Femulate

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Throwback Thursday: Passing?

I have written about passing a few times during the life of this blog and in July 2009, I wrote the following on the topic:

This morning, I read a message thread on a trans message board which touched upon the subject of passing. One writer opined that trans people put too much emphasis on passing... that passing is not important... that acceptance is more important than passing... yadda yadda yadda.

I'm sure you have heard these arguments before (and I know I touched upon them here in the past).

Note: I am now putting on devil's advocate hat.

I think that some trans people use the argument (that passing is not important) as a cop-out because for whatever reason, they do not pass.

In addition to being an excuse, it is also a put-down of trans people who do pass, i.e, yes, they pass, but what they are doing is not important, so they are just wasting their time.

I resent that!

I take a lot of pride in my presentation and I admit that it takes some time and effort to get the results I want, but I feel that it is worth it because:

* I pass some of the time, which is a wonderful affirmation of my hard work.

* When I don't pass, at least I don't look like a caricature of a woman. Rather, I look like I am trying my best to emulate a woman and I believe that fosters acceptance.

***

My opinion on passing has not changed much since 2009.

I prefer passing to not passing, but it does not ruin my day if I don't pass. Yet, I still take pride in my presentation, work hard at it and hope that I will pass.

When I go out, I assume I will pass because:

I usually do pass or
I am invisible, that is, I am an old lady, so no one pays much attention to me, which is as good as passing. Since I don't see any reaction, I am clueless about what others are thinking, so I assume I pass.

If I don't pass, usually the person who sees through my presentation does not react in a outrageously negative manner and I can live with that. And persons who have reacted outrageously have been so rare that I don't worry about it.

As a result, I am so confident as I head out the door in my female finery that passing is not a concern. It is not something I worry about as I go about my day as a woman. And if I receive an indication that I definitely passed, I cherish the moment and use it as a confidence builder.

And so it goes.

Claimed to be father and son femulators.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Keep on High Heelin’

CBS Sunday Morning had an interesting piece about high heels and their history as recounted in the Brooklyn (NY) Museum's "Killer Heels" exhibition. (Thank you, Diana, for the heads-up.)

In my youth, I felt that I was not dressed unless I was wearing high heels. I wore high heels as often as possible and the higher the better.

I was following my mother's lead (like mother, like son) ― she always wore heels. So as her female son, I always wore high heels, too.

In my maturity, I know about the pitfalls of wearing high heels and I know that wearing high heels does not define you as a woman. Most women my age know better and shun heels, yet they are still women.

Nevertheless, I still like to wear high heels and I usually do. Recalling that AARP commercial about a woman of a certain age who knows her way around miniskirts and can run in high heels always inspires me to keep on high heelin'.

But since my feet are not as pliable as they used to be, I have to search out the most comfortable heels if I plan to wear them for more than a few hours as a time.
(Who What Wear recently had some good tips regarding "How to Stand in Heels for 8 Hours Without Killing Your Feet.")

I hope to be able to continue to wear high heels for a long time. I know I will try hard to do so. And maybe someday they'll say, "She died with her stilettos on."

Wearing Bebe.

Fashion designer Phillipe Blond

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Not Being Catty

The Oscars were on television Sunday night, but after spending over two hours moving the eight inches of snow that fell overnight, I was very tired and decided my beauty rest was more important than watching the beauties on the television. As a result, I did not make any effort to stay up beyond my normal bedtime to watch the whole show.

And since I missed over half the show, I don't feel qualified to be catty like I was for the Grammy awards earlier this month.

I did catch a few of the gowns the ladies wore and I particularly liked Reese Witherspoon's white and black off shoulder Tom Ford gown. I can see myself in something like that, although I can't think of any upcoming occasion I will be attending that would call for an evening gown.

My law school is holding a local get-together to give the Connecticut alumni an opportunity to meet the new president of the school. I thought about attending if the weather is cooperative (it has not been very cooperative lately), but I won't need an evening gown for that reception. I think that even a cocktail dress would be too much. However, I am sure I can find something in my wardrobe that would be appropriate.

And so it goes.

Wearing Bebe.

Actor Candy Darling.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Patty's Favorite Photo (of Patty!)

Thanks for sharing the wonderful collection of favorite photos.

Here is one of my favorites.

My femulator friend Monika, on the right, came up with the idea that I should invite her friend, who happened to be my boss Linda, to join us at the DeYoung Museum in San Francisco. Knowing that she would be accompanying two femulators, my boss decided she had to wear a skirt.

She was right! She had to wear a skirt. It's great working in a place where a boss can enjoy a day out with her femulating colleagues and be inspired by them to dress in a feminine style.

This is my favorite image because it reminds me that I am accepted by friends and co-workers when I appear as Patty.

Patty O

My open invitation to post your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo still stands, so don't be shy, send me your fave foto.

Wearing BCBGMAXAZRIA.

Singer Bill Kaulitz

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Bossy Pants

Wearing Lot 78.

Not your father’s barber shop.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Jae’s Favorite Photo (of Jae!)

Please excuse the rather fuzzy out-of-focus photograph. I don’t have very many, as I have never really got the hang of taking a selfie. I took the photograph of my reflection in the bathroom mirror after returning from a party. Earlier in the day I had had my hair cut and styled by my regular stylist at my local hair salon.

This is my favorite photograph, as I believe it shows the real me. No wig, not much makeup and I see the real person I am, not the rather odd male I have to pretend to be most of the time.

My open invitation to post your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo still stands, so don't be shy, send me your fave foto

Wearing JB by Julie Brown.

Actor Ben Whishaw (center) playing Georgette in the 2012 film Cloud Atlas.

