Things are different now

By Paula Gaikowski

I go into Boston every few months to meet with my therapist and discuss my ongoing life as a transgender woman. I wrote about these visits in a previous Femulate.

Whenever possible I like to go en femme. Having an 11 AM appointment this Friday gave me the perfect window of opportunity to “slip” (pun intended) out of the house. I had a nice printed skirt and black jacket picked out. I made my way into Boston on the Mass Pike past Fenway Park and the Prudential Center and then downtown to BU Medical Center.

I arrived 90 minutes early and strolled around the busy urban campus stopping to buy a bottle of water. Running a gauntlet of construction workers on coffee break, I waltzed in, picked out a bottle of Poland Spring and was served with a smile by the clerk and nary a raised eyebrow from the burly crew of intimidating hard hats.

With my confidence bolstered, I was off and on my way. It was a good feeling to be bustling along the streets of Boston dressed as a professional woman and  I let myself get lost in the daydream of being just like them someday.

Once I arrived to the doctor's office, I used the ladies room, fixed my makeup and hair, then went out to the lobby where it was bright and sunny. I saw a woman about my age sitting there so I figured what the heck, I need to start interacting with people as a woman. I sat down and commented on the traffic to start a conversation. What followed was about a 20-minute conversation about the fall colors, vacations on the Cape verses New Hampshire and Maine, her niece's wedding and concerns for the friend that she was waiting for.

Ordinary and common place would be good words to describe the conversation. But to me it was phenomenal. I was accepted by another as a woman. It was one of the most validating and powerful incidents I’ve experienced en femme to date. So much so that I was off balance emotionally the rest of the day. Last night, I couldn’t sleep and woke up at 3 AM.

I told my therapist about it and we discussed many other things that morning, but this friendly encounter still has me lost in thought and emotions on a beautiful Saturday morning in New England. Something happened, something changed; I don’t know what, but things are different now.

 

Shopping at Nordstrom’s.

 

Wearing Diane von Fürstenberg.

It is a great time to be a tall woman

I am over six feet tall, so I am a tall woman.

In my early teens, I became interested in tall women because they affirmed my existence as a tall woman, that is, I was not the only tall woman out and about in society. Few were as tall as me, but maybe there were enough out there so that I could blend in more easily as just another tall woman.

In the past, tall women tried to blend in with their shorter sisters, so they dressed down (pun intended); instead of celebrating their height, they tried to hide it (to appear less intimidating to men).

Also, tall women did not have a lot to choose from clothes-wise. Few clothiers catered to tall women, so tall women had to make do with what was available, which typically did not celebrate tall women's height.

Today, tall women are out and proud and celebrate their height. They have more clothing to choose from now that more clothiers recognize their potential as customers. They no longer dress down to hide their height. They wear high heels and leg baring skirts and dresses. They don't care if they are intimidating. They've come a long way!

It is a great time to be a tall woman!

To celebrate tall women, I maintain a list of tall female celebrities, my Famous Females of Height List. Here are latest additions to the list, including two Baldwins who are unrelated. However, the 6'2" Baldwin is related to actors Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin (she's their daughter).

5'8" - Emmy Rossum - actress - television - Shameless

5'9" - Emily Deschanel - actress - television - Bones

5'10" - Brooke Baldwin - news anchor - CNN (photo above)

6'0" - Ashlan Gorse - American entertainment journalist - E!

6'2" - Ireland Baldwin - fashion model

 

Andrej Pejic, fashion model.

 

Wearing Alice + Olivia.

Good Luck

After my OMG moment at the mall on Monday, I decided to quit shopping and celebrate my admission into the girls' club by going to the casino and having a little fun.

After a leisurely hour drive, I parked my car at the Mohegan Sun casino and headed to the 25-cents slot machines. I prefer the old school "mechanical" slot machines and sadly (for me), they are being replaced by new school digital slot machines. However, there are still enough old school machines at Mohegan Sun to keep me occupied.

Almost immediately, I won $60 on a 50-cent play.

