Very Comfortable in High Heels

Part 4 of My Hamvention Story

In the past, I have recounted my adventures en femme in sequential order, telling you what happened each day and night as it occurred. This time, I will try something different and describe a variety of vignettes in random order.

I continued coming out to ham radio friends at Hamvention who I have not had an opportunity to come out to in the past. Their numbers are dwindling, but there are still a few stragglers out there in ham radio land.

As in the past, the people I came out to this year were fine with it. One fellow, who I have known for over 15 years (and who had no clue who I was until I pointed to my name on my badge) said, "As long as you are happy, that's all that counts."

The ham friends and acquaintances I came out to in past years are used to me. All refer to me as "Stana" and they all use the proper pronouns (she, her). One fellow slips up occasionally, but he is getting better all the time.

Two ham friends, who I have known for over 25 years are super-supportive. Whenever they see me, they are very enthusiastic and often complimentary. At our banquet Friday night, one of them said I looked "beautiful" and after he said that, I felt beautiful.

Some newer ham friends only know me as "Stana" and they are very cool with it. And my new female ham friends consider me part of their club and I am very cool with that.

More than one reader has remarked that they are surprised how well I have been accepted in the ham radio community, which tends to be more conservative rather than liberal. In addition, Dayton is about an hour from the Kentucky state line and as a result, Hamvention attracts a lot of attendees from the South, which also tends to be more conservative. So I had two strikes against me coming out to the Dayton crowd.

My first time at Hamvention 24/7 en femme in 2010, I felt a little uncomfortable going in, but my comfort level increased as I realized there was nothing to fear.

Now, I don't think about the fact I am en femme when I attend Hamvention because I am no longer en femme. My comfort level is such that I am complete as a person when I am en femme --- so complete that I am no longer en femme, rather I am a woman.

I love checking in and out of hotels as a woman. I love driving my car and pumping gas as a woman. I love dining and socializing with friends as a woman. I love doing everything as a woman because being a woman is my nature.

 

Students femulating on stage at Indiana’s Tr-State College, 1911.

 

Wearing Tahari Arthur S. Levine.

Joining a club that would have me as a member

Part 3  of My Hamvention Story

In the past, I have recounted my adventures en femme in sequential order, telling you what happened each day and night as it occurred. This time, I will try something different and describe a variety of vignettes in random order.

There is a international ham radio organization that is intended for hams who have been licensed for 25 years or more. Since I have been licensed for over 43 years, I definitely meet the qualifications for membership and stopped by their booth to consider joining.

Two fellows attended to me and tried to convince me to join. After extolling all the virtues of joining, one fellow added that the club even has a sub-group for its female members.

After that remark, how could I not join.

My Readers at Hamvention

A surprising number of you who are hams and attended Hamvention, stopped by my booth to say hello. You know who you are and I thank you for making the effort.

Another reader e-mailed me that she attended Hamvention on Friday, but she could not find me and suggested that I should have mentioned which booth I staffed.

For reasons I won't go into, I do not mention the exact booth number here. However, as a hint, I have posted photos of me working the booth with my group's banner in the background. Read the banner and you will know which group I represent and the Hamvention program will tell you where my group's booth is located.

I never made it to the Friday night party that one reader invited me to attend. It began at 10 PM and by that time, I was well done and needed to go horizontal. (A lot of good that did me --- I only got about four hours' sleep.) Next day, I ran into the reader who invited me and her wife who is also a ham and explained why I was a no-show; they were very understanding.

One reader gets a special mention for an effort above and beyond the call of duty.

Midday Friday, I was exiting a forum and returning to my booth, when I heard someone call out my name.

I turned around and found the gent who was calling me. Turns out he is a long-time reader of Femulate, who came to the Hamvention just to meet me. He was not a ham and had no interest in Hamvention, yet he paid for parking ($5 to $10 depending on where he parked) and admission ($25) with no guarantee that he would find me among the 25,000 pocket protector wearers in attendance. Wow - what a fan!

For that effort, I was happy to chat with him (or her because she is one of us) as long as she wanted. She seemed genuinely happy to meet and chat with me; I just hope I met all her expectations and did not disappoint.

 

Actors Leslie Hensen and Albert Burdon femulating in the 1933 film It's a Boy!

 

Wearing Zuhair Murad.

