Paula Visits Toronto - Part 2

By Paula Gaikowski

The following is the conclusion of Paula's account of a trip she took to Toronto in December 2010.

I am seated in the restaurant and after about five minutes an Asian man with a strong accent who was seated near me comes to my table and begins asking me something. At first I think he’s asking me if I am alone and would I like company. Becoming a little flustered I finally realize he is asking me if my name is Yvonne. I politely answered no, but then realized later when a female colleague (tall and blonde like me) joined him that he was waiting for someone he hadn’t met before.

Wow - he actually thought I was a woman! My office girl look was authentic enough for him to think that I was his colleague. It just floors me to think that I passed. I know we all say it’s not important, but it’s good to know you are being seen as a woman and not a caricature. I enjoyed my meal, had a couple glasses of wine and went back to my room and slept sweetly.

The next day, I was busy at work, it was very cold, and I was tired. I went out for a good Italian meal at Anna Fazolies and called it a night.

The next night I was still tired and almost didn’t get dressed up, but after I showered, I just had to get out. So I put on my favorite print skirt, my dark jacket, a nice pair of low heels, my new wool coat and off I went. I passed a man in the hallway and he smiled and said, "Hello." I drove to the mall and had to walk a long distance in the snow from the parking lot because of the Christmas shoppers.

I often wondered what it felt like to be out in the freezing cold with pantyhose. Years ago when I worked on Wall Street, I would watch and envy the women coming to work in their pantyhose and heels. When the weather became extremely cold, I would wonder how cold it must be for them. I remember thinking to myself that I would gladly endure such discomfort to be made a member of their sorority.

It was a melancholy thought because deep down I never thought that day would come. But here in the bitter cold of Canada, I felt a connection with those sisters of so many years ago as the Arctic winter winds drifted over my stocking-clad legs. One final note, my legs in pantyhose were no colder than pants.

Whenever I enter a mall for the first time, I’m always a bit apprehensive and wait for that moment of truth. How will everyone react? One step, two steps, 50 yards, 100 yards, and I am moving through the mall without a care and without drawing any attention.

I wanted to find Laura’s, a popular ladies store in Canada and buy a top to go with my new skirt. After wandering the mall and checking several directories, I finally stumbled into a Laura’s. The sales associate was about my age and very helpful. I told her I had just lost a lot of weight. We talked about how good that felt and how much fun it is to buy new clothes. I tried on several tops, but didn’t find anything I liked.

My next stop was MAC to find a lip pencil to match my lipstick. The store was very busy and a sales associate said she would be with me shortly. As I walked around the store, I kept checking the mirrors to see if any of the customers were reading me. Nobody seemed to notice a thing. It makes me feel good to be able to shop and blend in as a woman; it is something that never stops bringing me joy.

The sales associate came over and we tried several shades. She complemented me on a bracelet I was wearing. “Where did you get that --- it’s lovely,” she chimed.
Caught a bit off-guard, I wasn’t sure how to respond and came out with, “Oh thank you. It was a gift... from my husband.”

“HUSBAND,” I shouted in my mind. I couldn’t believe I said that; it sounded so odd, but it also evoked a whimsical reflection of what might have been.

When I went to pay, I fumbled with my purse and it nestled itself quite naturally on a shelf. I noticed for the first time that there was a little shelf on the counter to put your purse as you opened it. As a man, I never realized why that was there, but when paying as a woman, my purse naturally rested there --- just a cute observation seen from the other side of life.

I went out into the mall and slowly window-shopped appreciating my remaining time as a girl. I stop in front of a bridal shop and admired a gown in the window. Lost in thought, I then noticed a sales associate looking out at me. Our eyes met and we smiled at each other as women do.

I finally trudged back to the car through the snow and drove back to the hotel. Two businessmen rode the elevator with me and got off on the same floor, I got off the elevator first, smiled and said, "Thank you."

Back in the room, time had once again run out on this modern-day version of Cinderella. She quietly stepped out of her magic slippers, pulled off her mane of beautiful hair and heartbreakingly turned back into a pumpkin.

 

Actor Robert Caso femulating in the 1993 film The Naked Truth.

 

Wearing JB by Julie Brown.

Paula Visits Toronto - Part 1

By Paula Gaikowski

The following is the first part of Paula’s account of a trip she took to Toronto in December 2010.

Wow - what a great trip to Toronto! I had been planning this for months and although I didn’t do everything I planned, it did turn out great. It was cold, about 20 degrees Fahrenheit and very wintery when I arrived in Toronto that morning.

