impersonator when I grew up, so I should start practicing as soon as possible.

At age 12, I did not think I was a female, so I should dress accordingly.

I have no idea why I tried on that pair of nylons, but I'm glad I did.

Wearing Venus.

Vincent Beier, male womenswear model

Breasts and Bras

Alison sent me a link to an article about breasts, the variety of their shape and the best and worst bras for each shape.

I was surprised by how many breast shapes there are. Turns out that mine are Full Bottom and accordingly, I should wear a shelf bra, which "is a type of either demi-cup or three-quarter-cup bra that lifts breasts in order to enhance their appearance, shape, and cleavage." 

I usually wear a push-up bra, so close enough.

If I wear something that would reveal cleavage, I insert a pair of enhancers in each bra cup to give my cleavage a little oomph. But most of the time, I go au naturel (or as close to au naturel I can get wearing a push-up bra).

Note that if you wear falsies and want to use the breast shape article for bra-shopping guidance, go by the shape of your falsies and not your God-given endowments.

And may the falsies be with you.

Wearing Stylewe.

A male-to-female crossplay.

High Heel Headaches

Aches and pains from high heels are usually associated with your feet, but sometimes high heels can give you a headache, too.

You are out wearing your favorite patent leather high heels du jour and you scuff them. What's a poor girl to do about her favorite shoes? Is there a cure for her high heel headache.

Abby at Vivian Lou has a few solutions.

👠 Acetone-free nail polish remover  

Dab some acetone-free nail polish remover on a cotton ball or Q-tip and rub over the scuff mark to remove it. Be careful not to let the nail polish remover sit on the surface of the shoes for an extended period of time. This will risk compromising the patent leather and may remove some of the shine and color. Rub petroleum jelly or baby oil over the area to keep the patent leather from drying out. 

Similar suggestions: Rubbing alcohol, make up wipe, hand sanitizer 

*This is the method I used, and it worked beautifully!* 

👠 Baby oil 

Dab baby oil on a cotton ball and rub the scuffed area. Wipe with a clean damp cloth.
Similar suggestions: Petroleum jelly, mineral oil, vegetable oil 

👠 Toothpaste 

Using a cloth, apply a small amount of toothpaste to the scuff and scrub in a circular motion. Add more toothpaste as needed. Wipe the paste off with a clean damp cloth and dry. 

Similar suggestions: Baking soda and water 

👠 Pencil eraser  

Try erasing the scuff as you would a pencil mark. 

Similar suggestions: Rubber band 

👠 Miscellaneous bathroom items 

Try shaving cream or Nivea cream (not the lotion) to clean and polish patent leather. 

👠 Miscellaneous cleaning solutions  

Try Mr. Clean magic eraser, Comet or Ajax, Goo Gone or Fast Orange (a hand cleaner that mechanics use to clean grease and grime off their hands). 

Here's to keeping your patent leather shoes as shiny as the day you purchased them. 

Abby adds...

And to wear your shiny shoes 4x longer without pain, consider adhering Vivian Lou Insolia weight-shifting insoles - the only insole scientifically-proven to prevent pain caused by low, mid and high heels. 

These amazing insoles adjust the pitch and position of the foot in the shoe to shift weight to the heel and stop your feet from slipping forward. 

Whenever I buy a new pair of high heel pumps, I always insert a pair of Insolia insoles in my new shoes before I wear them out. They definitely extend the comfortable wearing time of my killer heels and I never leave home without them.

Ashton Kutcher (left) femulates in a 2002 episode of television's That 70's Show.

Eye of the Beholder

 Femulating is in the eye of the beholder. Here are some examples.

Housekeeper is amused seeing her employer's sons dressing pretty.

The bride's nephew preferred being a flower girl rather than a ring bearer.

Harold is a little tired after spending the day shopping en femme.

Mother advises her son before his first day out as a woman.

Wearing Venus.

Cheesecake femulation

Grab Bag or Purse or Pocketbook

Thank-you

Thank you all who passed along your kind thoughts to ease my grieving over the death of my dear cat.

She was the friendliest cat I have ever known. If you were her friend, she would start purring as soon as she saw you and would run over to greet you.

She will be irreplaceable and it will take a long time to get used to living without her.

Thank you all again!

Miss Eng'g

Auntie Marlena informed me that the 2017 installment of the Miss Engineering (Miss Eng'g) Facebook page is up and running and full of photos (like the one on the right) and videos from the amazing womanless beauty pageant put on annually at the College of Engineering, University of Philippines-Diliman.

Payless Closing 400 Stores

Payless Shoe Stores filed for bankruptcy and will be closing 400 stores. Here is a list of the store closings. My favorite Payless stores were not on the list; I hope your favorite stores miss the list, too.

Adam/Amanda

Actor Jackson Rathbone femulated on a 2009 episode of television's Criminal Minds playing a perpetrator with a split personality (Adam/Amanda).

In the past, I have seen photos of Jackson's excellent femulation (see below). Patty just alerted me to a behind-the-scenes video of the episode including Jackson's transformation from Adam to Amanda. It is worth the watch to see Jackson's femulation in motion.

Trans Health & Law Conference Workshop Schedule

The workshop schedule for the April 29th Trans Lives Conference at the UConn Health Center has just been published here and my "Makeup Basics for Trans Females" workshop is in the 9:30 to 10:30 AM slot. I hope to see you there!

Wearing Caroline Constas top and Cinq à Sept skort.

Jackson Rathbone femulating on TV's Criminal Minds.

Sunday in New York

June 14, 2009, was one of the nicest days I ever experienced as a woman. Here is how I described it in my blog eight years ago.

Sunday in New York and I dressed up for the day: my purple dress, jewelry, mid-heel Mary-Jane pumps, suntan pantyhose, etc.

