They're For Me!

Lane Bryant - Atlanta

Today, I am happy to present another guest post by Paula Gaijkowski,

As transgendered people, many of us lead lives filled with guilt, fear and anxiety. One of the areas where this affects us greatly is shopping. Whether you are a closeted crossdresser or an experienced girl out and about on a regular basis, you can still harbor anxiety when looking for a new dress, lingerie or shoes. Even now, after going out on a regular basis in cites all over the U.S., I still sometimes get butterflies in my stomach when walking into a store.

Before you can even consider going out into the world, you will need clothes to wear. There are two ways to shop for clothes: either dressed as a woman (en femme) or as a man (in drab). I’d like to discuss shopping in drab especially for our emerging sisters who want to start building their own wardrobe.

So many girls are embarrassed or fearful about going into a store and buying women’s clothing. Let’s start with a rhetorical question, what you are doing? Answer: You’re buying women’s clothes for yourself. Now that may be atypical, but you certainly aren’t alone. Sales associates I’ve spoken with typically see two to three crossdressers a week. So what is it then that keeps you from asking for that LBD in a size 18?

I was fearful because I had not made peace with the fact that I was transgender. I felt that there was something wrong or bad about me. Deep down I was ashamed. By admitting it to a sale associate, I opened myself up for their disapproval of who I am.

Then it dawned on me. I am 52-years-old. I am hard-working and have a successful career. I am financially successful, I am a dedicated husband and father. I give back to my community and I am active in my church. I strive to be caring, kind, and thoughtful. I don’t drink or abuse drugs. I am honest and trustworthy.

This is a part of my personality that has caused me shame and anxiety for years. There are medical and biological reasons for this. It doesn’t make me an awful person, it means I’m different. I won’t feel bad about myself anymore.

Others have lost their power to judge me. I realized that being transgender is no different than being left-handed. One of the best ways to free yourself from these fears is to confront them head on by doing some shopping. Dress Barn, Lane Bryant and Fashion Bug are great places to start. These stores are TG-friendly and have been frequented by our community for years.

When you’re shopping in drab I recommend that you dress nicely. Wear clean, pressed clothes, be clean-shaven and smile. Don’t show up to try on dresses in dirty work clothes. If I am in drab, I like to wear an almost androgynous look, a black knit top and black or khaki pants. You want to depict a positive image. It helps if the likeness they see is a nice man verses, “This guy looks creepy.”

Young sales associates are familiar with transgender people. They are typically informed and probably have friends who are LGBT. They often are the most enthusiastic and even seem to embrace the diversion we present to them. Smile, be polite and don’t waste their time if you are not going to buy anything.

Remember you are not the first crossdresser in this store; they want your business and want to help you. If you’re worried about being recognized, find a store away from home. Some of the stores that actually have official transgender-friendly policies are MAC Cosmetics, Nordstrom’s, and Macy's. Fashion Bug, Lane Bryant, Dress Barn, and Payless are all known in our community for being helpful. That being said, the worst reaction I ever heard any crossdresser getting from a sales associate was indifference. For example: “You can check over there.”

Here’s an illustration of my most recent trip to a Lane Bryant in New England. I was in drab and had not shopped there before.

Sales Associate, “Hi Good Morning, Can I help you?”

Paula (Smile, I always smile!). “Hi I’m shopping for Capri pants and a top… they’re for me.”

Sales Associate, “Do you know your size?”

She didn’t even hesitate. It went great from there on. I bought a nice pair of white Capri pants and asked if I could try them on and also tried several tops, but didn’t like any of them. The sales associate asked me my name and told me hers and was excitedly throwing tops over the dressing room door for me to try on.

One of the most liberating moments in my life was for the first time uttering those words “they’re for me.” When the words came rolling off my tongue, the world stopped; I could hear the clock ticking and the hum of the air conditioning. I had visions of alarm bells going off and a SWAT team bursting out.

