Bath Time

By Paula Gaikowski

The capstone to my trip was to come on Wednesday when a meeting that was scheduled was canceled. This left me with a free day.

I debated with myself; I wasn’t up for a day in London all dolled up. That meant going drab, however, there was another choice: the city of Bath was an hour train ride away. A delightful town with Roman Baths, a Medieval Abby and cobblestone streets filled with cute shops. The answer was obvious: it was Bath time!

Since my feet were blistered from walking in my new heels all weekend, I wore my riding boots with my new Pendleton jacket and skirt. Tights and stocking have lessened in popularity back in the US but here in the UK black tights and hose are de rigueur. One of the many reasons I love the UK.

My train journey was uneventful other than the fact that I noticed women tend to sit with women, and on my busy train I had several women sit next and around me during the journey.

At the train station I bought a map and made my way toward Bath Abby and Roman Baths. I stopped for lunch in a traditional English pub and had fish and chips, of course. After lunch I was wandering around trying to get my bearings when I was approached by a hawker for the hop-on-hop-off bus tours around the city. Cute and friendly, I could not resist buying a ticket. I had always enjoyed tours like these and especially the chance to meet others when you travel alone.

Seating myself demurely out of the way towards the back of the bus, I was ready for my tour of Bath. I decided that I want to see the Roman Baths, Bath Abbey and also visit the Jane Austen Center. About two stops later, a couple of American women about my age got onto the bus. As the bus rocked and swayed thru the narrow and twisting streets of this historical city, we all tried to gauge our whereabouts by way of our maps.

One of the ladies leaned over and asked, “Excuse me do you know what stop or where the Jane Austen Center is?”

Hearing her familiar accent, I knew right off she was from my home state of New Jersey. I responded with equal exasperation, holding the map upside down for comic relief. Soon Sharon, Janet and I were huddled in conference over a map.

Looking up for a second, I saw a young woman in a Victorian costume standing outside the Jane Austen Center.

“There, there, there!” I pointed and soon the three of us were off the bus and walking toward the museum. I learned that Janet and Sharon were from the same area of New Jersey that I had grown up in. They were both divorced, one recent and one not so recent and worked at an arts and cultural center at one of the state universities. They had come to the UK for a conference down the road in Oxford, had the afternoon off and decided to visit Bath.

I had a great time touring the Jane Austen Center. I had always enjoyed the movies watching Pride and Prejudice and Mansfield Park with my wife. I love the clothes and the romanticism of it all. I’ve even read the book Pride and Prejudice.

As I pointed out earlier, I felt that my innate femininity was coming to the surface. I was feeling emotions that I had concealed and masked for so many years. It was fun to enjoy the exhibits and costumes with other women. I realized that it wasn’t bad to be feminine.

I rode the bus with Sharon and Janet for several more stops. Along the way, I learned our paths had crossed many times growing in New Jersey. We had attended some of the same concerts, night clubs and Jersey Shores haunts.

As we chatted, anytime I spoke about an event that involved an ex-girl or my wife, I would substitute boyfriend or husband. “Oh I had a boyfriend who worked there one summer.” It was surprisingly validating to say that and it made me smile.

The last two stops were Bath Abby, which dates back to the 1100s and then the Roman Baths. Historically fascinating, I enjoyed them both. I parted ways with my two new girlfriends at the Abbey.

I’m not sure what they thought of me. Although they accepted me as one of the girls, after any amount of time with me, it has to be clear that I’m not your average gal. They both were well-educated and come from a progressive environment, so I suspect that I was not the first transgender person they met. Their kindness and friendship did wonderful things for my self-esteem and self-image. It would have been a remarkable afternoon to visit Bath even drab. They helped make it even more special.

I was happy to be back on the train and resting my weary feet after a week of high heels and boots. I put on my iPod and was soon lulled into dreaminess by the English countryside and the rhythm of the train. It had been an incredible and memorable week and as I reflected over the events of the last few days, the theme from Disney’s Frozen came on my iPod. I never really listen closely to the words, but now after a week as Paula, they rang true to heart as no song has ever done before:

Couldn't keep it in Heaven knows I tried Don't let them in, don't let them see Be the good girl you always had to be Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know Well now they know Let it go, let it go Can't hold it back anymore Let it go, let it go

 

 

 

Wearing Rachel Zoe.

 

Relay for Life womanless beauty pageant contestant in Oneonta, Alabama (2012).

Bond Girls

By Paula Gaikowski

I had a great night’s sleep and woke up refreshed and cheerful. I made coffee and turned on the BBC to check the weather and news.

One thing I noticed about myself as I woke up that morning: I was still in girl mode. Waking up after yesterday adventures, wearing feminine PJ’s with my French manicure, I felt so feminine and womanly. In the past I always gave myself an assignment to walk this way, hold my hands a certain way or sit as a lady. In other words, act more feminine. This morning I wasn’t acting feminine, I was feminine.

I could have easily worn jeans and a T-shirt and stuffed my hands into my pockets to hide my nails. In fact in the past, I probably would have. But today it just felt natural to reach for a dress. I love getting ready, makeup, foundation, dress, jewelry, hair, a splash of Channel --- what a confirming ritual. Off I went onto the streets of Reading.

I wanted to go to church, but found I was late, so I went by the church as it was letting out. I sat on a bench, enjoyed being part of the Sunday crowd and enjoyed the beautiful grounds and history of this beautiful structure.

If you have been paying attention and you are a regular reader of my articles, you’ll know there is one place I haven’t stopped by yet. That’s right, sisters M·A·C. The day before the M·A·C store had been so busy I could not get in. When I went by this Sunday morning, it was empty.

