Words Can Never Hurt Me

It is acceptable for a tranny to use the word "tranny" in reference to another tranny, but it is not acceptable for a civilian to use the word "tranny." Isn't that a little hypocritical? (Actually, I think it is very hypocrital.)

Gender theorist Kate Bornstein had this to say about the word “tranny.”

"That’s the most politically problematic self-definition. I get hit for using it. A vocal contingent of trans people insist that the word 'tranny' is a slur on the order of the 'N' word applied to black Americans. It gets used as a hate term. People will yell 'f**kin’ tranny' and throw a beer can at you from a passing car. My people get spat on, and accompanying that spit is the word 'tranny.' But I own that word. I’m trying to give it a good name."

Does it make it any better if people yell "f**kin’ transgender" and throw a beer can at you from a passing car?

It is not the word, but how it is used that is important.

And speaking of the word "transgender," the whole debate about using "transgender" vs. "transgendered" seems to be much ado about not much. I use the two words interchangeably when I speak, although I have been careful about not using "transgendered" when writing this blog because I don't want to give the Trans-Nazis and Trans-Harpies more ammo to shoot in my direction.

I think I will be less careful in the future,

So, you can call me "tranny," you can call me "transgendered," you can call me "anything you want," but just don't call me late for the shoe sale.

The Thin Man

Thin Man in Orange Dress

Thin Man in White Dress

Thin Man in Orange Dress - Full Length

Gender Debunked

Read an interesting interview of gender theorist Kate Bornstein here.

Guy Talk

No Hassle

Regarding the comments in yesterday's post stating that certain stores are very ok with trans shoppers...

FWIW, here is a list of places I have shopped in the past year for women's clothing en femme or openly en homme* without a hassle. In many cases, store personnel (both male and female) gave me personal attention and helped me find what I was looking for (and even what I wasn't looking for).

Ann Taylor
Avenue
Banana Republic
bebe
Claire's
Deb
Dressbarn
Famous Footwear
Fashion Bug
JCPenney
Jessica McLintock
Kohl's
Lane Bryant
LOFT
Macy's
Nine West
Nordstrom
Payless
Sears
Sephora
Talbots
The Limited
Torrid
Victoria Secrets

* By "openly en homme," I mean I was open about the fact that I was shopping for women's clothing for myself and tried on women's clothing in the store's dressing room.

Shopping at the Barn

Out en femme last Tuesday, I bought three pairs of leggings at Macy's. When I took my leggings home, I realized that I needed a new top or two to wear with my leggings, so I added tops to my to-buy list for the next time I go shopping.

I also noticed that I the majority of my dresses are blacks, grays, and browns, so I also added "colorful dresses" to my to-buy list.

Today, I realized that in two weeks and two days, I will be traveling to Dayton for the Hamvention and time was a'wasting to buy clothes for the trip.

So at lunch time, I grabbed my to-buy list and my Dress Barn dressbarn scratch-off discount coupon and went shopping at the Barn in boy mode.

Saleslady Laura did not bat an eye when I told her I was shopping for myself and she helped me pick out a slew of tops and dresses to try on and that I did.

After tryong on about six tops and eight dresses, two tops and four dresses made the initial cut.

I eliminated one top because I thought it was too pricey and too see-through and I eliminated one dress (navy blue with white polka dots) because it was not "colorful."

My scratch-off coupon only saved me 15%, but I did qualify for a free journal.

Here is what I bought:

Floral Cardigan and Tank Duet (top left). Gracing a tropical wash of watercolors, lacy silver-flecked blooms taper off into ruffling lace-trimmed sleeves and a fluid pointed hem. Attached lace-trimmed tank. Short tiered sleeves. Pointed hem.

I think this duet will go nicely with my black leggings that have lace on the hem.

Collared Floral Dress (top right). Circled by a bright buttoned collar, summery shades of peonies and apple blossoms bloom atop the panels that ring the neck of this shift. 41" length from shoulder to hem. Nonfunctional button on collar. Center back zip.

