It’s complicated

Ann Onamus left the following comment to yesterday's post:

I was wondering if you are considering going full time as a woman this year? You love to shop, educate, go to meetings etc and talk about it on the website. I'm sure the people who follow you on this site would like to know as well as myself.

Dear Ann,

I am a woman full time; I just don't dress as a woman full-time. I would prefer to dress as a woman full-time, but it's complicated.

In deference to my spouse, I dress as a male at home and when I am out with the family. (My spouse married a male and I am committed to being a male for her no matter how feminine that male may be.)

When I am out alone, I usually dress as a female.

My employer made it clear that I can dress as a female at work, but I have not discussed this with my spouse yet. If I make any progress toward dressing full-time this year, it will be on the work front.

My co-workers reaction to dressing as a woman at work would probably be a non-issue. I have dressed as a woman at work on five occasions: Halloweens 2000, 2003, and 2012-14 (see photo above).

The first few times (2000, 2003, 2012) created quite a stir. No one complained, but everyone wanted to see the new girl at work. The last two times (2013, 2014), except for new hires, few of my co-workers showed much interest in how I was dressed.

"Oh, is he dressed as a woman again? What else is new?"

Dressing as a woman at work full-time rather than just Halloween may raise a few eyebrows, but as my boss said when I told her I was trans, "I'm not surprised." And it will probably not surprise my other co-workers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A mid-1950s femulator.

Shopped ‘Til She Dropped

I never get tired of shopping for women’s clothing en femme. Browsing through the racks and finding a half-dozen outfits to take to the changing room is just as much fun today as it was when I would browse through my mother’s closet and find outfits to try on in front of her full-length mirror.

Just writing about shopping motivates me to take a day off this week to go shopping en femme. After all I do need something new to wear when I go to First Event (as if I don’t already have a half-dozen dresses hanging in my closet that still have their price tags attached).

Someday my tombstone will read, “Shopped ‘Til She Dropped.”

Anyway…

“How can someone who is transgender shop for clothes in the women's clothing department/stores?” is a question that Quora readers answered recently. The readers’ responses offered some good advice (read it here), but I wanted to add some of my own advice.

• If a store associate is available when going to the changing room to try on your finds, play dumb and ask where the changing rooms are located. I do this whenever possible for insurance purposes, that is, if somebody complains about a dude in the lady’s dressing room, the dude can say that’s where the store associate told me to go.
• Take as many outfits as possible to try on when you go to the changing room. Some stores limit the number you can take in, some don’t, but in any case, go for the max in order to minimize the number of times you have to strip off your street clothes.
• Shop at smaller women’s clothing stores rather than big department stores. You won’t get a lot of hands-on assistance in large department stores, however, you usually will get assistance in smaller women’s clothing stores. For example, when you are ready to try on your finds, an associate will “start” a dressing room for you (your very own queendom) and sometimes they will even put a sign on the door reserving that room for you with your femme name emblazoned on the sign. If something is the wrong size, the associate will fetch another size to try on saving you the trouble of getting back into your street clothes to do the fetching yourself. Savvy associates will size you up and recommend clothing for you to try on (the polka dot dress I wore on my Christmas card was an associate’s recommendation; she even suggested accessorizing with red heels and a red bag, which I did).
• Speaking of street clothes, wear an outfit that you can strip off and put back on easily. I own a sweater dress that has a full-length zipper in front, which is perfect for quick undressing/dressing. Jumpsuits also work well.
• The associates want to sell, so if they compliment you on what you try on, take the compliment with a grain of salt. If you go shopping with a friend, your friend’s compliments may not be any more valuable than the store associate’s because your friend may not want to hurt your feelings. So here is a way I get an independent appraisal of what I am trying on… I step out of the dressing room on the pretense of viewing myself in the full-length mirrors usually hung throughout the store. My goal is for another customer to see me while I am doing this. If they gush over what I am wearing, it is a bingo! Whenever I have done this, other customers always check me out while I am checking me out and if they like what they see, they let me know.
• For a quick self-appraisal, take a selfie or have an associate take your photo. The difference between what you “see” in a mirror and what you “see” in a photo is surprising ― trust the photo, not the mirror.