When I win big, I move on to a different slot machine and shortly after moving, I won $125 on a 75-cent play. Within 15 minutes of arriving, I had gained $185 and an admirer.

I noticed my admirer standing nearby checking me out while I was winning $125. After that win, I switched machines and a few minutes later, my admirer sat at the machine right next to me. The casino was quiet and there were plenty of unoccupied machines everywhere, but this guy had to sit right next to me.

It was flattering, but my admirer was sloppily dressed, needed a shave, and reeked of cigarette smoke (what a catch!). I had no interest in becoming better acquainted, so I cashed out and moved on to a different section of the casino.

Admittedly, I was not dressed to blend (what fun is that?) and as a result, I had some admirers at the casino. For example, I noticed a few times that as I walked by a craps table, there were eyes on me rather than the dice.

I ordered a free drink from a waitress and when she returned a few minutes later, she touched my wrist and wished me, "Good luck, honey" without blinking an eye.

My luck at the slot machines cooled down and I was playing even-steven for a while, so I took a break. I visited the casino's shopping mall where there are some opportunities for a Kodak moment. I stopped a young woman and asked her to take my photo with my iPhone and she happily did so. And after taking a few shots, she said, "You look lovely."

It was all very affirming and very flattering.

I returned to the casino, played even-steven for about 45 minutes, then I won $60 on a 50-cent play. I decided to quit while I was ahead, cashed out and beat the rush hour traffic home.

I had a lot of fun on Monday and look forward to doing it again as soon as possible.

 

Actor Heinz Rühmann femulating in the 1956 West German film Charley's Tante.

 

 

 

Wearing Victoria’s Secret.

Dressed Fashionably

The weather during my vacation was fantastic: no rain, lots of sun and temperatures in the low to mid-70s during the day, cooling off in the evening for perfect sleeping conditions. The weather man predicted more of the same for my Monday outing en femme.

Do I dress for fall or do I dress for summer?

I had put together an outfit for each season, but since I have three months ahead of me to dress for fall, I decided to go with the summer outfit: white shorts (JCPenney), multi-colored top (DressBarn), pink scarf (Avon), black bag (JCPenney) and white wedges (Payless), which are the most comfortable women's shoe I have ever owned. My jewelry consisted of black and silver earrings (Napier), black watch (Avon) and Pandora knock-off charm bracelet (Avon).

The outfit was basically the same one I wore on Thursday of Hamvention week. The difference was that back in May, the only people who saw me in that outfit were the folks I encountered in my hotel and at a gas station somewhere in Ohio. Monday, I would be seen by a lot more people at the mall and at the casino. And so it went.

Since I am breaking in a new hairdo, after I did my makeup and got dressed I spent a lot of time working with my hair trying to get it just so. After a lot of combing and spraying, I was happy with my new do, so I grabbed my purse and hit the road.

Twenty minutes later, I parked my car at the Macy's entrance of West Farms Mall. I received immediate affirmation as I entered Macy's as two female sales reps smiled and greeted me.

An aside: it is so pleasant to walk through the mall, make eye contact and exchange smiles (and sometimes greetings) with other women shopping or working in the mall.

My shopping goal was to buy a blazer. I knew it would be a difficult goal to achieve because I have long arms (my sleeve's not too short – my arms are too long!) I searched through Macy's and JCPenney and found blazers that fit my torso, but none that fit my arms (not even close). So I failed to achieve my goal.

While I was at it, I tried on some skirts in Macy's and JCPenney. I fell in love with a red flirty skirt in Macy's that was a perfect fit, but its $70 price tag kept my wallet at bay.

As I was looking through the racks at JCPenney, a middle-aged African-American woman (probably younger than me) approached me and asked, "Can I ask you a question?"

I had no idea what she was going to ask ("What time is it?" "Where did you buy your shoes?" "Are you a tranny?"). I girded my loins, smiled and agreed to answer her question.

"You're dressed fashionably, so I'd like your opinion about a pair of slacks I was thinking about buying."