This dress is so cute; it just skims the top of my knees.

Abstract Cap-Sleeve Dress (bottom left).Gentle gathers crisscross at the bust of a cap-sleeve sheath covered in abstract confetti of watery hues that ripple into a fluid skirt.44" from shoulder to hem. Lined bodice, light shoulder pads. Pull over.

The photo does not do this dress justice. It is hugs my figure, covers my knees (yeah - I know - unheard of), and the color looks great on me.

Bordered Abstract Dress and Bolero Duet (bottom right). This flared frock's leafy splashes of color are complemented by a matching grosgrain ribbon belt and bright bolero. 44" length from shoulder to hem. Hidden back zip with hook-and-eye at top on dress. Fully lined dress; elbow-length sleeves on sweater.

This dress is probably my favorite purchase of the day. The skirt of the dress flares out more than the photo indicates and it looks so good without the bolero, I wear the dress without it.

Now I think I am all set for Dayton except for packing.

New Yearbook Femulations

I just uploaded 23 new high school yearbook images (care of Starla) to the Yearbooks collection on flickr.

Questions

Wednesday's post about participating in a transgender Q and A session with college students in two human sexuality classes raised some questions from my friend Meg of Call Me Meg fame.

***

Meg asked: Are you really surprised when you get Ma'am'd?

Being called "Ma'am" does not surprise me. It did pleasantly surprise me the first few times, but now I expect it and yet it is always nice to hear in an affirming way. (Even better is being Miss'd; the guy selling pizza at the student center on Tuesday called me "Miss" ...taht brought a smile to my face.)

Being called "Ma'am" or "Miss" can be taken a few ways:

- I passed as a woman.

- The person who called me "Ma'am" or "Miss" did not look close enough to figure out that I was not a genetic woman.

- The person who called me "Ma'am" or "Miss" figured me out, but was trying to sell me something, so they wanted to stay in my good graces by addressing me as feminine rather than masculine.

- The person who called me "Ma'am" or "Miss" figured me out, but respected my gender presentation and addressed me as feminine rather than masculine.

A funny story: When I went to work in office girl drag on Halloween a few years ago, shortly after getting to the office, my pantyhose began running like crazy! I don't know if they were defective or I was careless, but by 10 AM, I had three runs that were getting bigger by the minute. I wanted to look my best for the costume contest, so I left the building for a few minutes and drove to a nearby CVS to buy a new pair.

I parked the car and walked into CVS passing a handful of people who paid me no mind. I entered the store and to avoid causing a commotion, I went to the first salesgirl I saw and explained that I ran the pantyhose of my Halloween costume and needed a new pair.

"Hosiery is in aisle eight, Ma'am," she replied, unfazed by my Halloween costume hint.

I guess I was not going to cause a commotion, so I went to aisle eight, picked out a pair, then I went to the register where the same salesgirl rang me up without a clue.

Now, here is the amazing part. I never used a femme voice. I spoke in my normal male voice, which is admittedly soft-spoken, but definitely male. Go figure!

***

Meg asked: When you're out, has anyone used the wrong pronoun or the wrong salutation? I mean ever? And I bet that's something your fans in general would like to know. It's a great confidence-builder to know that the world is more accepting than we think.

I can honestly say to the best of my failing memory that I have never been wrong pronouned unless it was in a situation where the person using the wrong pronoun knew I was trans and did not know how I preferred to be addressed.

For example, in the classroom, the students know we are trans and sometimes address us with the wrong pronoun. Often they ask how we want to be addressed and they try hard to follow our wishes once they learn what we prefer.

Another example: Over 10 years ago, I was attending a trans convention (First Event in Waltham, Mass.) and I checked into the hotel dressed en femme, yet the woman at the front desk addressed me as "Sir." It irked me at the time, but in retrospect, she probably did not know any better.

Unless someone knows you are trans and not aware of the proper etiquette, the average person is not going to take a chance and offend you by addressing incorrectly if they are not sure of your gender. They will err to the side of caution. If you present as a woman, they will usually treat you as a woman. On the other hand, if you present as a man in a dress, all bets are off. 


