According to a DMV spokesperson, the DMV works with law enforcement on these decisions. "If it says male [on the license], that's what they're gonna look for. They expect the photo to be of a man."
I guess it's time to introduce those folks to the 21st Century!
Meanwhile, Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund (TLDEF) is on the case.
Wearing Shoshanna.
Barney Rubble and Fred Flintstone, before and after.
Note that they are wearing dresses before and after!
I replied that I usually get my teeth fixed without Novocain or whatever they use these days, so pain is not an issue.. Rather, my spouse is the issue.
She is not thrilled with the fact that her husband is a woman, but she realizes that I must let my girl out for air once in awhile. I appreciate that she is OK with me being the authentic me some of the time, but I don't want to rub her nose in it.
Everyday, she sees signs that remind her that her husband is a woman.
We share a walk-in closet and as she enters it, she encounters a rack now half full of her husband's dresses, skirts, blouses, and slacks. On the floor below those pretty things are countless boxes containing her husband's high heels. Next to the shoes are storage totes containing her husband's lingerie and hosiery. Next to the totes is her husband's cosmetics box. Still other totes contain her husband's jewelry and purses. And on the shelf above her tops and jeans is a tote containing her husband's coiffures.
If I dress as a woman when my spouse is home, I avoid my spouse so that she does not see her husband as a woman because she has often said, "I don't want to see you dressed as a woman." (On occasion, curiosity gets the best of her and she wants to see how I look, but I don't show her unless she is interested.)
My body has signs that may remind her that I am a woman. My hairless arms, legs, breasts, shoulders and back are the most obvious signs.
Less obvious are my neatly maintained eyebrows (eyeglasses hide how neat and feminine they actually look).
She never mentions the stuff in our closet, nor my shaved body, nor my feminized eyebrows --- out of sight, out of mind.
But if I had my ears pierced, there would be no way to hide that from her. It would be a constant reminder that I am a woman, so I let it be.
Wearing Light in the Box.
Femulating British sailor, circa 1910
I do the same thing when I am out shopping en femme. Clip-on earrings are such a rarity that I often buy what I find.
As a result, I have bought a lot of earrings that I never wear. Instead, I wear the same favorite clip-ons over and over again. So it makes sense to stop buying earrings I don't wear and buy earrings like those I prefer to wear, that is, vintage-style clip-on earrings.
Try finding vintage-style clip-on earrings. Antique stores have them, but they are expensive. I bought two pairs at a Provincetown antique store last time I attended Fantasia Fair and the price was right because it was the dead end of the season. The price is not right most of the rest of the time.
Then it occurred to me to try shopping where I have found many bargains in the past: eBay.
A quick search on eBay turned up a truckload of clip-on earrings including the kind I like. I placed some bids and succeeded seven times for a total cost of $16.95. Two pairs of earrings were $6 each, while the remaining five pairs were 99 cents each. Shipping was free on the $6 pairs and only $2.01 for the remaining five pairs, which were one bundle from one seller.
The accompanying photo show the seven pairs I won on eBay. The $6 pairs are the dangly gold strands (lower right) and the gold squares (bottom), which actually have faux mother of pearl, not gold centers.
Wearing Robert Rodriguez.
Actor Julian Eltinge femulating in the 1917 film Countess Charming.
In October 2013, my wife and I went to Boston. I went on the one-day course that Ginger held just outside Boston. There were only three of us taking the course. Ginger knew that I was transgender and it was not a problem; I was far from the first transgender client that she had.
We had her full and undivided attention for the whole day. I tried on lots of outfits and was given feedback by Ginger and the others. It was such a valuable and wonderful experience. The course was held in a really nice country inn in Tyngsboro.
I had had spent a day with Ginger earlier in the week getting my colors and Fashion Fit Formula done. She also took me on a shopping outing and organized a bra fitting, a facial, and a tutorial on wig care. Ginger is an amazing resource to have in your life.
My BFF and evolutionary sister extraordinaire, BethAnn also lives in Boston, so we got to spend time with her and her husband. She and I even organized to have a MAC makeover at the same time, followed by lunch. How girly is that!
