Amy and the Doctor

By Amy

Today, our regular contributor, Amy, writes about finding self-improvement in the doctor's office.

With self-improvement foremost in my mind, I have followed the zillions of magazine pieces written on face lifts, nose jobs, eyebrow lifts, neck lifts, etc. I have read everything I can on facial feminization surgery and all that can be accomplished. I perpetually come back to my own base line appearance and count my blessings; no prominent brow bone; no Adam's apple; reasonable cheek bones; very good skin. (Thanks Mom!)

I did conclude that as I was aging some areas of my face were showing signs of drooping as fat and collagen were naturally lessening. I embarked on meeting with several dermatologists which turned out to be the best series of meetings, advice and support I could imagine.

Early on, I started in boy mode. Each doctor I met was a woman specializing in helping women look their best. I was right up front. I wanted to improve my appearance, to be more youthful, and have a soft feminine look.

The first of these doctors didn’t miss a beat and started me on a program called Thermage. You need to look into it, but in short, it is a form of laser passed over your face with the effect of triggering your skin to replenish lost collagen. For my skin type and other variables, the multiple sessions were very successful. An added benefit is that the laser greatly thinned my beard in the most natural way. What remains of my facial hair is thin, light in color, hidden easily under a very light foundation.

Secondly, I started on a prescription of Retin A. I have used it nightly for years. The evenness of color of my skin, the noticeably reduced pore size and near elimination of black heads is amazing. I use it everywhere below the eyes as my skin under my brows won’t tolerate it. I will never quit using this!

My appearance definitely improved and I began seeing all my doctors as Amy. At every office the staff and doctors cheered me on and enthusiastically helped me begin with new products. Dermal fillers were coming of age as was Botox.

I started eliminating frown lines between my eyes and filling little imperfections with these amazing products. They needed to be replenished, but I have found that by staying on schedule, I built a good foundation and moved forward.

Recently Juvaderm came on the scene and it was recommended I enhance my cheeks slightly for a more feminine shape. A more feminine contour was easily achieved and the skin under my eyes tightened and smoothed noticeably. Every place I have used fillers has served to make up volume in my face and slightly tightened the surrounding areas. Years melted away and people notice!

I now see four different doctors for these various tune ups! The method to this madness is that they all assess my needs and see things differently. Their skills are also different. One is especially good at removing the downturned line at the corners of my mouth. Another is particularly good at raising my brows and smoothing my forehead with Botox. So multiple opinions can matter.

Seeing multiple doctors in this way also taught me that I am not the only client pursuing a feminine appearance. Many of their trans clients have done far more invasive procedures; some are just discovering how helpful a dermatologist can be.

I am pleased to say that I have great relationships with these doctors and enjoy a very personable and intimate level of service. I love it when they do their magic and stand back and smile broadly! They enjoy helping me achieve my goals and would certainly do the same for you.

Wearing Brahmin.

Actor Richard O'Brien

It's a Very Nice Dress

As I mentioned here, I bought a dress at Macy’s before doing outreach on Tuesday: a Calvin Klein sleeveless black and white colorblock textured sheath.

I always prefer to shop for womenswear as a woman. Wearing foundation garments, wig, makeup, heels, etc., I can see how the clothing will really fit and look on me, whereas presenting as a male, I have to use my imagination when I try on a dress or skirt or top. AND Sometimes my imagination runs away from me and I end up returning the item because when I tried it on at home en femme, it doesn’t work for one reason or another.

Tuesday, I tried on the dress as a woman. It looked fabulous on me and I bought it.

A few days later, I tried the dress after I got out of the shower. No foundation garments, no wig, no makeup, no nothing except the naked male I pretend to be and the dress still looked fabulous on me! Most womenswear does not work with me when I present as a male, but this dress does!

It’s a very nice dress!

Wearing Alice + Olivia.

Charles Demetri

Looking Good!

Kandi's Favorite Photos (of Kandi!)

I cannot remember a time in my life where I have been so happy.

About a year ago, I finally came to the realization that I am a crossdresser. Once I did that, my life completely changed very much for the better. I lost weight and shed all the hair that covered my body. The biggest hurdle was telling my wife, who only said that she wanted me to be happy. What unconditional love! I have only been going out fully presenting this year and once I started, I've just kept going.