Shopping for women’s clothing is almost as much fun as wearing women’s clothing! So go girls and have some fun.

 

 

 

Wearing Dior.

 

 

 

Singer Kuba Molęda femulates Margaret on Polish television’s Twoja Twarz Brzmi
Znajomo (Your Face Sounds Familiar). The must-see video of this femulation is here.

Lisa’s Favorite Photo (of Lisa!)

I am attaching a picture from Fantasia Fair.

I loved Fantasia Fair!! I enjoyed meeting you in real life and chatting. I loved meeting the other girls, talking with them and getting their views on things, both about crossdressing and other interests. I felt that I was a valued member of a community. I loved the awards dinner and seeing everyone in costume.

I will be making an effort to get back next year, and, who knows, perhaps my wife will join me. I loved talking to the wives at Fantasia Fair and look forward to doing it again!

In response to my open invitation to send your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo, I received a lot of photos and stories that I am posting in the the order I received them. My invitation still stands, so don't be shy, send me your photos!

 

 

 

Wearing Notte By Marchesa dress, Lanvin bag, Badgley
Mischka sandals, Chamak By Priya Kakkar bangles.

 

 

 

Mickey Prescott.

Jeanine’s Favorite Photos (of Jeanine!)

In keeping with your request to send "my favorite photo," I've attached two pics.

The first one (left) is my favorite because it was taken a day after I was fitted with my hair. Up until that point I was not yet "me.” I did not yet know "who" I was. This was the third wig that was placed on my head and when it was, I felt as if I'd just been born again. Another couple who were standing nearby watching along with my ex-wife immediately said "That's You!" And I too knew immediately that it was.

And to this day I still maintain the same hairstyle and color because I can't imagine wanting to see myself any other way ― to do so would seem like I've abandoned that part of me that I so deeply wanted to find. The known and unknown feminine feelings and desires that I possessed finally came to rest and settled within my soul. I consider that day, March 15th, my feminine birthday.

This photo was taken at the fashion show at the Texas T Party in Dallas (1997) the very next day and I'm modeling a Jim Bridges panne velvet lycra dress that I, of course, had to buy, which I still have and still love to wear. To say that I was happy would be an understatement. Although I had begun to go out en femme, I was still finding my way, still maintaining a low profile, still unsure of myself. After this, and the joy of truly feeling wonderful and to stand on stage in front of so many people, the foundation of confidence for being a woman, for being myself in public was formed.

Although I'm content to and usually do blend in, it's not important to me that I'm "read" as this presents an opportunity to talk about our community. I'm a confident, self-assured, sophisticated and dignified woman and I love demonstrating that! No one can take that away from me. No one can take that away from any of us, unless you let them.

The second photo was taken at the Texas T party fashion show the following year. And once again I couldn't be happier!

In response to my open invitation to send your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo, I received a lot of photos and stories that I am posting in the the order I received them. My invitation still stands, so don't be shy, send me your photos!

 

 

 

Wearing Light in the Box.

 

 

 

Actor Charles Hawtrey.

BFF

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grayson Perry

Got Links

During the past few weeks, I collected a passel of pertinent links that I am passing along to you today.

Pageants on flickr

Aunty created a new flickr group just for womanless beauty pageant photos. There are some great femulations in her huge collection along with the inevitable bearded femulators, so you will have to separate the wheat from the chaff yourself.

Daily Makeovers

Recently, Daily Makeover had some great articles for girls like us. I recommend subscribing to their daily e-mails so that you don't miss anything.