Wow! I certainly did not see that coming!

We discussed the merits of the slacks. I did not like what she had picked out and suggested something with a bolder pattern. She admitted that she really did not like what she had picked out and liked my suggestion better.

I pointed out a skirt with a pattern similar to what I had in mind and her eyes lit up as she said, "I saw slacks with that pattern. Now I just have to find them again! Thank-you for your help."

"Good luck," I said.

Then I took a deep breath.

“Oh, my God!” I screamed to myself.

 

Actor Aaron Paul (center) femulating as Breaking Bad’s Jane.

 

 

 

Wearing Robert Rodriguez.

Monday was a Fun Day

At the Mohegan Sun casino.

Fun Day Monday

I have been on vacation. It has been mostly a stay-at-home vacation, but it was very hectic nonetheless; there were a lot of things on my to-do list and I actually got some of them done.

As a result, the blog did not get the amount of attention I usually give it. I imagine regular readers noticed. Things will get back on track after my vacation ends. And soon it ends --- back to work Tuesday.

You nay recall that I started my vacation with a girls' night out. Well, I plan to end my vacation with a girl's day out. Monday I plan to go out en femme… do some shopping and maybe go to the casino afterwords.

Wish me a fun day out!

Actor Charles Busch (right) femulating on stage in Die Mommie Die in 2007.

Wearing Line & Dot (blazer).

Big E, Bad Makeup and Battling Lip Syncers

I spent the day with my family at the Big E today. I was in boy mode, though my heart was in girl mode.

Not much to report trans-wise except for the sighting of a woman with a very visible five o'clock shadow showing through her make-up. Too bad because she was attractive sans the beard.

I did a lot of people-watching and noticed the women who did a poorly job with their makeup. (How could you walk out of the house like that?) The biggest faux pas I noticed were women using the wrong shade of foundation. One young woman in particular looked awful --- here face was a yellowish brown and the rest of her visible skin was her natural skin color, which was not a yellowish brown

I have been on vacation this week and have been watching more late night television that is normally past my bed time when I am working. I particularly like Jimmy Fallon's show. I don't know if the "Lip Sync Battle" is a regular feature of his show, but I really enjoyed the Wednesday night Lip Sync Battle between Fallon, Stephen Merchant, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I just found a video of that Lip Sync Battle and I am passing the link on to you for your enjoyment.

Have a great weekend!

Old School, New School

I tend to be old school, but I am always open to new school and if the new school makes sense to me, I enroll.

Over the weekend, I was putting together outfits and in my opinion, the best way to see if an outfit works is to try it on and examine it in the mirror and/or take some selfies and see how the camera's eye views the outfit.

To get the full effect, trying on outfits necessitates wearing shapewear. So first things first, I opened my shapewear storage box to get out what I needed.

Lately, I have been wearing new school shapewear: Spanx clonewear (camis and briefs) over a waist cincher and Victoria's Secret bra. The bra and waist cincher provide the basic hourglass figure and the Spanx clonewear smooths out the bumps and bulges.

While my shapewear storage box was opened, I noticed two very old school high-waisted panty girdles that I had not worn in ages. Since the first outfit I was planning to try on included figure-hugging leggings, I wondered how they would look over the girdle.

So I tugged on a girdle (its waist was so high that I did not need a waist cincher). Then I slipped on a bra and a Spanx clone cami to smooth things out.

I mixed old school and new school and when I tried on the leggings and a top over the shapewear, I was very happy with the results. The old school-new school combination of shapewear improved my figure noticeably; my tummy was flatter and my waist was narrower than if I wore new school shapewear only.

What more could a girl ask for?

Professional Femulator Harry S. Franklyn, circa 1929

Wearing Chanel.

True Colors Conference Workshop Proposals Wanted

All ready for the 2013
True Colors Conference

True Colors 21, the world's largest LGBTQIA youth issues conference will be held on Friday, March 21 and  Saturday, March 22nd, 2014 at the University of Connecticut in Storrs.  The theme for 2014 explores what it means to play on an equal field in all the areas of our lives: sports, school, community, employment, family, faith, etc. 