BethAnn and I in Boston before we rented a car and head off to see Ginger.
In April 2014, I set off for Denver (having done the obligatory confidence build-up in San Francisco) to do Teacher Training 2 for the second time.
I notice now that after all the work I have done on myself and the techniques that I have practiced, nothing scares me any more... not being read, not going into the ladies' room in public places. I am even happy to get in the line at the ladies' room now. This is something I would not even have dreamed about 18 months ago.
Teacher Training 2 was very good. It had about ten women taking the course and as usual with AFP ladies, they treated me wonderfully. Unfortunately, BethAnn could not make the course, but my dear, dear friend Amrita was there. She brings so much joy to my heart. She is such a wonderful person. Truly, she has the heart of a Buddha! We hung around together a lot and really enjoyed each other’s company.
This is a picture of her having a margarita (well it was my margarita!) on the night that the course finished. We had gone to a local Mexican restaurant. Amrita had also joined me at dinner with Kathe Perez earlier in the week and the two got on very well. It was so sweet completing the circles in some way! Amrita is very keen for me to go to Japan to meet her AFP group and to work with Japanese transgenders.
At this Teacher Training, I learned to practice a new technique: opening the heart. The idea is to open your heart and let your innate femininity shine out. This technique should really help me pass more effectively as people will respond (if only unconsciously) to my feminine essence and not be distracted by the male signals, large hands, etc. It will be an interesting experiment, if nothing else!
So this is the end of my tale. I am accepted by my AFP friends as being one of them. I have wonderful girlfriends, who I know I can rely on for support. I have a weekly heart circle call with about five or six close female friends, who treat me like any other woman. By my definition, I have succeeded in my journey. I really love being a woman, for me it is a whole other and joyful world.
Having been the first TG into AFP and FP, I look forward to knowing who the first transgender is to take Mama Gina's Course and how it went.
I have tried to show here one of the many ways of becoming the woman you desire, there are plenty of ways of achieving the dream. Suicide should not even be considered an option. There are lots of people out there who are happy to befriend you and relate to you as a woman and that brings a lot of joy to life.
My final message: say “no” to suicide. There is a path that is waiting for you; it is probably just around the corner. Wait for it!
In closing, I would like to thank the many who have helped me on my journey.
My wife for supporting and loving me and always believing in me and negotiating a settlement where she can keep her man and I can stop being a man!
Stana for giving me the space to pontificate here.
Rachael Jane for helping me change my operating system.
Ginger for kindling a new perspective on clothes.
BethAnn, Amrita and Mei for being so kind to me and supporting me in my attempts to really be myself.
Kathe for my voice!
Don for showing me the woman inside me.
Alex, Laurie, Sally, Ella, Cynthia, Virginia, Elena, Su, Marlese, Anna, Maria, Bella, Elisa, and all the other women, too numerous to mention from AFP an FP, who have gone out of their way to help me become the woman of my dreams.
And to finish, a photo from Don of how I now see myself.
Thank you all.
Over and out!
And finally, a word from our sponsor! :)
(Part 21 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)
Wearing St. John Collection.
Andrej Pejić
In April 2013, I went to Austin to take part in Teacher Training 2. I was already a Level 1 teacher from my training in Portland the previous year. Here I again met a wonderful bunch of women such as Alex, BethAnn, Amrita, Mei and the other sisters. These people could not have been nicer to me and really took me under their wing. We had so much fun there.
A number of incidents stick out in my mind. In the hotel, the ladies' room was quite close to the room we were using for our training. I had no problem using the ladies’ room and none of the ladies seemed to mind or complain about it.
As the ladies' room cubicle walls were about a foot above the floor, anybody coming in could see the shoes of those inside. My shoes were quite distinctive on this particular day. One of the ladies came in, she could see my shoes, but I could not see her or her shoes.
