Childhood Friend

Billy and I were best friends throughout grammar school. I can't remember how we became friends, but we had a lot in common and that is what probably drew us together. We were both Polish, which was a rare commodity in our neighborhood, we both went to the same church (a Polish parish, needless to say), we were both artists, which put us on the outs with the school's "in crowd," and we both were fascinated in the opposite sex. We had crushes on certain girls, but we both were also scared of them and never did anything about our crushes, at least not in grammar school.

Around puberty, maybe in the 7th or 8th grade, I remember Billy hinting that we dress as girls for Halloween. At that time, I knew something was up with me gender-wise, but I didn't know what. However, the idea of dressing as a girl for Halloween was very attractive, but I was also in public denial about my gender issues and told Billy that I had no interest in his Halloween costume plans.

I don't remember what I wore for a costume that Halloween, but I do recall that I went out with my usual Halloween trick and treat partner in crime, my other best friend, who lived across the street.

In school the next day, Billy mentioned that he did dress as a girl; he trick and treated at my house and was disappointed that I was not home to see him in his costume. Note that Billy never before trick and treated my house, so he made a special effort that night to show me his girl costume.

Around this same time, I remember that one of us decided that we should adopt girl names (why - I don't know) and for days, he addressed me by my girl name, which was "Susan" and I addressed him by his girl name, which I cannot recall now.

As I mentioned above, we were both artists. He was very good at painting and I was a very good at sketching. As an outlet for my budding trans psyche, I spent a lot of my free time back then sketching males wearing female clothing. I must have killed a forest doing it. One day, Billy mentioned that he had been doing something similar and another day, he showed me some of his sketches. My reaction was to show disinterest.

But my real reaction was fear. I was in uncharted waters; I did not know what was going on with him (or me). I had enough trouble sorting out what was going on with me without having to deal with what was going on with my best friend, so I basically ignored him and I think that was the beginning of the end of a beautiful friendship. We hung out less during our last days in grammar school and ended up going to different high schools and after a few years, we were both out of each others' lives.

I think Billy was reaching out to me. He probably was just as confused as I was and maybe he thought he and his best friend would be better able to work things out as a team rather than solo. If that was the case, he was probably correct and I very much regret not reaching out to him and trying to work out together what the heck was going on. And so it goes.

Over the years, I learned through a mutual friend that Billy got married and lives two towns away, but our mutual friend said nothing about anything trans and I certainly did not ask.

But I often think about Billy and wonder if he really was trans (or was it just my 'magination) and if he ever did anything about it. I often hoped that one day he would show up at my support group and we could become best friends again except that this time we would be girlfriends.

(This post originally appeared in September 2008. I thought it was appropriate to rerun it because Billy recently appeared in a dream.”) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A contestant femulating in the Mr. Tiger womanless beauty pageant.

Nano Nano No More

I was at the computer answering e-mail last night when my sister called with the news that Robin Williams had died.

I was very saddened by that news, but not surprised; my peers have been dropping like flies lately and the loss of another is not much of a shock anymore (just another feature of being a sexagenarian).

According to my count, Robin Williams appeared in four films that included transgender bits: Mrs. Doubtfire, The Birdcage, The World According to Garp and To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar, but in my opinion, his best film performance was in Good Will Hunting.

My favorite Robin Williams moments were when he riffed with Whoopi Goldberg and Billy Crystal in Comic Relief. They were a great team. Whoopee and Billy must be taking the loss of their teammate very hard.

I will miss him a lot, too.

Boys don’t make passes at “girls” who wear glasses

 

 

 

Wearing DressBarn.

 

 

 

Male crossplayer femulating as Bridget from Guilty Gear (video game).

Gimme Femulation

Wednesday, I wrote about singing along with songs sung by girl groups as they played on the radio.

Coincidentally, ham radio sister Trish e-mailed me about a news CD/album released by one of my favorite punk rock groups  Me First and the Gimme Gimmes. Titled Are We Not Men? We Are Diva!, the Gimme Gimmes cover 12 songs made famous by female singers including such diva standards as "On the Radio" by Donna Summer, "Straight Up" by Paula Abdul, and "The Way We Were" by Barbra Streisand.

If you like Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, you will like their Diva album. And to make things even more interesting, the group's lead singer, Spike Slawson, appears en femme on the cover of the album!

 

 

 

 

 

Spike Slawson (center) of the rock group Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
femulated for the group’s new album Are We Not Men? We Are Diva!

Are you OK?

Rejected

 

 

 

 

 

 

Professional femulator Donna Sachet and friend.

