Very Comfortable

Today, I will do outreach at a Human Sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University.

A few days ago, Leeanne commented, "You must feel very comfortable in your skin to be able to go into the situations you go into Stana."

Yes, I am very comfortable.

I admit that before I take that first step out the door en femme, I am a little hesitant. Part of it is due to fear and part of it is due to awe.

 "Fear" that something may go wrong. (Except for an occasional wardrobe malfunction, nothing has ever gone wrong.)

"Awe" that I am actually going out en femme and functioning as a woman in society.

I hesitate for only a moment or two, then push myself out the door.

As soon as I hear the click of my high heels on the floor, pavement, sidewalk, or wherever I take those first steps, I stop thinking about being en femme because at that point, I am femme.

Like Father, Like Son

If male-to-female transgenders are called "transwomen," should male-to-female transgender fathers be called "transmothers" ?

Womanless Pick of the Week

Aunty Marlena keeps on finding new links to womanless events on the Internet. The February 10 Womanless Beauty Pageant at County Line High School in Ratcliff, AR is the pick of the week this week.

When Transwomen Go To Church

Aundaray Guess has an interesting post on The Huffington Post about Tyler Perry's film character Madea and the faith communities.

"It's no secret that in the black church there is a great divide over LGBT issues. Although Madea is not transgender, there are aspects of the character that raise questions about acceptance of black transgender women. Many gay men can blend in without being marked as gay, but for many women who are transgender, it is more difficult to blend in and avoid ignorance or rejection from faith communities. Whether transgender or gay, to be accepted in the church one has to 'butch' oneself up, but even then one wouldn't be fully accepted but relegated to the fringe instead. Or one could just join the choir, where there's a sort of unofficial don't ask, don't tell' policy."

Read the rest of the post here.

My Two Cents

Although, Mr. Guess restricts his discussion to the black church, I believe that transgender women and men run into similar walls of rejection in other faith communities.

For example, I attended Mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral en femme without incident (mainly because I was under the radar). However, I doubt if my presence in the Catholic Church would be accepted with open arms if it was known that I was a transgender woman.

What Would Jesus Do?

I am aware that there are other churches that do accept transwomen with open arms, but not the one I attended the first three-quarters of my life.

I truly believe that Jesus would accept me; it’s too bad that many of his followers would except me.

Monday, Monday

"Monday, Monday; can't stand that day"

Except when I am going out en femme on a Monday. And that is the case this Monday when I will be doing outreach at Professor Schildroth's Human Sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University.

This outreach may be a little different than most because there are only six students in the class, all female by the way. Most classes are bigger; as I recall, the smallest class I have outreached before this one had about 15 students.

With larger classes, you would expect a larger pool of questions during Q&A, but that is not always the case because some students seem intimidated by their fellow students and will not ask questions.

With a small group of six, the potential pool of questions will be smaller, but maybe the students will be less intimidated and more willing to ask their questions.

The End of Pantyhose

Before attending my law school reunion, I mentioned reading Ginger Burr's blog  (Are Nude Stockings Posh or Passé?) in which she discussed the benefits of switching from pantyhose to thigh high stockings.

She convinced me and I went shopping for thigh highs to wear to the reunion, but I was unable to find any in the handful of stores I was able to visit. I wore pantyhose to the reunion, but visited my favorite online boutique (Amazon.com) to shop for thigh highs.

Size is always an issue. One man's size 12 is another man's size 16, if you know what I mean. So I usually have to experiment in order to find the right size and since I was experimenting, I did not want to expend a lot of money.

I narrowed my choices to the Berkshire brand of thigh high stockings. The price was right (less than $4 a pair), the customer reviews were good, and their sizes looked promising.

I ordered two pairs in the color nude and in size "Queen 2," which they claim fit heights of 5'6" - 6'0" and weights of 185 - 250 lbs. I am a little taller than 6'0", but at the low end of the weight range, so I figured they might fit.

The stockings arrived yesterday. When I opened the package and removed a stocking, I was disappointed because it did not look long enough. I estimated that it probably might just make it over my knees.

So, I was very surprised when I tried one on. Not only did it make it over my knee, but it made it to the top of my thigh!

So, goodbye pantyhose and hello thigh highs!