“Monica, Oh, Monica. Be sure to put down the seat when you finish!” she sang out. This, despite the fact that my shoes were pointing the correct way as I was sitting down! The whole ladies' room collapsed in squeals of laughter. Those girls were devils! What a fun bunch!
On the last day of the course, one of the ladies asked to talk to me privately. I had no idea what to expect! She told me that when she saw me in the room and realized that I was transgender, she got so angry that she was about to go to the organizers and have me removed. Her initial reaction was that this should be a sacred space for woman only!
However, she calmed herself down and meditated on the situation. She decided to just go with the flow as this is part of the training in AFP. She told me she was so glad I had been there as my presence had changed her whole attitude to transgender people. I did well without even knowing it! Needless to say, I had no idea that all this was happening inside her. Little did I think that I would become an ambassador for the cause.
This is a picture of me getting in touch with my inner something or other.
Did I mention that we had fun?
I had met Amrita and Mei at the teacher training in Portland and we became a close bunch. We ate together most lunch times and evenings at the local Whole Foods Market or at a local restaurant. I had also met Beth Ann in Portland, but we had not really connected as she had only been there for the intensive weekend. Mei and Amrita had been there for the full week. You could not hope for such a wonderful bunch of women and close friends. These girls mean so much to me; they are like sisters... only closer!
BethAnn contacted me soon after Portland and we quickly established a very positive rapport. She told me that when she heard my voice (ouch!) and realized that I was transgender, she too had a very negative reaction to sacred female space being invaded! Thankfully, she got over it and now is my closest BFFs.
Time for a serious chat with Cassie!
Amrita looking on to see what BS I putting out there! :)
The group photo: Rachael Jane on the extreme left and
BethAnn and Amrita in the front row on the right.
(Part 20 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)
Wearing Emploi.
Stephanie Yates
These are a set of online courses (there may be a physical meet-up, but I have not come across it yet) where you have a number of teaching calls, coaching calls and set assignments. Mostly it is the interaction with the other women on the site and the completion of the assignments that helps you grow and develop.
Again, when I signed up, I told them I was transgender and they had no problem with that. In fact, part way through the course, the course coordinator Keren Clark made a point of having a Skype call with me to make sure that I was ok, that I was not being left out and that people were treating me properly. I was mightily impressed. She told me that I was the first openly transgender person that they had come across on their courses. She could not have been sweeter.
Basically, the course is about getting in touch with your authentic self and determining what it is you want to dedicate your life to doing. It is about finding the false assumptions that rule your life, eliminating them and replacing them with more realistic assumptions.
Through this, I worked out my own Power Statement, that is, the place I need to operate from and the person I need to show up as. My Power Statement: I am a strong radiant, graceful, elegant, feminine woman who is fully grounded in her femininity. This is the person I am becoming and this is the person I expect to show up as.
I have an evolutionary sister, BA, who helps me if I stray from this path. After using this Power Statement for some time, I felt a bit uncomfortable and fragmented when presenting en homme and so I had (with the help Keren) to come up with a Power Statement for my male side that supported my authentic Power Statement. Here is my male Power Statement: my function as a male is to provide a protected and nurturing environment which allows my female side to grow and develop and gives her the ability to feed radiance to her in the service of the whole.
You quickly learn through an in-depth course such as this that all women (even transgender women) have the same problems. They are not happy with their bodies (neither are we, though in a different way!). They do not feel that they are enough (yep, got that one too!). They do not feel that they are being heard/seen (check!). They do not feel that they belong (double check that), etc. It is quite illuminating to see the parallels. One time I was complaining on the site that I often did not feel like a proper woman; one friend replied, ”Welcome to my world”.
AFP and FP really complement each other in my experience. Some of it is the same ground, but the perspective is a bit different. Both are extremely useful in helping one change one's software. The change in software has meant that the last four years (since Esprit 2010) have been the most joyful years of my life. I have been able to get in touch with my authentic self and that brings a great sense of coming home. I am complete!
(Part 19 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)
Wearing Tahari Arthur S. Levine.
Actors John Stamos and Bob Saget femulating as
Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon in Some Like It Hot.
