THE FEMULATED:

Amaury Nolasco femulating on television's Work It!, 2012

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Spiegel

Girlcation Day

By Paula Gaikowski, Femulate Guest Blogger

"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." – Ferris Bueller

That’s a quote from one of my favorite movies, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. The 1986 farce tells the story of a high school student’s spontaneous day off and his imaginative attempts to keep from being caught by the dean and his parents.

Fast forward to November 14, 2012, visualize if you can an office building along Boston’s high-tech corridor, then a conference room, there a project team is getting ready to meet. They filter in, laptops, cell phones, coffee cups and backpacks. The project manager starts the meeting by taking attendance. Smith?, here!, Hancock?, here!, Reynolds? here!, Gaikowski?... Gaikowski?... Gaikowski?...

Nowhere was she to be found, but out amongst the New England countryside on a beautiful autumn day, there she was, Ms. Gaikowski in all her glory.

I normally spend my time en femme while traveling on business. However, recently I’ve been grounded and have been dying to get out as a girl. Wednesday was a perfect day; the house was empty as other family members were away or busy at work.

I had my doubts as I was suffering from a cold and also sore from doing hurricane clean-up work in New Jersey, so I just wasn’t feeling that girly. But, I put on a favorite black suit and added a leopard scarf; having lost weight everything fit great and just made me feel pretty and confident.

Down the driveway I went only to see my high school-aged neighbor waiting for the school bus. Who goes to school at 9:30 AM?

I waited a few minutes in the car. The school bus came and I was off down the road; my destination was the Paula Young factory store.

First, I stopped at the Dunkin Donuts drive thru for a hot coffee and had a pleasant exchange with the young woman there, who didn’t notice a thing.

Speeding down 495 toward West Bridgewater, I noticed that the coffee I bought was now filling my bladder. As I exited the highway, I stopped a t a Hess mini mart to use the restroom. As I entered the store, I noticed it was filled with several landscape crews who were on break. All of those macho men and in walks a 6-foot blonde in a black suit, black hose and heels.

Needless to say, I was a bit apprehensive, but decided, "Screw it;" I’m a transgendered women, so "Forward march!"

I walked past two guys who checked me out, then down the hall toward the restroom and it was decision time: Men or Women? The girls won.

I took care of business and went back out into the store to see if I was being noticed for anything other than being a well-dressed business woman. There were no whispers, stares or knowing glances;, the men continued taunting each other while I got a coffee to go. I checked out with young a woman who was oblivious.

Did I really walk that gauntlet? During my many years of denial, self-loathing, and the endless cycles of purging, I would sometimes let myself wonder, could I ever go out in public? Would I ever be anything more than a caricature of a woman? Could I ever be perceived as a woman? The question was answered in the Hess station. Yes!
I tell you this because I know that there are many of you girls out there who are frustrated with your situation. It may be an unaccepting wife, feelings of isolation, shame and guilt. You look in the mirror and see an overweight, hairy guy, who’s getting too old too fast and think it’s a lost cause. I tell you my story because that was me three years ago.

So into Paula Young I went only to find that the stores computer systems were down and they couldn’t pull any stock. That meant I could try on any of the display wigs, but could not buy anything. So I spent about 45 minutes working with one of the sales associates. We tried a bunch of different wigs and I got some good ideas for the next time I came in.

They were friendly and helpful. I asked if they get many transgender customers and they replied “Oh yes all the time."

I’m finding that when I ask that question lately, the indication seems to be that more and more of us are getting out. The last time I went to Paula Young about two years ago, they said they had one other crossdresser who came in.

They told me right up front that they were trans-friendly and wanted our business. So no excuses here, girls! The older sales associate, who I was a little apprehensive about at first was wonderful. I found out she has a gay son and she complemented me by saying that she thought I was a woman until I starting talking.

My next stop was a visit to Illusion Wigs in Milford, Massachusetts. Dotty, the owner, is a sweetheart who has always been a friend of the trans community. She taught me how to style my wig, but had never seen me en femme so I decided to stop by and buy some accessories and also visit. Her eyes lit up and when she saw me. She then asked me to turn around so she could get a good look.

“You look stunning!”

That, of course, made my day and then she sat me down in her styling chair and touched up my wig and gave me another short lesson.

I asked “Dotty, am I kidding myself or do I look like a woman?”

“Sweetheart, no question, you look like a woman; you’re perfectly put together, dressed age-appropriate, and you carry yourself wonderfully. I see all kinds and I would tell gently you if you didn’t.”

This acceptance and validation means so much to me in so many ways. I’m still trying to understand it all.

One thing for sure: if you’re thinking of buying a wig or just can’t style yours well, then call Dotty, make an appointment, go in drab and she will help you so much. She actually gave me lessons on how to style my wig. Made me comb it out and style it several times, coaching me along the way.

