why I am girly

My mother had a miscarriage before she had me.

Back then, physicians prescribed Diethylstilbestrol (DES) to prevent miscarriages in women who had had previous miscarriages.

Did my mother take DES? She is deceased, so I will never know. But, if she did take DES, then that may explain why I am the way I am.

DES can cause feminization of the male fetus and some studies suggest that otherwise-male children exposed to DES before birth may be more likely to be transsexual women than otherwise-male children who have not been exposed.

Although I will never know if my mother took DES, there are other indications that she did. For example, I have Gynecomastia and although the causes of common Gynecomastia remain uncertain, it has generally been attributed to an imbalance of sex hormones, that is, too much estrogen.

In addition to Gynecomastia, I am more womanly than the average guy in other ways. For example, my mannerisms and speech patterns have feminine traits and my emotions are more feminine than masculine.

A few years ago, I was doing outreach with three transsexuals at a local college and a student asked how the transsexuals' hormone regimen affected them. All three transsexuals admitted that they became more emotional after they began their hormone regimen, for example, one stated that she never cried at movies before taking hormones, but after taking hormones, she cried at movies all the time. I spoke up that I never took hormones and that I cry at movies all the time!

An overabundance of female hormones may be the cause of my proclivity for the feminine. And as I wrote here on Friday, my parents may have nurtured that proclivity.

Repeating what I wrote here, "Dad was absent in my early life working two jobs to support his wife and kids. Mom cherished her firstborn child (me), coddled and pampered me, and instilled in me many traits that were considered 'feminine.' With Dad absent early-on, Mom was all I had to model myself after and that I did, which just compounded my feminization."

I had two strikes against me (too many female hormones and too little male role modeling) and when my third opportunity to swing came, I just stood there with the bat on my shoulder and was called out (of the male gender) on a called third strike.

I did not bother swinging because I liked myself. I was very satisfied with the results of the first two strikes. I liked the way things were turning out. I did not mind being a girly boy.

Except for some abuse from the macho boys and rejection by their female followers, being a girly boy was a pretty good deal. I could partake in whatever boy or girl pursuits interested me and not have to worry about tarnishing my image.

And when I took up the male pursuit of female impersonation, I found that I excelled at it because I already spoke and acted like a lady, I took to the art of cosmetics like a swan takes to water, and I could nearly fill a bra without any padding.

And so it goes.

(This post originally appeared in September 2009.)

Wearing Nichole Miller.

Actor Alec Mapa femulates in a 1997 episode of television's NYPD Blue. 

Big Day Out

Saturday, I spoke at a meeting of the operators of a ham radio network that covers the Northeast. As I wrote here Thursday, this would be different than when I attend and staff a booth at the ham radio convention (Hamvention) in Dayton, Ohio.

“I have some anonymity at the convention. I appear to be just another middle-aged woman attending the convention. Only if a civilian examines my name badge, recognizes my call sign, and then puts two and two together, do they realize that I am not the ham I used to be.”

Saturday, “I will not be anonymous at the meeting. My name and call sign will be announced before I speak…”

Knowing hams, I assumed that the attendees would be dressed in weekend casual garb. Since I was representing and evangelizing the ham radio group in which I am the secretary, board member and newsletter editor, I wanted to make a good impression, so I dressed a little better than weekend casual.

I wore the new zip front dress I bought at Dress Barn last week and accessorized with an animal print scarf from Avon, nude high heel pumps from Payless, a gold retro style watch from Avon and a pair of vintage retro style gold earrings. (The accompanying photo is how I looked before I left home for the meeting.) And I was correct — all the attendees wore weekend casual garb — one fellow even wore sweats.

I arrived at the meeting site, American Red Cross Headquarters in Farmington, Connecticut, ten minutes before the start of the meeting at 9 AM. There were four or five attendees already in the meeting room. In all, 14 attended myself included, ranging in age from mid-30s to the mid-70s. There was one other woman; she also was a ham and the wife of one of the other attendees.

I introduced myself and everyone was polite to the stranger (me). But no one engaged me in conversation. My guess is that they did not put two and two together and had no idea who I was.

About an hour into the meeting, I gave my 15-minute presentation. When I was done, some of the attendees were no longer polite — they now knew who I was and talked ham radio topics with me.

