Snowball

In my opinion, as more males dress up as females, it encourages other males who are on the cusp to dress up as females. It is a snowball effect.

In the early 1960s, I was on the cusp. I was a feminine boy, but I had never dressed. Except for comics on television and actors in films, males dressing as females was unheard of in my little world.  Dressing as a female myself never even crossed my mind… until one Halloween.

I recall visiting my aunts' house on Halloween dressed as the Frankenstein Monster. My aunts were all aflutter about a neighborhood boy who had visited them earlier that evening dressed as a girl. He even wore stockings and high heels! Suddenly, dressing as a female myself crossed my mind.

Another Halloween, Billy, my best friend in grammar school urged me to join him trick-or-treating that year. He told me that he dressed as a girl the previous Halloween, planned to dress as a girl again this Halloween and suggested that I dress as a girl, too. I was intrigued, but as feminine as I was, I was not ready to dress as a female because I feared what people would think if I did dress up. (By the way, after adding a lot of twos and twos together, I am certain that Billy was transgender.)

About this time, I was exposed to female impersonators.

My father bought the New York Daily News every day and I noticed that at the end of the week, probably in the Thursday or Friday edition of the News, there would be a thumbnail-sized ad in the back pages of the paper that caught my eye. The ad always consisted of a photo of a gorgeous showgirl that was captioned "Who's No Lady?"

The gorgeous showgirl was no lady, but a female impersonator and the ad was for the 82 Club in New York City, a nightclub that featured female impersonators. I was amazed that males could look like the showgirls featured in those ads. I was so fascinated with the transformation that I began cutting out the ads from the newspaper and collecting them with a paperclip.

Then home alone one day, I started on a voyage that has never ended. I went to my parents' bedroom, found a pair of my my mother's nylon stockings and tried them on. This was so long ago that the stockings had seams (all stockings had seams back then) and my legs were still hairless.

After I slipped on the stockings, I opened my mother's closet to see how my legs looked in the full-length mirror hanging on the inside of the closet door. My legs still looked like my own legs except now they were covered by nylon.

Then it occurred to me that my mother's shoe collection was at my disposal inside the closet. I slipped on a pair of her high heel pumps and examined myself in the mirror again. My legs were no  longer boys'  legs encased in nylon; they had been transformed into a pair of shapely legs that any woman would die for!

After that eye-opener, I experimented with my mother's girdles, bras, dresses, hats, gloves, lipstick, rouge, etc. and got caught up in a snowball that has never stopped growing.

 

 

 

A postcard depicting the professional femulators of
New York City’s 82 Club (also known as “Club 82”), circa 1965.

 

 

 

Wearing Costa Blanca (skirt).

Just Once – That’s All It Takes

 

Femulating in 1970.

 

 

 

Wearing Madeleine.

Random Verbiage

While browsing eMusic, I came upon an album cover that set off my trans radar. The album is Popmusic Is My Life by a musical group named CRèME. The album cover reminded me of the back cover of Lou Reed's Transformer LP, which featured a person dressed as a female and a male.

I Googled and Binged, but did not find anything about CRèME that helped explain the album cover. I may be wrong, but I may be right.

***

Some people were apoplectic over the appearance of drag queens in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. The actors who paraded as drag queens are performing in Kinky Boots, the Broadway musical version of the film of the same name.

The apoplectic are the same people who don't want transwomen using ladies’ restrooms. They are so sad.

***

My wife’s surgery went well and she is recovering. Thank you all who asked about her and passed along your positive thoughts.

***

"There are so many qualities that make up a human being . . . by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant."  –  Paul Newman

 

A blushing bride and her lovely femulating groom.

 

Wearing Madeleine.

Paula Visits Washington – Part 2

By Paula Gaikowski

My next stop was a bit of a stretch goal for myself. I have wanted to get out there as a woman doing things other than shopping; I wanted to interact more with others as a woman. 

George Washington University was having a fall open house. I went back to the room with my new eye makeup, restyled my wig, touched up the rest of my makeup and put on my dark suit that I bought when I was down in Atlanta.  I stopped at the front desk to ask the clerk for directions to the University and she told me how to get there with no look of surprise or shock.

I parked, walked up the steps of the University,  heels tapping, the autumn breeze cool around my legs; “So this is what it’s like,” I thought! I don’t remember being nervous coming into the lobby, where like any other open house, tables were set-up. I spoke with the receptionist and she gave me an overview, and I filled out a questionnaire.  She was friendly, and I believe she read me, but she didn’t miss a beat. I suspect people presume that I am transitioning, but that’s OK with me. In fact, it makes me feel good.