***

Meg asked: You used to say you "crossdressed." What do you tell the students now? Do you tell them you'd go 24/7 if circumstances allowed? Or that you'd transition if you could?

When I started participating in outreach, I said I was a "plain vanilla crossdresser" ...whatever that means.

If my memory serves me correctly, from the start I also always said I would live as a woman 24/7 if I could, which kind of contradicts my "plain vanilla crossdresser" self-identification.

For a few years now, I have been saying that I am transgender and "probably transsexual."

Regarding transition, I say I would skip the surgery (why mess with my 61-year-old body now?), maybe do hormones, and definitely get permanently depilitated.

***

Any more questions? 

Sold on Insolia

Hour 5

Earlier this month, I mentioned here that Jen recommended Insolia shoe inserts, which allow "her to dance the night away in 4-inch stilettos."

Jen, online reviews, and other customer comments on the Insolia website were very convincing, so I ordered a set of inserts and had an opportunity to test them when I spent the day en femme on Tuesday.

I chose my Nine West red and black patent Mary Janes for the test. Previously, my feet screamed for relief after about four hours in those shoes, so I figured they would be a good test shoe for the Insolia inserts. (I also brought along a pair of comfortable heels in case I needed them.)

I am happy to report that the inserts worked. I wore the Nine West Mary Janes for over nine hours on Tuesday; I was able to walk as normally in Hour 9 as I had in Hour 1 with only some annoying pain in Hour 9 that did not exist in Hour 1.

Yes, my feet hurt after nine hours, but the pain was not disabling as it was in the past wearing those 4-inch heels for only four hours.

I look forward to using the inserts in my other favorite heels, especially heels that had been more foot friendly in the past than the Mary Janes. I bet I will easily break the 9-hour mark in those heels.

Fulfilling Day Out En Femme

My friend Diana taking a break
from trans Q&A at SCSU yesterday

My primary purpose for going out en femme on Tuesday was to participate in a transgender question and answer session with students in two afternoon human sexuality classes at Southern Connecticut State University.

Before driving to New Haven, I wanted to shop for new clothes for my Dayton trip next month.

I dressed up for the trans Q&A --- a little over the top for shopping --- but very presentable for the two classes. I wore my favorite dress (a sleeveless black and white print) and my favorite shoes (the Nine West red and black patent Mary Janes). I also wore my red ShoeDazzle bag and minimal jewelry... a watch that turned out to be useless because I discovered too late that the watch's battery was losing its life. I also wore my black sweater coat --- it was a beautiful spring day, but it was very windy, so I needed something to cover my bare shoulders.

I arrived at the mall at 10 and looked for leggings in Macy's. I found a handful on a rack in the hosiery department, but only one that may have fit if it was something I was interested in buying (I was not).

Having looked to see what was available on the Macy's website, I knew that there had to be more to select from somewhere else in the store, so I searched the racks in the Misses' department, came up empty-handed and asked a saleswoman where I might find leggings. She directed me to the hosiery department!

Instead of wasting my time in hosiery, I searched the racks in the Women's department and was not having much luck until saleslady Simone asked if I needed assistance. She showed me where the leggings were racked, helped me find my size, and escorted me to the dressing room. She checked up on me a couple of times while I was trying on the leggings and fetched additional pairs for me to try on. I bought three black pairs, one with stirrups, one with lace at the hem and one with zippers at the hem.

Next, I visited JCPenney to peruse their dress racks. I took six dresses to the dressing room. Some did not fit and the ones that did fit, I did not like how they looked on me. Time was running out, so I did not have time to look for anything else to try on and I returned to my car for the 30-minute trip to the university in New Haven.

I arrived about 20 minutes early for class, got Ma'am'd by the guard at the parking lot kiosk and found an empty parking spot right next to the classroom building. I was joined by five other trans-folks, two female-to-males (Dylan and Quinton) and three male-to-females (Diana, Maryann, and Michelle), all who I have done trans Q&A with before.