The fellow sitting next to me, who had ignored me up to that point, began talking to me like we were old friends. It turned out that we were old acquaintances. I recognized his call sign and realized that we had conversed over the airwaves using Morse code a number of times over 30 years ago!

When I left, the attendees thanked me for coming to their meeting and really seemed pleased that I had come.

I don’t think it could have gone any better. I never mentioned that I was transgender and everyone seemed to accept me as I appeared. No one confronted me about my past history as a male.

The only bad thing is that I completely forgot to take photos at the meeting!

I promised my wife that I would buy some groceries after the meeting and a Stop & Shop is on my way home.

Since I was on a roll, I decided to go grocery shopping as a woman instead of driving home, changing into boy mode and driving back to Stop & Shop. I hesitated momentarily because I was overdressed for grocery shopping, but I decided to throw caution to the wind and went grocery shopping anyway.

During 15 minutes of shopping, I noticed three or four guys checking me out, but no one else paid much attention to me until I queued up to check out. After I emptied my shopping cart onto the conveyor belt, I noticed the woman ahead of me look down at my shoes. Then she looked at me and remarked, “You are a brave woman to wear those heels to go grocery shopping!”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just smiled at her. She didn’t know it, but she just made my great day that much greater.

Still on a roll, after I loaded the groceries into my car, I drove to the Stop & Shop gasoline station and pumped gas in my pumps.

Nadia

TGIF (TransGenders, It's Friday!)

This day's post is a little late because I am a little behind. And if anything gives me away, it's my flat little behind.

I thought about padding my posterior, but I have seen a few girls who have padded and in my opinion, it doesn't look real. The foam padding provides the correct shape, but it does not move like a real behind. Rather, it looks stiff ― just like foam padding!

Awhile ago, I found instructions on the Internet for enhancing your rear by using a pair of pantyhose to lift and shape your rear. The results looked good and since no padding was involved, the enhanced butt probably moves naturally, too. Sadly, I lost the instructions and Google cannot recover them for me.

If anyone has a clue where those instructions reside, please let me know. Also, I would love to hear your experiences femulating your posterior.

Meanwhile, have a great weekend!

Asian Desert and her girlfriend.

Further Out There

Depending on how closely you read this blog, you may or may not know that I am a "famous" author in the ham radio world who attends the world's largest annual ham radio convention every spring in Dayton, Ohio. And for the past 6 years, I have attended the convention as a woman.

I have some anonymity at the convention. I appear to be just another middle-aged woman attending the convention. Only if a civilian examines my name badge, recognizes my call sign, and then puts two and two together, do they realize that I am not the ham I used to be.

Recently, I was invited to attend and speak at a meeting of the operators of a ham radio network that covers the Northeast. I will not be anonymous at the meeting. My name and call sign will be announced before I speak and I can see the jaws dropping already!

The meeting is this Saturday and I admit to you that I am a little nervous about it.

Wearing Fashion to Figure.

Marie Sunshine.

It Gets Better

By Amy

Once gobs of Dermablend. Now only a light foundation is needed due to hair removal and shaving close.

Once my skin was course, now it is soft. (Retin A.)

Once clothes were ill fitting, now a size 8 is just right. Looks right.

Once my hair was short. Now it can be styled for either gender. (And color and highlights!)

Once I was directed to the men’s dressing rooms. Now I am welcome with the women.

Once my walk was clumsy. Now it expresses who I appear to be quite well.

Once I looked down and away from others. Now I smile and they smile back.

Once (I would notice), other diners would notice me. Now it is rare to see anyone take notice.

Once I would often hear the wrong pronoun. Not anymore.

Once I was alone. Now new friends are easy to make, and the encouragement is amazing.

Once I was gripped with fear while driving. Now a speeding ticket is no problem. (Yes, he was very polite.)

Once I avoided interaction, now men open doors for me, women converse.

Once uncertain looks meant ambiguity was obvious. Now only surprised smiles and good conversation follows.

Once the mall was the limit of my world. Now there are no limits to where I can go and what I can do.

Once questions of why and how were common. Now my sincerity, commitment and femininity are obvious.

The message is that if you are working hard at passing, you may actually pass better than you think. It takes time and practice, but it will get better. In recent years my many extended outings as Amy have been nothing but rewards. Every woman I meet seems to say, “Welcome to the Club!”

Wearing Brahmin.

Lisa takes a selfie after dressing for Halloween 2015.