I asked the makeup artist about matching a lip pencil to the lipstick that I had brought with me. She found two shades. I asked if she could try them on me. “SURE!” was her response. We sat down in front of the mirror and she began to create a cupid’s bow.

I explained to her that I had trouble making a cupid’s bow.

She chirped back, “Well I’ve been doing this since I was 12 years old!”

We both had a great laugh when I smiled and said, “So have I!”

I went on to tell her that when I was a child, I had tried my Mom’s makeup and my sister’s clothes and that I always wanted to be a woman and now I was doing my best to fulfill that dream. I explained to her my plan was to spend as much time as possible that week as a woman.

She was so positive and reaffirming, “You look so good; go out there and enjoy the day.”

She asked me all kinds of questions about America and said it was her dream to live there someday.

Well I thought, “We both have the same dream --- you want to live in America as a woman and so do I!”

We both chuckled at the paradox and its truth. A few minutes later at the check-out I said, “Good-bye and good luck with your dream!”

A big smile flashed across her face as she said, “You, too, you, too!”

I shopped my way thru Debenhams and House of Frazer, Zara and a whirlwind of other stores. Then I stopped at Marks and Spencer and bought some fresh fruit. Finally around 2 PM, I made my way back to the apartment to rest a spell before meeting up with Jenny for dinner and a concert.

I made my way to the front of the hotel to meet Jenny at 4 PM.

She was right on time and in order for Jenny to use the car park at my hotel, I needed to advise the front desk. Being in the apartment section of the hotel, my phone wasn’t part of the switchboard. I tried numerous ways to contact them over the phone with no success. I really didn’t want to out myself to them, but if need be, I would.

A few years ago when I first started to go out as a woman, one of my biggest fears was forgetting my key and having to go up to the front desk to get another. Nowadays, it doesn’t bother me at all; to tell the truth, I kind of like doing it. I chalk it up to self-acceptance.

Thinking there would be one lone clerk on duty was not the case. There were about five employees huddled around the desk when I walked in. I got better service and attention then when I was drab. They even offered to drive the car around. What was lovely is nobody reacted in anyway other than me being a woman nicely dressed for the theater.

Jenny and I made our way over to a riverside park to take a few photos. It was fun taking a bunch of photos and not having to use a self-timer. It was then back to the hotel and an adjacent restaurant for a charming Italian dinner. The same restaurant I dined in the night before and was Ma’amed, but I noticed tonight when the check came they slipped up on the pronouns and used “Sir.” Being properly gendered is so important to me, so I hope it was because of the name on the credit card.

We had about a 20-minute walk (in heels) to the theater. Appearing was the London Concert Orchestra performing a program of James Bond theme songs. We had a pleasant stroll through the pedestrian mall of the Reading shopping district. It was Sunday evening and the crowds were thinning as we made our way along with other ladies and couples to the concert.

We bought our tickets at the box office and had a pleasant conversation with two women our age about the performance and our nails. We found ourselves a table and enjoyed a glass of wine while waiting. Jenny works as a professional musician and as she was reading the program for the evening, her eyes opened wide when she saw the name of a colleague! I would have fun during the concert teasing Jenny about being seen. I have to get my digs in somehow --- I still can’t get over the fact she wears a size 7 shoe!

The concert was fantastic and having a professional musician there to explain all the subtleties of the program was wonderful. Going to a concert was on my bucket list of things to do as a woman and made me feel very good about myself and how far I had traveled on the Good Ship Lollipop.

Walking back thru the deserted streets of Reading at 10 PM made me realize what it feels like to be vulnerable as a woman. Wearing high heels, hose, a dress and carrying a purse doesn’t allow one quick movement. Walking past bus stops and doorways filled with nefarious looking characters chilled me inside.

As much as I love dressing glamorously, it makes one question the illogical dress and uniforms that society and our culture assigns women. Nervetheless, I’ve waited too long to wear my bra to turn around and burn it in protest. I respect and admire women and that’s why I want to be one. That whole experience makes me identify even more with them.

Monday morning came early. My feet still ached from walking all weekend in heels, my nails were a wreck from the glue, and there were traces of eye liner left on my eyes. I felt great!

It was a bit surreal as I went through my day in a daze. I was tired and when I got back to the room, I showered, then shaved and laid on the couch for awhile.

Soon rested and hungry I hesitated only slightly when deciding what to wear. Opportunities like this week don’t come along too often for me and makeup and dressing was no longer the ordeal they had once had been for me. It was now a pleasurable routine that could be accomplished in less than an hour.

Luck was with me and I found a pair of Lee Press-on Nails in a seldom used section of my purse.

I spent the next two nights like this --- coming home, showering, resting, dressing and then out for a stroll through the local shops with dinner at Miller and Carters Steakhouse. They had great food and treated me like such a lady. The waitstaff was very professional and attentive and the second night there, I was greeted back with, “Good Evening, Ms. Gaikowski.”

 

 

 

Wearing Alexia Admor.

 

 

 

Womanless beauty pageant contestant in Hattiesburg, Mississippi (2014).

­­­­­T Time in England

By Paula Gaikowski

I typically am a little sad this time of year when so many of my sisters are meeting each other and enjoying Fantasia Fair out on Cape Cod. However this year, although I didn’t attend, I had a great time while I was a broad (I’m sorry couldn’t resist the pun). It’s a shame my sense of humor never evolved past the 2nd grade.

I was lucky enough to find myself traveling to the UK for business last month and had such a great time there last spring when I went out several times as Paula that I decided to give it another go as the Brits say.