• Tricks to Take Your Makeup from Day to Night Without a Redo ― Revive your morning application in minutes.
• 25 Tricks That Make You Instantly More Gorgeous in Pictures ― Don't pose for another photo this season until you read these tips.
• 10 Hairstyles That Make You Look 10 Pounds Thinner ― Create the illusion of a slimmer face with these hairstyles suggested by a top New York stylist.
• Tricks to Make Your Eyes Appear Bigger ― No one has to know those big eyes are just an optical illusion.

Life from New York

New York magazine often has good reads for women though male.

• Jumpsuits are the topic of discussion by fans (like me) in this recent New York piece. 
• "Growing Up Meant Learning How to Wear Red Lipstick" by Glynnis MacNicol is a cute story that all lipstick wearers will appreciate.

First Event

Billed as "The Premier Transgender Conference of the Season," First Event is fast approaching. If the stars align properly and there are no snowstorms in the forecast, I plan to attend at least one day of the conference.

 

 

 

Wearing Delia’s. Sadly, Delia’s is going out of business. Although their clothing line was intended for teens, I and many other mature girls purchased items from this retailer and it will be missed.

 

 

 

Model Riera Manuel Ivan.

Him, Her and I

What I Did On My Holiday Vacation ― Part 3

I did a little blogging during my two weeks off.

Anybody notice that I renamed the “Femulate Her” spot to “Femulatee” so as to be more compatible with “Femulator”?

A lot of people did take notice of my New Year’s Eve post. That post was even the subject of a very flattering post on Cyrsti’s blog (“The Best New Years Post EVER?”).

For a long time, I considered posting him and her photos on the blog, but hesitated because I did not want to give away my secret identity! But that is laughable because over the years, I have left a lot of written clues on the blog that a few minutes with Google will allow anyone to discover that my real name is not Richard Stanton.

The written clues are a bigger giveaway than my photo anyway, but there is something about a photo that bares the soul more than a thousand words can.

Anyway, the thought of posting him and her photos stayed on the back burner until I received an e-mail before Christmas asking that I post him and her photos. I thought, “Why not!” but held off posting the photos until New Year’s Eve, which I thought would be an appropriate way to end one year and start another.

In response, the post garnered 24 comments and a slew of e-mails… all positive in one way or another. Some folks were amazed at the difference, which is why my trans acquaintances always fail to recognize me when they first encounter the boy mode me.

Some folks said it was a brave thing to do; maybe so, I dunno. I feel it is definitely a big step out of the closet for me… shedding my gender bonds, as Cyrsti put it so eloquently.

By the way, the him photo was taken in September 2014 and the her photo in August 2013, so they pretty much represent the current version of me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actors Kenneth Williams and Charles Hawtrey in the 1960 British film Carry On Constable.

Charles Hawtrey was a repeated film femulator and her femulations are some of the best I have seen on the screen. She is so natural (see her in this video, for example) that I wonder if their was more to her femulations than just a paycheck. Probably not, but who knows?

Is My Slip Showing?

What I Did On My Holiday Vacation ― Part 2

Most or perhaps, all of my wife’s relatives know about my crossdressing, talk about it amongst themselves, but never say a word to me about it. They have actually used it against me in some family matters, but when confronted why a particular decision was made, they give another reason that makes no sense, but covers their transphobia.

Most of those transphobes are dead now, but when they were all still alive, I always wanted to attend one of their family functions en femme, but I never did it in deference to my wife.

Anyway, my wife’s cousin, Wendi, organized a Christmas party for my wife’s surviving relatives. We attended and small gifts were exchanged among the small group of survivors. Not being blood, I did not expect a gift, but Wendi gave me a gift. Unwrapping the gift revealed four pairs of socks, but not your typical boring manly socks. Instead, they were multicolor patterned  socks.

Wendi asked if I liked the socks and when I said that I did, she remarked, “I thought you would like them because you were always different than the other guys."

Thank you, Wendi!

I have one sibling, a sister about 18 months younger than I. We have always been close, as close as siblings can be.

Since we were so close, I always felt that she knew all about me. However, she never mentioned my trans being; it was the proverbial elephant in the room.