Workshops are organized into different tracks geared to different audiences including professionals, general (youth and adults), spirituality, family support, youth only, and college only. (Note that we have two new tracks: family support and spirituality! Workshop proposals must be submitted on line.by Friday, November 1, 2013.  

For more information or to submit a proposal, go here or phone 860-232-0050, ext 301

I have presented trans-oriented workshops at the True Colors Conference in the past and each time has been a rewarding experience.  I plan to submit a proposal for the 2014 installment of the conference and I highly recommend it to anyone who has something to offer our T youth.

Femulators attending a New York City drag ball in 1958.

Wearing Tibi.

Showing Trans

TransPACT (Parents of Connecticut Transkids) will be showing the award-winning film Trans at the Starplex Cinemas in Berlin, Connecticut for one night only: Thursday, October 17. 

Trans is an up-close and very personal journey into the transgender world through the memorable stories and the unusual lives of a remarkable cast of characters.

The event is also a fundraiser for the Jim Collins Foundation, a group that funds surgeries for trans people who need gender confirmation surgery, but cannot afford it. 

There will be a Q&A after the film with Tony Ferraiolo, transgender activist and co-founder of the Jim Collins Foundation. The producer of Trans, Mark Shoen, has also agreed to attend.

Tickets are only available on-line and in advance. Learn all about this event and order your tickets here.

Professional femulator, circa 2000.

Wearing Boston Proper.

Minimalist Skin Care

Today, Daily Makeover had "The Lazy Girl's Guide to Great Skin," but it may as well be titled "The Lazy Femulator's Guide to Great Skin."

Personally, I perform a little more skin care than what is recommended by Daily Makeover, but not really that much more.

I am typing this while watching the Emmy Awards pre-game show, "Live From Red Carpet" on E! and the woman look gorgeous this year So many evening gowns to die for!.

There will be no red carpet, but I will have my own glam opportunity in about a month when I attend One Big Event. When I attended last year, my photo appeared in the Hartford Courant newspaper, so who knows what bodes for me this year.

All the lonely people

After the dining out portion of our girl's night out Thursday, Diana and I drove to the cocktail party at Real Art Ways (RAW).

On the third Thursday of each month, this Hartford art center hosts its Creative Cocktail Hour, which usually includes the opening of a new art exhibit, a live band, finger food and of course, creative cocktails. The crowd is very diverse and the local trans community has been showing up from the get go. In fact, one of my long-time trans friends, Audrey, is on the board of RAW.

My iPhone took me on a different route than Diana, but we arrived at RAW simultaneously! The cocktail hour began at 6 and when we arrived at 6:30, the crowd was sparse. I bought a drink and walked around looking at the art exhibits. Then we staked out a comfy wall-length couch, which became tranny central for most of the evening.

In the past, I have seen up to a dozen transwomen in attendance, but this time I counted only four including myself and Diana. RAW board member Audrey showed up as did another long-time trans friend, Deja. I chatted with Audrey and Deja like forever catching up on each other's lives.

Besides chatting, I people-watched. The size of the crowd was atypical for the RAW cocktail party. It is usually wall-to-wall people, but this time, the crowd was much thinner. Dunno why, but it was. And unlike the restaurant, where I felt invisible, the cocktail hour is a very social environment and people watched each other. Invisibility was impossible.

I noticed a number of beautifully-dressed women in attendance and the length of some of their skirts competed with mine. Some of the woman were very friendly and greeted me as if we were old friends despite the fact we had never seen each other before.

A couple of fellows came over to our group of girls, introduced themselves and chatted for awhile… mostly with Deja and not guy-shy me. (I am guy-shy because I am not interested in guys.)