I'm Down

On Saturday, I had an appointment with my hairdresser and since it was Halloween, the holiday came up in conversation while she was doing my hair.

One thing led to another and she asked if my workplace did anything for Halloween. I said a few people showed up in costume.

Then she asked me if I was a good sport and wore a costume. I pulled out my iPhone and showed her a photo of how good a sport I was.

She was flabbergasted and took my iPhone to show her mother who is the receptionist at the salon. Her mother was also flabbergasted.

I said I should have visited the salon on my way home from work on Friday so they could have seen my "costume" in person. Wait 'til next year, my hairdresser said.

On Monday, no one at work mentioned that I went to work as a woman on my Friday, Halloween Eve.

I did mention it to a co-worker who was absent on Friday and who knows I'm trans. I showed him my photo and he showed me a photo of his Halloween costume (an edgy wizard).

Anyway, I am kind of down today. That's not true. I am very down today.

I loved going to work as a woman on Friday. I loved going out during my lunch hour and after work as a woman. I loved being myself on Friday.

Once a year is not enough. Dressing in boy mode for work is the real drag.

Wearing LM by Mignon.

Actor Alec Mapa on the red carpet at the taping of RuPaul's Drag Race, May 2013.

Woman at Work: Wrap-Up

Three people noticed I was wearing a new wig, but no one 

noticed that I was wearing new glasses with burgundy 

colored frames!

I received a lot of positive comments about doing the live blog on Friday and plan to do it again if the opportunity arises and it makes sense to do it. Internet access is the key to doing it successfully, so doing it at work was a perfect scenario.

∞ ∞ ∞

Most of the live blog posts were short and I want to expand on what I wrote on Friday, so here goes!

∞ ∞ ∞

In the 10:05 AM Post, I mentioned attending a “gemba.”  When it was my turn to speak, I said “I had nothing” because I had no news regarding my part of the project under discussion. 

The moderator of the gemba, our Director of Engineering, asked me, “Are you sure there’s nothing you want to add?” 

Knowing him as long as I have, I am sure he was teasing me about my “costume.”

Anyway, after a long pause, I said, “No”, but after I thought about it, I wish I had said, “I guess you all figured out by now that I am transgender.” 

That would have been a gemba they would be talking about for years to come!

∞ ∞ ∞

When I went to show myself to my boss, I found her in her boss’s office (my boss and her boss are women and both know I am transgender, but now that I think about it, I bet that they don’t know that the other one knows because I came out to them separately).

Anyway, they were both wild about my “costume” and my boss’s boss blurted out, “You look better than (my boss)!”

I did not notice my boss’s reaction, but I think my boss’s boss might regret what she said. 

The truth is that although my boss is pretty and is about 10 years younger, I think I can modestly say that I compare favorably to her as a woman.

∞ ∞ ∞

Friday as a woman was more like two days as a woman: a day as a woman at work and a day as a woman outside of work.

Outside work, I felt like an invisible woman passing unnoticed among the civilians. When I interfaced with civilians like the sales associates at Dress Barn and Macy's, they treated me like a female customer. I sometimes suspect and detect that such treatment is due to the $ in the word cu$tomer, but on Friday I think the treatment was genuine. At least it appeared genuine to me and that is what counts.

At work, everyone knows me as a guy the rest of the work year who does a good job looking like a woman one day of the year. Five co-workers know what's really up, but I don't know what the other 70 people think.

Comments like "you look too good" or "you do it too well" infer that they suspect something is going on beyond a Halloween costume. And those are just the folks like our CEO on Friday, who are vocal to my face about it. Others probably have similar opinions, but keep their thoughts to themselves or amongst themselves.

Whatever their thoughts, they all seem fine with me. I have an excellent relationship with everyone in my office and that probably has made it easier for them to accept me or put up with me during my one day per year fling as a woman.

So why do I do it?

Of course, I love doing it, but there is a small ray of hope that someday I will be able to go to work (and go everywhere else) as a woman all the time. My Halloween fling is a test for me and my co-workers for when that wonderful day finally arrives and I think we all passed. 

Actor Alex Newell on the red carpet at the RuPaul's Drag Race party, February 2014.

Live Blog: Woman At Work

8:03 AM Post:

Up at 5 AM. Took care of the menagerie and began the transformation at 5:35.

I took my time doing my makeup (slow, but steady), so it took a little longer getting ready.