The photos submitted represent two outings I had recently, one of which was my attendance at a Beauty Class at Sephora. Me and about 15 girls (how great is that)! Under no circumstances do I pass when I am out. However, I have learned as long as you are honest about yourself, carry yourself with confidence and smile, people tend to accept you, many really welcome you!

I have made so many new friends since I have ventured out. Embracing my true self has also made me a much better man, a better husband, a better father. I am so much more accepting, open, caring, loving, I have become a person I am very proud of. And all it took was to be honest with myself. I only tell this story for others girls like myself, go out! I know (believe me, it only took me 50 years to gather the courage). It’s scary at first, but as long as you are smart about what you do and where you go and dress appropriately, you will find the world to be quite a remarkable place. Thank you to all the girls out there that have inspired me.

Calling all girls! My open invitation to post your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo still stands, so don't be shy, send me your fave foto. ― Stana

Wearing Alexis.

Alyssa and her daughter. Read all about Alyssa here.

Out to Outreach

After shopping on Tuesday, I drove to Southern Connecticut State University in New Haven to do outreach at the Human Sexuality class taught by Professor Anna Schildroth. I have been doing outreach at her class for ten years.

So what's "outreach?"

In my case, it is an attempt to educate and enlighten non-transgender people about what it means to be transgender. In the Human Sexuality class, we accomplish this by giving a brief biography of our transgender lives and then answering questions from the students to clarify and expand upon what the students may already know or upon what we stated in our biographies.

I am not alone doing outreach. Usually, other trans individuals join me. On Tuesday, in addition to me there was a post-op transman and two transwomen, one post-op, the other not.

After we give our biographies in a nutshell, I am paired with the non-op transwoman and do Q&A with half the class, while the post-ops do Q&A with the other half of the class. Half way through the class period, we switch with the post-ops and do Q&A with the other half of the class.

Here are some of the more memorable questions I have answered doing outreach.

Q: Are you married?

A: Yes.

Q: ...to a woman?

A: Yes.

Q: Do you have any children?

A: I have a 30-something daughter, who is very supportive.

Q: Where do you go out when you go out as a woman?

A: The mall, restaurants, museums, shows, etc.

Q: Do you crossdress when you have sex with your wife?

A: Never

Q: Why do you have your nails done only to go out once or twice a month?

A: I wear pre-glued, stick-on nails that take about 5 minutes to apply.

Q: How did you pick your female name? (This is probably the most asked question.)

A: It is a female version of my male name.

Q: What do you do when someone stares at you or reacts negatively to you?

A: I try to disarm them with a smile.

Q: What do you do when you are at a bar and a guy hits on you?

A: I say I am not interested and point to my wedding ring.

Q: Which bathroom do you use?

A: I always use the ladies' room.

Q: Did you have a hard time learning to walk in heels?

A: No, I took to heels like a duck takes to water.
.
Q: Don't you worry that your voice gives you away when you are out in public?

A: Usually my voice is not an issue. (By the way, my voice is not deep and I am soft-spoken even in male mode. In female mode, I just crank the softness up a few notches. However, I am always working harder to improve my feminine voice.)

(I turned the question around and asked the class, "If you did not know I was a male, do you think my voice would give me away?" Three or four students answered and they said, "No.")

Q: How do you hide your genitalia

A: I wear a panty girdle or Spanx panty to keep my genitalia in check. At one time, I tried a gaff, but discovered that it was very uncomfortable and that my male parts would escape frequently and required regaffing. The panty does a much better job keeping those parts in place and is much more comfortable.

Q: Do you do hormones or have you had surgery?

A: No. (My answer often surprises the students.)

Q: The way you move your hands and gesture is very feminine. Are you doing that intentionally?

A: It is not intentional. (I noticed that I gestured while answering the question and suddenly became aware that my hand gestures were indeed feminine, which gave me pause.)

Q: Do you buy your clothes in a "big" women's store?

A: Not necessarily. I am a size 16 or 18 above the waist and a size 14 or 16 below the waist, so sometimes I find clothes that fit in the "Misses" section and sometimes in the "Women's" section.

Q: What is your sexual orientation.

A: Lesbian.