Instead I got a smile of approval from the sales associate and a 1000-pound burden of guilt was lifted off my shoulders. I had given myself permission to be transgender. It was an epiphany. The problem was in my head, once I got over this I was able to move forward with my evolution as a woman.

If you want to grow, the only way is to take that step. You have to make a decision to move forward in your journey. Don’t feel you need to do this; perhaps you are comfortable where you are now. I personally had reached a point in my life where the guilt and anxiety was suffocating me.

Presenting a convincing feminine image takes work, planning, discipline, and dedication. If you do nothing, nothing will change. You will be stuck in that cycle of guilt and regret. If you decide to take that step, you will find that your fears were unfounded. This was my experience and also dozens of other girls I have talked to. We all wonder, “What were we afraid of?”

After some time, you will have stores and sales associates that become your favorite. My girlfriends and I all look forward to visiting our own much loved sales associate or preferred cosmetic counter for the latest arrival. When you walk through the mall next time, take it all in, the beautiful dresses, the trendy outfits, the pretty shoes and the gleaming cosmetic counters. Then ask yourself "Who are they for?"

Now you know the answer: “They’re for me!”

Let There Be (the Right) Light

In her blog post, image consultant Ginger Burr asks, "Are you getting dressed in the dark?" and goes on to explain how the correct lighting is so critical to achieving your look.

(Which is why I always use a lighted makeup mirror when I do my makeup.)

Ginger's post is full of valuable information and I highly recommend reading it.

Jim Bridges

Yesterday, Barbara left a comment on my “Street Style Provincetown” post.

Barbara and I go way back. She is one of my oldest friends in the trans world and is the treasurer and also coordinator of registrations and events for Fantasia Fair.

She commented, “Speaking of fashion at the fair... this year we welcome back the Master of MakeUp and Fashion Jim Bridges... who will be an integral part of this year's fashion show onstage and off!”

Jim Bridges is a Hollywood makeup artist. He gave me my first makeover at First Event in 1995.

That First Event was the first trans convention I ever attended and I was in awe the whole weekend.

After watching Jim makeover a random attendee, I was so impressed with the transformation that I made a reservation for a makeover.

His transformation of me was as impressive as the transformation I witnessed earlier. I literally did not recognize myself when he was finished.

"Is that really me?" I wondered when I looked in the mirror for the first time after the makeover.

I learned a lot about how to apply makeup during that makeover including skills that I still use today. I look forward to seeing Jim again and thanking him for helping me become the woman I am today!

School "Girls"

Three "girls" from Eden Prairie High School in Minnesota
look very comely in their cheerleader uniforms back in 1982.

Forty-two new images for the high school (and beyond) Yearbook Femulations collection arrived from Starla and I uploaded them to flickr for your viewing pleasure.

There are two ways to view the newest additions:

Method 1: Open one of the Yearbooks sets (A through Z) and you will find the newest uploads at the end/bottom of the set. (The oldest uploads appear at the beginning/top of the set.)

Method 2: Open my photostream and you will find the newest uploads at the top of page 1. The uploads get older as the page numbers get higher with the oldest uploads on the last page.

By the way, the contents of the Yearbook A through Z sets are organized according to school name, for example, the photos from Hard Knox High School would be in the Yearbooks H set.

Street Style Provincetown

Last week, I posted links to slideshows of street styles in New York City during Fashion Week.

This week, Fashion Week moves across the Atlantic. Here are two slideshows (1 and 2) of street styles in London.

Above is a photo taken by Laurel of street styles in Provincetown during Fantasia Fair in 2008.

I am really jazzed about attending Fantasia Fair next month. If I can pull it off, I will take photos of the street styles in P-Town during Fan Fair and post them here.

A Week in Provincetown

Relaxing at my B&B during Fantasia Fair, October 2010

The Southern Comfort Conference takes place this week in Atlanta. I seriously considered attending, but after weighing all the costs, I decided not to go.

The transportation expenses broke the camel's back.