Friday, February 20, 2015

How to Get Your Parents to Let You Wear Girls Clothes

I was Googling something or other and encountered wikiHow's "How to Get Your Parents to Let You Wear Girls Clothes."

"If your [sic] a teen boy who likes to wear girls [sic] clothing or accessories (maybe both?) and have a hard time getting your parents to understand, read on and maybe this article can help."

Wow! I could have used that how-to when I was dressing as a very closeted girl back in the mid-1960s!

In the past, I have seen other topics related to femulating on wikiHow and I wondered what other related topics I could find. I discovered a treasure trove of useful ones and listed my findings below in two broad categories "social" and "technique."

By the way, one wikiHow that was missing and on my wikiHow suggestion list is "How to Get Your Wife to Let You Wear Women's Clothes!"

Social

Technique

Wearing French Connection.

Not your father’s business suit.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Throwback Thursday: Not As Stuck

Susan of Transitioning into Tomorrow fame suggested that "it would be interesting if you repost some of your older posts and then comment on them as Stana 2015. Has your life, appearance and/or thoughts changed since then?"

I like Susan's idea and since she suggested that I revisit my December 12, 2007 post, "Stuck At Home" as an example, that is what I am going to do.

Here is the original post:

My dear friend Diana often e-mails me to ask if I would like to go out en femme with her. I turn her down more often than I accept her invitation.

Diana is single and lives as a woman full-time. I am married and live as a woman part-time.

Most of the time, I am in male mode because my wife married a man and prefers me in boy mode. She dislikes it when I am in girl mode and to keep the peace, I agreed that I only do the girly thing on a limited basis.

I am in male mode most of the time also because my employer hired a man and might not be too happy if I showed up at work in a dress and heels on days that don't end the month of October.

When Diana wants to go out, she opens the door and she is out (lucky girl!). When I want to go out, it is more complicated. I need two hours at a minimum to transform from boy mode to girl mode. And if it is an evening outing, that means leaving work early to get ready.

Since there are a number of complications in my girl life, I have to pick and choose my en femme outings and as a result, I have to turn Diana down more often than I would like. I just hope she doesn't get tired of my rejections and stops asking!

Here is my 2015 take on that 2007 post:

The situation is basically the same with my wife. When I am with her either at home or away, I am in boy mode. However, when I am away without her, girl mode is always an option.

The situation at work has changed for the better since 2007. I came out to Human Resources, my manager, my supervisor and a few of my co-workers. Most were surprised, but my supervisor having witnessed most of my Halloween office girl "costumes" said she was not surprised. The powers that be at work have encouraged me to dress appropriately for my transgender, but I have not taken them up on that yet because I have hesitated talking to my wife about it.

Regarding my need for "two hours at a minimum to transform from boy mode to girl mode," that has also changed for the better. I can usually get ready in an hour more or less assuming that I have maintained a hairless status for my body parts that show.

And my appearance has changed for the better. I am definitely more expert at makeup application and I believe that my fashion sense has improved a little, too. (By the way, the accompanying selfie was taken a few days before I wrote that 2007 post.)

Finally, Diana is a very good friend and still asks me to join her on en femme outings despite my many rejections.

Wearing Valentino.

Not your father’s men’s club meeting.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Lack of Womanless Veterans

I was very surprised by the response to Saturday's post asking if any readers had participated in a civilian womanless beauty pageant, fashion show, wedding or other event.

I did not post anything new on Sunday and Saturday so as not to take attention away from my Saturday post hoping that it would draw more responses from readers who were womanless veterans. Yet, I only received two responses!

Insearchofme participated in an adult prom fundraiser. She "was all girly, loved it. Raised some money and had a great time."

Lisa was a veteran of something similar to a womanless event. When she was about 8-years-old, she attended a day camp that presented the musical Oklahoma. She was one of the chorus of boys made up like girls that sang I'm Just A Girl Who Can't Say No. "Don't know how I looked, but it felt great and started me on this long road..."

Personally, I have been in three womanless fashion shows, but all three were under the auspices of a transgender organization.

I never participated in a womanless event sponsored by a civilian organization, but I would have jumped at the opportunity if one ever came my way. And I would still do so today.

Liz Winters interviews Stana during the Fantasia Fair Fashion Show in 2008.

Wearing Rebecca Taylor.

Three femulators from the 1935 Philadelphia Mummers Parade.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Chrissy

On Saturdays, I am a housewife in boy mode. I do the laundry, dust and vacuum and go grocery shopping. This past Saturday, shopping for groceries was more interesting than usual.

After I filled my shopping cart at my favorite grocery store, I headed for the cashiers and got in the shortest line. While I unloaded my cart, I noted that my cashier was new. (I have been shopping at this store for over a year and recognize most of the personnel who work there, so I usually recognize any personnel who are new.)

Initially, I thought the cashier was a 20-something male. He was a large person, over 6 feet tall and 200 pounds. He had a short unisex hairdo and wore an oversized top that hid any gender clues that might have caused me to think he was female.

After I finished unloading my shopping cart, I was able to pay more attention to the cashier. I noted then that he was wearing more bling than you typically see on a cashier, male or female: large glittery silver earrings and a matching silver necklace. Then I noticed that his eyebrows were plucked and shaped into thin arches. And finally I saw his name tag which read "Chrissy."

Now I was sure that my cashier was not a male. But due to my initial impression that she was male, I thought she could be a transwoman. When she finally spoke, I was convinced she was trans. Her voice was feminine, but still had masculine traits that gave away her birth gender.

I could be wrong, but having gone around the transgender block a few times, my trans radar is pretty good and I am sure she is a transwoman. Of course, I said nothing to her about my thoughts, but I hope to see her again next Saturday.

Street style during New York Fashion Week, February 2015.

Central Mississippi Medical Center’s womanless beauty pageant contestant.