Q: What would you do if you could do it over again?

A: I would live 24/7 as a woman without hormones and surgery, but I would have electrolysis.

Q: Do you ever feel that you are really a female?

A: Yes.

Q: Do you ever think about living full-time as a woman?

A: I think about it every day.

I don't go fishing for compliments when  I do outreach, but some come my way nonetheless.

A female student loved my hairdo and thought that my wig was my real hair. A pretty student said my makeup looked "fabulous." Another commented that I should teach the females in the class how to apply makeup.

One female student thought I looked good enough to do female impersonation.

Another female student commented how good I looked for my age. Immediately, another female jumped in and said how well I was put together. After that comment, nearly all the females started talking at once, commenting about how nice I looked. I blushed with embarrassment and thanked them for their compliments.

One student commented that my outfit was "cute." That made my day until another student stopped by to say, "You are so pretty!" She was very pretty herself and I was stunned by her compliment.

My most memorable outreach experience occurred four years ago.

After the class, a female student approached me. She said that when I entered the class, she thought I was a woman, not a trans woman, but a born woman.

Thank you, I thought to myself, but then she added that besides thinking I was a born woman, I was also the most beautiful older adult woman that she had ever seen in person!

I thanked her profusely aloud as she examined my presentation up close. She thought I was about 45 years old and she was very surprised when I revealed that I was 60.

Then she told me something very personal that I will not repeat here. I thought I detected her eyes beginning to well up.

The encounter became so emotional for me that I cannot remember if I gave her hug or not. (If I didn't, I should have.)

Those few minutes with her were priceless to me and I will remember her forever.

Wearing L'Agence.

Actor Lee Ingleby in British television's Fairy Tales (2008).

Out to Shop

Tuesday, I shopped and then did outreach at Professor Anna Schildroth's Human Sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University in New Haven.

I was dressed and out the door at 9:30 AM wearing my zip front dress from Dress Barn, a red print scarf from Avon, nude high heel pumps from Payless, a gold retro style watch from Avon and a pair of vintage retro style gold earrings, topped with a blue trench coat from Fashion to Figure.

Monday, I received an order from Sephora, which included three free samples of various brands of mascara. Doing my makeup on Tuesday, I tried one of the samples, Lancome Hypnose Drama. I loved the results (longer fuller lashes without any clumping) and decided to purchase a full-size tube before I did outreach.

I arrived at the Meriden Westfield Mall just as it opened at 10 AM and sought out the Lancome counter in Macy's to purchase the mascara. The mall was quiet at 10 AM and there was no one in sight at the Lancome counter, so I visited the nearby enticing racks of dresses. I found three dresses: all Calvin Kleins, all size 14, to try on. (I am on the cusp of size 14 and since there were no 16s to try on, I had no choice.)

It amazes me how three dresses in the same size from the same manufacturer are all over the map regarding their fit.

The first dress I tried on was too too tight. I did not feel too bad about that because it was a very dressy dress and I had nowhere to wear it in the foreseeable future.

I had seen the second dress on a mannequin when I took my spouse shopping a week earlier and had fallen in love with it. It was smaller than the first dress and I could only zip it up one-third of the way. Again, I did not feel too bad about it because the price tag was way up there as was its hemline ― too short even for me.

The third dress fit just right and looked fab on me. It is a sleeveless black and white colorblock textured sheath (you can see it for yourself here). It is more practical than the other two because I can wear it to work or on a girls' night out, so I bought it and look forward to wearing it.

I got a taste of male privilege while the sale associate rang up my purchase.

As I was standing patiently in front of the register, this "man" probably about my age, maybe a little older, tries to take over my space. He had to return something and thought he could cut in on me. I did not budge and the sales associate told him he would have to wait until she was through dealing with the "lady."

He was steaming and I just smiled at him, which made him steam even more.

I returned to the Lancome counter, but there was still no one in sight, so I stopped a sales associate who was passing by for assistance. She was wearing a white smock that the folks who work the cosmetic counters usually wear, so I figured she could help me. And she did by quickly finding the mascara that I wanted.

After she rang up my purchase, she said, "I love your shoes. They are classic."

I thanked her for the compliment, then exited the mall with due speed to drive to New Haven to do outreach.