As in the past, we started by giving the class our bios in a nutshell, then we took questions.

Not much new on the question front --- we heard most of them (or a variation thereof) before. How did you choose your femme name? How do civilians react to you? Which bathroom do you use? Is your family supportive? But there was one question asked of me that was unique. Ater someone asked me a question I've heard before: What do I do if a man tries hit on me? (Answer: I point out my wedding ring), someone else asked me a new question: Has a lesbian ever hit on me? (Answer: Yes, a few times). 

And as usual, we discovered that most students were under the impression that all transgenders are gay and as usual, we tried to dispel that notion.

Between classes, we hung back in the student center and had a bite to eat. I had a slice of pizza that disagreed with me. So much so that I was unsure about going out for dinner with Diana and Maryann after class. We planned to go to Outback after outreach. When we left the university, I told them that if I felt up to it, I would meet them there.

I had a 35-minute ride to Outback to decide if I was feeling better or take the exit for home.

Funny thing... whenever I drive home from these classes in New Haven, the timing is such that I pass right by my workplace at the end of the workday and I always expect to see someone from work drive by and maybe recognize my car, which is very recognizable.

That's what happens when you hold on to your car for a long time --- you and your car become one and people recognize you because they recognize your car. To add to the potential of being recognized, I have my ham radio call sign on my license plate. But so far, I have not run into anyone from work and if anyone has seen me, no one has mentioned it to me.

As I approached the exit for home, I felt better and I was hungry, so I decided to go meet the girls at Outback. The parking lot was full and I had to make a complete tour of the premises before I found an empty spot. I noticed that Diana's red Prius was conspicuously absent from the parking lot and she should have been there already because she passed me on the highway 15 minutes earlier.

I went in and asked the woman staffing the entrance to the restaurant if my friends ("two very tall mature women") had arrived. She said no one like that had shown up yet, so she seated me at a booth and I waited.

After ten minutes or so, I got up and walked around the restaurant to make sure they were not seated elsewhere. They were not, so I returned to my booth and ordered a "Filet Wedge Salad"... a salad with slices of "grilled petite filet." It was delicious.

It was lonely eating alone. I wish I had brought something to read. So, I people-watched an enjoyed my dinner.

Turns out that Diana had a conference call at 6:30 PM and she cancelled plans with Maryann as they walked through the parking lot at the university because she thought she would not get out of the restaurant in time to make the call.

After dinner, I returned home after a long, tiring, but fulfilling day out en femme.

EEOC Ruling Protects Transgender Employees

"The Equal Employment Opportunities Commission (EEOC) issued a ruling on Monday that provides protection from workplace discrimination for transgender individuals. The ruling holds that Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which prohibits discrimination against employees or job applicants on the basis of race, gender, color, religion, and national origin, should be applied to transgender individuals."

(source: Ms. Magazine Feminist Wire Newsbriefs)

I'm So Tired

I'm so tired, I just got home and it is late, so I will write about my day out en femme tomorrow.

A Monday Mix

Crossing Over

Jessica of Jessica Who fame invited me to write a guest post for her blog. My guest post appears there today.

Outreach Tuesday

Tuesday afternoon, I will participate in a transgender question and answer session with students in two human sexuality classes at Southern Connecticut State University.

Blogger App

I have the Blogger app on my iPod Touch, but have found it frustrating to use. I am aware of other blogging apps, but don't want to buy a pig in a poke. So can anyone suggest a better app for accessing Blogger via an iPod Touch?

Standards of Care for Womanless Events Revisited

After reading your comments concerning the Femulate Standards of Care for Womanless Events, I want to revisit the standards.

Some of you suggested additions to the standards, which I have added to the modified standards below.

Others misunderstood the purpose of the standards. They are merely a suggestion of what we consider is good femulation for a womanless event. It is not a check-off list that I will use to determine whether or not I write about a particular womanless event in this blog. If I did that, there may be only one or two events per year that would make the cut.