Spoken in the Girls' Room

Part 2 of My Hamvention Story

I the past, I have recounted my adventures en femme in sequential order, telling you what happened each day and night as it occurred. This time, I will try something different and describe a variety of vignettes in random order.

When I am en femme, I always use the women's restroom and that's what I did at Hamvention.

Even though the women's restrooms at Hamvention are usually deserted (because only about 15% of the attendees are female), I don't dilly-dally. I do what I have to do in the stall, then I wash my hands and fix my hair and/or makeup if needed.

I was in the restroom touching up my makeup Saturday afternoon when a woman entered and struck up a conversation with me... mostly about the weather, which was hot and humid. Our conversation ended when she realized that she needed to use the facilities and excused herself to enter a stall.

If that wasn't admittance to the girl's club, I don't know what is!

Dumb Blond

Staffing the booth at Hamvention, I got a taste of the prejudices that professional woman face every day.

Approximately 15% of the US ham population are female and the attendees at Hamvention reflected that statistic. By far, the males outnumbered females.

The people staffing the booths at Hamvention also reflected that statistic. Some booths have no females, some of the bigger booths have one or two females, and a few booths have a bevy of women, but they are professional "booth babes" hired to attract customers.

Some of the visitors to our booth must have read me as the equivalent of a booth babe. On a few occasions, fellows approached me at the booth and asked, "Do you know anything?" or some such.

Damn! I probably know more about ham radio than they do. I was so taken aback by the question that I did not have a quick comeback. Instead, I did my duty and politely answered their questions.

Flirting

Countless guys smiled and/or winked at me when they walked past my booth. (I wonder what kind of reaction I would have received if I wore my white shorts outfit while staffing our booth. Maybe next year, I'll find out.)

One fellow, who was staffing another booth nearby visited our booth Saturday afternoon to get better acquainted. He was interested in going out with me, but then he noticed my wedding ring, asked about it and then backed off when I explained that I was happily married.

And so it goes.

 

Charlie femulating circa 1910.

 

Wearing Ryu.

Fetching

Part 1 of My Hamvention Story

In the past, I have recounted my adventures en femme in sequential order, telling you what happened each day and night as it occurred. This time, I will try something different and describe vignettes in random order.

I love the outfit that I wore on Thursday: white shorts, multi-colored top, pink scarf, and white wedges (from JCPenney, DressBarn, Avon, and Payless, respectively).

One of my ham radio friends said that I looked "fetching" in that outfit. I think it suited me perfectly both in style and color and I wish I could have worn it every day of Hamvention.

I met Cyrsti for coffee on Thursday afternoon and we chatted for about an hour seated in my hotel's lobby next to the registration desk. My back was to the desk, but Cyrsti had a clearer view and according to her, "With all those legs of hers (referring to me), there was a poor guy trying to check in who couldn't seem to concentrate on staying in line."

Not So Fetching

The white wedges that I wore for two days were the most comfortable pair of women's shoes I have ever worn.

Thursday, I drove to Dayton (standard transmission) for over four hours wearing the wedges and I continued to wear them until nearly 11 PM.

Friday, I wore them all day while I was at Hamvention and during most of that time, I was on my feet. I changed to my black high heel platform pumps when I changed outfits for the Friday night banquet.

They were pain-free during all the time they were on my feet, but mid-Friday afternoon, there was a problem. The ankle strap on the right wedge stretched out to the point that the shoe kept slipping off my foot as I walked.

Although I was not in pain, walking became awkward as I clenched my toes trying to keep the wedge from slipping off. I inserted some tissue paper under the ball of my foot to push my foot backwards and make the stretched strap more effective. It helped a little, but is not the final solution.

I have shoe pads for the ball of the foot that I can insert in the wedge that should be better than the tissues or maybe I can figure out another way to solve the problem.

 

Femulator crossplaying as Cinderella.

 

Wearing Brahmin (bag).

Catching Up

I am back from Hamvention and have some catching up to do.

I caught up on my sleep last night. (It was the first time I got more than four hours sleep since Wednesday night.)

I have about a dozen e-mails waiting for replies that I plan to respond to tonight.

And I have a trip report to write for you.

I have so many interesting things to tell you that I don’t know where to begin, but I am on the case and will have my stories for you real soon now.