Better Selfies

Moved by Paula's photography post, I poked around the Internet looking for tips about taking selfies.

Google provided a selection of websites containing tips and after poking Google's finds, I am passing along one that I thought was the best of the bunch for taking selfies: wikiHow's How to Take Good Selfies.

Over the past year, I have been using my iPhone 5 for most of my photography. The quality of the iPhone 5 photos is very good in my opinion (good enough for me) and it is hard to beat the convenience.

The only problem is that the Camera app bundled with the iPhone does not have a self-timer and girls like us can’t live without self-timers! So I bought two inexpensive apps that do have self-timers: Top Camera and Camera+. The former costs $3, the latter $2.

And to do a self-timer selfie right, I also bought a small tripod ($4) to hold the iPhone while I get ready for my close-up.

 

 

 

Wearing Naked Zebra.

 

 

 

Omar Kingsley femulating as “Miss Ella” circa 1885.

Smile Pretty

By Paula Gaikowski

I enjoy corny jokes and still chuckle when I hear this one.

How can you tell who the crossdresser is at the family reunion? He’s the only one who knows how to work the self-timer on the camera!

Yes, it’s true we love to take pictures.

How far it’s all come in the last 20 years! I remember driving several towns away to have film developed for fear someone would recognize me. I still enjoying seeing those now vintage photos that were scanned and then uploaded onto bulletin boards followed by that new thing called the Internet.

In 1999, I had a professional makeover and photoshoot with Jamie Austin and at that moment, the picture-taking floodgates opened. Okay --- enough about the ole days, Auntie Paula!

Today we have digital cameras with the capability to take hundreds of photos and see them instantly.

Pictures provide us with an invaluable tool to guide us through our evolution towards womanhood. By looking back, we can see the mistakes we’ve made, but also recognize the clothes and accessories that made us look better.

Pictures help us build confidence and raise our self-esteem and create a personality that we can use online to build friendships and community. During times when I can’t express Paula, I look to my photos for a pick-me-up.

I’d like to share some of the tips and techniques I use to get better photos.

First, learn about your camera. Don’t wait until you are all dolled-up and then start experimenting. Get familiar with that self-timer, read the manual and learn about the different features.

Next, find the area you’ll use for picture-taking. A light-colored wall without clutter works well. There also should be plenty of natural light or indirect artificial light. Light equals glamour. I sometimes use two desk lamps reflected off the walls to produce light.

Many digital cameras can be mounted on a tripod. Investing in a large tripod is not necessary. I found this Gorilla Pod at Wal-Mart and it’s priceless in helping to get good shots at home or away.

When you are in boy mode and the pressure is off, start taking some practice shots to get your settings and lighting correct.

I had trouble finding poses that were feminine and natural. So I began noting how women news anchors pose themselves when standing. That is how I learned these basic poses:

• My basic go to pose is simple hands behind my back and one foot in back of the other.
• Front-standing with feet together and hands crossed above hips.
• Ladylike with one foot forward and the other leg back and turned to the side. You’re your hands above your hips, cupped or slightly opened. Don’t be afraid to act girly --- let her out!
• Sitting. The key to a ladylike posture are the curves. Your body should form an understated “S” shape. This is critical for a feminine posture when standing also.

You’ll notice women keep their hands cupped or have their fingers curled inward while holding their hands idle. Women also tend to keep their hands above their waist.
Become an observer of women. Find a mentor and note her movements and gestures. Then practice and don’t be afraid to act feminine.

When I first started going out in public, I was hesitant to act feminine, then it dawned on me. “You’re wearing a dress, idiot! Of course, I should act feminine.”

Observe yourself in front of a mirror as if you were rehearsing lines in play. Let your feminine nature come to the surface. Use the above poses as a starting point, however, don’t become mechanical --- let your inner girl take over. In photos, being overly feminine plays out well.

Photos taken from a slightly elevated level seem to look better, compare this photo verses this one and you’ll see the difference. Use your new mini tripod to get a slightly elevated view.

I know you have heard it before and I’ll say it again “Smile”. Pictures where you are smiling come out much better.

Let’s talk about taking pictures when we are out in public. Having a keepsake photo of that wonderful occasion you attended as woman is precious.

When taking a souvenir photo select a setting that tells a story. Stand near a sign or use a display to show the viewer where you are. At restaurants, the entrance works well. At museums or stores, displays tell a story.