Sadly, we cannot separate the wheat from the chaff. In order to appreciate those femulations that meet our lofty standards, we will have to put up with hair in all the wrong places, oversized tops and bottoms, flip-flops, bare feet, etc.

Anyway, here is the updated Femulate Standards of Care for Womanless Events.

- No facial hair

- No visible body hair including underarm hair

- Heels only - or at least, female dress shoes - no bare feet, flip-flops, beach sandals, or male footwear

- Normal-sized busts and derreires – no exaggerations

- Makeup is a must, but not an outlandish or clown-like application

- Naturally colored and styled hair or wig - no wild wig colors and styles

- No coconut bras and no grass skirts

- Nicely manicured or false nails and polished toenails

- Tasteful earrings, necklace, and bracelets

- Hosiery - pantyhose or tights

- If you need a girdle, then wear a girdle

Back Problems En Femme

The Tall

It has been three months since I updated the Famous Females of Height ist! This time, I add two tall television actresses and two taller fashion models to the list.

5'8" – Casey Wilson - actress – television, Happy Endings

5'9" – Krysten Ritter - actress – television, Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23
5'10" – Irina Shayk – model

5'10" – Natalia Vodianova – model (see photo)

I Want To Be a Drag Queen When I Grow Up

From Mail Online, 'He gets bullied but he's determined to be a performer': Proud mother tells of 14-year-old son's drag queen ambitions

Here is the rest of the story about a British teen's desire to trip the light fantastic in sequins, heels, and big hair.

I never uttered those thoughts when I was growing up, but I dreamed about taking the train into The City and apprenticing with a troupe of female impersonators.

At the time, I thought that my vocation would not sit well with my family, so I it remained a dream. However, in retrospect, I think my Mom would have been as supportive as the mother of Tom/Tamara. And my Mom was a great seamstress; ooh --- the fabulous outfits she would have created for me!

And so it goes (or so it went).

Standards of Care for Womanless Events

Gina sent me her personal criteria for what constitutes a “good “ womanless event. I mulled over her criteria; modified it slightly and added to it.

Here is what we came up with: the Femulate Standards of Care for Womanless Events.

- No facial hair

- No visible body hair including underarm hair

 - Heels only - or at least, female dress shoes - no bare feet, flip-flops, beach sandals, or male footwear

 - Normal-sized busts and derreires – no exaggerations

- Makeup is a must, but not an outlandish or clown-like application

- Naturally colored and styled hair or wig - no wild wig colors and styles

- No coconut bras and no grass skirts

- If you need a girdle, then wear a girdle

So, girls, those are your marching orders --- get gorgeous!

Yearbook Femulations

As I mentioned here before, Starla regularly sends me clippings of femulations from online school yearbooks.

Today, I uploaded all 951 of her clippings to flickr, organized them, and opened the collection to the public.

This is the link to the collection. There is also a link to the collection in the left sidebar of this blog.

There are 25 sets in the collection; one set for each letter of the alphabet except X, which is a little ironic. The files are organized according to school name and include the school's location and the date of the yearbook the image came from. There are a few unknowns in the collection; if you can provide any of the missing information, please let me know.

Starla sends me new clippings frequently, so you can expect the collection to grow.

Play Ball

The baseball season is underway and I am finally catching the baseball bug again after swearing off the game last fall.

Watching Moneyball the other night got me in the mood and I took a break from doing taxes to watch a few innings of the Red Sox game on Sunday. I am also looking forward to the festivities surrounding the 100th anniversary of my favorite baseball venue on Friday.

On the baseball femulation front...

I loved playing baseball as a kid --- I could hit the ball a mile, but I threw "like a girl" and I ran so slowly you'd think I was wearing a tight skirt and heels.

I'd like to wear a tight skirt and heels to a game someday.

In the meantime, feast your eyes on the lovely lady in the accompanying photo; she is Mickey Mantle's nephew, Kelly Mantle.