My workshop ended about 2 PM and I returned to my hotel room to freshen up. After touching up my makeup, I went outdoors (the weather was perfect) and hailed a cab.

A cab stopped, I got in and told the driver to take me to Rockefeller Center.

The driver told me he could not take me there because the Puerto Rican Pride Parade on 5th Avenue blocked the path to the Rock. So, I got out of the cab and decided what to do.

I had fallen in love with a perfume sample of Aquolina Pink Sugar that I received at Sephora, so I decided to walk the six blocks to their West 34th Street store to buy the perfume.

It was my first time out wearing the mid-heel Mary Janes I bought a few weeks ago. When I paid for the shoes, the cashier commented that the shoe was popular with dancers because they are very comfortable and I was discovering the same thing as I walked from my hotel to Sephora.

In Sephora, I walked around the store looking for the perfume. During my hunt, I passed an older gentleman and as I walked by him, he turned to me and said, "I want to give you a kiss" and then he blew me a kiss!

Flabbergasted, all I could do was whisper, "Thank-you."

I found the perfume, paid for it, and exited with my heels never touching the ground!

Since my new shoes were cooperating, I decided to walk a half-block to Herald Square and take a few photos. After taking a few shots, I saw an empty chair and sat down to take a break. While I sat, I took a few photos of myself. They turned out OK, but I could only stretch my arm so far and I wanted something better.

Seated next to me was a older gentleman with a camera case in his lap. I tapped him on the shoulder and with a big smile, I asked him to take my photo. He smiled, I handed him my camera, and he took a photo of me.

After resting for five minutes, I decided to walk eight blocks up Broadway to Times Square. I took photos along the way and with no complaints coming from my feet, I decided to head east towards Rockefeller Center.

While waiting for the traffic light to give me the go-ahead to cross Broadway at West 45th Street, I took some more photos of Times Square. A trio of women joined me at the crosswalk and one asked me if I'd like her to take my photo. Of course, I accepted her invitation and the photo I posted here is the result of her handiwork.

Five more blocks and I was in the middle of Rockefeller Center. Foot traffic was light, so I thought it might be a good time to go to the Top of the Rock. I entered the RCA Building (you call it what you want, it will always be the "RCA Building" to me) and found the ticket counter for the Top of the Rock.

My timing was good; there were no lines and I was on my way. Before getting on the elevator to go to the top, I had to go through a the metal detector and I set it off. The guard looked at me, then waved me on with the words, "Must be your bracelets, hon'."

That was a new one! I've been called "miss" and "ma'am" before, but never "hon'." I smiled at the guard and got on the elevator.

Seventy stories later, I was on top of the RCA Building and the weather was perfect. Visibility was virtually infinite and the view was spectacular. To the south, the Jersey shore was visible, to the north, Catskill peaks poked over the horizon, to the northeast, I could see the Connecticut shoreline, and all around me was The City.

I spent about an hour atop, taking a lot of photos and taking it all in. I asked a couple of people to take photos of me and more than a couple of people asked me to do the same for them.

Next, I wanted to go to Saint Patrick's Cathedral, which is just across the street from Rockefeller Center. I took the elevator back down and walked to 5th Avenue. During this short walk, a young man cut me off and immediately apologized, "Excuse me, hon'."

Second "hon'" in an hour. I started to wonder if "hon'" was a New York thing, but I didn't care. A blown kiss and two hon's meant I was passing, however, I was about to receive another term of endearment that would seal it.

As I walked up 5th Avenue toward Saint Pat's, a small group of high school boys were heading towards me. As I passed through the group, I heard one of the boys say, "Dyke."

Now I knew I was passing!

I crossed 5th Avenue and entered Saint Pat's. There was a Mass in progress and the priest was just finishing the sermon.

This was a big deal for me. I was a Roman Catholic and my religion was the source of much needless guilt about crossdressing throughout my life. I overcame the guilt years ago and now I was entering the church for the first time en femme.

When I planned this visit, I thought it would be like spitting in the eye of the Church of Rome. "Take that for all the pain and suffering you brought down upon me for so long."

But instead of feeling vengeful, I felt wonderful. The prodigal son has returned, but now he is your daughter!

I decided to attend the Mass. I remembered and recited all the prayers and when it was time for the Sign of Peace, I exchange handshakes and "peace be with you's" with all the folks around me, or so I thought.

From behind me came an anxious voice, "Peace be with you, Ma'am. Peace be with you, Ma'am."

I realized I missed someone, so I turned around and exchanged another handshake and "peace be with you" with a fellow two rows behind me.

During the Mass, I noticed a reproduction of the famous painting, the Black Madonna of Częstochowa in one of the side altars of the cathedral.

Being a Pole, I checked it out and discovered that that side altar was dedicated to the saints of Poland. It included biographies, paintings, and sculptures of all the saints. After saying a prayer for all my deceased relatives at the side altar, I exited the cathedral.

It was now 7 PM and the last meal I had was breakfast, so I was hungry and decided to treat myself by having dinner at the Rink Bar, the outdoor bar/restaurant that resides in the Rockefeller Center ice skating rink when it is too warm for ice skating. My table for one was immediately in front of the fountain, so I did not feel lonely eating solo because Prometheus was right by my side.

I had peach sangria, watercress salad, rissota crab cakes, and coffee. They were all excellent and they were all only $50 and change!

After dinner, I hailed a cab and enjoyed the ride down 5th Avenue while reflecting on my wonderful day out en femme.

Wearing Carla Ruiz.

Siva Karthikeyan femulates in the 2016 Indian film Remo.

Short Post

My favorite cat was very sick. During the past few days, I was nursing her in between visits to the veterinarian.

Last night, I was massaging her when she died. Now she can rest in peace.

I need a break, so I will catch you later.