I checked into the hotel, showered, shaved and started getting dressed. I had recently bought a new red sweater at Kohl’s. It was great to slip into that size XL ladies sweater and see it accent my new figure and curves. I wanted to wear my black skirt, but it was just too cold with snow and cold weather. I don’t think there was a single cisgendered woman in Toronto wearing a dress that day. And if there was, she would be wearing boots which unfortunately, I didn’t have. So I opted for jeans and flats and my new wool winter coat.

My plan was to hit a few of the local malls and then make my way to Eaton Centre a giant underground shopping mall in downtown Toronto. I wanted to try a Reitman’s since I heard so much about them. I found a Reitman’s close by, went in and of course, nobody seemed to notice anything unusual about me. This was my first time out in a few months so I was a bit nervous, but that soon passed.

Next I went to a Payless shoe store and started trying on shoes since there was huge selection of size 12s. I was looking for a pair of winter boots but had no luck. The cool thing was there were other women right next to me and we all just rubbed elbows trying on shoes. It was so much fun. I would keep an eye open to see if there were any looks or whispers and I couldn’t detect anything amiss.

After I was done at Payless my next move was down through the Toronto traffic to Eaton Centre and into the huge underground parking garage. I made sure to note the level and section I parked in, but neglected to remember something else important.

I went up the elevator and started walking around the mall and soon realized I wasn’t in Eaton Centre proper, so I mustered up some courage and asked a female security guard for directions. She was very helpful and called me Ma’am!

Down, across, under and up I went thru the labyrinth of underground connections all the while leaving a mental trail of bread crumbs to find my way back. Out mixing with the throngs of holiday shoppers, once again I went unnoticed. My confidence building as I went into a Laura’s looking for a pair of black pants. The sales associate who assisted me quickly grabbed several pairs of pants and got me into a fitting room. I soon found out that I was now a size 18W and was giddy with the way the pants looked. We tried on several tops and she also brought me a couple of pairs of skirts to try on.

The whole time, the sales associates kept complementing me on how they looked. When I tried on a charcoal grey pencil skirt, I fell in love with it. A size 18W and it fit so nicely accenting my curves. The girls we’re all in agreement that it was just perfect for me and it looked fabulous! It was surreal to be standing there in another country actually living and interacting as a female. It was something I never thought would happen. I bought the skirt at $90 and I still treasure it.

I made my way back to the car and guess what? I went to the orange level, section 2 N, just as I had remembered. But I couldn’t find my car.

Do you know why? Because it was a rental and I forgot the make and color!

I wandered around the dark parking garage, starting to get a little scared. First of all, I am feeling vulnerable as a woman alone in a parking garage. Secondly, if I can’t find my car, what do I do? So I keep walking and clicking my key hoping to see the lights.

I passed another women, who like me can’t find her car. She starts asking me for assistance. I don’t want to say too much and out myself for fear of causing her distress. I shrug my shoulders, smile and we commiserate as only two gals could and kept looking. Finally, I see the tail lights blink.

I pay for the parking and the clerk doesn’t bat an eye. Back at my hotel room I am not ready to call it a night. So I freshen up my make-up, put on my new skirt and decide to dine in the hotel restaurant. I rode the elevator with two chatting business men, who kindly motioned for me to exit ladies first. This small act of courtesy meant so much to me; it is as if society is saying we recognize that you are a woman. As any transgender woman knows, this is something we seek our whole lives.

Part 2 of Paula’s Toronto adventure will appear here tomorrow.

 

Actor Charles-Busch femulating on stage in Die Mommie Die, 2007.

 

Wearing Theyskens' Theory.

How hot?

In honor of the beginning of the Northern Hemisphere's hottest season, I am passing along some movie trivia from IMDB and elsewhere about the hottest femulation film of its time, Some Like It Hot.

Tony Curtis's voice as Josephine was dubbed by Paul Frees (according to co-writer I.A.L. Diamond). Curtis confirmed it by stating the voice you hear as Josephine is a combination of his voice and Frees'. Curtis says he had trouble maintaining a high-pitched voice for an entire take.

Supposedly when Orry-Kelly was measuring all three stars for dresses, he half-jokingly told Marilyn Monroe, "Tony Curtis has a nicer butt than you," at which point Monroe pulled open her blouse and said, "Yeah, but he doesn't have t*ts like these!"

Upon its original release, Kansas banned the film from being shown in the state, explaining that crossdressing was "too disturbing for Kansans".

