How to Negotiate Stairs (and Avoid Stares)

When I put on my first pair of high heels over 50 years, I took to them like a duck takes to webbed feet. There was no break-in period; from the get-go, I walked in heels like I had been doing it all my life.

Truth be told, I had been doing it all my life. As a youngster, I walked on my tip toes and it took me years to learn to walk in a more manly manner. Since walking on my tip toes was natural to me, walking in high heels was easy. (God, I was so meant to be a girl!)

Fifty years later, I still walk in heels, but a woman's got to know her limitations, so I have given up walking in anything with a heel over 4 inches in height. (My equilibrium is not what it used to be and when standing still, I begin to sway if my heels are over the 4-inch mark.)

Although I am very adept at walking in heels, getting up and down a flight of stairs in heels is still an adventure. I prefer an elevator when I change floors, but sometimes that is not an option and I have to take the stairs. (And don't get me started on my battles with escalators! Given a choice, I will take the stairs rather than use an escalator.)

I receive weekly missives from Abby Wallker (of Vivian Lou Insolia insoles fame) and I was pleased to see that her subject this week is how to walk up and down stairs in heels. Here is the link to her informative instructions.

By the way, I swear by Insolia insoles and have a pair inserted in every pair of high heels I own.

Wearing Theory.

Blue High Heels

Chic Costumes You Can Wear To The Office

Halloween falls on a Saturday this year. This poses a dilemma for girls who usually go to the office in "costume" on that holiday since many offices are closed on weekends.

The solution is to wear your costume to the office on Friday, the day before Halloween. However, since Friday is not really Halloween, you may want to tone it down a bit. Leave the "Sexy Stewardess" costume at home and wear something more appropriate for the office.

So what to wear? Elle has come to the rescue with "6 Chic Halloween Costumes You Can Wear To The Office."

Personally, I am leaning towards Elle's first sugegstion, a Melanie Daniels costume, a style I often considered mimicing in the past. (I love the black suit Tippi Hedren wears at the beginning of The Birds!)

Whatever costume you choose, Have Fun!

Wearing Tahari by ASL.

Lily Blinz

In my dreams, 50 years ago...

Wearing A.B.S. By Allen Schwartz.

Victoria Elizabeth, British actor, magician and stand-up comedian.

I love this dress!

I love this dress! Can you see me wearing it?

Sweater weather.

Vincent McDoom on the red carpet, Cannes 2015.

Packing

Packing for Fantasia Fair is always a crap shoot. Over-packing is usually the result. The following excerpt from my book Fantasia Fair Diaries describes that dilemma facing a fashionista packing for a week in Provincetown.   

All I need cosmetics-wise (vs. all I over-packed!)

It was a dark and stormy night.

Actually, it was a dark and stormy week… at least the meat of Fantasia Fair week. Tuesday through Friday, a Nor’easter blew through Provincetown — not the best weather for strolling around town, but that did not stop the girls from getting out and strutting their stuff up and down Commercial Street.

I was prepared bringing an umbrella and three types of outerwear to keep me warm and dry throughout the week. I probably could have gotten by with just two types of outerwear because I only wore my black sweater coat once. Most evenings, I wore my white fake fur jacket and most days, I wore my blue trench coat.

The trench coat got rave reviews. My B&B owner, Chris, loved the coat and I received unsolicited comments about it (“nice blue”) from strangers while walking around town.

Over-packing, I brought the following items that I never wore: two sweaters, two tunics, one blouse, one corset, one pair of leggings, one pair of shoes and way too much jewelry. I also brought too much makeup and too many boxes of stick-on nails; the set of nails I stuck on Sunday afternoon survived the whole week. I relied on my iPhone for photos, so my Canon camera, its charger, tripod, and computer cable could have stayed home.

On the other hand, I left my light-up makeup mirror at home and missed it, but managed to survive using the mirror and lighting in my bathroom.

My schedule was very full because there were a lot of things that interested me at Fantasia Fair this year and I tried to take in as much as I could. About half the things were at the Boatslip Resort, which was a half mile from my B&B. The other half was at The Crown & Anchor, which was two blocks from my B&B.

For things at the Boatslip, I carried my heels and wore my 1-1/2-inch Payless wedges for walking and switched to my heels at the thing. For things closer to my B&B, I wore my nude or black patent Payless heels and carried my wedges just in case.

That shoe strategy worked for me most of the time. The only just-in-case times occurred after a couple of particularly busy days walking up and down Commercial Street — my feet could not even stand the short two block walk in heels back to my B&B.

Wearing Boston Proper.

Actor Zach Braff in television's My Summer as a Girl (1994).

Sista Girls

Shem, a Sista Girl photographed by Bindi Cole

About 35 miles north of Darwin, Australia, are the Tiwi Islands. The islands have a population of approximately 2,000 people, 50 of whom are "Sista Girls," who are born men, but develop female identities at a young age.

On the islands, Sista Girls or Yimpininni, their traditional name, are considered women. They are called "Aunty" or "Sister" by most family members and often start wearing girls’ clothes as early as kindergarten.