I kept my clothes packed in a separate garment bag on the bottom of my suitcase. I had no trouble whatsoever with customs while traveling with wig, makeup, breast forms and women’s clothes. I brought along a new wool Pendleton suit that I found in a thrift store for the remarkable price of $10. I truly couldn’t wait to get out as Paula; my last time out was in June and I just needed to get my girl on.

My plane landed at 6:30 AM London time and I was in my hotel by 9 AM. I took a two-hour nap and when I woke up, jumped into the shower. When I went to the closet to get dressed I had my choice, Dockers and a cotton Henley or Black Liz Claiborne slacks paired with a Pendleton wool blazer. So I thought about it for about 1/1000th of a second and then pulled out the slacks and blazer. It just felt so right, sisters; why wait until tomorrow as I had planned. It just seemed so right this way.

There was one little kink (pun intended) in my plan, the Lee press-on nails that Stana recommends and which I always use, were nowhere to be found before leaving home. Instead, I bought the glue-on type. I had packed only one box and needed them for Sunday evening when Jenny and I planned dinner and a concert. The French manicure looks fabulous and the glue-on nails looked great as a finishing touch. Little did I know I just painted myself into a corner and would be forced to spend the whole weekend as a woman?

I didn’t have any adventures planned for the day, just a list of errands that needed to be run in preparation for my week ahead. My first stop was the supermarket (Sainsbury’s) to buy some groceries for the week. I navigated the aisles of the grocery store like a veteran housewife would. Stopping to ask for the location of the yogurt and being assisted with a smile.

Back to the apartment and unload the bags. Fix my hair and makeup and out the door riding the elevator down with another couple. This time I was off to the train station to buy my tickets for my daily commute. My heart sank when the woman behind the glass finished our pleasant transaction with a quiet, “Thank you, sir.”

I had ridden into the train station on a pink cloud, and now I stood there stunned feeling foolish. She handed me the tickets and I chirped out a thank you. Shaken I decided to push forward and take a trial ride to my office on the train. I was a bit unnerved as I approached the turnstile where one inserts their ticket.

To my dread the ticket was rejected and the gate didn’t open. Here came a railroad official, I’m sure to arrest me for a multitude of imagined offenses. However, when he approached he asked for my ticket “Ma’ am.” Yes, he said “Ma’am” and then after he reset the gate, he bid me well with a “G’day Madam.” Off I went with faith restored in my womanhood.

It was fun sitting on the train shoulder-to-shoulder with other travelers and being perceived as a woman. Using the reflection of the window to check the reaction of others sitting near me, I notice nothing. Noses buried in books, bored looks, and the iPod stare.

Arriving at my stop after a short ride and changing platforms, I rode back with the same uneventful excitement.

Arriving back I realized that I hadn’t eaten in over 20 hours. I stopped at a delightful sidewalk cafe and was greeted once again with a Ma’am by the hostesses and then again by the waitress. Wow, that was four feminine pronouns in a row, one more and I get a free set of steak knives!

Riding the crest of this pronoun wave, I ordered some pasta and a glass of wine, then another glass of wine. I felt wonderful as I watched crowds of people moving to and from the train station. Seeing so many fashionable women and knowing I was finally one of them was a joy.

By now my feet were killing me, so I went back to my apartment to freshen up. I checked email, called home and did some general housekeeping. Usually at this point in my outings, I would shower and change back into boy mode, then go out and have dinner. However, I realized that my nails were glued on and if I took them off, I wouldn’t have a pair for my outing the next day with Jenny.

I was between a rock and hard place here and felt kind of trap. I drummed my nails on table and realized if I was going to eat dinner that night, it was going to be as girl. Oh well… a good problem to have!

I went over to the mall and bought some black hose for the next day and then perused the dresses at Debenhams. Finally I made my way over to a local Italian restaurant and had pleasant dinner along with a few glasses of wine. Finally exhausted and weary, I headed back to the apartment, showered and undressed.

Coming out of the shower I put on the satin PJ’s my wife had bought me for Christmas a few years ago and replayed the days events as I slipped into a peaceful sleep.

 

 

 

Wearing Julia Jordan.

 

 

 

Paula, a British professional femulator, circa 1930.

Wrestling with her identity

I leave you with three interesting articles I read last week that you may find interesting, too:

• “On the Other Side: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly” by Marvi Matos, who tells the story about her spouse coming out as a transwoman.
• “Am I too old for a mini skirt?” by Karen Mallet. (The answer is “No.”)
• “My boyfriend, the cross-dresser” by Sarah Birch, who if OK with it.

Enjoy!

Fantasia Fair Final

Fantasia Fair: October 19 - 24, 2014

The girls dining at Ross's Grill, left to right, Andrea, Stana, Melissa, Natalie, Diana and Emeraude.

Fantasia Fair  has evolved.

In the past, it was reputed as being a getaway for female-to-male male-to-female crossdressers. Even six years ago when I attended my first Fanfair, that reputation preceded it.

The Fantasia Fair of the 2010s is different. Its attendees include female-to-male transgenders. And maybe it's just me... maybe I evolved since 2008, but it seems to me that a lot of the male-to-female attendees are in various stages of transition.

One thing that hasn't changed is that Provincetown is very diverse and accepting, so it affords a place where you can crossdress to your heart's content. But during Fantasia Fair it is impossible to pass no matter how passable you are because the civilians know what's up and read (right or wrong) every tall woman as "trans."

***

I wrote here that during the "Walking Tour of Historic Provincetown," our guide claimed that the B&B where I stayed during the Fair, Chicago House, was the birthplace of the International Foundation for Gender Education (IFGE). After the tour, I asked around and some people disputed that claim, while others seemed to support it.