I waited on line to speak with the tech rep, but grew tired and slipped out. I needed to go back to the hotel and get my glasses. Once there, I rode up in the elevator with a businessman, who just said “hello” and asked me my floor number. I had a strange feeling riding the two of us alone. Standing there with both feet together, my arms instinctively crossed against my chest. I could see him in the reflection looking at my legs. Did he smell my perfume? Was he checking me out as I had done to so many women? What was he thinking? The tables had turned. I felt odd. I understood now.

I got my glasses headed out to The Cheese Cake Factory and enjoyed a nice dinner, had great service and was addressed as “Miss.” On my way back to the room, I stopped in the lobby and got a bottle of wine from the Marriott Market; the clerk charge it to my  room.

Off I went back to my room and the Cinderella turned back into a fella <sigh>! What was extraordinary about this trip was that I was going where I wanted, when I wanted with no inhibitions. Once I got into my “girl mindset,” I just went to the different stores and restaurants without thinking. I wasn’t acting like a woman anymore --- I was just being  myself. I am sure some of you girls can relate to this. It was a sea change, one that both thrills me and also scares me a bit.

In the past, when I finished a day out en femme, I was glad to put the pretty things away. This time, I wanted to get dressed again the next morning.

It’s not the clothes that interest me, it’s the lifestyle.

 

 

 

A girl and her guy/girl, circa 2013.

 

 

 

Wearing Paige Denim.

Paula Visits Washington

By Paula Gaikowski

I was up at 3:45 to catch an early flight to Washington Dulles Airport. My plane got in at 7:45 AM and I was at the hotel by 9 AM. I was dressed and out the door by 11 AM. It seems to take at least two hours to get ready these days. This trip came up rather fast, so I didn’t have a lot of time to pick out new outfits.

The first stop was, of course, my dear Nordstrom. I went up to the woman’s section looking for a formal dress. There was only one I was interested in. The sales associate offered to let me try it on. I took a photo, but really didn’t like the way it fit.

I made a run to Payless shoes and found a pair of boots that fit. They were $50 and had to pass. I know I am going to regret that.

After spending the morning trying on all those beautiful expensive clothes at the Dulles Towne Center, I decided to grab some lunch before going to Burlington Coat Factory. I found a Chili’s near-by, had a salad for lunch and once again, nothing out of the ordinary happened. It amazes me that I don’t attract attention; I watch very closely out of the corner of my eye, but don’t see any glances or whispers. I won’t say I pass, but I am doing something fairly well.

In the Burlington Coat, I found three suits that I tried on. One was too big, one was too small and one fit just right. The same suit was on the rack at Lord & Taylor for $240; here it was just $40 in clearance. I loved it. It was beautiful and it made me feel so pretty, but I passed on it because it was really made for a formal event and not the kind of suit one would wear to the office or shopping.

So without having bought anything, I decided to go back to the M·A·C counter back at Dulles Towne Center and have them freshen up my makeup. I wanted to try a new look on my eyes. Of course, the sales associate was the prettiest thing and most friendly.

I just want to add here that if you are a novice or a newbie and you are trying to spread your transgender wings, M·A·C should be your first stop. Whether en drab or en femme, they will greet you with acceptance and a helpful positive attitude. When I read posts from girls asking “Should I tell them it’s a gift?” I answer “No, sister, you tell them they're for me," and your life will open up.

When I chat with sales associates at M·A·C, I always am very open about being transgender. I find this is a great opportunity for outreach and education. What I have found is once you open up, they usually have a ton of questions. This time the big question was “Why?”

It’s hard to answer “Why” on the fly at the M·A·C counter. I adjusted my heels on the foot rest of the high make-up chair I was sitting in, looked down at my nails while I thought a minute, and said something like this, “I have always admired, respected, and envied woman. For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to either be like them or be one myself. After many years of guilt and anxiety, I realized I may be different, but not bad. I do this because I appreciate women and their attributes. I value their nurturing, gentleness, empathy, sensitivity and compassion."

I believe I made my point well; she stepped back, with a thoughtful look on her face, and said “Wow, that’s so beautiful, I wish more men felt that way.” I then thought to myself if more men did they would probably be women or transgender.

 Stunt man Bob Simmons femulating in the 1965 British film Thunderball.

Wearing Daily Look.

Still Hectic

Thank you all for your positive comments regarding my wife's surgery. She is doing good, but she will be recovering for awhile.

Things are still hectic here, but they are starting to fall into a routine. I am a very busy nurse and housewife!

I plan to catch up with my email ASAP, so that makes me a busy corresponding secretary, too.

Daily Makeover had an excellent article today "7 Eyeshadow Mistakes We All Make --- And Shouldn't." Even I learned something and I recommend it.