I discussed this with my wife and we agreed that I should come out to my sister and undo the elephant, which I did one Sunday after dinner about 15 years ago. It did not go well.

My sister is very open-minded and includes gays among her closest friends, but she did not accept a trans brother ― too close to home I guess ― and after coming out, we never broached the subject again. (Although I do believe that her and my wife discuss the matter between themselves.

Since then, she occasionally would ask me what my plans were for the day or evening and if my plans were trans-related, I did not lie. I would tell her I was doing something girly and she would say, "OK," and would drop the subject.

As luck would have it, she asked me if I would be home on the evening of the Avon representative Christmas party because she wanted to stop by to pick up some Christmas gifts she had shipped to my house. I told her I had girly plans, so she said she would stop by another time.

When my sister learned that I had to leave the Christmas party almost immediately after arriving because of a family health issue, she e-mailed the following, "She got dressed up and went all the way for nothing?  Bummer. I'm sorry."

Although she referred to me in the third person, my sister called me "she."
 

Wearing Nine West.

Actor Bert Wheeler (right) in the 1931 film Peach-O-Reno (aka Peach O’Reno).

The Organized Woman

What I Did On My Holiday Vacation — Part 1

I was on vacation the last two weeks and one thing I wanted to do during that time off was to get my girl organized.

There were two fronts that I had to address: my makeup box and my closet.

Years ago, I bought the largest fishing tackle box I could find to store my makeup. Despite its size, every couple of years its contents grows and it becomes difficult to close the box, so a little house cleaning is in order.

The box reached that point recently, so I sat down with the box a few days before Christmas and had at it. Following advice like this from Good Housekeeping, I tossed any opened mascaras and liquid eye liners. 

That alone freed up a lot of space, but then I closely examined the various cosmetics that I purchased, used only once or never (glittery blue eyeshadow!) I was surprised how much there was in that category and I tossed most of it leaving even more space in my box for new makeup acquisitions.

I also tossed most of my makeup brushes and replaced them with a new set. This was a wash space-wise, but it was something that I had to do because the brush bristles were straggly and no longer very useful for precise makeup applications. 

Whereas, the male side of my closet clothes rack has not grown much recently, the female side has grown by leaps and bounds and now occupies more space than the male side. And all the clothes, male and female are packed so tightly that moving an item to or from the rack is difficult.

I went through most of the clothing on the rack and discarded about ten items, but that did not make much of a difference — things were still tight.

Years ago, my wife and I stocked up on “Super Hangars” (as in the photo above) at the dollar store and I used them for my male tops, but I never used them on the distaff side of my clothes rack.

Why not? I don’t know, but the time was right and I used them to hang all my female tops and bottoms, but not dresses because the dresses lowest on the Super Hangars would interfere with the shoe boxes stacked four high on the floor below the clothes on the rack.

The Super Hangars did the trick. It gave the clothing a little breathing room and it also organized my womenswear. (While re-racking, I also organized everything by color as any organized woman should!)

Back to work drag.

Cristian Castro dressed up for Genitallica's Quiéreme music video (2014).

Carol's Favorite Photo (of Carol!)

This picture is important to me because it was the first occasion (March 2013) that I was out and about in public as Carol. Before this (for about 50 years), I’d been limited to secretive behind closed curtains efforts and the occasional quick trip round the block. Also it expresses the real me, not a fashion plate, rather someone comfortable in casual clothes, more interested in feeling like a woman than looking like a woman.

Obviously I had a mentor present, encouraging me and taking the photos. Thank you Ophelia. The boost to my confidence on this outing allowed me to enjoy many more solo efforts since.

In response to my open invitation to send your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo, I received a lot of photos and stories that I am posting in the the order I received them. My invitation still stands, so don't be shy, send me your photos!

Wearing Wyatt.

Ed Anderson, recording engineer, posing as Miss Big Pink on the cover of 

The Basement Tapes, a 1975 LP by Bob Dylan and The Band.