A cabaret dancer (a man who played women on stage) tried to teach Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon to walk in heels. After about a week, Lemmon declined his help, saying he didn't want to walk like a woman, but a man trying to walk like a woman.

When Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon first put on the female make-up and costumes, they walked around the Goldwyn Studios lot to see if they could "pass" as women. Then they tried using mirrors in public ladies rooms to fix their makeup, and when none of the women using it complained, they knew they could be convincing as women. There is a scene on the train recreating this moment.

In 2008, a Californian man who found a little black dress in his closet was stunned when appraisers for U.S. TV series Antiques Roadshow determined it once belonged to Marilyn Monroe. The frock - which Monroe was sewn into for Some Like It Hot - was estimated to be worth $250,000.

One of the few American movies ever given a "Condemned" rating by the Roman Catholic Legion of Decency.

I remember the first time the film appeared on television in the early 1960s. As a budding young femulator, my eyes were glued to the television set while simultaneously trying to feign disinterest so that no one would suspect my affinity for feminine finery.

Jack Lemmon’s son Chris Lemmon appeared in Vegas showgirl drag in an episode of a 1989-1990 television series titled Open House. His femulation was very good, but I have never been able to track down a photo of that femulation.    

 

Actor Brian Charles Rooney femulating in the 2012 stage production of Bedbugs!!!

 

Wearing DressBarn.

Smells like Gender Role Reversal

While searching the Internet for something else, I found something interesting that is Femulate-related.

My find was a series of short video clips from America's Next Top Model, "a reality television series in which a number of women compete for the title of America's Next Top Model and a chance to start their career in the modeling industry." (source: Wikipedia)

The latest season has both males and females competing. In one of the competitions, the models had to act in a perfume commercial, in which the gender roles were reversed, that is  the male models play the female roles and the female models play the male roles.

Here is the link to the Top Model webpage that has all the video clips from that competition.

Enjoy!

 

Actor Régis Laspalès (right) femulating in the 2002 French film My Wife Maurice.

 

Wearing Rag and Bone (blazer), Equipment (blouse) and Tory Burch (skirt).

Who Knows

The building I work in houses two companies. So today, when we had a fire drill, the employees of both companies filed out to the parking lot.

While I was waiting for the drill to end, I was standing next to one of my fellow workers, who is gay. I mentioned to him that you do not realize how many people work for the other company until there is a fire drill.

He asked me if I had ever noticed the transgender person who worked for the other company. He added that the trans person was very tall, wore heels and did not pass.

I admitted that I had never seen her. And the conversation shifted gears.

Here are a few takeaways from that exchange.

1)   My fellow worker used the word "transgender." It was refreshing to hear a civilian use the correct terminology. Perhaps, the fact that he is gay made a difference and/or maybe he used the correct term in deference to me, which brings up the second takeaway.

2)   He knows I am transgender. (Ya think!?!) Maybe after my three Halloween at work en femme appearances, he put two and two together (or should I say, three and three). He was very good friends with a former employee, who I came out to. She was prone to gossip, so maybe she told him.

3)   If he knows, I am sure other people at work know or at least suspect.
I don't mind or care who knows, but I am always curious about how people find out or figure it out.

 

Three femulators at a bar in Provincetown, Massachusetts, during Fantasia Fair in 1993.

 

Wearing Tahari Arthur S. Levine.

A Google Reader Alternative

I am aware that some readers use Google Reader to read this blog. I am also aware that Google Reader is going away on July 1.

If you are looking for an alternative to Google Reader, may I suggest Bloglovin'. I use it and I am a satisfied customer.

To make the switch from Google Reader to Bloglovin, here is a helpful article: How to Move Your Google Reader RSS Feed to Bloglovin’.

Have a great day!

The Joke Known as "Sizes"

About two weeks ago, I complained here about the "new" Spiegel, specifically that "their sizes now run small --- so small that their largest sizes no longer fit me."

So what possessed me to buy a Spiegel dress a few days later?

It was a very nice looking dress (just my style), but its $8.85 price tag (marked down from $149) is what pushed me over the edge.

I figured that if it did not fit, I would not return it because the shipping cost would eat up its sale price. Instead, I would sell it on eBay, let someone else pay for the shipping and I would probably make my money back (Even Steven!) or maybe make a profit.

The mailman delivered the dress in the middle of last week. I quickly stripped down to my manly underwear and tried it on. I managed to get it on, but it seemed a little tight and I had visions of eBay in its future.

During a break from all the Father's Day festivities (wasn't the parade fantastic!), I found time to slip into my unmentionables and try on the dress as it was intended to be tried on.