It is nearly 2000 miles roundtrip. Driving would be less expensive than flying, but driving would take a lot longer. Since this girl does not travel lightly, the expense of flying would be burdened with the added cost of whatever the airline charges for luggage. And if I wanted to get around Atlanta, a car rental would be an additional burden.

Also, as I wrote here last month, "my girl mode and boy mode must take separate vacations because my spouse does not want to vacation with my girl mode. I have no problem with that, but two vacations are not usually in the cards financially" especially if one is as expensive as the Atlanta trip likely would have been.

I was very disappointed about not going to Atlanta, but I accepted the financial realities and moved on.

Last week, my wife indicated that she does not want to go away on vacation this year because of some family health issues. She is ok with day trips, but does not want to take any extended trips away from home.

That freed up a lot of vacation funds, so I began thinking about how to spend it.

It was too late for Atlanta, but Fantasia Fair is a month away. A lot of my friends are going to Fantasia Fair this year, I need a vacation, and most importantly, I need to spend some extended time as a woman again, so I thought about attending Fantasia Fair this past weekend.

Traveling to Provincetown on Cape Cod (the site of Fantasia Fair) is a piece of cake. Pack the car, drive four hours and I am there. The only hitch might be getting a room at this late date, but when I contacted the Bed and Breakfast where I stayed last time, they had one room left, so I grabbed it.

I registered for the event yesterday and now I just have to count the days until I will be able live as the woman I am full-time for a full week.

Her Masculine Brows

Femulating is easier today.

One reason, according to a study mentioned in The Huffington Post, is that women are not plucking and arching their eyebrows to the extent that they had in the past, thus relieving femulators from following suit.

I held off plucking and arching my eyebrows for a long time because I thought that they would give me away. Instead of plucking, I trimmed my eyebrow to neaten the unruly mess.

After trimming, no one noticed and I assumed my eyeglasses hid my handiwork. (I always wear eyeglasses in boy mode, but never in girl mode unless I am driving.)

Since no one noticed, I began plucking my eyebrows to thin them and arch them.

When my eyebrows approximated those of actress Keira Knightley (see photo), I figured if they were feminine enough for Keira, then they were feminine enough for me. So now I just pluck and trim to maintain my Keira eyebrows.

The Lovely Luiss San-Murguia

Luiss is a male model revealed to me in today's post on Juan's The New Male Fashions For The Alternative Man. 

Leopard Skin Platform Pumps

The leopard skin platform pumps in yesterday's New York City Fashion week street style post caught my eye as well as one of the blog's readers, Lynn Jones. The more I looked at those shoes, the more I wanted them.

The source of the photo, New York Magazine's "The Cut," provided no clue about the shoes. I checked all the websites of my usual shoe stores and I found a reasonable facsimile, if not the exact shoe that graced the feet of the fashionista in the photo on the Nine West website.

It is available in my size, but the price is a little high ($109), so I will wait for a Nine West sale before I take the plunge.

Can’t Get Enough Street Styles

Here is another slideshow of fashion week street styles from New York Magazine’s “The Cut.”

Back On the Street

Following up on Sunday's post here about street styles in New York City during this Fashion Week, here are even more photos (294 so far) courtesy of The Huffington Post.

Womanless Wedding: Too Big To Fit

I discovered the following impressive wedding femulation that is too big to fit in The Femulated slot, so I am presenting it as today's post.

This story originally appeared in the December 1952 issue of Confidential.

Enjoy!

Suits Him Fine

This is another Femulate rerun that still makes me laugh!

Femulations of Film and Television

I added 21 photos to the Film and Television set of The Femulated collection on flickr.

There are two ways to view the newest additions:

Method 1: Open the Film and Television set and you will find the newest uploads at the end/bottom of the set. (The oldest uploads appear at the beginning/top of the set.)

Method 2: Open my photostream and you will find the newest uploads at the top of page 1. The uploads get older as the page numbers get higher with the oldest uploads on the last page.

Enjoy!

On the Street

It's Fashion Week in New York City and New York Magazine's "The Cut" has a slideshow of the street styles caught by their cameras on Friday in The City.