Until then, I leave you with another photo: the outfit I wore to the banquet I attended Saturday night.

 

 

Vicney Zwart, male model.

 

Wearing Red Valentino.

Home

I am home after 12 hours on the road and ready to go to bed, but I just wanted to let you know I am alive and well and have a lot of stories to tell you about my trip to Hamvention. So stay tuned.

Friday

Thursday evening

Thursday morning

A Couple of Things

My Trip

I completed the first leg of my trip, 466 miles in 7-1/2 hours and I am in a hotel on the Ohio side of the Ohio-Pennsylvania border.

I had some MacDonalds cuisine this evening, then painted my toe nails "Innocent Nude" to match my Kiss stick-on finger nails.

After I post this missive, I will trim my eyebrows and go to bed.

Disappearing flickr Account

Many of you have e-mailed me about the disappearance of the flickr account I referred to in Monday's post.

I know nothing about its disappearance and only regret that it did not disappear before I posted about it!

A few people mentioned that this same individual deleted his/her flickr account before, so maybe, it will have a third life.  

My Plans en femme

(I will likely be on the road heading west when you read this.)

Here is my itinerary for my trip to Hamvention in Dayton, Ohio.

Wednesday - I will drive about 8 hours and spend the night somewhere near the western Pennsylvania border.

Thursday day -After a "leisurely" four-hour drive to Dayton, I will check into my hotel south of the city. After I freshen up, I plan to meet up with Cyrsti Hart (of Cyrsti's Trangender Condo fame) for coffee.

Thursday night - I will attend my ham radio group's board of directors meeting, where dinner will be served and where I serve as the group's secretary. (I got the job because I am a writer, not because of my legs.) 

Friday day - At Hamvention all day, I will staff my group's booth, see the sights, and attend presentations, workshops, and forums.

Friday night - I will attend my ham radio group's annual Hamvention banquet. After the banquet, I will go to a party that one of my Femulate readers invited me to attend. (Like most conventions, there are parties every night in every hotel where the hams are staying.)

Saturday day - Same as Friday: I will be at Hamvention all day.

Saturday night - I will attend a ham radio banquet that I have never attended before.

Sunday - I will drive 750 miles/12 hours to my home.

From past experience, I know that my full schedule will not allow me to do much blogging. I will likely post a few words and a few photos. After my return trip, I promise you lots of words to tell the whole story.

 

Actor Jai Rodriguez femulating in television’s Harry’s Law, 2011.

 

Wearing Rachel Zoe wedges.

Updates

Your Suggestions 

You may have noticed that I have already implemented some of your suggestions.

>   I changed the blog's background color and fonts to improve readability.

>   I completely revised the mobile version of the blog to make it more useable.

>   I updated the "femulator archive" (formerly, "the femulated archive"). It now contains 233 images of femulators in films and television shows.

>   Your suggestions concerning topics to broach are on my to-do list and I will address them real soon now.

Thank you for all your suggestions and please keep them coming.

Pass/Fail

I was overwhelmed by your support regarding my ability to pass. Thank you sincerely. During the next few days, I will try to live up to all your kind words!

Go West, Young Lady

My 750-mile roadtrip to Hamvention begins early tomorrow morning.

I packed on Sunday and managed to get most of my female wardrobe (including six pairs of shoes) into one garment bag. A suitcase contains the overflow (my jewelry, wigs, toiletries, etc.) and a minimal male wardrobe. In addition, I have my makeup tackle box and my computer bag.

After reading all your suggestions about just bringing my iPhone in lieu of a camera and computer, I decided to bring everything since (as at least one reader suggested) I am driving myself and have room to spare.

Wish me "bon voyage!"

Swedish professional femulator Rickard Engfors modeling Panos swimwear, circa 2004.

Wearing Spiegel.

Male Pageant Queens and Princesses

A few readers alerted me to a collection of womanless beauty pageant photos on flickr that gets bigger and better every time I see it.

I have seen some of the images elsewhere in the past and some of the images have appeared in Femulate, but a lot of the images are new to me and definitely worth checking out if you appreciate that sort of thing (and if you are reading this, I imagine that you do appreciate that sort of thing).

So visit John Jay Smith's flickr site and see over four thousand images!

Femulating Jhoana Reis, Miss Gay Texas, circa 1969.