I made a new friend Thursday night, Shawn. He is a friend of Audrey's and came over to chat with us. After he heard me speak, he was taken aback by my accent. When I told him I was born and raised in Waterbury, he said my accent was unlike any Waterbury accent he had ever encountered before. I mentioned that my first language was Polish and I only learned English after my parents bought a television. He thought that maybe having Polish as my language had something to do with my odd Waterbury accent. We then switched gears and talked about the Red Sox… not the ones we wear on our feet, but the ones that play in Fenway Park.

Audrey and Deja moved on to listen to the live band and Diana left for home. I listened to the band for a couple of songs, but the music sounded muddled. I suspect the acoustics of the room were at fault. Whatever --- it was not something I wanted to continue listening to, so I returned to the comfy couch to people watch.

As I sipped my second glass of lime and seltzer, I watched all the lonely people and suddenly felt lonely myself. I felt bad that I didn't try to break the ice with some of the singles who sat nearby at various times throughout the evening. And I promised to myself to do better next time.

And there will be a next time.

Andrej Pejic, femulating fashion model.

Wearing Avon Mark.

You'll freeze your ass off

I took Thursday afternoon off from work in order to get ready for my girls' night out.

After a leisurely lunch, I began the transformation by shaving and applying my makeup.

A Makeup Tip

Over the years, I have used many brands of mascara. but lately, my go-to mascara is Avon's "Super Extend Extreme Mascara." It adds great length as well as volume to my lashes. It also seems to last longer than some other mascaras.

Yes - I am an Avon representative and whenever Avon introduces a new mascara, I always try a tube and usually I am disappointed and back track to Maybelline, but with their Super Extend Extreme Masacar, Avon finally has got it right.

Now back to our regular programming…

I slipped on my undies, nude thigh high stockings and heels, then I began trying on different dresses and modeling them in our full-length mirror to decide what to wear. Originally, I planned to wear the Avon mark brand "Exotic Edge Dress" I purchased recently, but I was concerned that it was too short.

After trying on a half-dozen dresses, I ended up selecting the Exotic Edge Dress after all. It was the shortest dress of the dozen, but not that much shorter and what the heck --- I was going to a cocktail party sponsored by an art museum. From past experience, I knew my hemline would not be the shortest in attendance (and I was correct).

In addition to the dress, I wore my Nine West Love Fury black patent pumps with their sky-high 4.5-inch heels, black B. Makowsky bag, silver earrings (Napier), silver bracelet (Avon mark) and black watch (Avon).

I spritzed some Chanel No. 22 on all the right places and was ready to go. As I said goodbye to y spouse and daughter, my spouse remarked, "You'll freeze your ass off." Which always makes me smile because it reminds me of the adults in "A Christmas Story" warning Ralphie that, "You'll shoot your eye out." Unlike Ralphie, I never froze my ass off and Thursday night was no different.

I left the house at 4:20 PM and arrived at the Mexican restaurant in Hartford 30 minutes later. Diana's car was not in sight, so I cell phoned her to find out where she was in case she was parked in back and already seated inside. Turns out she was stuck in traffic, so I went inside to get a table.

There was only one table occupied at that early dinner hour, so the gent who seated me said I could sit anywhere I liked. A woman brought menus and I perused the fare while waiting for Diana to arrive.

She showed up about ten minutes later and we munched on chips and salsa while deciding what to order. Soon a waiter came to our table and took our drink and dinner orders. While we waited for dinner we chatted about all things trans.

Dinner was excellent and since we are both trying to maintain our girlish figures, we passed on dessert. Before leaving, I wanted to freshen my lipstick, so I excused myself to the ladies' room where I found the prettiest ladies' room I had ever encountered!

We paid the check and exited to our cars to drive to the cocktail party at Real Art Ways about ten minutes from the restaurant.

There is not much to say about our restaurant experience. It was as if we were invisible to the staff and other diners. We were just two old ladies and nobody paid much attention to us. However, I must add that there were hardly any other diners to pay any attention to us. Only two other tables were occupied while we were there --- the other diners were outside on the patio.

Come back tomorrow for the cocktail party portion of our girl's night out.

Femulating fashion model Dimitry Rublyovsky.

Wearing Boston Proper.