THE FEMULATED:

Halloween femulations, 1978.

 

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Marc Jacobs.

All Hands

Advice and Tips on Hands

By Paula Gaikowski

One of my favorite sitcoms is Seinfeld. As transgender women, we can all relate to the Seinfeld episode where Jerry’s date cracks open a lobster with somewhat less than feminine hands. Jerry refers to her as having “big meaty paws.”

This kind of talk can be discouraging to us girls. So I have put to together some guidelines on overcoming what Jerry called “man hands.”

The biggest issue is hair. If you are out of the closet and have a supporting spouse you have probably already waxed or shaved your hands and arms. But like many of us, this is not an option for me.

I have always been disgusted by the hair on my hands and arms. Over the last year I have been slowly trimming it back. I use a hair-cutting kit to thin out my arm hair. Running the ¼-inch attachment through your arm hair brings it down to a nice level.

I shave my fingers and parts of my hands and then leave just a bit. I then use a little bit of Sun-In, a product that lightens hair in the summer sun. This will lighten up what’s left. In the winter, you can use a hair dryer with the Sun-In.

Next, if you want be a girl or look like a girl, start acting like one! Take care of those hands. Buy some really good hand cream and keep it at your desk. Wear gloves when doing your manly activities, raking leaves, changing the oil, roofing, etc.

Let’s talk about those nails. I keep my nails a tiny bit long, about a 1/8-inch of white at the tips. When I am on the road for work and planning a day out, I’ll go to any local nail shop.

I usually go in drab the night before my outing and get a French manicure. The French manicure features white tips that are accentuated by a natural looking base.

The nail technicians are typically delighted and fascinated by me. I tell them I am going to a party dressed as a woman and they usually think this is so cool and ask a bunch of questions. Once again, this provides a great opportunity for outreach and education. Never has there been a negative or cold reception. The cost is about $20.00 with a gratuity.

A trick with this manicure to camouflage our larger hands is by having the white tips run a little deeper inward. Normally women have a ½-inch nail tip that is polished white. Instead, we have a ¼-inch of white polish, but it doesn’t extend out past the edge of the finger. This creates the illusion of a longer nail and thus shorter fingers.

I understand that going to a nail salon might not be in the comfort zone of many girls. Another great option that produces fantastic results are Broadway press-on nails. Get the short ones and you will get almost the same effect. I am wearing them in this picture.  The only place I can find the press-on nails is at CVS stores. I wait until there is a two-for-one sale and stock up.

(Stana’s Note: In my neck of the woods, Rite Aid, Stop & Shop, and Walgreen also carry press-on nails, usually the Kiss brand.)

Finally, we send gender clues by the way we move, hold and gesture with our hands. I have seen beautiful transgender women who use masculine hand gestures that look out of place.

Here is an amazingly simple trick that I saved for last: how to make our hands 30 to 40% smaller.

Place you hands flat on the table in front of you. Then take your thumb and place it between your pinky and ring finger. See the difference? Now, add a faux engagement ring on one hand, a birthstone ring on the other, a gold watch on one wrist and a bracelet on the other; teamed with your manicure and hand care makes a huge difference!

A rule of thumb (pun intended): when observing feminine body language, notice that women tend to make themselves smaller. For example, women hold their arms closer to their bodies and cross their legs. Men hold their arms away from their bodies and keep their legs open. You’ll notice that women keep their hands cupped or have their fingers curled inward while holding their hands idle. Women also tend to keep their hands above their waist.

Another typically feminine hand gesture is self-annunciation. This is when a woman demurely touches her hand to her chest when speaking in the first person. “In my opinion, I really think you need to speak to Karen about this.”

Become an observer of women; find a mentor and notice her movements and gestures. Then practice and don’t be afraid to act feminine. When I first started going out in public, I was hesitant to act feminine, then it dawned on me. “You’re wearing a dress idiot!” Of course I should act feminine.

Observe yourself in front of a mirror as you would when rehearsing lines in play. Learn the part and then it will become natural.

One thing I have noticed about transgender women, the girls who look good work at their femme presentation. I’ve covered some of the things you can do to improve the look of your hands.