Wearing Helmut Lang (vest), Equipment (blouse) and Clover Canyon (skirt).

Happy Mother's Day

(I have told this story here on past Mother's Days, so you may have read it before and I apologize for the rerun. But just like the reruns on television, some are worth repeating.)

Mom was the most influential person in my life and influenced my penchant for crossdressing in a number of ways.

She was beautiful and did not need makeup. Lipstick, powder, and rouge were all she ever used. I know because I enjoyed watching her put on her minimal makeup.

She always dressed like a fashionable lady and that was difficult to accomplish because money was tight when I was a kid. As a result, Mom sewed her own clothes, as well as clothes for my sister.

I guess I was jealous of my sister and wished that Mom would sew something for me, but there were few sewing patterns for boys' clothing. However, I would have been perfectly happy if she sewed a pretty dress for me like she did for my sister.

My Dad was a great guy, but he was not around much when I was growing up. He worked all the overtime he could get to make ends meet. For a few years, he also had a second job.

I can remember way back to my earliest memories when I actually thought that my father was a visitor because his appearances at home during my waking hours were so rare. So, during my formative years, Dad was at work, while my Mom was at home raising my sister and me.

Since I was raised in an environment where the father figure was absent most of the time, it is no wonder that I tended to follow in the footsteps of the only parental figure available to me, my Mom. As a result, I admired her and wanted to do the things she did. I did not know it at the time, but she was my role model.

I was a creative kid and Mom encouraged my creative side. I loved sports, especially baseball, but I was not very good at it (I could hit the ball a mile, but I threw "like a girl"). So early on, I knew where my strengths laid.

I spent a lot of time writing and drawing and my mother supported and encouraged me. Eventually, I became a successful professional writer with a lot of thanks going to Mom.

I looked like my Mom's side of the family and inherited many of her features like her long legs and her facial features. When I do my makeup just so, I look a lot like her; people would mistake us for mother and daughter, i.e., if she were alive and I dressed en femme in her presence.

Besides influencing my creative side, she also influenced my penchant for being feminine.

Mom often commented that because I had such nice legs, I should have been a girl. If she had made that comment once, I probably would have forgotten about it, but it seemed to me that she made that comment whenever she saw my legs bare. Don't you think that may have influenced me?

She also made comments about the way I walked. She said I "tippy-toed," i.e., I walked on my toes. I assumed from her comments that tippy-toeing was not the correct way for a male to walk, but I did not know how to walk any other way. She never showed me how I was supposed to walk, so I just kept on tippy-toeing.

I don't tippy-toe any longer. As I grew older, I must have figured out how to walk like a male. However, all my early years tippy-toeing may have facilitated my walking in high heels because ever since I slipped on my first pair of pumps, I never had a problem walking in heels.

I did not think that Mom knew about my crossdressing, because she never broached the subject despite the fact that I often got into her stuff and even ruined some items that I found out the hard way, were too small for me. I was very much in the closet then and I was just as happy that she did not know. But, she knew.

As newlyweds, my wife and I crossdressed for a Halloween party and when I mentioned our party plans to Mom over the phone, she asked if I had taken my box of "stuff" with me when I moved out.

I don't recall my response, but at that moment, I knew she knew. She never mentioned it again and neither did I.

However, once in awhile right up to her death, she would ask me, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

I always thought she was referring to my crossdressing when she asked and I always said, "No."

In retrospect, I wish I had confided in Mom about me becoming a woman. She was so loving and so supportive that I think she would have helped me. (She was a great seamstress by the way and I can only dream about the outfits she might have sewn for her male daughter.) But, I did not confide in her and I regret it now.

But, if there is a heaven, I am sure Mom smiles down on me when she sees her firstborn dressed en femme enjoying her time as a woman.

So, Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

Your Loving Daughter,

Stana

Clothes Make the Man

Failing to Pass

Comments to Wednesday's post included one that suggested that I not go to Hamvention because "you really don't pass as well as you think you do." My retort is, "How do you know? Have you seen me drive?" To tell the truth, I seldom pass and prefer to stay in the right lane on the highway. I only pass when I absolutely have to. So even if the commenter did see me driving, chances are that he did not see me pass because I seldom do.

Actors Gus Schilling and Joe E. Brown femulating with Judy Canova in the 1943 film Chatterbox.

 

Wearing Stretta.