Lynda e-mailed me in support of the claim.

She wrote, "I sat with the organizers of the IFGE at the Chicago House as the discussion of the plans for the organization took place. Merrissa Sherrill Lynn led the discusion and I believe became the first head of the IFGE."

***

Here is a shout-out to the girls I hung out with throughout the week (in alphabetical order). You ladies all made my week special and I hope we can do it again someday.

• Andrea, my Connecticut Outreach Society sister
• Davina, my Chicago House sister from Brazil
• Diana, my blogging sister from Connecticut
• Emeraude, my Chicago House sister from California
• Melissa, my Connecticut ham radio trans sister
• Natalie, my Chicago House sister from Connecticut (thanks again for the stamps, Natalie!)
• Also want to shout out to Sirena, a Connecticut expatriate. We kept passing like ships in the night in Cape Cod Bay throughout the week, but never found an opportunity to chat.
• Also, Robin, another Connecticut sister, who fell ill during the week and missed the tale end of the Fair.
• And Janie, my blogging sister from Canada. We met up way too briefly after one of the presentations during the week. I had not seen Janie since Fantasia Fair 2008 and it was great seeing her again. It was also nice to see that neither of us had changed one bit during the ensuing six years!

Wearing Krikor Jabotian.

 

A favorite photo from Fantasia Fair.
Taken by Luna Maria.

Acknowledged

Fantasia Fair: Friday, October 24, 2014

 Melissa, Luna Maria and I say, “Cheese” during lunch at the Crown & Anchor.

Out the door and to the Crown & Anchor to attend the Authors' Roundtable at 10 AM, I wore black leggings, the multi-color top that I wore with my shorts on Monday and my wedges. I wore a scarf and my trench coat over that — it was such a raw day that I often kept my coat and scarf on indoors.

As a transgender blogger, I was very interested in attending the Authors' Roundtable. (Natalie suggested that I deserved to be on the Author's Roundtable panel as I probably have more readers than all the panelists combined.)

According to the Fantasia Fair program, "Fantasia Fair has an astonishing number of authors. Come meet some of them, view their works, listen to brief readings, and get your books signed. Panelists include Miqqi Gilbert and Dallas Denny from the Fair planning committee, keynoters Mariette Pathy Allen, Jamison Green, and Julia Serano, and Leslie Fabian."

I lost count, but there were other authors on the panel, too, including Darryl Hill, Christine Howey, and Moonhawk River Stone. Each spent 5 to 15 minutes discussing their work and afterwords, the plan was to mingle with the audience.

Just as the mingling was about to begin, I raised my hand and Miqqi recognized me.

"While I have you all here together, I would like to ask a question of you all.

"I am a professional writer and blogger. I blog Femulate.org, which is kind of popular (with a minimum of 5,000 hits per day.) Professionally, I have freelanced a half dozen books. Five of them sold 4,000 to 6,000 copies each, while one of them sold 60,000 copies."

That got the attention of everyone in the room. One of the authors asked me to repeat the name of my blog.

"I mention my success because I think it indicates that I am doing something right, that is, I write well. And I was wondering if it would be worthwhile to do something I have thought about doing for a long time — write a transgender book."

Some of the panelists encouraged me to write a book. Moonhawk River Stone was very encouraging; he said I needed to tell my story, whether it is a best seller or not. After the roundtable, other people encouraged me to write that book.

I was psyched!

The idea of writing a book was on my mind the rest of the day. I even mentioned that if I write it ASAP, I could introduce the book at the next Fantasia Fair.

Lunch followed the Roundtable at the Crown & Anchor. It was one of best meals I have eaten at that venue: New England clam chowder, cole slaw, beer-battered fish and chips, etc.

Following lunch was the keynote address: "Waging a Culture War on Two Fronts" by Marci Bowers, the transsexual surgeon who performed transsexual surgery in Trinidad, Colorado aka the "Sex Change Capital of the World." Her address was interesting, but I was anxious for it to end because the weather had finally improved and I wanted to get in some shopping because I was returning home Saturday morning.

I had two shopping goals: to buy an oriental-style dress at Global Gifts, where Natasha has bought her dress and to buy vintage clip-on earrings at Yesterday Treasures, where I scored some very nice earrings last time I was in P-Town.

Blue was the color of the dress I wanted and I was in luck; the saleswoman showed me two dresses in different shades of blue in the largest size she had for sale.

There was no dressing room, so the saleswoman had me try the dress on over my leggings and top while standing in the middle of the sales room floor. I stepped into the dress and it fit fine below my bust, but it would not fit over my bust. Perhaps it would have fitted if I was braless, but I could not remove my bra in the middle of the sales room, so I gave up.

I had better success at Yesterday Treasures, where I bought two pairs of vintage clip-on earrings. (I am wearing one pair in the photo posted here last week.)

The girls did not want another $45 dinner, so we opted for pizza and I volunteered to organize dinner again. Clueless again, I again asked Chris, my B&B host, for his advice and he recommended George's, a hole in a wall that made great pizza and had a bar.

I contacted all the girls to meet at George's at 6 PM. Meanwhile, I changed into my new blue dress — the killer dress I wore on Monday during my photo session with Bandy. Since it was a short walk to George's, I wore my favorite black pumps and carried my wedges. I also wore my white faux fur to keep the chill off.

We all met at George's at 6, ordered two pizzas and libations.  

While eating pizza, the subject of passing came up and someone (maybe Natalie?) mentioned how naturally feminine I was and almost everyone agreed enthusiastically that I easily pass as a cisgender woman.

That made my week! 