Hectic as Heck

Things are at an all-time high here hectic-wise.

My wife had major surgery on Monday and I have been going back and forth between home and the hospital for the past two days; the hospital, to keep her company and home, to finish three work assignments that had to be completed by the end of today. Luckily, the hospital is only 10 minutes from the house, so the commute has been easy.

My wife will be coming home later today and I will be playing nurse to her as she recovers. She will require a lot of attention initially, so my blogging time will be limited. (If I had not prepared the previous two blog posts ahead of time, it would have been very quiet here this week.) Meanwhile, the unanswered e-mails are piling up, but I promise to respond to them all as soon as possible.

I want to wish all my readers a Happy Thanksgiving and bon appétit.

Thursday in Two - Part 2

A Thursday Morning Selfie

Outreach

After shopping, I drove to the University and as I pulled into the parking lot where I normally park, I could not help noticing that most of the lot was torn up and under construction.

The guard, who is always gracious to me explained the situation: there was a parking garage down the street in one direction and another further down the street in the other direction and I could take a shuttle bus from the garages to bring me to the classroom. He added there were a limited number of visitor slots in what was left of the torn-up parking lot, but they were not likely to be available at that time of day. I decided to try the visitor slots first and I was a lucky girl as I found two empty slots side-by-side right across the street from the classrooms I would be visiting.

I arrived at the classroom and greeted the professor, Anna Schildroth, and the members of the outreach panel all of whom I had done outreach with in the past, two male-to-females, Maryann and Michelle, and one female-to-male, Quinton.

We started by briefly telling our trans life stories… about five minutes each and then the class splits up with Maryann and I handling questions from one half of the class and Maryann and Quinton handling the other half. Half way through the 75 minutes, we switch off. The logic of the pairings is that Maryann and I are no surgery, no hormone replacement therapy (HRT) transwomen, while Michelle and Quinton have had HRT and Quinton has had top surgery.

The students had a lot of questions and we did not have to pull teeth to extract them, which is nice. Most of the questions were the same or similar to ones we have fielded before, but I did receive one question that I never received before, “Where did you get your sense of style?”

That was not only a question, it was a compliment!

I explained that initially I learned a lot from my mother and that as I grew older, I became a follower of fashion and kept aware of fashion trends, as well as the classics of fashion.

A similar question we were asked was “Who was your role model?”

Again, my mother was the answer on a personal level and Jacqueline Kennedy on a non-personal level. A lot of the women in the class nodded in agreement when I mentioned Jacqueline Kennedy, which was surprising considering that Jackie died before most, if not all of these women were born.

One other question I received, “Do guys try to pick you up?” is one I do not recall receiving before, but was asked by students in both the early and late outreach sessions on Thursday. Go figure! 

After class, we went to the student center to eat and relax until the next class. On the way, I met up with Nora who was a student in the class I did outreach at back in April. She reads Femulate regularly and read that I was coming to the University on Thursday, so she planned to search me out. I was happy to see her again and she joined us at the student center, where we chatted over lunch about her home (Cairo, Egypt), high heel issues, and my lack of Tweeter activity. The time flew by and we had to say our goodbyes because it was time to do outreach with the second Human Sexuality class.

The set-up for the second class was different than the first class because two classrooms were not available. As a result, the class could not be split in half in order to optimize questions for Maryann and me or Michelle and Quinton. We all got our share of questions, but just fewer questions than there would have been if the class had been split in half.

The only unusual question in this session that I recall was directed at all of us. A woman asked “What would be your dream sexual encounter?” I do not remember how the others answered the question, but I did not answer the question because I felt uncomfortable answering it and I was sure how to answer it.

By the end of the class, I was very tired. It had been a very hectic week — sickness, surgery, death — one of those weeks you do not want to relive. Thursday’s day out provided a nice break from all that, although my iPhone kept me in the loop all day long. (What did we do before cell phones?)

The students in both classes thanked us — they always do  — and we thanked them for giving us the opportunity to show them that transgender are real people, too.

Femulating at a Lindsay for Mayor drag party in New York City, 1965.

Wearing Pierre Balmain (dress) and Just Cavalli (skirt).

Thursday in Two - Part 1

Shopping

Thursday was a full day out en femme for me.

I dressed and was ready to go out by 9 AM, but that was too early — the stores were not open yet, so I watched the news and sipped a cup of coffee.

I wore a recent purchase from Avon's Mark line — a turquoise peplum dress, which I accented with silver jewelry (earrings, necklace, watch) and black accessories (bag and heels). I also wore my knock-off Pandora charm bracelet from Avon.

I was on the road at 9:45 and stopped at the mall in Meriden to see a friend who works in JCPenney. We worked closely at a former employer and since then I had run into her at JCPenney a few times in boy mode. Now I wanted to introduce her to Stana.