Being a pretty girl takes time, dedication and effort. It’s not an impossible dream, you will take small steps that add up and someday you’ll be out in public and receive an unsolicited complement. Then you’ll realize that all these tips were…umm “handy.” Okay, I embarrassed myself with that awful pun.

Happy Femulating, Sisters!

THE FEMULATED:

Male dancers femulating back stage in Broadway on Broadway, 2010.

 

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Macy’s.

Outreach

I left you yesterday as the snow turned to rain by the time I got to New Haven to do outreach at Southern Connecticut State University on Tuesday.

I always hope that my visit to the university starts on a positive note when I drive into the school's parking lot and get stopped by the security guard manning the entrance to the lot. Using my soft effeminate voice, I explain to the guard I am speaking to a class at 12:25 and the guard usually responds as sweet as he can be, directing me to the area where I can park, while calling me "Miss" the whole time.

The rain was heavy, but I was lucky and found an empty spot in the lot about 20 steps away from the entrance of the building where I was doing outreach. A quick mad dash (in heels) from my car to the entrance left me mostly dry.

I was the first to arrive, but shortly was joined by the professor and other speakers, both male-to-female like me, but full-time female unlike me. One is older and one is younger than me and I have done outreach with them countless times.

There were about 30 students in the class and they listened politely as each of us gave our trans biographies in a nutshell. Then the students asked us questions and before you know it, the period was over and the next class of 30 or so students replaced the first 30 and we did it all over again. The only difference was that in the second class, a student who is male-to-female joined us.

Students in both classes asked how we came up with our female names and asked me specifically about my nails ("If you only dress as a female a few times a month, what do you do about your manicured/painted nails the rest of the time?")

One student asked how sexually active we were in our youth. (One of us was very promiscuous, the others not so much.)

Another student asked how many wigs I own. (I have lost count, but said I have about a half dozen that I consider my "currently active" group of wigs.)

There were a few questions with a similar theme, that is, what we thought of the current state of acceptance of transgenders in society.

There were other questions, but I don't recall them now.

After each class, we make ourselves available in case any student wants to talk with us. I look forward to the one-on-one and it occurred once after each class on Tuesday. After the first class, a female student came up to me and complimented me on my nails and my appearance in general. After the second class, a female student thanked me for coming to the class to speak.

I decided to drive home immediately after the second class instead of hanging back to read the student's impressions of us. Although it was raining in New Haven, it was likely still snowing in the direction I had to travel. Leaving right after the class permitted me to avoid the rush hour.

I said my goodbyes and when I exited the building, I discovered that the rain was now mixing with snow. (The classroom we were in is in the basement and has no windows, so we were in the dark about the weather.)

Snow was starting to accumulate on the ground in New Haven, but not on the roads and that is what I found all the way home, so traveling was not a problem.

It was another great day out for me and I hope doing outreach opened more eyes about transgenders in a positive way.

(I have told my outreach stories many times in the past and it has become old hat for me, but maybe not for you. If you want me to expand on anything or if you have any specific questions, let me know and I will gladly write more.)

THE FEMULATED:

Comic presenter Graham Norton femulating
on the UK stage in La Cage Aux Folles, 2008.

 

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Spiegel.

Shopping Spree

Tuesday morning, the weather forecast looked foreboding especially for someone who hates to drive in the snow. I figured my all-wheel-drive Subaru would get me through any white stuff that tried to ruin my day, so I went forward with my plans.

The temperature was supposed to be in the 30s all day long, so I dressed appropriately. I wore a blue Victoria's Secret sweater dress that I bought years ago on clearance, but had never wore because I was not sure it looked good on me.

I don't know why I thought that because when I put it on Tuesday morning, I thought it looked fine. Maybe losing weight since I bought that dress made a difference. Along with the dress, I wore my unmentionables, nude hosiery, black booties, silver jewelry, black bag, fake lynx fur coat and the short auburn wig I wore last time out.

I was out the door at 9:45 AM; it was snowing lightly with no accumulation on the ground. I drove to Tonkin's Wigs in Waterbury and arrived just before owner Kathy Tonkin opened the shop.