The New Switcheroo

Hana Pesut "is a self-taught photographer raised in a small town in the mountains and currently living in Vancouver, Canada. Her main focus in photography is the 'little moments' that people sometimes miss and later wish they had captured. She hopes to inspire others to take more photos in their day to day life."

One of Hana's photography projects is "Switcheroo." In this project, she takes a photograph of people wearing their own clothes, then they switch clothes, and she takes a second photo of the people after the switcheroo.

Not exactly femulations, but interesting and fun nonetheless, the project archives can be viewed here, while the latest Switcheroo photos can be viewed on Hana's blog.

A Bra That’s Fit For A Queen

The folks at Perfectly Petite Lingerie asked me to try a bra that they sell to male customers looking for larger band sizes, but with small cups.

I agreed and in short order, USPS delivered one of their black bras in size 40A. I immediately tried it on and it fit perfectly. The lower part of the cups are slightly padded and underwired to give my boyish breasts a little lift, which results in a more girlish profile. By the way, the bra is so comfortable that I did not realize that the cups were underwired until I read about their design!

As a test, I wore the bra all day one day while attending the Hamvention last month in Dayton and all I can say is that it behaved like a bra is supposed to behave; it did not require any attention the whole time. It fit well and required no adjustments as the day progressed; it was as if I was bra-less.

The bra is a quality product. I was especially impressed with the clasps that seemed of better quality than any others I have encountered in 50 years of femulating.

By the way, Perfectly Petite Lingerie offers a very personal service to their customers, and treat everyone as the individual they are. If people have special requests regarding delivery etc., they are always happy to oblige and often receive e-mails thanking them for our "excellent customer service."

I highly recommend Perfectly Petite Lingerie’s bra for girls like us.

Trying Something New

I just came into a free stash of wax strips by the brand name of "Parissa."

I have never used wax strips and was looking for a little advice from anyone who has used them.

"Parissa's gentle, natural products result in salon-smooth skin that lasts for weeks. Skin stays smoother longer since regrowth is sparser and finer. Parissa products also exfoliate the skin and removes impurities for healthy, radiant skin. Results: smooth soft skin for up to 6 weeks; clean, supple results; safer than lotions & lasers; finer, sparser regrowth."

The part about "6 weeks" really got my attention.

Dress Code

Human Resources sent an e-mail out yesterday titled "Dress Code."

We expect you to report for work in appropriate attire. The image projected by personnel is important to our company’s success. Even though we have adopted a casual dress code policy, you should exercise discretion in selecting clothes suited to a casual business environment.

For example, the following are not appropriate attire for an office environment:

•    Backless or see-through shirts and/or styles that expose the abdomen, excessive skin or undergarments

•    Ripped/torn clothing or jeans and low-rise styles that expose excessive skin/undergarments

•    Miniskirts/dresses, short shorts and cut-offs shorts

•    Stretch/stirrup pants/leggings unless combined w/mid-thigh length top

•    Visible foundation garments, low cut and/or suggestive clothing

•    Clothing that is unwashed or stained

•    Bare feet, over the knee boots and beach shoes (rubber flip-flops)

Ouch - My wardrobe resembles some of that banned attire!

Leaving work yesterday, I mentioned to the receptionist that I will have to start abiding by the dress code.

"No miniskirts for me tomorrow," I remarked.

She laughed.

If she only knew! (And maybe someday, she will.)

In Stana Mode

Some people may think I pushed the envelope attending my law school reunion en femme on Saturday, but it really was not that difficult.

Yes, I had a few butterflies beforehand, but I always have a few butterflies before I go into the unknown. Doesn't everybody?

I clearly recall pulling into the south parking lot of the Basketball Hall of Fame Saturday evening. The parking lot was relatively empty; the only people in sight were a family dressed very casually. There was not a soul who looked liked they were attending a reunion.

I thought, "Do I have the right day for the event?"

I discarded that notion because I immediately recalled that a few days earlier, I had exchanged e-mails with one of the reunion organizers and she wrote, "See you Saturday night."

I drove to the north parking lot and found it a little fuller than the south lot, but the only people I saw were also dressed too casually for a reunion.

I parked my car and while switching from my flats to my heels, I watched out for anybody dressed more appropriately.

A car pulled in and parked in the next row just opposite me. Trees blocked the view, but as folks exited that car I could see their feet hit the pavement and one pair of feet was wearing a killer pair of high heel pumps. I knew then I was in the right place.