Actor Sid Silvers in the 1935 film Broadway Melody of 1936.

Yesterday

Yesterday, I did outreach at Professor Anna Schildroth's Human Sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University in New Haven.

Wearing Parker.

Actor Miguel Bose in the 1991 Spanish film High Heels.

What's Right for Her

By Amy

Today, our new regular contributor, Amy, writes about what is right for her and she hopes some readers will relate to her views.

I know women who work in retail or in restaurants. They see other trans gals from time to time. Consistently they tell me how pleasant their interaction is with those that look great and act like they look ― great. They also say how difficult and uncomfortable the interaction can be with a trans gal that isn't comfortable, isn't blending in, and projects it. One woman told me how hard she tried to make this person feel comfortable in her store, but couldn't do so. Maybe in time.

For me...

• It's not about getting dressed; it is the reward of being well put together.
• It's not about getting overly dolled up; it is knowing I will blend with others perfectly and with style.
• It's not about copying another’s look; it is developing my own signature look.
• It's not about always color or always black; it is about knowing when to wear both.
• It's not about the legs; it is about an elegant hem line and its movement.
• It's not about hosiery (that’s over); but it can be about tights.
• It's not about heels that launch me over the others; it’s just not.
• It's not about dramatic makeup; it is that others expect me to look naturally pretty.
• It's not about the jewelry; it is about what makes me sparkle.
• It's not about a large breast or booty; it is about proportion and décolletage.
• It's not about really long hair; it is about age appropriate up-to-date hairstyles.
• It’s not about attracting attention; it is about getting an approving compliment or look!
• It’s not about standing out; it is about being invited to join in. (So fun!)

To paraphrase Margaret Thatcher, “If you have to remind people that you are a lady, you likely are not.”

Wearing Ann Taylor

Cecil Beaton

All or Nothing

I was very concerned about my weight during the long holiday weekend. After some ups and downs, I am happy to report that my weight before and after the weekend is the same.

Tomorrow is another day out for this woman. I am scheduled to do outreach at a human sexuality class after noon and will probably do a little shopping before the class and grab a bite to eat after the class.

The local Avon reps were talking about getting together for a Christmas party, but the plans have not jelled yet, so I don't know if I will be joining the other girls for our annual Avon rep get-together.

Visions of going to work as a woman are still dancing in my head. My mind is made up that if I do it, it will be daily and not an occasional when-I'm-in-the-mood thing. I think consistency is critical in order to impress upon the civilians that I am trans. And it will also help me get used to the routine of presenting a woman every day.

And so it goes.

Wearing Alice + Olivia.

Casa Valentina on the Miami stage, 2015.

Pat's Favorite Photo (of Pat!)

As you may know, my ability to get out and about is somewhat dependent on when I am home alone. Last night was one such opportunity and my plan was to eat, shower, shave, call my wife, dress and then head to the B Lounge, about 20 miles away. They were doing their Enmoda Thursday with karaoke from 9-11 followed by a drag show. 

I have been there on other Thursdays, but since I get up at an ungodly early hour to go to work I always leave as the DQs are arriving and have never stayed for the drag show. I often do my part to try to clear the place out by singing a few songs.

Last night was proceeding as planned. I had hoped to stay to see a part of the drag show or perhaps talk with one or two of the DQs before I left, so I put a little extra effort into my dress and makeup. I applied the foundation and blended on a top coat... a little extra blush, eye liner and shadow and I had a new tube of mascara so that it went on extra thick, followed by lipliner and lipstick.

I had on my black bra with breast forms, black slip, nude pantyhose and a silky nylon black and white print wrap dress with a light thin white jacket. The blonde wig seemed to work well and with my 3-inch black pumps, the dangly clip-on earrings, my double strand of pearls around my neck and small pearl strands on my wrist (costume jewelry). I was ready to launch.

My typical M.O. is to open the garage door and wait the 3-5 minutes for the interior garage light to go out and then get into the car and drive away from the condo. I figure that once in the car, even if the garage light goes back on when the car bumper breaks the electric eye at the garage entrance, I will be out quickly enough to avoid detection. 

The part of the condo development where I live are double units. Each building has two units with adjoining garages facing the street. Our adjoining neighbors are a nice Italian heritage couple in their 70s, so I figure that they are in for the night when I head out dressed.