The always excellent Fantasia Fair Follies and late night dancing at Club Purgatory that followed pizza did not matter. Acknowledgement by my peers means more to me than anything else I took from my week in Provincetown and I still felt the glow as I wound my way down Route 6 Saturday morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Male model Luiss San Murguia

.

I have to catch a train

Fantasia Fair: Thursday, October 23, 2014

My second presentation, "Things You Can Do When You're All Dressed Up" was at the Boatslip at 10 AM. Many months ago, Jan Brown had asked me to do the presentation with her. She suggested that we show photos of our various outings and describe what we did in order to encourage our audience to get out, too. I can do that, so I agreed to present with Jan. I arrived at the Boatslip an hour early to help set up. I wore my Avon Mark "Edge" dress, silver jewelry, and remembered to switch to my black pumps after walking from my B&B to the Boatslip in my wedges. One of the computers we intended to use to display our photos was not working properly, so I went to find for the program chairwoman, Dallas Denny, for assistance.

Me and Jan Preparing to Present Photo shot by Melissa

When I found Dallas in the lobby chatting with a few other girls, I said, "Dallas, we have a problem," but no one got my “joke”! And Dallas fixed the problem despite my attempt at humor!

About a dozen girls showed up for our presentation, which exposed a contrast between each presenter's take on going out en femme.

Jan is more conservative than I when she goes out and takes some precautions that I don't take. For example, she always has male clothes in her car in case she has to change modes for some reason or another. She also carries a whistle with her to ward off any troublemakers she may encounter.

I, on the other hand, throw caution to the wind when I go out. The only precaution I take is to make sure I have my compact and lipstick in my purse in case I have to touch up my makeup while I am out.

After introductions, we did show and tell using the photos we had collected for the presentation. I did mine first and I think Jan was a little surprised about all the things I have done en femme because after I was finished, she commented, "There's nothing you won't do, is there?"

That says it all!

After our presentation, I hurried to Bayside Betsy's to collect lunch tickets (Emily had volunteered me for the job when I picked up my registration package on Sunday).

Andrea saved me a seat and when I was done, I joined her and Jamison Green. While I ate a delicious lunch (seared ahi tuna burger on ciabatta) and chatted with Andrea and Jamison, it turned out that Jamison had been a technical writer in the past, so we exchanged technical writer war stories.

After lunch, I attended Moonhawk River Stone's keynote address "The Adventurous Evolution: The Life and Times of Trans* Over the Past Century or So..." and then I attended Natasha Wilkie's presentation "Planning Your Transition."

I thought Natasha's presentation would be useful because lately I have been planning my transition. Whether I transition or not is something else, but at least I might be able to plan with a little more wisdom after listening to the presentation.

Some things I already knew, some things I had guessed correctly about and some things I was clueless about, so the presentation was worthwhile. Perhaps, the most important thing I took out of the presentation was that you do it at your own pace... a pace that you are comfortable with.

Natasha left us with a metaphor... Transition is like riding a train. You can get off at any stop and you can get back on the train whenever you wish and in some cases, you can go back to a previous stop.

When the presentation ended, I was the first to leave. I thanked Natasha and excused myself by saying, "I have to catch a train."

No one reacted to it; second time that day that my attempt at humor failed!

I was in a hurry to leave because I volunteered to find a place to go for dinner and then notify all the parties scattered around Provincetown where we were going to dine. I had a few ideas, but wanted some expert advice, so I asked Chris, the Chicago House owner what he would recommend that was nearby in consideration of the persisting wet weather.

He suggested Ross's Grill, so I looked at their menu on the Internet, was sold on his suggestion and contacted all the parties involved to meet at the restaurant at 6 PM.

Ross's Grill is a classy place with a beautiful view of the Bay. It was nearly empty when the six of us arrived for dinner and we were seated immediately. Our waitress was wonderful and unlike the waiter at Lobster Pot, punctual and knew how to use the correct pronouns.

I had a codfish dish and it was very good. We split the bill again and like the Lobster Pot, we each paid $45 again!

After dinner, we went to the Crown & Anchor to view a documentary about transgenders titled Just Gender. The film was well done, but it was intended for a general audience, so for us, it was like preaching to the choir.

The weather was not conducive to walking around town to partake in whatever it had to offer, so after the film, we all called it a night and returned to our respective temporary homes.

 

 

 

Wearing Line & Dot Scarlett.

 

 

 

Professional femulator, Mr. Jackie Hayes, circa 1950.

Wednesday's Weather Was Wet!

Fantasia Fair: Wednesday, October 22, 2014

My umbrella was a key accessory on Wednesday as it rained off and on throughout the day and night. I wore my black print dress from Fashion to Figure and my black wedges from Payless. In the morning, I made a beeline to Boatslip to look for my black heels. My fingers were crossed as I entered the empty room where the Femulate Blog Party occurred and there were my shoes still in the black plastic bag I had carried them in! I was very happy. After recovering my shoes, I attended Erica Anderson's presentation titled "Being Gendered: From the Inside Out and the Outside In; How the Social Construction of Gender Affects Self." She was highly recommended by the girls and I was not disappointed.

Fashion Show Intermission Photo shot by Melissa

Erica is a few years younger than I and began living full-time later in life, so I felt I had a lot in common with her. If she had a book to sell, I would have bought it on the spot.

Bayside Betsy’s is one of my favorite places to eat and that is where lunched on a delicious "grilled chicken sandwich on brioche roll, topped with sautéed spinach, Swiss cheese, avocado, roasted red peppers, mayo and served with house side salad topped with champagne vinaigrette."