Despite this apparent acceptance, prejudice is still a painful reality, suicide a common occurrence and for a Sista Girl the prospect of finding a life partner is often daunting.

Australian contemporary artist Bindi Cole traveled to the Islands "to shoot the Sista Girls after previously photographing Tiwi Island drag performer Foxxy in 2008." In her work, "Cole explores aspects of indigenous identity and culture, and how that is reconciled with transgender identity with the influence of colonization."

(Sources: Nellie Castan Gallery and Wikipedia. Also thanks to Aunty Marlena for the heads-up about the Sista Girls.)

Wearing Escada.

Nadia Russo

How could she not know?

Today is my deceased mother's birthday and I have been thinking about our relationship over the years. And it embarrasses me to think that I thought I successfully hid being transgender from her.

How could she not know?

She saw me crossdressed for Halloween not once, but on three or four occasions.

She saw me act like a girl rather than a boy on many occasions.

Crossdressing with her wardrobe, I tore some things and stretched out other things. I borrowed a few items that she would have discovered were missing for weeks.

There were other clues, but she never said a word to me about it.

Maybe she was confused as much as I was. After all, it was not the "Call Me Caitlyn" era. Rather, it was the mid-20th Century, when crossdressing was still a big unknown. 

One time in her later years, she slipped and said something that indicated that she knew about my stash of female finery that I kept hidden (or so I thought) when I still lived at home. 

Also in her later years, she would often ask, "Is there anything you want to tell me?" which I assume was her attempt to give me an opportunity to talk about it.

Maybe she became more informed in her later years and was open to accepting me as transgender as long as I was comfortable coming out to her. But to tell you the truth, I did not realize that was what she was trying to do until years after she had died.  

Sometimes, I can be so obtuse!

Coming out to her might have made it easier to come out to everyone else. And sooner rather than later.

Too late for that. But it's never too late to say, "I love you, Mom!"

Wearing Go Couture.

Transgender waitress shares patron’s ‘stellar’ parenting moment... yadda, yadda, yadda

This story bothered me ever since I read it.

In a nutshell, a male-to-female transgender waitress was waiting on a family composed of a father, mother and young daughter. While the waitress was away from the table, the husband approached her and said, "My daughter just asked if you were a boy or a girl. I didn't want to speak for you so would you like to talk to her?" The waitress nervously agreed, went to the family's table and gave the daughter a little transgender education.

How does this qualify as a "stellar" parenting moment?

To go up to a stranger, assume that the stranger is transgender and ask the stranger to explain herself!

Rather than calling it a "stellar" parenting moment, I'd call it the height of rudeness.

Instead of putting the waitress on the spot, the father should have did his own parenting and told his daughter that the waitress may be a girl or may be a boy, but it was nobody's business except the waitress' business. Now that would have been a "stellar" parenting moment.

Instead, the story went viral and every civilian that knows about it thinks they have carte blanche to go up to anyone they suspect is transgender and interrogate them about being trans!

Street style during fall fashion week in New York City, 2015.

Man and wife femulating and masculating, respectively, on Halloween.

What's not to like?

Wearing ISSA.

Trivial John.

Out Among the Civilians

Dear Stana,

When femulating out among the civilians, what are important things to keep in mind?

Jan


Hi Jan,

When I started femulating in public, I was afraid that people would recognize me as a crossdresser. As a result, I looked and acted as if I had something to hide; I walked with my head down, looked away quickly if I saw someone looking at me, and I avoided encounters with teenagers, with males, with anybody!

People who noticed, might wonder why I was acting as if I had something to hide and when they looked closer, they might figure out why ― because I was a guy crossdressing in public.

I was outing myself!

Once I figured out the error of my ways, I was determined not to out myself again. Since then, I have followed three rules that have helped me achieve that goal:

1.  Act as if you belong, so walk tall and strut your stuff.

2.  Don't look away furtively if other people look at you. Do the opposite: look back at them and disarm them with a smile.

3.  You are a beautiful woman and you should be happy about it, so smile, smile, smile.

Best Wishes,

Stana


Do you need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is stana-stana at sbcglobal.net.

Wearing Alice + Olivia.

Student femulators embracing Gender Switch Day.

Dear Stana, Why is it so?

Dear Stana,

Regarding your advice on how to wear garter belts, you recommended wearing your panties over your garter belt, but I have seen pictures of girls wearing the garter belts over the panties and not under. Why is it so?

Susan


Hi Susan,

You see photos of girls wearing garter belts over their panties because it looks nicer; it looks sexier.

As a practical matter, wearing your panties over your garters makes it much easier to use the bathroom (or do anything else requiring panty removal). Just slip off your panties and voila, your private parts are free.

If you wear your panties under your garters, first you have to unclasp each garter (that's four or six clasps to undo) and then you can slip off your panties. Also, you will have to reclasp four or six garters after you slip your panties on again.

Best Wishes,

Stana


Do you need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is stana-stana at sbcglobal.net.

Wearing 148 Lafayette New York.

Actor Peter Outerbridge femulating in the Canadian film Better Than Chocolate (1999).