After that, all the butterflies flew away and I was completely comfortable in Stana mode.

When I am in that state, I do not even think about being en femme because I am not en femme. Men may be en femme, but women cannot be en femme; it's redundant.

I was not en femme; rather I was presenting as the gender I am. And it was completely natural; it was perfect.

Still More Yearbook Femulation

Hanford (CA) High School, 1986

I uploaded over 20 new images to the Yearbook Femulations collection on flickr. Starla keeps finding them and I keep uploading them --- so you have her to thank for the ever expanding collection!

More

These are things I failed to mention in yesterday's long post about my law school reunion at the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame (photo above).

---xxx---

A couple of my classmates urged me to get involved with my law school's new Center for Gender & Sexuality Studies. I am very interested in doing so, but I don't know if I have anything to offer since I never practiced law.

One of my classmates thought that did not matter because just telling my transgender story would be enlightening to many people just as it was to my classmates who heard it Saturday night.

I do plan to contact the Center and find out if they are interested in me as I am of them. 

---yyy---

The three female classmates who I conversed with extensively at the reunion seldom spoke to me when we were attending law school. I cannot recall having an extended conversation with any of them back then.

So, needless to say, I was very surprised how they interfaced with me at the reunion. It was like we were four old girlfriends reliving the past.

I assure you that I am not complaining, but I was very surprised nonetheless.

---zzz---

I wore flats while driving to and from the Hall of Fame, but I wore heels (my black patent open-toed slingbacks) during the 4-1/2 hours attending the reunion and it was a painless experience thanks to the Insolia shoe inserts. I recommend them highly and plan to purchase more.

My Law School Reunion

Ready to Go to the Hall of Fame

My law school reunion experience was just fabulous, as I wrote in my last short blog post.

For those of you out of the loop, on Saturday evening, I attended my law school reunion at the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, MA.

Getting ready yesterday afternoon, I cut myself badly using a new blade in my razor. It was a deep cut just under my left nostril and it took forever to stop bleeding. As a result, it took me longer to do my makeup, initially working around the cut, then waiting for the bleeding to stop when I could go no further by working around it. Luckily, I started doing my makeup early enough so that any technical difficulties would not affect my arrival time at the Hall of Fame.

I was dressed and out the door (after snapping a few photos) at 4:45 PM to make the 50-mile trip by 6 PM when the cocktail hour began. On the way, the traffic message boards on the interstate informed me that the exit I had to take to switch from I-84 to I-91 was closed and it recommended a detour via another highway. I thought about driving to an exit before the closed exit and trying to work my way to an I-91 entrance, but I was familiar with the recommended detour and figured I would only lose 10 minutes, whereas who knew how much time Plan A would cost me. So I took the detour and lost about 20 minutes instead of 10.

The rest of the trip was smooth-sailing and I arrived at the Hall of Fame at 5:55 PM --- perfect timing!

I entered the Hall of Fame complex and quickly found the site of the reunion. I was in error in that I thought that the reunion would be held in the Center Court banquet hall. Instead, it took place in a smaller banquet hall in the complex. It was not as spectacular as I pictured the Center Court, but it was very nice nonetheless.

I checked in and immediately encountered the woman who I had exchanged a few e-mails with concerning the reunion. I introduced myself; she welcomed me and helped me find my name badge.

There were about 20 people already in attendance. I recognized one of my classmates, CR, a woman who I considered a school acquaintance, not a long lost friend. I said hello to her and she returned a hello, while looking at my name badge trying to figure out who I was (the badge listed Stana, my real last name, and my class year, 1977).

She was carrying a copy of our class yearbook, so I suggested she look me up in the yearbook to refresh her memory. She did and when she put two-and-two together, she exclaimed, "Oh my god! Stanley, you are beautiful now!"

She gushed over how I had changed and then we chatted a bit trying to catch up on the past 35 years in five minutes. CR was distracted by another person, who I did not recognize, so I went to the bar and got a glass of white wine.

My Classmates and I

I mingled with myself for about five minutes, then CR came around again and pointed me the direction of a table where other 1977 classmates were gathering, so I headed in that direction. There I found two other female school acquaintances (PM and LF) and one of my best friends (JB) and his wife.