(Wow - What a compliment if she thought I didn't wear makeup or foundation!)
But I do wear makeup and foundation, specifically, Avon makeup and Avon liquid foundation.
But before I wear makeup, I put on moisturizer. Every morning after I shower and shave, even on those days I am not going out en femme, I apply moisturizer to my face and neck.
For years, I never did any day-to-day facial maintenance. When I went out en femme, I'd apply makeup to my unmaintained face and I looked good for a guy in drag, but I never achieved that "feminine best" look that I saw on other women.
Being an Avon lady, I occasionally receive free samples. About eight years ago, I received a free sample of a product to deal with wrinkles around the eyes. Looking in the mirror at the wrinkles developing around my eyes, I decided to try the free sample.
After a week or so, the wrinkles were less noticeable. After a few weeks, I had to examine my eyes closely to find the wrinkles. So, I was sold on the eye cream and decided to experiment with other skin care products, primarily moisturizers
After using skin care products for over eight years, my wrinkles are hardly noticeable and my skin is smoother, more supple, and healthier-looking. My makeup goes on easier and looks better. Professional makeup consultants have complimented me on my complexion. And now I can achieve that "feminine best" look.
I cannot emphasize enough the need to maintain your skin on a daily basis. You cannot look your feminine best unless you take care of your face everyday.
Currently, I use Olay Complete moisturizer and Avon Elements Moisture Boost Eye Cream. They work for me, but your mileage may vary.
One good thing about getting old is that my beard turned gray and that eliminated the need to use a beard cover.
When my beard was dark, I used a beard cover on the muzzle of my face --- RCMA beard cover CMBC2 from Alcone. It is expensive, but lasts forever; in fact, I never used up the tub of beard cover I bought years ago.
Sans beard cover, I apply makeup in the following order:
Any questions?
Wearing Beulah (top) and Olivaceous (skirt).
Fashion model Stepan Malleta.
In response to that change, I received 30 likes and a handful of positive comments. I also received a message from one of my Facebook friends, Lisa, who commented that my "skin looks so good" that she wanted to know if I lasered my face.
After exchanging a few messages with Lisa, I realized that my blog readers might want to know how this 63-year-old lady manages to look only 62 years old! So I will spill the beans here and in tomorrow’s installment of Femulate.
I never had laser hair removal or any other permanent hair removal. Nor am I on or ever have been on hormones.
I get a very close shave using Edge shaving gel and the manual version of the Gillette Fusion razor with a new or nearly new blade (never a blade that has been used more than three times).
After I shave a portion of my face and neck in one vertical direction (three or four swipes up or down), I quickly shave in the opposite direction without reapplying the shaving gel.
After I am done, but while my face is still wet, I feel my face for any rough spots that I missed and go over those spots again without reapplying the shaving gel.
I have two trouble spots that require extra attention. They are under my chin on each side of the center of my chin. Typically, I have to shave these spots in four directions to eliminate the beard... again without reapplying the shaving gel.
I keep a bottle of witch hazel handy in case I nick myself. A light dab of that astringent to the bleeding area usually takes care of the problem quickly and I can continue getting pretty.
The Gillette Fusion razor does a very good job and its results last most of the day. But by late afternoon, I see hairs reappearing usually on my chin.
Here is a trick I learned from Hollywood makeup artist Jim Bridges when he gave me my first makeover at First Event back in 1995. After attending First Event all day long, I would return to my room in the late afternoon, remove all my makeup, shave with a manual razor, then reapply my makeup for the evening festivities. Besides wasting time removing and reapplying makeup, using a manual razor twice a day over a few days resulted in razor burns on my face!
Jim recommended leaving my makeup on and attending to the new beard growth with an electric razor. And then touch up any makeup that the electric razor might have disturbed.
This method saved time and avoided the razor burns. I have used it ever since for full days en femme. By the way, my electric razor is a three-head rotary style razor from Philips Norelco. It has a rechargeable battery that lasts a long time, so if I am on the road for the day en femme, I can even use the razor in my car to fix my face.