It fit perfectly and looked gorgeous!

Back in March, I had to return two size 16 dresses to Spiegel because they were way too small. One was so small that I could not get it on at all and the other was not much better --- I got it on, but it looked terrible because it was so tight.

The $8.85 dress is also a Spiegel size 16, so go figure!

 

Actor Walton Goggins femulating on television’s Sons of Anarchy, 2012.

 

Wearing DressBarn.

Lila and Stana: Separated at Birth

 

Actor Nick Kroll (left) femulating on television’s Kroll Show, 2013.

 

Wearing Minuet.

Potential

Joann Roberts, one of the people who helped me discover my true self died last week.

Jump on the wayback machine to the mid-1980s and you will find me religiously attending my support group meetings twice a month. Those meetings were my only opportunity to be en femme beyond my closet at home and I seldom missed a meeting.

I was still learning the art of femulation back then. My wigs looked like wigs, my makeup was all wrong, my heels were too high and my skirts were too short. (I guess some things never change.)

Besides giving me an opportunity to go out en femme, attending support group meetings helped educate me about the finer points of femulation. By chatting with the other girls in attendance and listening attentively to speakers who appeared at our meetings, I corrected the errors of my presentation.

Joann Roberts was one of our speakers. She spoke for about an hour and then hung back to chat with us as we perused the books she had for sale: her Art and Illusion: A Guide to Crossdressing and her Art & Illusion Companion, which was a supplement to the original Art and Illusion.

I bought a copy of both books. After I paid her, she thanked me for my purchase, then she added, "I could not help noticing you during my talk."

"Huh?" was my clever response.

"You are a natural and have a lot of potential."

I managed to squeak out a "Thank-you" and went on my way.

I will never forget what Joann said to me that night and thanks to her, I have been working on my "lot of potential" ever since.  

 

A femulator in 1970.

 

Wearing Jessica London.

Prom Photo Gal-lery

Not really.

They are photos, but they are not from any prom, nor are they photos of cisgender gals. Rather, they are a selection of the latest photos from various womanless events as uncovered by Starla in her never-ending search of the online high school yearbooks.

My pick for High School Femulator Most Likely To Still Be Femulating Today Award is Miss Nigel, the girl in the lower right corner, who femulated for Halloween back in 1997 at Ingraham High in Seattle.

As usual, I uploaded the new 101 images to flickr and you may view them in two ways:

Method 1: Open one of the Yearbooks sets (A through Z) and you will find the newest uploads at the end/bottom of the set. (The oldest uploads appear at the beginning/top of the set.)

Method 2: Open my photostream and you will find the newest uploads at the top of page 1. The uploads get older as the page numbers get higher with the oldest uploads on the last page.

By the way, the contents of the Yearbook A through Z sets are organized according to school name, for example, the photos from Hard Knox High School would be in the Yearbooks H set.

 

A happy femulator and her date, circa 1955.

 

Wearing Spiegel.

Poland jako kobieta

By Carolyn

In my quest to find the glove quality of yesteryear, I found a couple of glove makers online in Warsaw. Looking at budget airlines, I discovered a roundtrip flight to Warsaw for £38 (about $50 US.) I thought, "Why not" and promptly booked my tickets. I also found a B&B not too far from the city centre and booked that for two nights.

As the departure date loomed, I thought Caro would enjoy this trip too and packed for her. All had to fit into the tiny hand luggage space allowed by Ryanair, but it was not too much of a problem as the weather forecast promised lovely temperatures and sun, so I took my black cotton maxi dress and animal accessories.

I drove to Prestwick Airport in driving rain and sleet and just made the security check in time. The flight was good, short (2-1/4 hours) and uneventful. Getting to the city centre was easy on the bus.I found a cafe and sat in the sun with a beer enjoying the ambiance of a city I hadn't been in before. The weather was gorgeous! I took a taxi to my B&B (15 zł, £3 or $5 US).

On arrival, I was made most welcome by Awa my host. Awa lived on the ground floor and my accommodation was below hers, a lovely basement apartment, decorated beautifully.

I had decided before I departed that Awa must know who would be staying in her apartment and showed her a picture of Carolyn. In a moment or two with a bit of prompting she recognized me and was quite happy about my double identity. I went downstairs promising to return as Caro before I went out for the evening to the old town of Warsaw.