Next I stopped by a thrift store that I visit each week. The manager didn’t recognize me and was surprised to learn that I was that fellow who stops buy weekday mornings and always getting great deals on designer suits! So that’s who those suits are for!

As time was ticking away on my day off, I made one last stop at the local mall and visited the M·A·C counter to stock up on some pressed powder. Nothing to report here other than a woman getting friendly professional service from the M·A·C artist.

So before the sun set, I made my way home and Cinderella turned back into a fella, content with a great day out as a woman. I’ll end with my own version of that Ferris Bueller quote.

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and put on a pretty dress, makeup and heels once in awhile, you could miss it." – Paula Gaikowski

THE FEMULATED:

“The Cher Within” by Pauly Pants
(Suggested by Juan of New Male Fashion fame.)

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing New York & Co.

Plan B

If the shoe fits, wear it. If the shoe does not fit, wear it anyway.*

I revisited my Shoe Dazzle purchase more carefully last night. Wearing knee-highs. I tried on both pairs again and it was apparent that the leopard print pumps were not a good fit.

Yes, I could squeeze my feet into the shoes, but the fit was tight and from past experience, I knew that I would not be comfortable for long wearing them.

I will return the leopards to Shoe Dazzle and wear the color-block shoes to One Big Event Saturday night. The color-blocks are roomier than the leopards and will be a more comfortable choice for the long evening of dining, dancing and schmoozing.

Buying shoes from Shoe Dazzle is a crap shoot. Eleven is the largest size they sell and that is the size I order; sometimes the fit is fine and sometimes it is not. Luckily, shipping and returns are free, so the experience cost me nothing.

* – The old philosophy of a long-time femulator, who has finally wised-up.

THE FEMULATED:

 Actor Tim Dashwood femulating on stage in
Managing Carmen, Australia 2012
(Source: Aunty Marlena)

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Jones New York

Chasing Leopards

I am attending One Big Event Saturday evening. I plan to wear my purple ruffle dress.

Instead of my black patent open-toe platform sling-backs, I ordered new shoes from Shoe Dazzle. They arrived today and they are a perfect fit.

Patty recommended the color-block pumps with the ankle strap because the purple of the shoe matches the purple of my dress. The leopard pumps were my idea. I wanted a pair ever since I saw a similar pair in a New York Magazine's Fashion Week street style slideshow.

Nine West cloned a pair for $109, but that was too expensive. I waited for the price to drop, but when it did, my size was sold out.

I discovered Shoe Dazzle's leopard offering when I was ordering their color-block pumps, so I ordered their leopard pumps, too.

I like Patty's suggestion of wearing the color block pumps with my purple dress, but I like the idea of wearing the leopard pumps with the purple dress even more.

I went to Dress Barn in boy mode today to buy a leopard clutch to go with my leopard pumps.

The sales woman happened to be one I encountered when I went to Dress Barn on Halloween en femme.

On Halloween, she greeted me with a generic greeting and I assumed she had no clue who I was. In boy mode today, she greeted me like a regular customer (she has waited on me a few times in the past  when I shopped in boy mode).

I asked her if they had the clutch for sale.

She said it was a new item and it had not shown up in their store yet. She checked to see if any other local stores had it, but it was the same story. She suggested I phone her later in the week to see if the clutch came in, which is what I will do.

It is not a big deal. I have an oversized leopard wallet that can serve as a clutch. I also have a leopard patterned pendant to complete my leopard accessorizing.

Before I left Dress Barn, I asked if she recognized me when I was en femme on Halloween.

She said, "No. I did not recognize you."

End of story.

THE FEMULATED: 

Young Femulator

 

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Victoria's Secret

 

School Gurls

Starla found another 180 new high school yearbook femulation images and passed them on to me. I uploaded the images to flickr and you can view them now.

Again, another big "thank you" goes out to Starla for her fine yearbook detective work.

* There are two ways to view the newest additions:

Method 1: Open one of the Yearbooks sets (A through Z) and you will find the newest uploads at the end/bottom of the set. (The oldest uploads appear at the beginning/top of the set.)

Method 2: Open my photostream and you will find the newest uploads at the top of page 1. The uploads get older as the page numbers get higher with the oldest uploads on the last page.

By the way, the contents of the Yearbook A through Z sets are organized according to school name, for example, the photos from Hard Knox High School would be in the Yearbooks H set.

THE FEMULATED:

Femulate reader Mindy as Katy Perry on Halloween, 2012

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Macy's

The Thin Woman

I always had a soft spot in my heart for actress Myrna Loy, so when I had an opportunity to see her in the film The Thin Man on Saturday night, I grabbed it.

It has been a long time (many decades) since I saw the film, so it was as if I had never seen it before. I was not disappointed.

It is a fun film and Miss Loy was wonderful in it. And I fell in love with her wardrobe in the film especially the striped dress she is wearing in the Femulate Her image below. 