I always enjoy seeing street style photos even more than seeing red carpet and catwalk photos because street style photos show what women are really wearing out there in the real world. (Yes - NYC is atypical of the rest of the world, but you know what I mean.)

View the slideshow and get inspired.

Back to School

Two students participating in a womanless
beauty pageant at Surry Central High
School, Dobson NC, in 1975.

Starla passed along 56 new images for the Yearbook Femulations collection and Aunty Marlena added 8 new ones, which I uploaded to flickr today.

There are two ways to view the newest additions:

Method 1: Open one of the Yearbooks sets (A through Z) and you will find the newest uploads at the end/bottom of the set. (The oldest uploads appear at the beginning/top of the set.)

Method 2: Open my photostream and you will find the newest uploads at the top of page 1. The uploads get older as the page numbers get higher with the oldest uploads on the last page.

By the way, the contents of the Yearbook A through Z sets are organized according to school name, for example, the photos from Hard Knox High School would be in the Yearbooks H set.

Enjoy!

Diversity in the Workplace

(A New Yorker cartoon parody.)

This is a rerun, but it still makes me laugh!

Womanless Black & White Ball

On Saturday, Fool's Paradise hosted The Black & White Ball on Fire Island, NY. Photo galleries of this womanless extravaganza are online for your viewing enjoyment. (The photos below are four of my favorites.)

Mainstream Femulating in Japan

Since rising from defeat in World War II, Japan has been a leading source of innovations that have become mainstream throughout the world.

The list of Japanese innovations is long and I will not enumerate them here, but you can view this slideshow to see what I mean. (Yes - I was surprised that the Japanese invented the felt tipped pen, too.)

So which Japanese innovation is going to go mainstream next?

According to a video report from Australian Broadcasting Corporation (ABC), male-to-female crossdressing is exploding in Japan and "is becoming more mainstream in a society that once had rigid gender lines."

I was aware of Japanese femulation, blogged about it here in the past, but I had no idea it was becoming "more mainstream." 

According to the ABC report, "Toshinaga Hijikata has published a series of books offering men advice about cross-dressing. Sales have now passed 130,000 copies. He says Japan is slowly learning that not all men want to be macho."

I researched Toshinaga Hijikata and found the following in an article on The Asahi Shimbun website:

"'It started with (manga and anime). I think it lowered the threshold for wearing women's clothing by attracting attention on the Internet,' says Toshinaga Hijikata, editor in chief at WAaI!, a magazine published by Ichijinsha that specializes in covering otokonoko.

"In 2007, Ichijinsha published Onnanoko ni Naritai! (I want to be a girl!), a book with information on how to dress like a woman. Subsequent books have made it into a three-volume series that has sold more than 110,000 copies.

"Hijikata says that most people who like the 'cute boys' that appear in manga and video games are mainly men, many of whom then try to be like these otokonoko.

"'They simply want to be part of the ideal female community they perceive,' says Hijikata.

"Typical fantasies are the images of young girls playing in a field of flowers or whispering secrets in the corner of a classroom, he says. The otokonoko seek out to be part of the group and the beautiful imagery they project, Hijikata says.

"'Perhaps cross-dressing is their ticket to a women-only world,' he says."

I looked for Onnanoko ni Naritai! and found 44 pages of the book on Photobucket. I also found three volumes of Hijikata's magazine, WAaI! (Boys in Skirts), online here: Volume 1, Volume 2, and Volume 3

Gyrlgling, I found femulating Japanese males everywhere! One link led to another with still more Japanese femulators!

My head was overloaded with all this information and I was convinced that crossdressing was indeed going mainstream in Japan.

As they say at Sony, "What's good for Japan is good for the States."

Will crossdressing become more mainstream in the USA, too?

(Thank you, sissyslave4domme, for the heads-up about the ABC story.)

In Your Dreams - Part 2

I did not recall a single minute of last night's dreams, which is typical for me.

It seems that the dreams that I do remember either include dead relatives or me en femme or both.