While waiting for the garage light to go out, I loaded my purse, checked my hair and makeup, grabbed a large travel cup of coffee and a bag with my nicer 3.5-inch peep-toe pumps for changing into when I got to my destination.

With the coffee in one hand, my purse over one arm, my bag with the spare shoes in the other hand and my car keys ready to go, I opened the door to the garage, stepped down the two steps to the garage floor, heard my  heels clack on the garage floor for the 3 to 4 steps to the car door when the garage light came on as my neighbor entered the garage and broke the electic eye beam at the garage entrance. The phrase "a deer caught in the headlights" comes close to describing my reaction.

I fled back into the condo and quickly stripped off the dress, wig and heels and stuck my head out the door when my neighbor said he wanted to show me something in the driveway.

Back into the house to throw on slacks, get rid of the bra, slip and breast forms and toss on a polo shirt and then splash some water on my face and wipe off as much makeup as I could. I figured it was dark out and with my neighbor in his 70s, perhaps his eyesight would not detect the traces of makeup, mostly my eyeliner and mascara.

With slip-on shoes covering my stockinged feet, I went out to talk to the neighbor. He had some rubberized squares that he was planning to bring to his summer house where he had built an arbor and he wanted to show me the squares as well as photos of the arbor trellis and the plans he had followed to build it.

Every encounter with this neighbor includes an update on his and his wife's current physical ailments, his exercise routine and the seasonal sports team. He is a big Yankee fan and I had figured he would have been in his condo unit watching the Yankee game and this had been the case until he heard my garage door go up and he came out to show me the floor squares, arbor, etc.  After going through the current Yankee situation I quipped, "How about those Mets" and that finally brought the conversation to an end. 

It was now an hour later than I had planned to get out and I just did not have the energy to re-dress and re-apply my makeup, so my plans for an evening out ended with a huge scare.

During our conversation in the driveways and our garages, neither of us mentioned the way I was attired when the garage light went on and there were no comments about any makeup dregs on my face. I have no clue as to what elements of my attire and presentation he may have seen or more importantly, what may have registered in his mind. This neighbor is a very nice guy, very friendly, but a big time yenta. I guess we just go forward living one day to the next now that my heartbeat is back closer to normal.

I thought that you may have found this incident of passing interest.

Let's be careful out there.

Pat

Calling all girls! My open invitation to post your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo still stands, so don't be shy, send me your fave foto. ― Stana

Wearing Eva Franco.

Little Archie, Reggie and Jughead en femme.

Happy Holiday

Happy Thanksgiving to all my faithful readers. I am so grateful that you take the time to read my daily missives and joyful that what I write has helped some of you in some way!

And try not to eat too much... we have to watch our figures!

Finding a Kindred Soul

Saturday night, I attended One Big Event at the Connecticut Convention Center in Hartford. I started writing about my night out in my previous post and conclude the story with this post.

Here is the story behind the photo above: I saw a young woman taking a mirror selfie in the ladies’ room, so I offered to the her photo and asked if she would take mine. She could not have been nicer, took my photo a couple of times until she was satisfied with the results and did not even have me take her photo!

Like her, most of the women were friendly and many exchanged smiles and/or hello’s with me (like I was a member of their club). On the other hand, eye contact with a male usually resulted in a cold blank look. Go figure! This was not the usual crowd of civilians; it was predominantly an LGBT crowd, so you can reach your own conclusions.

I spent a lot of time chatting with the girls seated at our table, that is, Diana, Karen and Laura. Diana and Laura are retired, whereas Karen is a working woman and I was very interested in her story about transitioning on the job and her trials and tribulations during the ensuing seven years.

I love Karen’s attitude in that she is not concerned about dressing to blend — she prefers to dress to please herself. For example, on a recent casual Friday at work, she wore a pencil skirt, a beautiful blouse and heels… not very casual, but very Karen! Definitely something I would do!

Karen and I have crossed paths in the past, but this was the first time we had a long chat and got to know each other. We have a lot in common and it is always nice to find a kindred soul

Wearing Ann Taylor.

Vladimir Luxuria, Italian actress, writer, politician and television host