After lunch, I attended the keynote address "Evolution of an Activist: How to Keep Busy Helping Others for Fun and (almost no) Profit" by Jamison Green.

After Jamison's address, I returned to my B&B to rest and change outfits for the evening switching to my blue print Sofia Vergara wrap dress and blue Avon jewelry. Since we were not straying too far from the B&B, I wore the dear-to-my-heart Payless black patent heels.

I promised myself that I would never eat at Lobster Pot again. The food is good, but I think they are living off their reputation, not up to their reputation. Yet lacking any better venues for dinner, the girls decided to eat at the Lobster Pot and so we went.

The dining room was far from full... probably less than one-quarter full, yet it took the waiter over 20 minutes before he took our order. He also referred to us as "guys" and called me "brother" at one point in the evening.

You can crossdress freely and safely in Provincetown, but passing is very difficult during Fantasia Fair because the locals know what's up. However, most of the locals play along and use the pronouns we want to hear, but not our waiter!

My meal was OK... nothing special. We split the bill and each paid $45. (Remember that number.)

We arrived early at the Crown & Anchor for the fashion show and scored excellent seats up front next to the catwalk. Each model modeled two outfits  —  first, a more casual daytime outfit and second, a more formal evening outfit. In between was a brief intermission. The models were beautiful as were the outfits they wore.

Natasha modeled a to-die-for long "oriental style dress" that she bought in a store on Commercial Street. I always wanted an oriental style dress and since Natasha is tall like me, I thought there might be a chance I could buy one that fit me while attending Fantasia Fair, so I added "shopping for an oriental style dress" on my to-do list.

After the fashion show, my feet were sore, so I switched to my wedges and walked back to my B&B.

My week at Fashion Fair was more than half over and I started to feel a little disappointed over that fact.

 

 

 

Wearing YGR.

 

 

 

A 1920’s femulator.

Blog Party and More

Fantasia Fair: Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Shaved, showered, makeup applied, I was dressed and downstairs for breakfast by 8:30 AM. I ate a full breakfast and chatted with which ever of my Chicago House sister(s) were also breakfasting (sorry - I can't remember who – I actually know who, but I cannot sort out which days I chatted with which who). That was the routine for the entire week, so I will not repeat it again in the remainder of my Fantasia Fair memories. The weather looked bleak, so I wore black leggings from Macy's, gold cropped sweater from Fashion Bug, and since I had to walk a half-mile to the Boatslip Resort, I wore my 1-1/2-inch black Payless wedges and carried my black Payless heels. My blue trench coat from Fashion to Figure topped my ensemble.

Pink is not my color! Photo shot by Diana (I think)

Due to an error in the printed schedule, I was the only person to show up for Heather Verdui's “Guided Vocal Warm-up Exercises.” One-on-one, Heather provided excellent guidance and I went away knowing how to warm-up my voice, which is key to speaking as a woman though male.

Next, I attended Luna Maria's presentation titled "Style Your Wigs." Luna is a proponent of wearing wigs made of real hair. The proof is in the pudding; her hair is gorgeous and looks authentic.

Most of the attendees wore synthetic wigs and Luna graciously styled every wig in the room. She pointed out two things that were wrong with my presentation.

• My wig sat too low on my forehead and should be seated higher to match my hairline (before it receded).
• The combination of my blonde wig and gold sweater was a wash-out and she recommended wearing a top in a color that contrasted with my wig color.

For the rest of the week, I made sure my wig sat higher on my forehead. Also, I never wore the gold sweater again.

Lunch was at a new venue, the Post Office Cafe. The meal was excellent and I regretted not choosing the Cafe for other lunches during the upcoming week.

After lunch, I returned to my B&B to change and get psyched-up for the Femulate Blog Party at 3 PM. My party outfit consisted of a black sweater dress from DressBarn, black tights from Hue, and silver jewelry from Napier. Again, I wore  my 1-1/2-inch black Payless wedges and carried my black Payless heels to the Boatslip.

I was so nervous that I forgot to switch from my wedges to my heels when I arrived at the Boatslip. I also forgot to have photos taken at the event. I don't recall anyone taking photos, but if you were there and did take photos, I would appreciate it if you would e-mail me copies.

There were about a dozen people in attendance  —  most were Femulate readers, a few were not, but may be now. I talked about the blog, answered questions and listened to the comments and suggestions from the attendees. In general, people were pleased with the blog, admitted that the blog had helped them get out of the closet and urged me to "keep up the good work."

A party would not be a party without gifts, so I brought along a shopping bag full of Avon samples (lipsticks, scents, foundations, eye shadows) for the attendees to enjoy.

The 90 minutes flew by and after I said my goodbyes. I hurried back to my B&B to get ready for the The Virginia Prince Transgender Pioneer Award Banquet with its Wizard of Oz theme.

I am not a big fan of the Wizard of Oz. I liked the film as a child, but have not watched it since my own child viewed it over 20 years ago. As a result, I considered not wearing a costume, but at the last minute I decided to get into the spirit of things and bought a Glinda (the "good") witch costume online.

To increase my enthusiasm for the costume, I ordered the "sexy" version of the costume instead of the "straight" version of the costume   —  the main difference being that the sexy version revealed more skin (especially leg) than the straight version.

It is very difficult ordering Halloween costumes online because of the sizing; order on the high side to be safe and that is what I did. The problem is that when the costume arrived, I discovered it was about one size too big, but it was too late to exchange it for a smaller size.

I was also unhappy with the crown that was bundled with the costume. It was a cheap foam concoction that I would not be caught dead in. So I purchased a tiara at a local party store to wear in place of the foam crown.