Out the door at 7:05 and I arrived at work at 7:40.

Although I only mentioned that I would be a woman at work to my boss, no one is surprised and expected me to do it.

8:30 AM Post:

When I walked in the building this morning, I asked our receptionist to take some photos. Here is one:

8:45 AM Post:

Three people noticed that I am wearing a new wig!

8:48 AM Post:

The receptionist just called me "Staci," which is the name I used before switching to Stana. She also asked me how I tied my scarf and I gladly showed her.

9:15 AM Post:

There is a bit of a lull here, so here is another photo (sans glasses and cape) taken by the guy who sits in a cube adjacent to me. Instead of an iPhone, he used a Canon digital SLR camera.

10:05 AM Post:

I just attended a "gemba" (reps from various departments stand in a circle and update the group about the status of a project). The Director of Engineering ran this gemba and called me "Caitlyn." He is always impressed with my "costume" and was impressed again this year.

A few other people did wear costumes today. 

10:20 AM Post:

A number of women complimented me on my outfit and they love my shoes (I do, too)! They are also amazed on how well I navigate in them... just like a woman.

I bought these shoes from Nine West two years ago, but I never had the opportunity to wear them until now because I did not have an outfit that went with them.

So far, they have been very comfortable despite their 4-inch heel.

11:05 AM Post:

Going to Dress Barn in a little while. The sales associates wanted to see how the dress they sold me on Monday looks on me today.

12:35 PM Post:

I went to Dress Barn and the sales associates who sold me the dress on Monday were not in the store; they work later in the day today.

Not to waste a Dress Barn visit, I browsed the racks and took a half dozen items to the dressing room. Some things looked and fit better than others. 

One dress fit perfectly and looked great: a simple figure-hugging black sheath dress with a gold front zipper that makes the dress. I bought the dress and returned to work.

1:00 PM Post:

As I got ready to leave Dress Barn, my feet started complaining loudly and when I got to my car, I switched to my black medium height wedges. 

1:15 PM Post:

Another lull, so it is time for another photo. My boss' boss took this one on her iPhone as I stood in her office doorway. 

1:53 PM Post:

It is very quiet here. Friday afternoon and things are winding down.

I am very tired. I went to bed late watching the Patriots, got up early to femulate and did not sleep that well in-between because I was excited about today. 

One of my biggest fans here just stopped in to ask me how it is going. He goes out of his way to use the proper pronouns when I am a woman and he once said that I missed my calling and should have been a professional female impersonator.

2:50 PM Post:

This will probably be my last live post for awhile because I am leaving work and going to the mall to shop for a new evening gown. My next post will probably be from home this evening.

7:30 PM Post:

I was successful at Macy's at the mall. I bought a Connected sequin-lace cowl-neck sheath in purple. The photo on the website does not do the dress justice; the sequin is not apparent in the photo, but it makes the dress in person.

My feet had recovered by the time I arrived at the mall and I switched back to heels for my mall tour.

I am going to bed early tonight. I am exhausted!

Live Blog Tomorrow

Friday, Halloween Eve, I plan to go to work as a woman as I have done the previous three Halloweens.

Last year, I composed blog entries throughout the day and posted them all in a single blog post afterwards. This year, I will attempt a "live blog," that is, as well as composing blog entries throughout the day, I will also post them throughout the day, so that you will get a better feel as to how my day at work as a woman in going.

And, yes, I will post photos, too!

If Anybody Asks...

Wearing Escada.

Nichole in her French maid Halloween costume
Nichole and her wife went to the Royal Canadian Legion Halloween Party
a few years ago ― both as French maids and they won "Best of Show."

Shopping Semi-Femulated

Looking through my wardrobe this past weekend, I was not enamored with the choices I had to wear when I go to work as a woman on Halloween Eve. I have new dresses that I have not worn yet, but they are all too dressy for the office. I also have dresses that are appropriate for the office, but I already wore them to the office.

Going to work as a woman is a very big event on my calendar. I wanted something new, so I began shopping online for an office-appropriate dress.

I scoured the DressBarn website and found four dresses that I liked that were office-appropriate.

Since time was of the essence, I did not order online. Instead, I planned to go to DressBarn Monday morning in boy mode with print-outs of the dresses I found online, snatch the dresses from the racks, try them on and purchase the best of the bunch to wear on Friday.