Kathy has always done me right and I trust her to find the perfect wig for me. She asked if I had anything in mind.

I replied that I liked the auburn wig I was wearing, but wanted something longer.

The first wig Kathy found for me was in the ballpark, but not a home run. The second wig was a grand slam. It is a "Kiera" from Tony of Beverly in the color "wineberry" also known as “chestnut red.” The wig is a little bit retro and a little bit mod.

"Kiera is a fashion forward mid-length. The Hollywood wave. A modern interpretation of lush layered curls. The angled bangs are styled smooth for a cool contrast."

I loved it and did not need to try on another wig. Kathy styled it, I paid for it and wore it out the door.

Next stop was Goddess Plus Size Consignment. I had been in the shop twice in boy mode with my wife when she was looking for a new bag. Now I was solo, en femme, also looking for a new bag, but not just any bag --- I wanted a designer bag.

I perused the display case containing the designer bags that the store had for sale. A black bag caught my eye and I asked the saleswoman to take it out of the case so I could examine it.

It was a B. Makowsky satchel for $80 (it cost $250 new). I examined the bag closely and it was brand new. It still had a B. Makowsky advertising booklet inside, as well as a cloth bag to protect it during storage. I decided to buy it.

Then, I perused the clothing racks and found two dresses that I liked. I took them to a dressing room to try them on.

The first dress I tried on was a New York & Company sleeveless zebra print with ruched sides along the skirt and ties to tighten or loosen the ruched sides, which in effect, shortens or lengthens the hem. It fit perfectly and looked ok in the dressing room mirror, but I wanted to look at the dress in the semi-circle of mirrors that the store had outside the dressing stalls.

I stepped out of the stall, walked to the semi-circled and twirled slowly to see the dress at all angles. The saleswoman thought it looked great on me and I agreed. And it only cost $6!

The second dress was a Dress Barn black sequins sleeveless cocktail dress with a $39 price tag. It also fit well and looked good in the dressing room mirror, but I wanted to see it in the semi-circle of mirrors, too.

As I twirled slowly in the semi-circle, the store owner said my arms looked perfect in the dress. No one had ever praised my arms before! Then she added that my legs were perfect, too.

I bought both dresses and the bag and was very pleased with my shopping experience.

I have no idea if the folks at Goddess knew I was trans, but the store has a reputation of being supportive of the trans community and the staff treated me like a lady. The store has a wide range of clothing in plus sizes, as well as shoes, bags, jewelry and other accessories.

I highly recommend visiting Goddess if you are in the Waterbury area. And while you are in the Waterbury area, I also highly recommend Tonkin's Wigs --- Kathy Tonkin has a great eye for knowing which wigs and colors look best on you and like I said earlier, she has never done me wrong.

The snow was now falling more heavily and accumulating on the ground, but not the road, so I continued on to Southern Connecticut State University in New Haven to do outreach. About half way to New Haven, the snow transitioned to rain and all was right with the world as far as I was concerned.

THE FEMULATED:

Comedians Tim Conway and Flip Wilson femulating on television’s
The Flip Wilson Show, 1972.

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Smythe (jacket) and Madewell (dress).

The Return of the Elusive Leopard

This girl needs a nice pair of beige pumps. So I visited Nine West to see what they had for sale in beige in my size.

I liked their “Flute” (above left), which is a “peep toe pump with all leather upper. 4 1/2" heel and 3/4" platform.” They had it in my size (12) and I ordered a pair.

While I was on the website, just for the heck of it, I checked out their “Fortonight” (above right), which the last few hundred times I checked, was sold out in my size.

They must have restocked because the “round toe pump with 4 1/2" heel and 1" platform” was now available in my size!!! I could not order a pair fast enough.

Both pairs were on sale, too.

I hope they fit. Nine West size 12s always have fit me in the past, so there is an excellent chance these will too.

UPDATE: They arrived today and are a perfect fit!

THE FEMULATED:

Two women circa 1910, one a female (left) and one a male (right).

 

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Diane von Furstenberg.

Out Tuesday

I will spend Tuesday en femme.

In the morning, I plan to go shopping. First, I have an appointment at my favorite wig store to get a new do. Afterwords, I plan to visit a local consignment shop that specializes in clothing for voluptuous girls.