I hope you like the changes I made in Femulate over the weekend. Moving The Femulated and Femulate Her images from the left sidebar to the center column offers the following images over the previous arrangement:

1) The images are almost twice the size as they were still in the left sidebar. I think bigger is better in this case.

2) The images do not disappear when I post new The Femulated and Femulate Her images. They will exist for posterity as long as Femulate remains exists.

I just wonder why it took me so long to think up this improvement.

By the way, if you have any suggestions for improving Femulate, please pass them along.

THE FEMULATED: 

Model Andrej Pejić

 

FEMULATE HER:

 Actress Myrna Loy in the film The Thin Man, 1934

THE FEMULATED: 

A 20-Something Femulator 

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Victoria's Secret

Fifth

My Build a Better Bunny Costume was the 5th favorite costume in the Halloween Costume Challenge at Independent Fashion Bloggers (IFB). Thirty people in all participated in the challenge; I believe that 29 were genetic women.

THE FEMULATED:

Akihiro Miwa 

FEMULATE HER:

Wearing Wyatt

Friday Femulations

from Smashing the Binary

Bopping around the Internet this afternoon, I came upon a couple of websites that femulators and gendernauts like you and me might find interesting. (I certainly did!)

* Smashing the Binary

* Van Burnham

By the way, a few of you have mentioned that McAfee SiteAdvisor considers Femulate to be risky. (I would have preferred "frisky," but what can you do.)

So after snooping around trying to figure out what was wrong, I determined that McAfee considers that some of the links listed on the right side of the blog are "risky" because McAfee has not tested them. It assumes the worst, i.e., there is the possibility of a risk even though there may not be any risk at all!

McAfee stands alone on this. I used a variety of other tools to test the website and Femulate received a clean bill of health from every one.

So go figure,

Another Halloween Femulator

Halloween was a week ago. You already read about my Halloween day at work en femme here. Now you can read about Patio Plasma's Halloween en femme.

I planned to go into work on Halloween day 2012 not just femulating, but femulating a woman dressing up for Halloween, I wore a work appropriate costume. Last year I had come as a blonde, high school, assistant principal in a tan skirt suit, very scary. This year I was coming as a goth/scientist inspired by Abby from the TV program NCIS. 

The weekend before Halloween, I gathered all my clothes and wore them making sure that all the accessories fit together, I made some adjustments and after a few hours of experimentation was happy with my look. I shaved my body as I do at least weekly. I then had my nails done in a local salon where my usual nail ladies loved my choice of a dark red (OPI Lincoln Park After Dark) topped by an even darker layer with tiny red sparkles( China Glaze Lubu Heels). They took their time and did a great job.

On Halloween day I got up early, layered on my black foundation garments, breast forms, black Flexees firm control full slip #2364), Wet Seal black lace long sleeve T, black shiny tights, black Calvin Klein dress, black boots with 3” heels, silvery metal belt, dangly earrings, (its distracting to see long dangly earrings swing into view every time you move your head) a black velvet choker and dragon pendant, bracelets, and  rings. Then went to work appplying my makeup.

The darker goth makeup took me longer than usual to put on since I wanted it to look just right. I started with complete MAC fluid foundation. I made dark smoky eyes with dark liner under and over, added dark eye shadow, and false eyelashes. I always shape my brows into a unisex style but with brow powder I can accentuate their female shape. On my lips I used MAC viva glam 1 red under MAC Dark Side. The combined lipsticks gave me true dark goth lips with a hint of red. I put on a black wig, which was shocking for me to see, since I almost always choose to be blonde. 

I’ve been femulating and making myself up every Sunday for a few years going to dinner with friends so my makeup skills are OK but the whole transformation took just under 1.5 hours. I grabbed my black purse, and a larger bag with a pair of flats , just-in-case, plus my work briefcase and drove off to work.

As I walked into the office my co-director, who knows that I femulate on occasion, was obviously pleased to see me. She said that I had chosen a great look. She noted that we wore the same size 14 dress, but that she was size 14 from top to bottom whereas I only needed size 14 for my shoulders and guessed I could get away with a size 8 waist, I corrected her that my waist needed size 10, and we laughed together. She also wanted to duplicate my nails herself. So I gave her my nail polishes so she could do that. What a great start to the day. 

During the day I had great conversations at work.  I was quickly asked did you do your nails? I confessed that in dark colors I go to a professional. Then I was asked if I did my makeup, and I confessed that I did.

During the day I visited the director of HR and she loved my look, we had a great chat. During the day three women mentioned they had dresses just like mine, one said I should wear black more often, one said I looked better as a woman Men and women commented on my 3-inch heels which I wore all day, one guy commented that I looked skilled in the heels. I said “thanks”.