An aside, as it turned out, there were nine people in my class who made it to the reunion. Four women and five men. All the women came solo and all five men came with their wives. I believe that the three other women are unattached.

Both PM and LF welcomed me with open arms as if we were old girlfriends and not just acquaintances (I think CR had informed them of my presence before I found their table, so they were expecting me). I did not recognize JB immediately, but when I realized it was my old friend, I greeted him warmly and gave him a hug. His wife, EB, introduced herself and she was very welcoming, too. We all exchanged our stories about the last 35 years, but the women were more interested in hearing my story than relating theirs to me. So as not to disappoint, I obliged and held an impromptu outreach session.

Another friend, MM, showed up and he greeted me like the old friends we were.

The cocktail hour flew by and before I knew it, PM was beckoning me to join her at the 1977 table in the dining room. I sat down next to PM and we chatted forever, mostly about me. She assumed that I was a post-op TS and I explained that I was not. Actually, everyone I talked to about being transgender assumed I was post-op and I explained to all of them that I was not.

PM said that I was undoubtedly a woman and that I was more of a woman than she was! She said she never felt like a "woman" and was not sure what it meant to feel like a woman. I basically said we are what we are, but society pigeonholes us as "men" or "women" according to their "standards."

After dinner, which by the way, was excellent, I had a long discussion with EB about being transgender. EB is in the entertainment industry in the City and as a result, she is familiar with  transgenders and knows where I am coming from more or less.

I mentioned to her that her husband, JB, was the person who told me at the law school Halloween party 36 years ago, that he never realized how feminine I was until he saw me in my costume en femme and realized that it was such a good fit for me and my personality, mannerisms, etc.

MM sat down next to me to chat a bit and said that I was very brave to do what I did. And I replied with my standard comeback to the bravery comment, that is, I don't consider it brave to be yourself… to be what who you are. But he said I was too modest and that if he was in the same situation, he doubted if he could do what I did.

Maybe, maybe not, but it was very nice of MM to say what he did. In fact, I received nothing but support and positive words from all my classmates.

I did not mix much with the other attendees; there was not much time to do so. But early on, one woman from the class of 2006 introduced herself and we had a short chat about what we had in common, that is, the mispronunciation of our first names. Her name is Zoe and people call her Zo or Zo-ee.  About half the people pronounced my name correctly (rhymes with Donna) and the other half got it wrong, but I didn't mind.

The only other non-classmate I recall speaking with was a professor who dined at our table and sat right next to me. He began teaching at the school the year after I graduated, so he did not know me from the school, but I asked him about what happened to some of the people I worked with way back when (I worked in the library while attending law school) and he tried to fill me in on what he remembered (not much as it turned out).

The evening ended much too quickly and I was on my way home at 10:30 PM. 

I had a wonderful time to put it mildly!

Just Fabulous!

I had a fabulous time at my law school reunion last night.

I have a lot to write about and I will post those words ASAP. For now, I leave you with a photo of my classmates and four of their spouses (I am seated far right).

Preparation

I began preparing for my Saturday night out to attend my law school reunion.

Yesterday, I configured my GPS to take me to the Basketball Hall of Fame. (It's 46.1 miles, 1 hour and 1 minute from my house to the Hall.)

I washed my wig last night and shaved my armpits this morning.

Still undecided about what to wear, I went through my closet last night and picked out four dresses that I may wear. Tonight, I will look through the storage closet and see if there are any oldies, but goodies to consider.

And after reading Ginger Burr's blog post today (Are Nude Stockings Posh or Passé?), I am grabbing my purse, (I guess I should say "man-bag" since I am in boy mode) and going shopping for thigh highs to wear tomorrow night.

Dress Like Success

Thank you for all your suggestions about what I should wear to my law school reunion Saturday evening. Your suggestions were very diverse running the gamut from dressing conservatively to wearing a mini-dress with a nice casual black jacket (like the main characters in the film Bridesmaids).

Googling the Internet on the subject, I found suggestions that were just as diverse as yours, but I also found something different in "Dress Like Success for a Class Reunion" written by Jeannine Stein for the Fashion Police column of the Los Angeles Times. Although dated June 1, 2001, it is still applicable today.