Trying on womenswear in boy mode is an inexact science especially for a woman like me who relies on foundation garments for her girlish figure. So I wore a panty girdle and waist cincher to work on Monday.

The only problem was that the waist cincher made my C-cups outstanding. Wearing a bra would only make matters worse, so I dug into my closet and found the most voluminous top I own and slipped it on. The top did the trick. Although I could feel my girls jiggling as I walked, what was jiggling was hidden well by the top.

After arriving at work, I told my boss I was taking an early lunch and around 10:30 AM, I drove to the nearby Dress Barn store where I am known as a good customer in boy and girl mode. The store was empty except for two sales associates, who know me well. After friendly greetings, I showed one of the sales associates the print-outs of the dresses I found online.

She informed me that she did not have my top two picks, but she thought the other two were available. So I followed her around the store as she found the two dresses. She also suggested a third dress that I overlooked on the website; it had potential, so I took the three dresses to the dressing room and tried them on.

For starters, all three fit me perfectly. Since they were all figure-hugging, wearing my panty girdle and waist cincher paid off because without them, they would not have been such a perfect fit.

Of the two dresses I found online, I absolutely hated the way one looked on me, while the other one was just OK. On the other hand, I fell in love with the dress that the sales associate suggested (photo above). I even have a pair of high heels that I have never worn because I did not have an outfit to go with them, but now I do. So I purchased the dress.

By the way, two weeks ago, I bought a gorgeous dress I found online. But when it arrived, it was not so gorgeous on me, so I returned it to DressBarn for a refund.

Which just goes to show you that the best way to shop for clothes is in person, preferably as a woman person or at least, shaped as a woman person.

Wearing Boston Proper.

Katie in an Alice in Wonderland Halloween costume, circa 2005.

Working Woman Meg

You remember Meg of Call Me Meg fame. Six years ago, she went to work as a woman on Halloween and she generously gave me permission to repeat her wonderful story, so here it is. Enjoy and be inspired!

Setting the Trap

My old manager, N, was a nice woman and a good manager. She worked with the team members to ensure that we weren't travelling too much, that we had the resources to do out jobs, and that everything was going smoothly. I enjoyed working for her.

One day we were discussing an upcoming job. She had already booked her travel but another obligation came up and she couldn't make it. Since it was to be my project, I was asked to go in her place. Then she said something that was straight out of chapter one of many TV fiction stories:

"It would be great if you could use my ticket. It's too bad you're not a girl."

I said, "I could be." She asked what I meant and I said I could "dress up" and maybe get away with it. She laughed and asked for proof. We went on to other issues about the upcoming trip.

I went home and printed "proof." I found a not-bad picture of Meg and printed it out and brought it to the office a couple of days later.

It was probably a week after that that I finally found N alone in her office. I asked if she had a minute and I reminded her of our earlier discussion. She grinned and said "yeah...?" and I pulled out the picture.

She said "no way" and insisted it was my sister. I told her I have a sister, but that's not her. She kept looking between the picture and me and finally acknowledged that maybe I was telling the truth. Then she asked "was this for a costume party, or is it something you do, sometimes?"

At the time, I was pretty deeply in the closet and my first impulse was to take her "costume party" line and run with it. My brain was screaming "ABORT! BAIL OUT!" but I also thought she phrased what I do perfectly. I said "it's something I do, sometimes."

She said I had to come into the office like that. I suggested Halloween, still a few months off. She insisted I do so. We agreed I would come in on Halloween wearing women's clothing.

We had little joking passing discussions about this in the following weeks. I reminded her I was going to wear women's clothing on Halloween (actually, the day before Halloween ~ Oct 31 was a Saturday).

I, of course, wasn't joking.

Male to Female

In preparation for Halloween, I went to a few nearby salons, trying to line up someone to do my makeup.

You all know how I plan and replan and overplan. I had done my own makeup a few times by then, and I was comfortable with the results, but I wanted to have someone else do my makeup. I had three reasons:

• Mistakes were less likely
• It would take less time
• I had cover. I wasn't ready to admit to the office that I dressed at that time. If people commented on my makeup I could honestly say "I had a pro do it."

So, as I said, I went to a few nearby salons, trying to line up someone to do my makeup. There weren't many. Most opened too late to be useful. One sounded hopeful but after speaking to her once, the makeup lady stopped being available. I understand. We can be a little much for some people. I don't push myself at anyone.