At one point I visited two women who are always stylishly dressed. They loved my dress and encouraged me to wear black more often and to be more stylish all the time (even when not femulating) They then hustled me out for a photo as a threesome of “Women in Black”. 

In the photo I noted that the 3-inch heels plus my 6-foot height make me a tall woman. They also complimented my jewelry and told me the history of each piece. At one point the Executive director saw me, gave me a big smile and a thumbs-up. I received no negative comments all day long.

After work I went to a Halloween party presented by my publisher. The receptionist was awestruck and took my photo. There was another femulator there who was dressed in white as a June Cleaver housewife, looking great. The crew had us stand side by side, black and white for a photo. After the photo we had a good chat. I received an extremely positive reaction from everyone at the party.

It was a fine day for femulation.

Voted

Two words: Barack Obama!!!

Passing vs. Presentable

Blogger’s Note: I am so busy with the election today that I do not have time to post anything new, so I am rerunning the following post from November 2008. Since it is four years old, you may have missed it the first time and despite that I think that the words are still applicable today.

---

“Passing, in regard to gender identity, refers to a person's ability to be accepted or regarded as a member of the sex or gender with which they identify, or with which they physically present.” (from Wikipedia)

I like to think that I pass. Just today, I received an e-mail from a dear friend who wrote, "You pass so well."

But who am I kidding?

I am six feet, two inches tall (or a more dainty five feet, 14 inches tall) and I always wear heels of some height when I am out en femme (OEF). There are not too many women out there who are six-feet-two. (I list the famous ones here.) So, when I am OEF, my height is my biggest giveaway.

I can hear some of you saying to yourself, "Well, Girl, don't wear heels, then you will be shorter."

My response to that is even without heels, my height is still my biggest giveaway and adding three or four inches will not make much difference.

Last Friday at the mall, I passed some of the time.

While I was walking through the mall, I passed a few women walking in the opposite direction, who looked me in the eye and smiled. Of course, I returned the smile. When a woman smiles at another woman, it is a sign of camaraderie, so when a woman smiles at you when you are OEF, it is a good sign that they have accepted you into the club.

On the other hand, I have also passed women in the mall, whose smiles indicate that they have read me as a male. Their smiles (or smirks) indicate that they are mildly amused by my attempt to pass. Go OEF for awhile and you will begin to recognize the difference between smirks and genuine smiles.

At the mall last Friday, there were times when I did not pass.

For example, the saleswoman at Sephora referred to me as "he," then quickly corrected herself and referred to me as "she." I was not offended. When you are up close in another person's face, as when you are dealing with a salesperson, it is more difficult to pass because they are concentrating on you and therefore, are more likely to pick up telltale signs that you are male.

I have gone OEF enough to resign myself to the fact that sometimes I pass and sometimes I do not pass. There is not much I can do about my ability to pass because I believe I have pushed the envelope about as far as I can to emulate a woman without undergoing surgery.

Admittedly, my ultimate goal is to be passable, but since that is not always possible, I always try to make myself look presentable. If I present as the best woman I can be, then I will be less likely to attract attention and will blend in with the real women out there.

On the other hand, if I go to the mall wearing my highest heels, shortest skirt, largest breasts, biggest hair, and thickest makeup, I am going to attract a lot of attention. Dressed so, more people will check me out and thus increase the chances that people will recognize my birth gender.

So, I try to present myself as a real woman would present herself in a similar situation. Last Friday, I even wore dress slacks instead of a skirt in order to be more presentable and I believe that helped.

While I was at Sephora perched on the makeover seat at the front of the store, I did attract the attention of a lot of passerbys, but none of them gave any indication that they recognized me as a male. All they saw was a woman getting a makeover, so they gave me an interested passing glance and went on their way.

It probably helped that I was seated, so that my height was hidden, but I think more important was the fact that I looked presentable in that situation. I really looked like a woman who had been shopping in the mall and stopped at Sephora for a makeover.

One more thing: if you are presentable, other people are more likely to respect you and treat you like a lady even if they know you are not really a lady. If I dress like a teen queen, I am not going to get much respect, but if I dress like a middle-aged woman (with impeccable taste, by the way), I have found that I get respect because I am trying to be a female clone, not a clown.

So, the bottom line is that, of course, you want to be passable, but before you can be passable, you must be presentable. And once you hone your presentation, you may or may not pass, but at least you know you did your best come what may.

Vote

Two words: Vote Today!

Going Forward

Going forward, I have two outings en femme wrapped around Thanksgiving.

On Saturday, November 17, I will attend One Big Event, a benefit for the Hartford Gay & Lesbian Health Collective. I have attended One Big Event twice in the past and since it is a formal affair, it gives me an opportunity to dress to the nines again.

On Tuesday, November 27, I will do outreach at two Human Sexuality classes at Southern Connecticut State University. I have lost count how many times I have done outreach at this venue, but it is always a good day and I look forward to it.