In the tomorrow’s post, I will discuss putting stuff on my face rather than taking stuff off my face.
Any questions?
Wearing Spiegel.
I searched around for something like a classic Swiss finishing school which would teach young ladies all manner of feminine skills and strategies. Instead I came across something called the Yin project which was designed to help women get back in touch with their feminine/Yin side!
This was a home study program with teaching calls and tutorial calls. Hmmm! Seemed ideal to me! I asked if I could join the course even though I was transgender and they readily accepted me. They never made me feel like an outsider or somebody who should not be there. Through a number of Skype calls, Rachael Jane (the energy behind the project) got to know me.
After about a year, the Yin Project morphed into the art of feminine presence. In November 2012, there was an intensive weekend and a teacher training in Portland, Oregon. With much trepidation I decided to go.
About three weeks before the course, I had a massive panic attack and decided I could not possibly take a course with about a dozen other women and cancelled. I was going to go to San Francisco first to spend some time en femme.
I find that going to cultural events in San Francisco is about the easiest thing you can do to build up your confidence en femme. Nobody bothers you and even if they notice you, they still do not bother you. People are too dignified and wrapped up in the experience of the occasion to bother. Nonetheless, it still took me a long time to get the confidence to use the ladies’ room even at a cultural event. Now, I don't even give it a second thought.
Anyway, I had decided to spend a few days getting a facial and doing some personal shopping with Rachel Fauman at Ensemble. I cancelled everything. The very thought of what I had planned to do nearly made me sick with fright.
Gradually, I talked myself around and fortunately for me, found my courage again about a week before my departure for San Francisco. It was all on again. I think it was at this personal shopping expedition with Rachel Fauman that she declared my personal clothes style to be “Synagogue Mom.” My wife got a good kick out of that when I told her.
While in San Francisco, I met somebody who has become a good friend of mine: Bella Cho. Bella own and operates a jewelry store on O'Farrell Street in San Francisco.
She has a shop close to the Hilton and her husband makes most of the jewelry. She is a very knowledgeable and wonderful woman. She enjoys bargaining, but is very fair. I wanted a wedding ring and an engagement ring. I had already bought some imitations from the Internet, but they discolored my finger and did not look authentic.
I have this idea that things that you wear all the time should be as authentic as possible. Then you can afford to be less fussy about casual things. So, my hair is real hair, my rings are real gold (though the stones are zirconium) and my boobs are proper prosthetics. Having said all that, I was a bit shocked at having to pay more for my own rings than I had paid for my wife's rings, but I comforted myself by noting that I did buy them for her nearly 30 years ago!
Above is a picture of me taken by Bella in her shop in April 2014. Notice the big hands! Yikes! If you go see Bella, be sure you tell her I sent you… she may even give you a bigger discount.
I left San Francisco en homme and headed to Portland by plane. I got to the hotel the night before the scheduled start of the course. The course was to start at 9:30 AM. I was up at 7:30 to prep and prime myself.
About 9:15, I nervously left my room and headed for the elevator. I stepped out of the elevator and found the registration desk right in front of me. Laurie Silver and Sally were on duty. I told them who I was and they welcomed me warmly and told me how pleased and happy they were that I was there. They gave me my badge and I opened the door and stepped into the room.
There were at least 30 to 40 people there. I was expecting 10 at the most. I very nearly turned and fled. It is one thing to face 8 to 10 women because that is almost close and intimate and not likely to lead to trouble. But to have to face what eventually turned out to be 50 was like facing a mob. None had been forewarned (and that is only right) about the presence of an alien, so some were as shocked as I was. But there was never any animosity or nastiness.
I am proud to say that I was the first transgender person to take the intensive weekend course and do teacher training level 1. I went on later to take teacher training level 2 and am still (as far as I am aware) the only transgender person in the organization.
I made some very good and lasting friends at that course in Portland. Can you spot me in this picture of some of my friends in Portland?
(Part 18 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)
Wearing Sharagano.
Kyle Rehling dressed for the prom in 2011.