By the way, there was no scheduled Halloween events at the office. Other than a silly hat or two, I'd be the only "costume."

I figured there were still two options.

Before the big day, I packed my clothes, shoes, wig, jewelry, and makeup into a small overnight bag and headed to the office.

There are two malls near my office. I planned to change at the closer, more upscale one. I didn't expect them to open as early as I wanted to get to the office so I just brought my bag in the car and went to work.

A little while later, N came in. She said "I thought you were going to dress as a woman!" I corrected her ~ I said I'd wear women's clothing and I was wearing women's jeans, socks, a polo, sneakers. I told her she'd have to take my word for it on panties. (I use that line a lot and everyone agrees to take my word. :) ) She agreed to do that as well, but she also (rightfully) accused me of chickening out. I told her I'd go change at 10 and be back at 11. She was good with this. I also wanted to make sure that she'd be in the office then ~ I wanted cover in case I came in and she decided to take the day off, or be on travel. N was not the best at letting the team know her plans.

Just before 10, I went to the mall. I took my bag with me and considered my two options.

One was to have someone at the mall do my makeover. I walked through Macy's, and there was also a Nieman and another upper-scale store. I planned to check them all out, but I wasn't crazy about the department store option. Then I walked past the M•A•C store. There were a couple of women working there and one customer. I walked up to one of the women and she asked if she could help me. I explained that I'm going to be dressed in drag and would like to know if someone in the store could do my makeup. Once I convinced her I was serious, she wanted to know when. I pointed to my bag and said I could change in about ten or fifteen minutes and come back. She said that would be OK. I said I may put on foundation and lipstick just so I don't stand out too much. She said that was fine too, or she could do it all. I asked her to please wait for me ~ I am serious and I will be returning very soon. She promised she'd be available.

Meg at M•A•C

I went down the mall to the family restroom. I had shaved as close as I could before leaving the house, and I made sure my arms, legs, and chest were clean as well. I quickly removed my "male" clothes and put on my bra, pads, hose, camisole, half-slip, and heels. I put on my wig and then realized I did not bring my favorite, but it wasn't a showstopper. It was good enough. I made a mental note to label the bags with my wigs ~ 1, 2, 3, and 4 ~ for my favorite down to the one I'd wear if 1, 2, and 3 were unavailable. This was number 3.

I put on sunglasses and looked critically in the mirror.

Woman from the neck down, with a man's face. I removed the dress and put on my liquid foundation.  I put on a coat of lipstick and my (women's, of course) sunglasses. It wasn't great, but it was better and good enough for the walk down the mall to M•A•C in a somewhat quiet mall.

I put on my jewelry, packed away my other clothes and shoes, and walked back to M•A•C, enjoying the sound of my heels on the tile floor. I avoided being looked at ~ when someone would look my way, or if I was even passing or about to pass someone, I did some "window shopping" and kept my gaze directed at the stores.

Back at M•A•C, I found the makeup lady had kept her promise.

One difference between M•A•Cand the department store counters: the department store makeovers are free. M•A•Ccost $50 but you can put that towards a purchase. I was OK with that, and I bought a couple of the products she used on me: powder and lipstick, and I picked up a foundation that matched the powder. I can't remember; I may have picked up a blush as well.

My quick change wasn't as quick as I expected, and she took her time on the makeover but I didn't leave too much after 11, feeling fine and femme.

One difference between mall makeovers and do-it-yourself: the store employees want to do a female makeover on a female face. My face needs a bit heavier hand than they use. I think I didn't look as femme as I would have liked to, but I think I was OK. I also think my number 1 or 2 wig would have made a difference.

Good enough. I thanked and (over)tipped the makeup lady and asked for her card. I also asked her to take a picture or two before I left, which she did.

Most days, I walk to the mall from the office if I want to get lunch there, or maybe shop. Today I drove, just because the ten minute walk is a two minute drive and I wanted to be out of the office as little as possible.

It was time to face the office.

Meeting Meg

Even though it was close to lunch time, I saw almost no one in the parking lot or lobby. I was going to go into the cafe on the first floor, just to say hi, but I didn't really want to have to explain myself or tip off anyone from my office who might be down there.

As part of my pre-Halloween visit, I scanned my card and replaced my male pic with one of Meg. I left my name. I put this over my card ~ we use contact readers so all I had to do was hold the card up to the reader to get into the office.