She is about as tall as I am, so she is easy to spot, but after searching both floors of the store, I did not find her. Not to waste the visit, I looked through the clearance racks at JCPenney, but did not find anything of interest.

I usually find something of interest at DressBarn, so I left the mall and drove to the DressBarn in Hamden, which is only 10 minutes away from Southern Connecticut State University, where I was doing outreach.

I arrived at DressBarn, entered the store and discovered that I was the only customer. The cold weather on Thursday reminded me that I needed a new sweater dress, so I attacked the racks and found some dresses of interest. A young sales representative “started” a dressing room for me and hung my finds in my dressing room to try on whenever I was ready.

I thought to myself that shopping as a woman was wonderful. Look at all the choices I have and I love how the sales reps treat you like a queen.

I found three dresses to try on. The first dress was a long-sleeved, white, gray, and black color-block boat neck sweater dress, which I liked a lot, but it was too big and the next size down was not available.

The second dress was a green sweater dress with an empire waist, three-quarter dolman sleeves and a revealing V-neck collar that fit perfectly. I thought it would be the perfect dress to wear to a Christmas party, so I moved it to the buy-side of the dressing room even though I had no Christmas party to go to… yet.

The third dress was a black faux leather trim sweater dress. The asymmetrical faux leather collar with four functional button closures on the inner left of cowl made the dress. It fit like a glove and also went to the buy-side. I liked the dress so much that I decided to wear it out in place of the peplum dress I was wearing. (It’s not the first time I’ve done that… just an exercise of a woman’s prerogative.)

I paid for the two dresses and since my order broke the $100 mark, I received a free makeup bag, which I did not expect.

Did I mention my feet were killing me?

I was wearing my go-to heels, which seldom give me a problem, but for some reason, they hurt like heck on Thursday. Since there was a Payless store a few stores up from DressBarn, I decided to see if I could find something more comfortable on sale. This Payless had a huge selection of women’s size 11s, 12s, and 13s, so I had fun trying on a lot of shoes.

The most comfortable and stylish shoes I found were a pair of “Menswear Harriet” T-strap pumps (photo above). I wore them around the store and after ten minutes, they still felt comfortable despite their 3-1/2-inch heels, so I bought them. And like the dress I bought at DressBarn, I wore my new shoes out in place of my 4-1/2-inch platform pumps.

By the way, the sales reps at DressBarn and Payless were very friendly and treated me like one of the girls. If they knew I was trans, they never let on and that made the shopping experience that much better.
 

Brolita.

Wearing Ali Rio.

Who's the Boss?

Boys Like Me, Sit To Pee

Two Thursday Classes Outreached

Thursday was a very busy day out en femme and I will tell you what happened as soon as I catch up with my work. But in the meantime, I offer you photos of me and some of the students from the two Human Sexuality classes at Southern Connecticut State University where I did outreach yesterday.

Aunt Tissy Paishawn

Thursday, I will be spending the day as a woman and I am finding it difficult to think about anything else. I don't know about you, but my Aunt Tissy Paishun gets a little intense whenever the time gets closer to my next outing en femme. Which makes me wonder... Would Aunt Tissy go away if I lived as a woman full-time? My guess is that she would probably be around less often and only show up before a big occasion like a wedding or a class reunion. Or before an event where people will meet me as a woman for the first time. I would not miss Aunt Tissy. It would be wonderful to live without her visits and experience the rest of my life as it was intended to be.

 

 

  

One Direction boy band singer Zayn Malik femulating
in the Best Song Ever music video, 2013.

 

Wearing Caterina Leman.

Milady’s Merchandise

Jaye Anne wrote, “Maybe this will be of modest interest to our more self-conscious  sisters”

“Yesterday I went shopping at about 9:30 AM (at Walmart) and in drab, purchased three panties and a new shade of lipstick (I am partial to L'Oreal lipsticks). I checked out and paid the checkout lady, a woman of about 60. She didn't blink an eye, was friendly and wished me well. 

“My point for telling this story is that people in general and women in particular don't care. They do their job and are happy for the sale.  I have, in the past, had the same experience with a skirt and blouse at Lane Bryant.”

I added my two-cents’ worth.

And if they do care, they usually keep mum because it is none of their business.

On occasion, I have had cashiers comment (always humorously) about buying stuff for milady. When they do, I tell them the purchase is for me and show them my photo en femme on my iPhone. That usually blows them away!

By the way, regarding the image above:

1) I’d like to try that while shopping in girl or boy mode, but

2) What are the health issues?

 

 

 

A modern couple dressed in their feminine best.

 

Wearing Rag & Bone.