Shoes were another issue. I had a pair of silver strappy sandals that I had purchased to wear in the fashion show the first time I attended Fantasia Fair in 2008. They were comfortable six years ago and I assumed they would be comfortable now, so I just packed them in my luggage without trying them on.

Something happened to my feet and or those sandals during the ensuing six years! After about 30 minutes, the sandals hurt like heck, so I tried to sit whenever possible to give my feet a break

Dinner was a buffet and being a lady, I will not say anything more about Tuesday evening's fare.

Jamison Green and Mariette Pathy Allen were this year's recipients of the Virginia Prince Transgender Pioneer Award. They deserved the award and I was very happy for them.

The event ended at about 10 PM and I walked slowly back to the Chicago House,

Back at the B&B, I discovered that my black high heel pumps were missing! After searching my room, it occurred to me that I probably left them at the Boatslip after the Femulate Blog Party. As I mentioned, I never switched from my wedges to my heels at the party, so I forgot about them and literally forgot them after the party!

I was upset that they may be lost because they and their nude sister are the most comfortable high heel pumps that I own. I would hate losing them, so I phoned the Boatslip to see if anyone had found them.

No one had, but the gent who took my call said that mine was the last presentation of the day in that room and the room was locked up and alarmed after we were done. So he felt that my heels were probably still in that room.

I was not so sure.

 

 

 

Wearing French Connection.

 

 

 

Karl Allott femulates in the Birdwell Academy (UK) production of La Cage aux Folles.

A Working Woman

I went to work en femme this Halloween. Third year in a row; fifth time in the past 14 years.

The first two times, my workplace was officially celebrating Halloween with a little party during lunch and a costume contest. (I won the contest both times.)

The last three times, my workplace was not officially celebrating Halloween, but most years, a few co-workers show up in costume, so I took the opportunity to dress like a professional woman.

Why?

I am out to a few people at work including Human Resources, which has encouraged me to present as a woman at work. I wanted to prove to HR (and myself) that I could do it for a ten-hour stint (8-hour day, 1-hour lunch, and 1-hour commute). Things went so well that I did it again and again to sort of get the troops used to it in case I ever get the go-ahead to do it from my spouse.

Dressing at work with a computer always at hand afforded me the opportunity to record my day contemporaneously more or less and so I did.

10 AM Report

I got out of bed 15 minutes early and was on the road 25 minutes late, so femulating added 40 minutes to my normal get-ready-for-work routine. There were a few things I could have done the night before that would have cut about 15 minutes off that 40 minutes, so I think I did OK.

By the time I sat down at my desk at work, I lost both of my stick-on thumb nails! I have no idea when they gave up the ghost, but I think washing the breakfast dishes in hot water loosened the glue. Luckily, I brought a spare set of nails with me, so all is well. 

My boss and her boss liked my "costume."  My boss was surprised I was wearing hosiery. She would be flabbergasted it she knew what else I was wearing beneath my dress. (I assure you that I am not wearing a stitch of male clothing.)

Our receptionist said I looked better in a dress than she does.

Two female engineers said I looked "beautiful." One of the two, who is new to the company and unfamiliar with my Halloween past said she had no idea who I was, nor that I was cis-male until I spoke to her.

My boss said I looked like a former female co-worker — someone who left the company shortly after I started, so I have no recollection how I compare.

The administrator to the president of our group said I looked "so different" and "loved my outfit."

One of my biggest fans here, a male engineer, said, "You rock!" He also uses the correct pronouns when I am en femme. (After a previous Halloween at work en femme, he commented that he preferred my female presentation to my male presentation.)

More co-workers are in costume this year than in the past, but there were no other femulators.

1 PM Update

I went out during lunch.

First stop was CVS to return an item I bought, but did not need. The cashier was very pleasant and after we finished with business, she complimented my nails and we had a short discussion about faux nails.

Next stop was Dress Barn... one where I shop in girl and boy mode. I was greeted by Liz, the store manager, who was the person I worked with when we arranged in-store parties for the girls in my old support group years ago. She asked if my support group would be interested in doing it again. Since I am no longer active in the group, I volunteered to pass the word along to the group's current leaders. Then Liz asked if I would like to meet her district manager.

Of course I would like to meet her and she got the district manager from the back of the store, who seemed very happy to meet me. We had a little tête-à-tête about DressBarn, past store parties and Fantasia Fair. I think I made a good impression

Next, I perused the racks and found what I was looking for. A belted cowl-neck black and gray colorblock dress that I had seen on the DressBarn website. They had my size and when I tried it on, "my size" fit like a glove! 

I had a DressBarn 25% off coupon, so the $56 dress only cost me $42.

But while I was trying on the dress, my left thumb nail fell off. The glue was so weak that it would not stick back onto my finger, so I put it in my wallet to deal with later.

Next door to DressBarn is Stop & Shop and that was my next stop to buy some nail glue. After entering Stop & Shop, I perused the cosmetic aisle forever trying to find the faux nail section. I was just about to give up when I found it - a tiny rack with a few packages of faux nails and one tube of glue. I took the glue to the register, checked out and when I got back to my desk at work, I fixed the nail.

I am wearing my most comfortable high heel pumps and my feet are fine six hours in.

4 PM Update

Quiet afternoon.

The Director of Engineering stopped by and commented that I looked "amazing" and he "doesn't know how I do it every year."

One of my long time female co-workers stopped by and said I looked great. She is very supportive and probably suspects the truth.

Most people gave me positive comments about my "costume." No one gave me a hard time. A few people commented with tongue in cheek about the fact I have done this so many times that they are beginning to wonder --- I am sure some people do actually wonder.