In the afternoon, I will attend two Human Sexuality classes at Southern Connecticut State University to do outreach.

After outreach, I may get a bite to eat if the weather is cooperative. (Snow and rain showers are in the forecast for Tuesday.)

THE FEMULATED:

Male femulates at a lavender graduation.

FEMULATE HER:Wearing Victoria’s Secret.

One Big Event One More Time

I asked MaryEllen Fillo at the Hartford Courant if she would send me the original electronic version of my photo that appeared in the print edition of the newspaper on Tuesday. She graciously e-mailed me the photo and here it is.

MaryEllen was the photographer of the photo and here you can read the online version of her article that the photo accompanied.

Have You Girls Done This Before?

Starla has been hard at work digging through online high school yearbooks. She has uncovered 65 additional images documenting boys being girls and I uploaded the images to flickr to view.*

This set has some interesting things going for it.

The Beaumont (TX) High School femulation dates back to 1938!

There are some excellent femulations in addition to the sample images above. Check out the girls of Lackawanna, Lake Mary and Lakeside High Schools, who had their natural hair done in female styles. Also, note Stagg High School's Steve Wilson and her all-out effort (check out her nails) for Halloween and not some womanless event.    

Which begs the question, "Have you girls done this before?"

And the next question, "Will you do it again?"

* There are two ways to view the newest additions:

Method 1: Open one of the Yearbooks sets (A through Z) and you will find the newest uploads at the end/bottom of the set. (The oldest uploads appear at the beginning/top of the set.)

Method 2: Open my photostream and you will find the newest uploads at the top of page 1. The uploads get older as the page numbers get higher with the oldest uploads on the last page.

By the way, the contents of the Yearbook A through Z sets are organized according to school name, for example, the photos from Hard Knox High School would be in the Yearbooks H set.

THE FEMULATED:

Ken Carson prepares to femulate.

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Ramy Brook.

Stana in the News

Out of the blue yesterday, I received an e-mail from Femulate reader Victoria asking if I had seen my photo from One Big Event in the print edition of the Hartford Courant.

I don't subscribe to the Courant, so I missed.

Victoria and my friend Robin kindly scanned the pertinent page of the newspaper (page D6 of the November 20 edition) and e-mailed their scans to me (see above).

Wow! I guess this is a milestone of some sort. And it is definitely so cool to have my en femme photo published in the oldest continuously-published newspaper in the USA!

By the way, the Courant published other photos of the event online.

THE FEMULATED:

 

Dagwood Bumstead, reluctant femulator, 1943 

FEMULATE HER:

 

Wearing Macy’s

Models Crossing the Gender Divide

You already know about Andrej Pejić and Stav Strashko, the pretty male models who model womenswear.

Well, I just learned about a female model, Casey Legler (above left), who models menswear.

And a 72-year-old Chinese grandfather, Liu Xianping (above right), who models womenswear for his granddaughter's boutique.

Yes, Ray Davies was correct: boys will be girls and girls will be boys.

THE FEMULATED:

 Womanless Beauty Pageant participant “Anita Mann”

 

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Free People

THE FEMULATED:

Actor  née singer Jared Leto femulating
in the film The Dallas Buyers Club, 2013.

 

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Victoria’s Secret

Giving Thanks

At One Big Event Saturday night, I chatted with a friend who I had not seen in a long time. I brought her up to date about what I have been doing the past few years. In conclusion, I said, "I find my life very interesting."

She agreed wholeheartedly.

If you have been following along in my blog, I think you will agree with my conclusion, too.

My life is certainly not boring. I admit that those days when I have to be a boy are not as interesting as those days when I am a girl.

But even when I appear in boy mode, my heart and soul are in girl mode as I think about my latest adventures en femme or plot my next adventure en femme.

Would I wish things were different?

I tell everyone who asks that I would live as a girl 24/7 if I had not made commitments that prevent me from doing so. But I wonder if I did live as a girl 24/7, would my life be as interesting as it is now.

Who knows?

Maybe I will find out someday, maybe not, but in either case, thank God, I'm a transwoman!