I went up (alone) in the elevator to the top floor. I walked through the glass doors straight to the receptionist.

We do not get a lot of visitors. We get groups of strangers in for training in the morning most weeks, but by lunch time they all have temporary badges and they are not going into the secure areas anyway.

She said, "May I help you?" and I grinned and showed her my badge without saying a word. She looked puzzled for a second, then burst out laughing. I gave her a broad smile and headed towards the side where I sat (there are two sides, one is training, consulting, IT. The other is finance, marketing, and things like that).

As I held the card up to the reader she was still laughing.

I walked past my desk to N's office. She wasn't there. OK, this wasn't good, but it wasn't bad. I noticed S, our office fashionista, was talking to one of the guys from marketing. I stood behind him, where S could see me while they chatted about this and that. After a minute or so, S said, "Can I do something for you? I'm S."

I said, "I know that. I'm..."

She let out a yelp that I was sure alerted everyone on the floor. I saw our head of security who was maybe ten yards away look towards us. S screeched, "{male name}" and got up and hugged me. She asked what I was doing dressed like that and I told her N suggested I do this for Halloween.

S seemed to genuinely enjoy my new persona. I wasn't sure what I was going to do next. I came in to show N and had no further plans really. I usually interacted with about a third of the people on the floor ~ mostly the ones on my side of the office. Marketing and other corporate activities... not so much.

But S took over. She took my hand and brought me to the nearest employee, a woman who had an office on our side, but the opposite wall from my desk. S introduced me with a made-up name and said I was there for an interview. She offered her hand, we exchanged greetings and she saw my badge and started laughing. Then when we left she joined my new posse.

Most of the people on my side were out or in training sessions or gone for an early lunch, so S grabbed my hand again and off we went to the other section. There she introduced me to one of the accounting guys by a different name and said I was "her new assistant." Again, we got away with it for a short time ~ this time, he said something like "what do you think of {the company}?" and I said, "I've been here for a year. I've only been S's assistant for a little while" and he looked confused so I showed him my badge.

As S dragged me around the floor our little group grew and camera phones appeared. I posed for a couple of pictures, and pictures of my meet-and-greet were taken. Each time, S gave me a different name and a different title. When we got to accounting, I was the "marketing representative for the midwest." When we got to marketing, I was in "product quality." In shipping, I was "the new trainer." Each time I was greeted, usually with a handshake and once with a look that was so close to a leer that I got a little hint of what women have to put up with from guys just being guys. He seemed VERY embarrassed when he realized who I was. And I was VERY relieved that he was embarrassed. :)

Our IT head came over to me later and told me I looked great. Then he did the same thing a few days later.

I had a great time, but I hadn't met with my manager yet. She was in a conference room giving a presentation for a potential client.

I told S that my goal was to meet with N and this was much more fun that I could have ever hoped for. I thanked her profusely. She had to meet a friend for lunch and I was on my own again. Well, almost. A couple of the women came by to talk to me, which was unusual and nice. Oh... the head of security saw me as she was walking through the cubicle farm on my side of the office and yelled out, "Hi {male name}." I later asked her how she knew and she said "it was obvious." But I knew she heard S's first squeal and my "secret" was out ~ to her.

One of the women went into the conference room and got N's attention and told her I wanted to see her. She said it would be another ten minutes and this was relayed to me.

It was way longer than ten minutes, but I spent some time getting an idea as to what it's like to work in an office as a woman. I continued with my usual routine except for my usual coffee overdose. I did NOT want to have to use the ladies' room.

N finally got out of her meeting and came to my cube. She took some pictures and seemed to genuinely enjoy my "Halloween costume." I waited around for her boss, J, to see me, but he was out of the building at a meeting and never made it back. I finally returned to the mall and did a quick "undo." I was back in the office looking male within a half-hour.

Even though I was the only one in the office "dressed for the holiday," I felt great, not embarrassed like I thought I might be. Everyone seemed to enjoy it and one of the managers sent out an e-mail to all staff commending me on bringing cheer to our normal end-of-month crunch.

Alas, I'm in what is technically a military installation right now. I doubt there will be a repeat for 2012. But maybe I can finally make it to the high heel race.

(Not long after this, I came out to S. I figured she earned it, and I wrote about that here.)

Wearing Fashion to Figure.

Laurette's 1989 Southern belle Halloween costume