I used to feel very self-conscious about taking my photo in public or asking someone to take my photo en femme. Nevertheless, I overcame my inhibitions about asking someone to take my photo and found that like all of my other fears and worries when it came to femulating, they were unfounded. Sales associates are always happy to oblige and at restaurants, the waitstaff is eager to please. If outdoors, I’ll always ask a young woman to take a photo and have never been turned down and typically, had friendly conversations afterward.

Getting high-quality photos take practice and more practice. With digital photography, we can make adjustments as we go and delete the shots we don’t like. Accept the fact right now that many of your photos are going to look terrible. On the other hand, from the many comes one, yes, one great shot --- a second caught in time when it all comes together. The iconic shot of the flag rising on Iwo Jima was 1/400 of a second taken over the shoulder of a war correspondent. Experiment and have fun using your photography to express yourself and grow as woman.

My Jamie Austin photos changed my life. They showed what I could achieve if I worked at it. They gave me assurance that I could look good as a woman.

As I started taking more photos, my attitude and confidence increased. It was work, but it was satisfying and enjoyable to see myself mature into a woman. It was all part of being a woman, that is, learning how to dress, accessorize, style my hair and do makeup. In time I not only saw a positive female image emerge, but I personally changed and evolved also.

Please remember to enjoy the journey, the practice, the friendships, the accomplishments and even the failures. In the end, it’s not the photo that’s important, it’s the big picture you need to focus on.

 

 

 

Wearing Milly.

 

 

 

Actor Andrew Garfield femulating in Arcade Fire’s 2014 music video We Exist.

Playing the Girl’s Part

Did you do this?

As a teenager in the 1960s, I often sang along with songs as they played on the radio. My favorite sing-along songs were tunes sung by girl groups like The Crystals, The Shangri-Las, The Chiffons, The Supremes, and The Shirelles.

It never occurred to me that merrily singing along to lyrics like “One fine day, you’re gonna want me for your girl” was a wee bit incongruous. I never thought twice about doing all the hand motions while singing “Ooh, baby, baby, where did our love go?” and imagining myself wearing a floor-length sequins evening gown.

Didn’t the other guys in the neighborhood do that?

I discovered that the guys didn’t do that, but that the girls in the neighborhood did!

I was a little confused, but I liked playing the girl’s part, so I continued doing so. And the rest is her story.

 

 

 

Wearing Madeleine.

 

 

 

Actor Michael Stoyanov femulating in 1991.

9 Million

The blog's hit counter climbed past the 9 million mark on Monday!

When I started this blog back in the winter of 2007, I never dreamed the blog would become so popular. I just wanted to encourage (by example) other girls like me to flee the closet and experience the world as women.

I have achieved that goal.

My correspondence and face-to-face encounters reveal that many girls who never considered going out before were inspired by this blog to go out and are very happy that they did. They only regret that they waited so long to take that first step (been there, done that).

I wonder how many other success stories there are that I never heard about? If you have a success story, you are welcome to tell it here and inspire even more girls to live the rest of their lives as women.

You go, girls!

 

 

 

Wearing Metrostyle.

 

 

 

Swedish singer Yukiro Dravarious femulates all day and all of the night in Tokyo.

Philately

Recently, I renewed my interest in stamp collecting.

My mother collected and encouraged me to collect, so I began collecting as a pre-teen and continued well into my mid-teens until life got in the way.

In the interim, I inherited my mother’s collection and a collection of an uncle, who I did not know collected until he passed on and we discovered his collection among his belongings.

About two years ago, I finally got around to see what I had inherited. There were some interesting items, but I did not strike it rich. However, I did catch the bug to start collecting again and have basically been spending a few hours each week organizing what I had in hand and adding a few items from here and there.

As luck would have it, the American Philatelic Society (APS) is having their annual StampShow just up the road in Hartford later this month. From what I gather, the StampShow is a real big event, the stamp collector’s equivalent of ham radio’s Hamvention and I plan to attend one day of the show.

And I plan to attend en femme.

Never having attended StampShow or any other big stamp collector events, I am not sure how to dress. Casual, business casual, or business formal?

I looked all over the Internet for photos of women attending StampShow to get an idea what women wear there, but I have not found much because similar to ham radio, women are in the minority in the stamp collecting world.

From the few photos I did find, I am guessing “business casual,” but I am not sure, so if any of you are stamp collectors and have attended StampShow in the past, please pass along what the average woman wears there.

I want to fit in and not stand out.

Wearing Metrostyle.

Actor James Lecesne femulating on stage in Diary of a Mad Playwright in 2010.

The Funnies

I am on vacation this week, so instead of new original content each day, I will post old original content, also known as "The Best of Femulate."