My feet are still holding up after 9 hours. Forgot to mention that I did bring my wedges as backup but I have not needed them so far. I even drove to work driving a manual transmission in my heels, did so during lunch and will probably drive home in my heels, too. With some shoes I have worn in the past, this has not always been possible... my feet would not stand for it.

Final Thoughts

I did wear the heels while I drove home and I was so impressed with them that I got on the Payless website and ordered additional pairs of the same style (Karmen) in different colors.

Would I do it again?

In my heart, I hope to be dressing full-time by the time Halloween rolls around next year, but in my head, I am not so sure. So, either way, I will be dressing en femme next Halloween.

 Wearing Diane von Furstenberg.

Professional femulator Adrian Ames, circa 1955.

Over the Brink

First photo after arriving at work today.

All week long, I had Friday on my mind. I was undecided whether to femulate at work for the third Halloween in a row or not... until mid-morning Thursday when my boss stopped by my cubicle.

She asked if I was dressing for Halloween because her boss wanted to take a "before" photo on Thursday and an "after" photo on Friday. (Her boss also plans to costume up at work for Halloween.)

Needless to say, that pushed me over the brink and I went to work en femme today. (I will post a photo as soon as possible.)

Some Mondays Aren’t Monday Mondays

Fantasia Fair: Monday, October 20, 2014

I slept well, which is atypical when I am not home. Except for the night of the thunderstorm, I slept well the whole week. Busy days and the cozy environs of my B&B probably helped. Shaved, showered, makeup applied, I was dressed and downstairs for breakfast by 8:30 AM. With brunch in my near future, I ate lightly and chatted with which ever of my Chicago House sister(s) were also breakfasting (sorry - I can't remember who). Teeth brushed and lipstick fixed, I exited the B&B and walked two blocks to the Crown & Anchor for the Fantasia Fair Orientation Brunch. I wore JCPenney white shorts, Dress Barn multi-color top, Avon white blazer, Avon pink scarf, Payless nude high heels, Napier jewelry and Avon nude bag. Over it all, I wore my Fashion to Figure trench coat.

Luna photographing me; photo shot by Diana.

I planned to wear the shorts outfit weeks ago weather permitting. According to the forecast, Monday looked to be a best day of the week temperature-wise, so I figured it was probably the best day for my leggy outfit.

My friends and I sat at a table near the front of the room, but I only paid half attention to the orientation presentation because it would be the fourth time I heard it and it seemed to be very similar to the previous three. Instead, I was more interested in socializing and brunching.

I am a lover of history, so at noon, I joined the throng taking the "Walking Tour of Historic Provincetown." Our guide, Robert Anderson, is an architectural historian and his commentary was revealing as we toured the "heart" of Provincetown.

Most revealing was his assertion that the Chicago House B&B was the birthplace of the International Foundation for Gender Education (IFGE). After the tour, I asked around and some people disputed that claim, while others seemed to support it. For what it's worth, the IFGE's fundraising project, the Winslow Street Fund, is named after the street where Chicago House is located, so go figure!

The tour ran long, so by the time I hoofed it to the Crown & Anchor for the keynote address, I missed about half of it. Titled "Yellowed and Fading: Searching for Transgender Identity in Vintage Photographs of Crossdressing," it was a fascinating show and tell of Ms. Bob Davis' huge collection of vintage crossdressing photography.

Since I also collect vintage crossdressing images (the more economical digital versions rather than the expensive print versions), I spoke with Ms. Bob after her address. I was curious about her take on the images of World War I and II prisoners of war putting on elaborate shows that included beautiful costuming of the female variety.

Since my idea of a POW camp comes from the film depictions of the World War II camps of Stalag 17 and The Great Escape, I always wondered how the POWs obtained the costuming for their femulations. Did the German military budget include line items for dresses, wigs and makeup for their POWs?

We never came to any conclusions regarding this mystery, but I enjoyed spending over an hour exchanging stories with Ms. Bob and viewing her collection, which included Casa Susanna photos that I had never seen.

I returned to my B&B to freshen up for the Fantasia Fair Town & Gown Dinner. Freshening up included a few minutes napping before I actually freshened my makeup and changed outfits.

For the evening, I wore a dress I had been dying to wear ever since I bought it from ideel a few weeks earlier: a Tahari Arthur S. Levine sheath in royal blue. I accessorized with my black patent high heels from Payless, vintage gold earrings from eBay and a beautiful gold herringbone necklace that I inherited from my Mother. I thought I looked fabulous  —  whether I did or not, I know I felt fabulous!

I donned my white fake fur jacket, met up with the girls and walked two blocks to the Crown & Anchor for dinner and a show.

I have no recollection of the dinner menu! (Does anybody remember?)

I do remember that I asked Diana to take some photos for the blog and while I was posing for the leggy photo posted here on Wednesday, Luna Maria, Fantasia Fair photographer extraodinaire joined the photoshoot. Luna used a digital SLR camera and I bet her shots came out better than the shots Diana took with my iPhone.

After dinner, there was a one-woman show titled Exact Change performed by Christine Howley. It told the story of Chistine's life-long journey from male to post-op transwoman. It was interesting, at times amusing and I was able to identify with some aspects of it.

After the show, we walked back to the B&B. Since it was early in the week, my feet were still in good shape and I was able to walk the walk in heels.

By the way, every night after slipping on my nightie and before turning in, I massaged my feet with Foot Works Beautiful Overnight Renewing Foot Cream from Avon. I think that regimen helped my feet stand the rigors of walking in Provincetown.

 

 

 

Wearing Diane von Furstenberg.

 

 

 

American soldiers femulating in a German
prisoners of war camp during World War II.