I rested for an hour or so and got ready: long bath, shaved everything needed to be shaved, lots of fake tan with slight sparkle and TV pan stick on my legs (I've got psoriasis), makeup and my black dress and leopard print wrap and matching accessories, not forgetting my kid gloves. I went up to Awa's apartment and she was most complimentary. We discussed where to eat in the Old Town and she ordered me a taxi and off I went.

The Old Town is in fact new, rebuilt in its entirety after the Nazis razed it during the Jewish Uprising. It was lovely strolling around in the warmth of the evening appreciating the coolness of my summer outfit. I chose a restaurant, ordered a glass of Chardonnay, and had dinner just enjoying being Carolyn.

It was lovely sitting overlooking the square watching the people passing by. I have never felt so relaxed as Carolyn, the people I met and talked to were polite even pleasant and never turned a hair. I strolled around some more after dinner having a drink here and a coffee there, returning tired to my flat around midnight. What a lovely introduction to the largest city in Poland.

Next morning, not too early, I got Caro ready again and knocked on Awa's door. I told her that I wanted to go to see some glove makers and she gave me some directions. She asked if I wanted a taxi, but I told her I would take the bus into the centre as the stop wasn't too far away.

I hadn't been able to find out how to pay for the bus ride from the airport the day before. Awa said I had to buy a pass at the many shops who sell them. I was looking for a place when the bus arrived, so got on and was in the centre quickly again without paying.

I had a Polish breakfast, which is as hearty or healthy as you wish (guess which one I chose) and set off to find the first glove maker. Poland still has a number of skilled artisans who operate from small premises producing high quality tailoring, shoes, etc. and what I wanted, gloves. I found the the place fairly easily and after a difficult discussion (me - no Polish, they - little English), I found out that they didn't have the thin kidskin I wanted.

A bit disappointed, I took a taxi to the next place. I say the "next place" because I couldn't find it as the address encompassed a whole block almost! I asked various passersby and eventually I found it. Tiny doesn't describe it. It was about six-feet wide and not much longer, where and old man was working, gloves, patterns and skins everywhere.

I thought, "This looks promising," but after another difficult conversation I discovered with the aid of my digital caliper that he too had no thin material either. I was really downcast, all this way and no joy. I know now the beautiful gloves like there once were are gone for ever, due to no demand for the dress kid operas which were once common, shame! There are other glove makers in Poland, but having done a fair bit of research before I arrived and choosing carefully the ones to visit, I think that's it.

Over a really nice lunch and a glass or two of Chardonnay, I reflected. The weather was beautiful, everyone was treating me like the lady I am  can't be bad. (A woman came up to me as we were waiting to cross the street and said, "Super!"). I was addressed universally as Madame, smiles and courtesy from everyone. Great!

After taking an open top bus tour of the city, I returned home on the bus without paying again and fell onto my bed exhausted but happy. Caro was having a wonderful time.

I woke up as it was beginning to get dark, well no too dark in Northern Europe at that time of year and prepared to go out for diner. I heard Awa coming into her apartment so went up to ask her to come to dinner with me. She said, "Thank you," but she was too busy (she runs three apartments). She ordered a taxi for me to the Old Town, so I set off again to experience the lovely evening.

I chose the most up-market place I could find and had a delicious meal. A seafood medley starter followed veal in a pepper cream sauce and a meringue concoction to finish 'twas wonderful with a bottle of Chardonnay to wash it all down.

I wandered off down through the little streets reluctant to end the evening, stopping for coffee a couple of times, finding myself the last customer in a cafe at the corner of the main square --- it was midnight! My pumpkin was waiting to take me home (well, a taxi). I let myself in and posed again and again in the mirror. Alas it was over, the best experiences ever as Carolyn.

It was morning and my brief stay in Poland was almost over. I went upstairs and Awa and I made our farewells and again I travelled into town on the bus without a ticket. I had another Polish breakfast in the Radio Cafe, famous as the meeting place of the Polish contributors to Radio Free Europe during the Cold War.

It was time to travel to the airport again, you've guessed, without paying. As the bus reached the terminus, I was congratulating myself on the cheap holiday I'd had when a ticket inspector appeared just as I was getting off. The free bus travel I had enjoyed wasn't free after all. I was fined 136 zł (about £27 or $20 US) A bus ride cost 5 zł and I had been wondering what to do with the all the złotys I hadn't spent, ah well!

It was the best time ever as Carolyn. To hell with the glove quest, I had a wonderful time. The Warsawians were either blind or really polite, but it was lovely.

(Stana adds, "For more about dressing as a woman in Poland, visit crossdressing.pl.")

 

A femulator in Poland, circa 2008.

 

Wearing Unrath & Strano.