...let's take a minute to review why most people attend their reunions:

1. They want everyone to know how successful they are.

2. They want everyone to know how great they look.

3. They want to see that the football captain/head cheerleader/class president have become pathetic losers.

Let's be honest--no one goes to reunions to catch up with old friends. If you wanted to catch up, you'd have done that by now. So let's focus on No. 2.
...that is, looking great.

Ms. Stein continues...

Choose a current style that suits you. You want to project an air of self-confidence and sophistication, but you don't want to seem like you're trying too hard. Everyone will pick up on that aura of desperation.

Although there was no dress code on the invitation, we'll guess this is a sport coat/cocktail dress/dressy pantsuit kind of event.The trusty Little Black Dress is always welcome at such occasions, but if that's not your style, there are alternatives.

And so it goes.

How to View the Newest Yearbook Femulations flickr Uploads

A number of people have asked how to view the newest uploads to the Yearbook Femulations on flickr.

There are two ways:

Method 1: The easiest way is to go to my photostream and you will find the newest uploads begin at the top of page 1. The uploads get older as the page numbers get higher with the oldest uploads on the last page.

Method 2: Open one of the Yearbooks sets (A through Z) and you will find the newest uploads at the end/bottom of the set. (The oldest uploads appear at the beginning/top of the set.)

By the way, the contents of the A through Z sets are organized according to school name, for example, the photos from Hard Knox High School would be in the Yearbooks H set.

It's a Little Harder

Pensacola (FL)
Catholic High School, 1980

Attending my law school reunion Saturday is a little harder than most of my real life experiences en femme.

Besides trying to figure out what to wear (thank you for all your suggestions), I am nervous about attending.

I do not have a law practice, so I am not concerned about letting the cat out of the bag to my "peers" and negatively affecting my legal profession.

I had absolutely no nervousness during my Dayton trip two weeks ago, but then again, I had done Dayton successfully en femme twice before, so I knew what to expect and was completely comfortable with it.

I know I probably have nothing to worry about, but I am still a little nervous. Go figure.

I guess not knowing what to expect at the reunion is what is unsettling. But I am sure that as soon as I walk across the parking lot of the Basketball Hall of Fame and hear my heels clicking on the pavement, I will feel so comfortable in my skin that nothing will bother me. 

The Law

By the way, some of you have asked about my law practice.

I never practiced law. I have a Juris Doctor (JD) degree, but never used it.

I went to law school because I did not know what to do after graduating from college. Somebody suggested law, so I applied to a few schools, got accepted, attended class, and did not like it much. But I stuck it out for three years and got my degree.

While I waited for the results of the bar exam, I found a job as a writer (my first love) and never looked back.

Luckily, law school was cheap back then, so I did not invest a lot of money in an unfulfilled goal. Also I met some interesting people and made some great friends during the three-year stint.

Instead of going to law school, I should have gone to New York to live as a woman and work as a female impersonator, but the good ship Lollipop sailed without me a long time ago.

As it turns out, my law school is very active in transgender legal issues. The school launched a new Center for Gender and Sexuality Studies in January where students and alumni, "along with the general public, will gain a valuable new resource for education about how gender and sexuality have become an integral part of 21st century law."

The Center for Gender and Sexuality Studies has a new webpage on the school's website: www.law.wne.edu/gendercenter.

Yearbook Femulations Update

I uploaded 50 new foto finds from friend Starla to the flickr Yearbook Femulations collection. I also uploaded two photos of my 1976 law school Halloween party femulation.

Class Reunion

Saturday evening, I will attend my law school class reunion.

Instead of reuniting just one graduating class, the reunion is for all classes with years ending in "2" or "7." Thus, my 1977 class will celebrate its 35th reunion along with classes celebrating their 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th, et cetera reunions.

The latest head count has 67 graduates plus guests attending including ten grads from my own class. Three of those ten I considered friends when I attended the school. I don't recall one of the ten at all; he might have been in the night school. The remainder were classmate acquaintances, not friends.

I am not sure what to wear to the reunion. I want to dress nicely because the venue is very nice: the Basketball Hall of Fame's "Center Court," which is a grand ballroom with a large domed ceiling and balcony view.

Online photos of recent past reunions show most of the women dressed in conservative suits or dresses. That's not me! I never dress conservatively.

I do have a few days to decide what to wear. Any suggestions?